All Fall Down
by DJNS
Summary: Aang copes with a tragic loss and finds renewed hope in an unexpected place.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar. I have no monies. Please no sue.**

**A/N: Well, I'm back. So a few things about this story: 1. This is an AU. 2. It's Taang. I mean Toph and Aang in a romantic pairing. Granted that it doesn't happen right away, but it does happen. There will be Kataang featured but not in the way you would imagine. Which brings me around to the third thing… 3. This story contains the death of a major character and that death will reverberate throughout the entirety of this story. 4. This fic will be taking you on a lengthy ride on the angst train. It's not filled with the happy.**

**Now then, if anyone is actually willing to read this thing after all of that, I would like to extend a humble thank you for sticking it out. Hopefully, you won't hate me.**

**Special thanks to my beta: She doesn't quite realize yet that I'm going to be pestering her to death for the next few months but I'm sure she'll pick up on that soon enough.**

**Okay, I've babbled enough. Let's get on with it.**

* * *

**All Fall Down**

**Prologue**

"You are so beautiful to me right now."

Aang meant those whispered words deeply, utterly and sincerely. Yet the look Katara angled up at him after they stirred against her ear clearly stated that she would have gladly beaten him to a pulp in that moment. Wisely then, he bit back his answering smile.

After a lingering glare, Katara once again turned her attention towards the midwife and followed the woman's instructions to "bear down" and "push." A low groan of pain and exertion tore from her throat as she rode out her cresting contraction. She blindly groped for Aang's hand and squeezed his fingers. The pressure she caused was so great that he temporarily lost sensation but Aang couldn't have cared less because right then all that truly mattered was that he and Katara were having a baby.

When the contraction finally abated, Katara wilted back into Aang's chest, her breath leaking from her lungs in great, hitching pants. Aang pressed a fleeting kiss to her damp temple. "You're doing really good, Katara…just a little bit more…"

She grunted wearily. "Aang…I know you mean well and you're being really sweet right now, but…could you please stop talking? You're driving me crazy!"

Far from being offended by the surly request, Aang chuckled and dropped a kiss to her shoulder. He supposed she had good reason to be irritated with him. After all, he was smiling, content and in a sickeningly good mood while she was an exhausted, sweaty mess who was currently engaged in a mighty struggle to bring their third child into the world…a struggle she had been waging for close to 14 hours now. With all the arduous pushing she had done it was little wonder that Katara was crabby and tired.

Their baby was coming. The midwife diligently reassured them of that every few minutes, but it was clear that it was doing so on its own timetable. Katara could do little more than arch through the pain and do her part to bring the baby further down the birth canal.

However, the long labor worried Aang a bit. Kya had also taken an inordinate amount of time to come but she had been their first. Bumi, on the other hand, had come only a few hours after Katara felt her first contraction. His birth had happened so quickly that both Aang and Katara were surprised the midwife even had time to catch him. He had been moving like a bolt of lightning ever since. They had expected a similar delivery for this latest pregnancy but, as usual, nature could not be predicted.

However, when Aang murmured his concern over the labor progressing so slowly, Katara reassured him that he had nothing to fear. All births were different, she told him, and their little one was merely asserting his or her personality. The baby would come when it was ready and when it was right. She had been so soothing and serene in her certainty that it was difficult to doubt her…so he didn't.

Six hours later, he was still positioned behind her on the child-birthing bed just as they had practiced in the days leading up to the birth. In between her gripping contractions, he would smooth tender circles in the small of Katara's back and whisper words of comfort and encouragement in her ear. Normally, it was a position reserved for the midwife's assistant as many husbands weren't usually very keen on being present during the birthing experience. Katara and Aang, however, had bucked that tradition almost a decade before with the birth of their firstborn.

Of course, on that particular day Aang had been the one to _deliver_ the baby rather than playing the part of the nervous, bumbling father but that had been matter of necessity and nothing he and Katara had planned. Nevertheless, that unanticipated turn of events had set the precedence for the couple. Aang had been present for the birth of their second child as well, only that time as a supportive husband rather than a replacement midwife. And now that the time had come to deliver their third child and Aang was, once again, at Katara's side. He felt humbled to share the incredible experience with her, awed by her strength, resilience and grace.

Even in the throes of what could possibly be the worst pain of her life, Katara was calm and self-assured. In between contractions she would instruct her midwife on what to do next as well as certain techniques the woman could do to "bring the baby down." Aang sat back and listened in amazement. After all, Katara had been delivering children herself since the tender age of ten. She was no stranger to childbirth…the miraculous joy of it and the devastating tragedy as well. The process was as natural to her as breathing. Aang couldn't help but admire her.

Although her pretty features were contorted with pain and mottled from exertion and her hair was sweaty and hopelessly tangled, in Aang's eyes, right at that very moment…she was _glorious_. In every sense of the word. This was his best friend, his lover, his wife, his _soulmate_ giving birth to his child. Katara became like a mystical creature in Aang's eyes, something to be revered and cherished and loved beyond reason. And he did…more than he could ever put into words.

"I know I'm driving you crazy," he said when she collapsed back against him for another countless time, "but I just wanted to say that…I love you, Katara."

She favored him with a tired smile, beckoning him closer for a brief kiss. "I love you too, Aang."

"You're almost there…" he cheered as she tensed in anticipation of her next contraction, "Just a few more pushes and then our baby will be born…"

"Easy…for…you…to…say…" she grunted between laboring, "…I'm…the…one…doing…all the…work!"

Aang buried his smile in her shoulder, masking it behind a kiss. "Actually, I'm working too. Just so you know, this entire process has been very _mentally_ exhausting for me."

Katara clenched his thigh hard in response to that and cut him a sideways glower. "…I'm…gonna pretend…I didn't…hear that…!"

"Give me another good, strong push, Katara!" the midwife instructed, "Baby's head is crowning now!"

After that things seemed to move with tremendous speed. Katara pushed three more times and in the 14th hour their baby finally slid into the world and the midwife's waiting hands with an indignant cry. Before either parent could even ask the sex, she declared joyfully, "It's a boy! You have another son!" Aang and Katara were half laughing, half crying as she swiftly bundled the newborn and placed the slippery, squalling little boy into Katara's eager arms. Afterward, the midwife busied herself with clamping off the umbilical cord while the new parents marveled over the newest addition to their family.

Aang and Katara traded teary smiles of joy, quietly considering how elated Bumi would be upon learning he had a little brother. They also laughed when they considered Kya's inevitable disappointment over that same news. And then they sighed over how incredibly beautiful their little son was, gratefully counting each of his ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes.

"Well, he has all of his parts and he's healthy and strong," Katara murmured with a tired smile, "We're going to have to think of a name for him now, Aang."

Aang nibbled on his lip. "Hmm…that's a lot of pressure. Can't we just call him 'third child born to Katara and Aang?' I think that has a nice ring to it."

Katara rolled her eyes with a small bubble of laughter. "We'll definitely keep that one in the consideration pile, but we might want to think about some other names too."

"Fair enough," Aang sighed.

"We could name him Aguta," Katara considered, "After my grandfather…that's a strong WaterTribe name." Aang started to nod his head when she added, "Of course, it does mean 'gatherer of the dead.'"

His approving nod abruptly became a dissenting one instead. A look of unconcealed distaste flittered across Aang's features as he hedged, "Yeah…on second thought, I think maybe we should pass on that one."

"Maybe," Katara giggled softly, leaning over to nuzzle her son. She stroked her finger over the baby's miniature palm and smiled when his little fingers curled around hers. "He doesn't look much like an Aguta anyway, does he?"

Aang cocked his head to one side to appraise his new son with a critical eye. "Actually, I think he looks kind of squishy. Maybe that's what we should call him."

Katara elbowed him in the ribs, which did little more than incur Aang's laughing grunt. "Ugh…you've been spending way too much time with Sokka. You're even beginning to sound like him." She was cut off from admonishing him further when the midwife informed her that it was time to deliver the afterbirth. Once that was finished, however, she leaned back into Aang's chest with an exhausted little sigh and resumed their name discussion. "What about Gyatso?" She glanced up at Aang with a softened expression. "We could name him for Gyatso. What do you think of that?"

All remnants of teasing and laughter faded from Aang's countenance with Katara's soft query. An acrid lump of emotion rose in his throat and he could feel the tears welling in his eyes as he leaned down to brush a loving kiss across her mouth. "I think that I love you, Katara," he whispered thickly, "You have no idea how honored I am that you would want to name him after someone who meant so much to me, but… Let's not do that again, okay. Enough with naming our children after the dead. I think our son deserves to have his own identity, don't you?"

Katara tried to nod in agreement, but she didn't quite make it. She was beginning to feel very tired and lethargic. She was vaguely aware that it seemed to be taking the midwife longer than usual to slow her bleeding. However, after such a prolonged labor, Katara wasn't surprised that her uterus was sluggish about contracting. Sometimes that happened. Katara had seen it many times before when she had delivered babies. She didn't see any real reason to panic.

Aang, on the other hand, likely would panic. He had already had a mini fit over the fact her labor had progressed so slowly. If he discovered that her bleeding was prolonged as well, he would definitely flip out. She didn't want to worry him needlessly and thus ruin the quiet moment they were sharing together. Consequently, Katara decided to keep the matter to herself, confident that her midwife had the matter well in hand.

Ignoring her growing fatigue then, Katara snuggled deeper into Aang's arms. She smoothed her fingers over his downy cap of dark hair, so enamored with her son's perfect features that she didn't notice the worried glances that the midwife traded with her hovering assistants. Aang didn't notice the anxious looks either. He had eyes for his wife and son alone.

"He's beautiful, isn't he?"

Katara regarded him with a sideways smile. "I thought you said he was squishy."

"He's beautifully squishy," Aang amended gamely.

"You're so weird." Although Katara made a big production of scowling over his silliness, the faint smile tugging at the corners of her mouth was unmistakable. "I think you're right about the name," she whispered, "He should be called something that is all his own. So then the question remains…what are we going to name this little guy, Aang?"

"Maybe we should include Kya and Bumi in on this decision too," Aang considered after a thoughtful pause, "I could have them brought over from the temple. I'm sure they're driving the acolytes crazy by now."

"No…" Katara protested softly, though she was endeared by the idea of naming their newest edition as a family, "…if Kya had her way he'd be called Coco or some other cutesy name like that. And who knows what Bumi would come up with! I want _you_ to do it." She tipped a trembling smile up at him. "I want you to pick his name, Aang, because I know that no matter what you say…you have one in mind already."

"You think you know me so well."

"I _know_ I know you so well."

At that point, Aang knew he couldn't possibly deny the charge so he didn't even try. He smiled wistfully and stroked one, slender finger across the baby's downy cheek. "Tenzin," he whispered, "I think we should call him Tenzin."

Suddenly feeling as if she couldn't keep her eyes open another second, Katara lolled back her head with a small, satisfied sigh. "Tenzin…" she murmured, "…I like that…that's a good name…"

Aang knew immediately that something was wrong with her. Only seconds before Katara's eyes had been vibrant and bright but now they were lackluster and heavy. There was a sinking feeling of foreboding unfurling in his stomach long before the midwife anxiously indicated that there was a problem. The change in Katara was stark. She seemed confused and disoriented, like she was battling not only to stay awake but to remain conscious altogether. Her color, which had been flushed and healthy a few minutes earlier, abruptly began fading to a pallid gray right before his eyes. Aang quickly scooped the baby out of her slackening hold, his heart seized with panic.

"Katara? What's wrong? Tell me what's happening!" When Katara didn't answer, couldn't answer he threw the midwife a look of rising panic. "What's happening to her right now?"

The harried look the woman threw Aang filled him with dread. "She hasn't clotted yet! Sometimes this happens to women who have long labors. The womb gets tired and it won't contract to constrict the vessels. I'm doing what I can to help her, but she's lost so much blood already…" She lifted defeated eyes to Aang's horrified ones. "I'm…I'm not sure I can stop it, Avatar."

Aang stared at her blankly, as if she had spoken to him in a foreign tongue. "What? No! What…what are you saying to me?"

"There's nothing we can do," her assistant inserted meekly, "She won't last."

"_What are you talking about?_ Yes, there _is_ something you can do! _You will_! I'm not going to let you stand here and watch her die! Make it stop! _Do something now!_"

He felt Katara's feeble nudging against his shoulder. When he looked at her again she was hovering somewhere between stupor and awareness. Her deterioration stunned Aang because it had happened so rapidly, really within a matter of seconds. "Aang…Aang…" she mumbled, "…don't…don't…"

"Katara, please don't do this… Can't you fix this?" he begged her even as he knew just by looking at her that Katara was far beyond "fixing" anything. "Do you need your water? Katara, please! Tell me what to do!"

She knew she didn't have much time. Her life was swiftly slipping away and she could feel it. There was an odd disconnection Katara felt in her limbs, a surprising lack of discomfort, an unexpected feeling of peace that pervaded her body and she wasn't afraid. She had accomplished great things, produced three beautiful children and had loved a lifetime's worth. It had been a good life, albeit an altogether brief one.

There was little time for anger or bitterness. She was hemorrhaging uncontrollably and she knew that no mother ever recovered from that. Even if her midwife were somehow able to slow and stop her bleeding, the loss she had already suffered was too great. She _was_ going to die and there was nothing that anyone could do to stop it. In a matter of moments her heart would cease to beat and then it would be over.

Truly then, her entire existence had reduced down to the span of a few minutes, but Katara could focus on little else beyond Aang…_his_ tears, _his_ anguish, _his_ fear. Even as the final currents of her life began to flicker out, her thoughts were filled with him. There were many things that she wanted to say to him, too many things to fit into the span of a few seconds. And in the end, Katara said the only words that she _could_ say to him…the only thing that truly mattered anyway. Long after she was gone, long after the pain of that moment had faded into a dull ache, Katara wanted him to remember how much he meant to her. She wanted him to remember that she loved him.

With the final vestiges of her dwindling strength, she whispered the words that had dominated her heart since the tender age of fourteen. She meant them deeply, utterly and sincerely and she said them with her dying breath.


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

The house was eerily silent.

That was the first observation Aang made when he opened the front door and slipped into the house that he had shared with Katara for less than a year. For a moment, he hovered in the threshold and looked about at the hand crafted furnishings that now seemed so foreign to him…so meaningless. _Everything_ seemed meaningless to Aang now. He stepped into the house and shut the door behind him, his heart like a heavy stone in his chest. Aang had never felt more alone than he did right then.

They hadn't been in the house very long but it hadn't taken much time for him and Katara to feel at home there. The decision to relocate permanently to Republic City and reside on Air Temple Island had happened only a short year prior. Up until then, Aang, Katara and their two young children had lived a largely nomadic existence, traveling from one corner of the globe to another. No place had ever really served as true home to them because the world was their home.

But both Aang and Katara had known that kind of life couldn't go on indefinitely, especially with Kya and Bumi. The children needed structure and stability. They needed a sense of permanence, especially when Aang's interests in Republic City frequently took him away from his family for weeks at a time. Those long stretches of separation had been especially hard on Katara and hard on their marriage as well. It made sense then to relocate to Republic City and live there as a family because it was the best way for them to be together.

It was shortly after the move that the couple discovered Katara was pregnant with their third child. The transition period had been a little shaky between settling into a new home and Katara's fluctuating hormones and fickle stomach but very soon they found their equilibrium again, as individuals, as a family and as a couple as well. With their family secure, their marriage strengthened and the bond of love between them renewed Aang hadn't imagined anything except bright prospects ahead for them.

That had been a little more than seven months prior. It was amazing how drastically the world could change overnight. Three days ago, he had been anticipating the birth of another child and now he was contemplating a lifetime without Katara in it. Seven months ago, he'd had a wife and a future and a heart that was filled with love and hope and anticipation for the future. Now he had none of that. Now his heart felt as cold and empty as the house that surrounded him.

Aang stumbled into the living area on wooden legs and curled up onto the sofa cushions, his body and mind numb. He felt desolated and lost. With a small groan of anguish, Aang turned his face into the cushions and inhaled the scent that still clung to the embroidered fabric. The pillows smelled like Katara. The _house_ smelled like her. At one time, that fact would have been comforting but now it hurt so much that Aang couldn't even breathe.

Only a week before he'd held her in his arms, kissed her lips and tasted her skin and now there was only this…the faint traces of her scent of a sofa cushion. That was all that was left of her now. Those lingering smells and his memories of her. He sobbed a little at the realization, his throat aching with emotion and unshed tears.

There had been a memorial held for her that very morning. Friends and family had gathered together in their favorite spot on the island, a place where they had picnicked as a family countless times. It seemed a fitting place to tell her goodbye. Afterwards, they had all gathered in the temple to commiserate and reminisce but Aang had only been able to withstand a few minutes of pitying stares before he quietly slipped away and began walking back towards the house. He didn't really want to be there, didn't want to stand in the place where Katara had taken her last breath but he didn't know where else to go either.

The following morning he, Hakoda, Sokka and their friends would make the long trip back to the South Pole to commit Katara's body to the frozen sea and ice that she loved so much. She would have a traditional Water-Tribe burial. Aang had made the ceremonial arrangements with Sokka but as he lay there, he couldn't remember a single detail of anything they had discussed. He was in a mental fog, present in body but absent in spirit. He moved. He said words. He responded when he was spoken to, but he felt absolutely nothing.

It was like being a dream. Intellectually, he knew his wife was dead. He had watched with horrified eyes as the life-force went out of her. He knew the exact moment when Katara stopped existing in his world. But he couldn't accept it, not then and not now. Even after Katara had slumped against him, her blue eyes lifeless and unseeing, her features so colorless and still, Aang would not accept her death. He had shoved the baby into the midwife's arms and then scooped up Katara's limp body, intent on undoing what could not be undone.

The acolytes had thought him to be thoroughly insane when he had taken his lifeless wife to the water's edge and then walked her into the frigid, raging waves beyond. He could vaguely remember them giving chase, calling after him, begging him to listen to reason…probably frantic and frightened by the idea that he meant to do himself harm. But suicide wasn't what Aang had in mind at all.

He had been adamant that if he could just get Katara to the water then she would be okay. Aang had clung to that impossible hope stubbornly, unable to process the reality that she was truly gone. He held her suspended in his arms as the choppy seas broke over them again and again, so certain that Katara would open her eyes and smile at him, _begging_ for her to do those things but she never did. The minutes that followed that horrific truth seemed to slow down to an agonizing crawl.

Aang closed his eyes as the memories tumbled through his mind in a morbid reel. The pain was so great he was surprised that it didn't kill him. He half hoped that it would.

"I can't do this, Katara…" he whispered brokenly to the empty space, "Not without you. I can't… I just can't…"

It felt as if an eternity had yawned by in that empty house. Aang didn't know how long he lay there, curled on the sofa and waiting to die, before he felt fingers fluttering gently over his cheek. When Aang opened his eyes and lifted his head he found Katara perched next to him. His heart slammed into his ribs with stunning force. He breathed out her name in a hitching sob an instant before he bolted upright and flung his arms around her, hugging her hard.

"It was dream!" he wept in a shuddering breath, "Thank goodness it was all a dream!"

"What was all a dream?" Although he wanted to answer her question, Aang couldn't form the words. He couldn't do much more than sob her name over and over again. "I was in the kitchen and I heard you whimpering." He opened his mouth to explain again, but the words were garbled with emotion. Katara regarded him apprehensively. "Aang, what happened? You're starting to freak me out a little."

Finally, he began to pull himself together. "I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm not making sense."

Her mildly amused laughter sounded in his ear. "Not really…but then you rarely do." He laughed at her attempt at levity but it sounded more like a choked sob. "It's okay," Katara soothed him gently, "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, sweetie. You can stop squeezing me now."

"Sorry…" he half laughed, half sobbed, finally relinquishing his viselike hold on her, "Sorry. I got carried away." He framed her face in his hands and kissed her soundly and then he kissed her again just because he could. "I…I can't believe I'm touching you right now."

"I guess I should go into the kitchen more often," she joked lightly. Aang didn't laugh. Instead, he continued to stare at her like he hadn't seen her in 100 years. To him, that was _exactly_ how it felt. Katara smiled at him and reached between them to whisk away his clinging tears, her thumbs tenderly gliding across the ridge of his cheekbones. "You're really shaken up. I can feel you trembling. That must have been some dream you had, huh?"

He shook his head. "Not a dream. A nightmare. The worst. I thought I'd lost you, Katara. But it doesn't matter now," he said, tugging her back into his arms. He buried his face in her hair. "You're here. I'm holding you and you're here with me. It's going to be okay."

"Of course I'm here, Aang. I'll always be here. I love you."

Relieved and elated, Aang smiled into her hair and started to pull back for another kiss when he suddenly became acutely aware of the lack of rounded girth between them. His eyes flashed back to Katara's face, his gut suddenly lurching with dismay. "You're not pregnant," he noted in hoarse agony, "You should be pregnant and you're not."

"Aang—,"

He cut off her mournful whisper with an anguished cry. "This is all in my head, isn't it?"

Aang's eyes flashed open then and he surged upright, his heart thundering. His abrupt awakening inadvertently startled Sokka who had been in the process of waking him. Sokka stumbled backwards in grunted surprise, taken aback by the raw anguish that twisted Aang's features. The two men regarded one another with a raw and profound stare. Aang was the first to speak and when he did, his voice was husky and almost inaudible.

"What are you doing here, Sokka?"

"People are starting to say their goodbyes back at the temple. They were looking for you." Sokka didn't really expect a response to that and he wasn't disappointed when he didn't get one either. "You were talking in your sleep a moment ago," he explained gently when Aang continued to stare at him like a cornered animal. "I was trying to wake you just now."

The airbender abruptly slumped forward with a shuddering breath. "Oh. Sorry about that."

"It's okay. How long have you been out here?"

Aang squinted at him. "I don't know. What time is it?"

"Mid-afternoon now."

Digesting that, Aang stretched and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Couple of hours then, I think."

"You left the ceremony pretty early, didn't you?"

Aang flicked him with a dull glance. "The important part was over."

An indeterminable silence stretched between them. Though they each had many things to say to one another neither of them quite knew where to begin. They were too emotionally raw. Still, somewhere beneath all the grief and confusion Sokka recognized that they needed to talk. Aang's withdrawal was becoming progressively more severe and he'd lose himself if Sokka didn't do anything to stop it. And while he was barely able to keep himself together emotionally in the wake of his sister's sudden death, Sokka knew that, for Katara's sake at least, he had to save Aang from himself.

"You were dreaming about Katara just now, weren't you?" Once again, Aang tensed. The question caused a plethora of emotion to chase across his expression before he deliberately masked them behind a remote façade. He didn't reply to Sokka's observation at all but the morose way he averted his eyes was answer enough for the Water-Tribe warrior. "You were mumbling her name when I came in. Do you want to talk about it?"

Aang gave a terse shake of his head. "Did I say anything else?"

Sokka swallowed thickly. "No. You were crying her name…that's all." The revelation was met with more silence. "I dream about her too…just this morning in fact. That will probably happen for a while. Dreams can be good, Aang."

"And sometimes they aren't," Aang countered grimly, "Although, I suppose it was better than some of the others I've been having lately." In most of his conscious hours, he would replay Katara's final moments over and over again in his head and when he finally fell into fitful sleep, those memories were still with him. "This dream was different though…" he confessed in a suffocated tone, "For a minute I really thought she was here. It felt so real. I thought that the last few days were all a dream, but they weren't were they?" He lifted beseeching eyes to his brother-in-law, as if hoping Sokka would tell him that he was wrong. "She's really gone, isn't she, Sokka?"

"Yes."

Aang's breath leaked from his chest in a gasping sob. "I knew that. I knew."

Sokka folded down beside him on the sofa and pressed his folded hands tightly between his knees. "It's going to be a while before we can wrap our minds around what's happened."

"It will never make sense to me, Sokka. It was a waste. She had her entire life ahead of her and now…" He bit down against the sobs threatening to bubble forth from his lips. "She fought a war at fourteen and came out of it unharmed only to die years later having a baby…having _my_ baby. How is that supposed to make sense? Her death was a waste."

"Death is a waste, period, Aang. We want it to make sense. We want it to mean something because we think that will lessen the pain, but it really _is_ all a waste."

"Yeah…"

"You shouldn't be alone right now," Sokka admonished him softly, "You need to be with your family, Aang."

Those quiet words caused Aang's emotional guard to go up once more. He wanted to say that he didn't have any family, not with Katara gone but he knew that the words were hurtful and unfair. And so he clamped down on the impulse to lash out at Sokka and drive him away because, in the end, Aang knew that Sokka was hurting just as much as he was. Instead, he answered as honestly as he could.

"I'm not avoiding you on purpose," he said, "I just…I have to straighten some things out in my head first before I can be around anyone."

"I was looking for you before in the temple. I saw you leave and I wanted to go after you, but Dad said that you needed time. But he's worried about you, Aang. So am I. Now isn't the time to pull away from the people who care about you. You know that's what Katara would tell you if she was here."

"But she's not here!" Aang retorted sharply, "And I'm trying to deal with that the best way I know how! So get off my back about it!"

"I don't think running away is the answer."

Aang whirled to his feet and glared down at Sokka. "I'm not running away! I'm right here, aren't I? I just needed some air…some space! If I heard one more platitude today, I was going to lose my mind. No, 'she's not in a better place!' No, it doesn't comfort me that 'she died peacefully!' No, 'having the baby does not make dealing with her loss any easier!'" He practically spat out the words, bitterness and rage permeating each syllable. "I didn't want to deal with it anymore!"

"They meant well, Aang. Everyone who came today for Katara's memorial loved her. They love you."

"Well, hoo-raah."

"I know this is a hard time for you…for us all really…" Sokka muttered, "…You're looking for someone to blame and I get that."

Aang glared at him. "I don't need to look for someone to blame, Sokka. I _know_ who's to blame."

Sokka dropped his head forward with a lamenting sigh. "It's not her fault, Aang. It was…it was just one of those things. It could have happened to anyone…"

"But it didn't happen to anyone. It happened to Katara!" Aang growled hoarsely, "That woman knew she was in trouble and she didn't say one word about it until it was too late to do anything! Maybe if she had told us sooner that there was a problem or…or maybe if she'd brought a healer with her… It's _her_ fault that my wife is dead! The fact that she even had the nerve to show up here today—,"

"Aang, stop it!"

"Why are you here right now, Sokka?" Aang asked, suddenly weary and defeated, "Did you come to lecture me?"

"I'm worried about you," Sokka reiterated softly, "You look terrible. You haven't eaten in days. You don't sleep. You won't talk to any of us, not even your own children!"

"Forgive me for not following the proper etiquette for losing one's wife! I'll try harder!"

"You know that's not what I mean. We are all struggling with this, Aang, but you're actually shutting down!"

"Shutting down? Really? I am doing all that I can just to keep putting one foot in front of the other!" Aang retorted hoarsely, "What more do you want from me?"

Sokka speared him with glittering blue eyes. "Do you think you're the only one who's suffering? She was my sister! I loved her too! I don't even know what I'm going to do without her now!"

Aang flinched guiltily, the angry bluster deflating from him as suddenly as it had flared. "I know that! I know!" His body began to quiver with the force of the sobs breaking in his chest. "I know, Sokka."

It was a long time before Sokka spoke again. He needed time to bridle his chaotic emotions and he knew that Aang needed time as well. When he finally addressed Aang again his words were choked with emotion and grief. "Dad and I can help you through this, Aang…if you let us. We can help each other. Dad knows how it feels to lose a wife and I know how it feels to lose the woman you love. I won't presume to tell you that I know exactly what you're feeling right now but I _do_ know that you're in a dark, ugly place. And maybe you're thinking that you're never going to climb out of it. Maybe you don't even want to…but it's going to get better. I promise. One day it will."

"I wish I believed that."

"_You can believe it!_ Look at my dad! Look at me! You _will_ get through this, Aang!"

"You don't get it, do you?" Aang whispered brokenly, "Katara was _everything_…my whole world. There's nothing without her, Sokka."

"What about Kya and Bumi and the baby?" Sokka charged, "What about me and Toph? What about Zuko? Are we nothing to you?"

"You don't understand."

Sokka shifted to his feet with a sympathetic sigh. "I understand better than you think. You and Katara had an incredible bond. She was more than a wife to you, more than the mother of your children. I know you probably feel like someone punched a hole through your chest."

"Yes…"

"I get it," Sokka whispered, "Hey, I _feel_ it too. There's all this empty space where she used to be and sometimes it feels like that's all that will ever be there, but I know that's not true. I know that we can get through this if we depend on each other."

"I don't want to 'get through' Katara's death," Aang mumbled, "I don't want it to ever stop hurting. It's supposed to hurt. It's supposed to be agony. I don't ever want to be 'okay' with it…because it isn't okay."

"What kind of existence is that? Katara wouldn't want you to live that way." He placed his hand on Aang's shoulder. "Don't shut us out, Aang. Don't shut out your children. They've just lost their mother. They need you."

Aang stiffened and shrugged off his hand, his manner cold and distant. "So what do you want me to do?" he demanded, "Do you want me to come for them tonight? Is that it? Because I didn't ask you to take them in the first place, Sokka! You and Suki volunteered!"

"That's not the point!" Sokka cried, "We know you needed time! After everything that's happened it makes complete sense that you would be overwhelmed with two small children and a new baby, but you haven't spoken to them since their mother died, Aang! Kya thinks that you blame them!"

While nothing else had softened him, the revelation that his ten year old daughter was blaming herself for his self-imposed isolation pierced Aang with stabbing pangs of guilt and sorrow. "She…She thinks I blame her?" he asked in a devastated whisper. "No…no, I don't blame her. I blame myself. I blame that midwife…but I don't blame them."

"Then tell her that. She misses you and she misses Katara. So does Bumi. You're the only one who can make this right for them."

Aang shook his head in frenetic denial of that claim. "I can't make things right for myself, much less Kya and Bumi! How am I supposed to explain to them why their mother isn't here anymore when I can't understand it myself? How am I supposed to make them okay with it when I'm _not_ okay with it?"

"I don't know…"

"Sokka, I can't do what you're asking," he whimpered softly, "I don't have it in me. I know I should and I know it's wrong to dump my responsibilities on you when you're struggling too, but I can't. I wish I could give them what they need but I can't. I don't have anything to give. I don't _feel_ anything."

"I'm not asking you to take them right now, Aang. You're not in the mind frame for that. Just talk to them…see them."

"And say what?"

"That you love them!" Sokka cried, "Or say nothing at all! Just hold them in your arms, Aang! Grieve with them. Let them know they haven't lost you too!"

Every word was like an explosion in Aang's brain. The more Sokka hammered at him, the more he internalized his feelings. It wasn't that he didn't recognize the truth in Sokka's words it was simply that he wasn't in a mental place to handle them. The thought of facing his children again…of seeing the grief and confusion and loss in their wide, innocent eyes terrified him. He had failed them and he had failed Katara and now he couldn't contemplate raising them without her. Aang didn't even know if he was capable.

Unaware of Aang's racing thoughts, but recognizing that confronting him wasn't having the desired results, Sokka decided to switch tactics. "Listen to me," he urged in a deceptively cooler tone, "When I come back in the morning with the family, let the kids ride with you on Appa. It will give you an opportunity to spend some time with them…to talk them. Suki hired a wet nurse for Tenzin so you'll have plenty of help there. Appa knows his way to the South Pole. He can fly himself. Don't worry about anything else…just enjoy your kids."

Aang jerked a nod of consent, careful to keep his eyes averted so that Sokka wouldn't glimpse the unbridled panic leaping in their depths. He wasn't ready to look into their sweet little faces and confirm for them what he was still in denial about himself. He couldn't tell them that their mother was never coming home. He couldn't look them in the eyes and explain to them how he, the Avatar, master of all four elements and inarguably the most powerful human in the world, could end a 100 years' war at twelve years of age but couldn't keep his own wife from dying in her childbed.

But he told Sokka none of that. Instead, Aang merely agreed to Sokka's suggestion and went through the motions of solidifying plans even while he knew in his heart that he was going to do the thing that came easiest to him. He was going to run. After stamping down the impulse for days now, Aang was finally ready to give into it. Lost and scared and feeling more desolated than he had upon learning about the annihilation of his people, it wasn't difficult for Aang not to fall back into old patterns of thinking, especially without Katara there to reason with him.

He waited until nightfall when he knew the temple acolytes would be asleep and he didn't have to worry about some well-meaning person dropping by to check on him in the middle of the night. Aang didn't pack many belongings. He planned to travel light with a few keepsakes, the clothes on his back and his staff. Afterwards, he did the hardest part. He sat down and wrote a long letter to Sokka and his children, explaining his actions and the reason for his disappearance. He also made no promises that he would return. And while Aang hoped that one day they would understand his reasons for leaving, he did not hold the expectation that they might forgive him.

Aang slipped from the house quietly and stepped into the spilling light of the full moon outside. For a moment he stood just outside the threshold, recalling the first day they had arrived there as a family. Kya and Bumi had shot off on an immediate exploration of the island with Katara's warning admonishment to "be back before nightfall" ringing in their ears. He had kissed her in the very spot on which he stood now, imagining the years they would have as a family on the island together. If only he had known back then that it would truly be a matter of months.

His heart was still aching with memories of Katara as he made his way to the stables where he kept Appa and the other sky bison. Appa bellowed softly upon his entrance. However, Aang's approach was momentarily halted when he stepped into the shadows and realized he wasn't alone. Once his eyes adjusted to the dimness he discovered Toph leaning nonchalantly into his bison's flank, as if she had been waiting for him. Aang snapped erect in gaping shock when she stepped into the filtering moonlight.

"Toph? What are you doing here?"

She straightened with a noncommittal shrug and a deep sigh. "You know something, Twinkle Toes? You are nothing if not predictable. I find that oddly comforting in a way."

"That doesn't answer my question. What are you doing here?"

"A better question would be where do _you_ think you're going at such a late hour? Don't be mad at me because I put a crimp in your little plan to run away from home."

Aang slumped forward with a small huff of exasperation. "So you came here to stop me?"

Toph snorted, as if the idea were ludicrous to her. "No. What am I? Your prison warden? I'm not going to stop you. You're a grown man. If you want to abandon your children after they've lost their mother and your best friend when he just lost his sister, I'm not going to stop you! Who cares that you're going to miss your wife's burial tomorrow? Go right ahead, Aang! Run away. Do it! Do it proudly!"

Although her tone was laced with casual indifference, her words had a viperous bite. Aang winced with guilt and shame, feeling poisoned by both emotions. "How did you know?"

"Like I said…you're painfully predictable, my friend," Toph replied, "Sokka mentioned to me that you're supposed to spend time with your kids tomorrow and I figured you wouldn't be ready for that. So instead of telling him that it was too soon for you, you chose the path of least resistance and fell back on the tried and true…avoid and evade."

He set his jaw, exasperated and mortified that Toph had figured him out so easily. Either she was incredibly perceptive or he was ridiculously transparent. Aang figured that it was a bit of the former and a healthy dose of the latter. Aggravated with himself and with her, he bit out, "Well, you got me. Go ahead then. Berate me. Call me a coward. I deserve it."

"Aang, I'm not going to do that," she whispered softly, "Katara is dead. I know you're in incredible pain right now and that it's making you act crazy…because sneaking off in the middle of the night, abandoning your children and your duties as the Avatar? That's crazy. That's not you."

"How do you know? Maybe it is. I don't know who I am these days, Toph. All I know is that I can't stay here."

"You're not this person," she told him, "Not someone who would abandon his friends and family when they needed him the most. You've never been that person, Aang."

"No. _Katara_ wasn't that person."

"_Katara_ wouldn't want you to do this."

Tears welled in his eyes with the whispered utterance, doubling the corrosive guilt already eating away at him. "I know I'm disappointing her, but I can't… I can't raise them without her. I can't _live_ without her."

Though disheartened by his answer, Toph couldn't help but empathize with him. She inclined her head in a gentle nod of understanding. "You have to do what you have to do. I get it. I'm not judging you, Aang."

He regarded her in momentary speechlessness, his expression dubious. "You're not?"

"No," she insisted, "I don't think this is the right thing but I can't make the decision for you. You're in a horrible head-space right now and you're trying to escape the pain. I know what that feels like. But think about what you're doing, Aang. For every action, there is a reaction and you have to decide if the action you're about to take is worth the consequences that will follow." She closed the distance between them and reached over to place her hand on his shoulder. "I know that you miss Katara. I miss her too. I miss her more than you know and I need her right now…probably more than I've ever needed anyone in my entire life. But it is what it is and this is the rotten hand we've been dealt. Now we all have to choose how we're going to play."

Toph didn't wait for him to respond to that, but sidled around him presumably with the intention of leaving. She stopped short of exiting the stables to impart to him one last bit of advice. "This is the newest boulder in your life, Twinkle Toes…a big, mountainous obstacle that you have to deal with. So you have choice. Are you going to try and go around it or are you to stand and face this head on? It's up to you." She lingered for a bit before she added solemnly, "I really hope you're here in the morning, but if you're not…goodbye, Aang…and good luck."


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Aang woke up with a violent coughing fit. His eyes and lungs burned. The reason for his discomfort became quickly apparent. The guest room, which he had been occupying for the last few weeks, was filling with curling tendrils of black, acrid smoke. It didn't take him long to assimilate that his house was on fire.

He kicked off the covers and shot up from the bed in a panic, air-blasting a path for himself in a frenetic effort to make his way from the room and out into the hallway beyond. He frantically called for his children as he did so, his heart seizing with fear each time those calls went unanswered. Aang blew out a constant cylinder of air to clear away the smoke and improve his field of vision. Once that was done, he made a beeline to the baby's room.

Much like it had been in his room, the nursery was hazy with smoke. Acting on pure instinct, Aang scooped the sleeping infant from his crib and brought him closer, listening intently for the sounds of impaired breathing. When he was satisfied that Tenzin was alright, Aang bundled the baby close to his body. He took very little time to reflect on the fact that it was the first time he'd held Tenzin since his birth three and half weeks earlier because his mind had already veered to Kya and Bumi.

Adrenaline pumping, Aang turned his attention towards searching for his two older children. After finding their rooms empty, he hurriedly followed the cloud of drifting smoke, dreading what he might find. A variety of macabre scenes tumbled through his mind as he got closer to the source. When he was inevitably led to the kitchen, Aang didn't find Kya and Bumi's lifeless bodies as he half imagined that he would. Instead, he discovered his ten year old daughter dousing what remained of the small house fire she'd inadvertently sparked with her bending water.

Thankfully, Kya had possessed the forethought to open the kitchen door and windows, thereby sparing herself and her brother the tragic consequences of smoke inhalation. A stiff morning breeze drifted in and out of the kitchen, dissolving the bitter smell of smoke and fire. Only a few feet away from the open door, her five year old brother sat on the floor applauding her efforts.

"That was awesome, Kya!" Bumi chortled, "Do it again!"

Aang slumped into the kitchen threshold with a deep sigh of relief, grateful that they were unharmed. It was a few moments before he was able to regain his composure but, once he had, his worry was quickly replaced with aggravation. He surveyed the wrecked kitchen. It was littered with great puddles of water, dishes, and pots of badly burned food. The small, pot bellied stove in the center of the kitchen looked as if a food bomb had gone off on top of it.

"Kya, what's going on here?" Aang demanded wearily.

Startled by the sound of his voice, Kya jumped and whirled about to face him, looking equal parts guilty and sheepish. "Hi, Daddy!" she piped with an over-bright smile. "I just had a little culinary mishap. Nothing to worry about."

Aang heaved a weary sigh. "The house is full of smoke. That doesn't seem like a little thing."

"Everything is under control," Kya maintained, "Bumi and I were making you breakfast! Tenzin didn't wake you up, did he?" She crossed the distance to take her sleeping brother into her arms and, while Aang gave him up without protest, it was difficult to ignore the strange sense of emptiness that pervaded him when he did.

"No. He didn't wake me. That had more to do with the fact that you set the house on fire. What happened in here?"

"We were trying to surprise you, Daddy," Bumi interjected softly.

Aang glanced down into his son's gamin features and instantly regretted it. Looking at Bumi caused him to physically ache. He resembled his mother to a startling degree. The likeness was so stark that it was difficult for Aang to even acknowledge him. It was like being sucker-punched in the face and it was far too much for Aang's fragile emotions right then. He didn't hold Bumi's wide gray gaze for very long even though it was clear that the little boy was silently begging for his attention.

Upon his father's silent dismissal, Bumi slumped in hurt disappointment. "Surprise…"

"This kitchen is a disaster. Where is Bao?" Aang asked Kya somewhat tersely, "Shouldn't she have been here by now?"

Bao was the woman Suki had hired as Tenzin's wet nurse. Aang didn't know her very well beyond the business arrangement they had between them. Soon after the children had come back home to live with him full-time, Aang extended Bao's duties beyond caring for Tenzin to include Bumi and Kya as well. In addition to looking after the children, Bao had now been assigned housekeeping duties as well as the responsibility of keeping the pantry stocked with food. While technically it was not the job she had been hired for originally, Bao had recognized within moments of meeting the Avatar that he was going to need her help.

She had pitied him and that pity prompted her to stay on. After that, she and Aang had fallen into an unspoken agreement. Aang would compensate Bao for her time and inconvenience while Bao would care for his home and his children. It was an extremely workable solution for Aang since he had very little interest in doing anything other than sleeping. Most days he spent sequestered away in his bedroom huddled beneath his bedcovers. On the rare occasions when he was able to coax himself from the house at all, he spent that time in the sky with Appa.

Although, Aang had abandoned his plans to run that night Toph had intercepted him, not much had changed for him in the three weeks since he and his family had returned from the South Pole. Ultimately, he'd stayed because he knew that was what Katara would have wanted and because he knew he would have hated himself later for running. He knew his kids didn't deserve that. But beyond that recognition, Aang had very little to give them. He was there in the house in strictly a physical sense. Mentally he had departed weeks ago. In less than a month, he had all but faded from his children's lives, leaving their care and well-being to a virtual stranger.

And he knew that it was wrong. His conscience harangued him daily over the numerous ways in which he was failing them. It wasn't that Aang didn't want to be better. He did. He tried again and again to shake off his grief and resume his life. He wanted to possess the strength that had seemed to come to Katara so effortlessly, to pick up the pieces and go on. But he didn't have that strength…not without her. He felt utterly lost without her, completely devoid of hope and joy. The depression eating away at him was persistent and exhausting. Even being _awake_ felt like a chore. Parenting two rambunctious children and a needy infant seemed like an impossible task.

Feeling overwhelmed at that moment because they were both staring up at him in hopeful expectation, Aang asked a little desperately, "So is Bao running late? Will she be here later?"

Kya shook her head. "She's sick. She sent a message that she's not coming today."

"We tried to tell you," Bumi added timidly, "but you wouldn't answer the door."

He scowled, masking his guilt and shame behind a façade of irritation. "She's not coming today? Well, is she sending a replacement at all?"

Kya fidgeted nervously, bouncing her sleeping brother in her arms. "I don't think so."

"So what am I supposed to do now?" Aang wondered aloud, more to himself than to the children, "She's supposed to be here. Who's going to take care of you?"

"Why can't you take care of us?" Bumi asked quietly. A deafening silence filled the room, magnifying his next words. "You _used_ to when Mommy was here."

Aang flinched at the mumbled observation, visibly flustered by Bumi's candid statement. He opened his mouth to reply, only to snap it closed again when he realized that he had no excuse at the ready. Once again, he glanced away from the five year old, this time desperately searching for an escape as well.

Seeing her father's reaction and knowing that it meant he would leave them soon, Kya flashed her brother a scathing glance and then swiftly swooped in with reassurances. "You don't have to worry about anything, Daddy. I'm a big girl now and I can take care of the house. Mom showed me. I can take care of everything. We'll be okay."

"Maybe we can play a game today," Bumi suggested in a timid tone, "Like air scooter. I miss playing air scooter."

They were practically begging him to stay there with them, to spend time with them but everything inside Aang was screaming at him to run. He couldn't give them what they wanted, couldn't even fathom how to go about doing so. Defeated without trying, Aang shook his head in refusal and turned away from them, his anxiety growing exponentially the longer he stood there. "Daddy's too tired to play today, Bumi," he mumbled, "Maybe some other time."

The children slumped dejectedly at his reply because they recognized by now that "some other time" would never come. "You always say that," Bumi whispered in an unhappy under-breath.

"Are you going back to bed now?" Kya asked a little desperately when she saw that he meant to leave, "But you just came in here."

"I'm tired, sweetie," Aang said, "I'm going to lie down a little while longer. In the meantime, go ahead and put your brother back to bed and then clean up this mess." He paused briefly to add, "And don't go near the stove again. It's dangerous."

"But aren't you going to stay and have breakfast with us?" Kya called after him. Her words caught on a sob when she whispered, "We did it for you. We worked so hard on it."

"I'm not hungry."

Their muffled sniffles of disappointment followed Aang down the hallway as he made his way back to his bedroom, lacerating his conscience with each step he took. He felt awful, like the world's worst father for rejecting them that way but there was a barrier there that he couldn't break down. There was a part of him that truly wanted to reach out to them, to hold them and comfort them and be comforted by them as well. But then there was another part of him that wanted to distance himself from them altogether, to disconnect himself from the love he felt for them because he didn't want to feel anything at all. Caring hurt too much. He much preferred feeling numb.

Those were the very thoughts flittering through Aang's mind when he shuffled past the bedroom he and Katara had once shared. It was yet another corner of his life that he had been avoiding since her death. They had made so many good memories in that room, made so much love in that room. He had once looked forward to entering it and now he dreaded even walking past it. The memories he and Katara had shared there were tainted now because all he could think about was the _last_ time they had been together in that room.

He couldn't sleep there now. He couldn't even step foot inside of it. That bedroom was no longer the good and safe place it had once been. It had become a suffocating prison for Aang…much like the rest of his life. He spent most of his time yearning for escape, but more than that, yearning to be with Katara. The only relief he had was when he was asleep because at least there he could see her in his dreams. That welcome prospect propelled Aang towards his bedroom. Once inside, he sprawled across the bed and threw his forearm over his eyes. Within minutes, exhaustion settled over him and his breathing became deep and even.

In his subconscious mind, Aang could see himself curled up on the bed, his hands tucked beneath his pillow as he slept. He also witnessed the exact moment when Katara materialized and stretched out beside him. She feathered a soft kiss across his cheek and began sifting her fingers through his short tufts of recently grown hair.

"Wake up, Aang…" she whispered to him softly, "Wake up."

His lashes slowly fluttered open with the question, his breath catching a little when he found Katara's beautiful face filling his line of sight. She was beautiful, her blue eyes sparkling, her dark, wavy hair loose and long. She was dressed in a simple cotton nightgown, his almost favorite…second only to having her wearing nothing at all. _That_ would always be his favorite. Katara smiled at him, as if reading the thoughts he left unvoiced. He smiled back at her.

"I've been waiting for you."

Katara cupped his cheek, smiling at him with a mixture of chagrin and affection. "I know. You're not doing very well, are you?"

"I wasn't a minute ago."

"What are you doing, Aang?"

"What am I doing?" he echoed, "Right now? I'm looking at the most beautiful woman in the world. What are _you_ doing?"

"Don't try to charm me, airbender. You're in trouble and you know it."

He reached out to brush his knuckles across her cheek, his smile widening. "This doesn't feel like trouble." His hand slipped lower, fingers beating over the delicate arch of her collarbone. "Neither does this."

"You know what I mean, Aang. This isn't good. You can't hide away in this room for the rest of your life."

His fingers drifted lower, tenderly strumming her plump lower lip. "Why can't I?" he challenged, "You're here…and that's all that I need."

"This isn't healthy…and it's _not_ what you need."

"I need _you_, Katara."

She turned her face into his palm with a soft kiss. "Aang…you're not making this easy at all."

"Good. Nothing has been easy since you left anyway."

With a mournful whimper, Katara leaned into him so that their foreheads were just barely touching when she whispered, "You cannot go on this way. It's not good for you. Surely you know that."

"Well, what did you expect, Katara? I've never been great at doing what I'm supposed to do without you prodding me along."

"That's not true."

He reached up to tuck a stray tendril of hair behind her ear. "Yes, it is. I don't have any motivation without you."

"That's an excuse, Aang. This is your pain and grief talking. You're sad and you're scared and that's why you won't try. That's why you're hiding."

"Of course I'm scared! You left me here, Katara! I'm lost. I don't know what I'm supposed to do without you."

"Yes, you do. You know exactly what you're supposed to do," she countered, "They're out there right now crying for you, Aang…_needing_ you. You're just afraid to let yourself need them back."

"Need leads to loss. I've had enough of that."

Katara released a hitching sigh. "Aang, don't be this way," she pleaded, "You did the same thing when you lost Appa. You shut yourself off from everyone but you realized that wasn't the right thing. It still isn't."

"This isn't like losing Appa. This isn't like losing my people. It's something else, Katara. It's dark and it's heavy and it's suffocating. Sometimes I feel like I can't _breathe_ without you. Sometimes I don't even want to."

Her shimmering blue eyes skittered away. "I'm so sorry, Aang. I wish I could take this pain from you."

"I wish that too. I wish this was real," he whispered, "I wish you were here with me right now. I wish it could all go back to the way it was."

"But it's not real and I'm not here, Aang…and it can't go back to the way it was." He tried to shut out her words but she wouldn't let him. She cradled his face in her hands, forcing him maintain eye contact with her. "I am gone, sweetie. _I'm gone._ And no matter how much you wish I wasn't, you can't undo it. You have to move forward now."

"I don't know how."

"You can start by opening up your heart again," she told him, "Go to our children. Love them, Aang. Comfort them. Grieve with them."

"It's not that simple."

"You're their father. It _is_ that simple."

"You don't understand. I was going to leave them, Katara. I was going to leave Republic City and I wasn't going to come back."

"But you didn't do that."

"But I would have. What kind of parent considers something like that? I'm not a good father, Katara," he whispered, his words husky with tears, "I'm not what they need. They need _you_."

"Aang, every parent makes mistakes. _I_ made mistakes. You haven't broken anything that's beyond fixing…not yet. I believe in you. I know you can do this."

"I don't know why you do."

Katara pressed a trembling kiss to his mouth, lingering there until he kissed her back. He sighed into her mouth, drawing her closer, holding her as if he wanted to absorb her into his body…or wanted to be absorbed into hers. It was a long time before she broke the kiss and when she did her tears were flowing and so were his. She whispered his name. "You ended a hundred year war when you were only twelve years old," Katara reasoned, "You saved the world, sweetie. You can get through this."

"I did that for _you_, Katara. Everything that I accomplished back then and since then has been for you."

"Then do this for me as well. Don't ever give up, Aang…because I will _never_ give up on you."

As she faded away from before him, Aang abruptly came awake, her name spilling from his lips in a tortured gasp. The room was dark, indicating that the sun had already set. He had slept another day away.

However, that was hardly Aang's first priority right then. He couldn't squelch the wild hope that Katara was there with him…that he hadn't been dreaming after all. He quickly rolled over in bed, feeling for the spot next to him but finding it vacant and cold. Dejected, Aang pressed his face into his pillow with a shuddering sob. He lay there for a long time, weeping her name softly and trying to reconcile himself with the building ache in his chest. Finally, he flopped onto his back, tears of frustration and grief still leaking from the corners of his eyes.

He felt as he always did after dreaming about her. It was pleasure and pain, beautiful and awful. Those subconscious moments had become something infinitely precious to Aang and yet, at the same time, they were killing him in painful inches. He wanted her so much. He missed her so much and no dream would ever replace the reality of her or fill the void she had left in his life.

This dream, though, had been something different from the others. He had _known_ he was dreaming the entire time and yet it had felt real…like he was having an actual conversation with Katara. It had almost felt as if she was reaching out to help him from beyond the grave. And while it didn't really make logical sense, in his heart, Aang truly believed that she was.

_Don't ever give up, Aang…because I will never give up on you._

The words echoed in his ears. They rang with an unshakeable conviction that could only belong to Katara. She still believed in him and now he had to believe in himself. He had to get up and he had to keep going. Katara expected it. She believed in him and Aang did not want to disappoint her.

It was that firm resolve that finally compelled him to swing upright and position himself on the edge of the bed. He sat perched there, gripping the edge of the mattress and battling the wave of anxiety that bubbled in his gut. The impulse to crawl back into bed and burrow beneath the covers again was strong, but Aang ignored it. He knew he had to leave that room. He knew he had to regain control of his life and find a way to keep living, but those first steps were inevitably the most difficult.

Although it took several minutes of mental coaching, Aang finally rose from the bed and stumbled over to the tall, wooden table adjacent to his bed and the large, porcelain wash basin situated atop of it. In the mirror that hung on the wall directly behind the table, Aang surveyed his reflection for the first time in weeks. He recoiled from the sight that greeted him.

He looked _awful_. His eyes were sunken and bloodshot and ringed with dark bruises from countless nights without sleep. As a result of his fickle appetite, his cheeks were gaunt and pale and obscured by weeks' worth of untamed beard growth. He hadn't considered shaving his head in nearly a month so now much of his tattoo, except for the triangular portion of his arrow, was obscured by short, dark waves. He didn't look like himself at all but that seemed fitting since he didn't feel like himself either.

Shaving seemed like such a small goal in the grand scheme of things, especially when his life was such a tangled mess, but Aang realized that epic journeys often began with very small steps. He had to start somewhere. After locating a razor, Aang bent water from a nearby pitcher into the empty basin and began the slow, methodical task of making himself presentable again. Fifteen minutes later he had a few small nicks as a result of his efforts but at least he could see the lower half of his face again and the elegant line of his tattoo sloping over his skull. He ran his fingers lightly over the pale blue design with a heavy sigh. He looked more like himself, but unfortunately, he didn't _feel_ much better.

It was going to take more than a shave, Aang realized. He could practically hear Katara whispering in his ear, nudging him towards the door. He emitted a humorless grunt. "Good grief, Katara. You're as pushy in death as you were in life." Still, he yielded to her silent urging and inched his way out into the hallway.

The corridor was silent as were the bedrooms that lined it. That finding startled him a bit. Kya and Bumi were always running and thumping through all corners of the house. Long ago, he'd grown accustomed to their rambunctious play, so much so that he had learned to tune out the most obnoxious noises. It was odd not to hear their chatter or the familiar pitter patter of their footfalls. It was a stark reminder to Aang that his world hadn't been the only one devastated when Katara died. His children had been changed irrevocably as well.

Sobered by the thought, Aang started towards Kya's bedroom but found himself sidetracked when he noticed the door to his and Katara's bedroom slightly ajar. Though he felt inundated with dread at the prospect, Aang forced himself to step forward and push it open. What he found inside shattered what remained of his fractured heart.

Kya and Bumi lurched erect with his sudden entrance, their small faces streaked with tears and twisted in anguish. They had been curled up together in the center of their bed with one of their mother's tunics clutched between them. It was immediately evident this was something the two of them did often. Upon their father's entry both children jerked with a guilty start. Kya scrambled to conceal the garment behind her back while Bumi cringed behind her.

"I…I'm sorry, Daddy…" Kya stammered brokenly, "…We…We didn't mean to…We just… We wanted to be close to her…"

"It's okay, Kya…" he whispered softly, closing the distance between them when both she and Bumi began to break down into violent sobs. He tugged them both into his arms and cradled them against his chest. They clutched at his shirt with small, desperate fingers, both of them weeping with such force that their small bodies actually convulsed. "Shh…it's okay…it's okay…"

"Don't be mad…" she sobbed, "Please don't be mad at us…"

Keeping one arm around his sniffling son, Aang cupped his daughter's chin with his free hand and brought her wet blue eyes to his. "I'm not mad, sweetheart. Why do you think I would be mad, Kya?"

"I know you don't like to come in here anymore."

"Y-You always k-keep the d-door closed n-now," Bumi hiccupped, "You t-told Bao n-not t-to come in h-here."

"Oh, Bumi—,"

"Are you trying to forget Mom?" Kya demanded tearfully.

"No! Never."

Bumi stared up at him with wounded gray eyes. "Do you hate me now, Daddy?"

The confused innocence in his anguished query ripped Aang apart, lacerating him with sorrow and remorse. "No…no…I could never hate you…_either_ of you," he wept hoarsely, "I am so sorry if I made you believe otherwise."

Kya dropped her gaze, confirming for Aang that he had, indeed, made them feel that way. "You don't talk to us anymore. You act like you don't want us around."

"I know. But that's not how I feel. I'm sorry. I don't blame you for being confused."

"Are you mad at us?" she asked.

Aang shook his head. "No. I'm mad at myself…because I couldn't change things for your mom and I can't change things for us."

"She's never going to come back?" Bumi wondered softly, as if he had never considered the possibility before that moment. Then again, he was only five years old and it was likely that he hadn't. That was a magical age when nothing had any real permanence, not even death. Aang hated to shatter his son's naïve hope but he knew he had to make Bumi understand.

"No, Bumi…your mother is in a special place now and she has to stay there. She can't come back."

"What are we going to do without her, Dad?" Kya whispered.

He gathered them close to him again, hugging them hard and allowing himself to grieve with them for the first time since Katara died. "I don't know what we're going to do, Kya…" he whispered gruffly, "But we're going figure it out, sweetheart. I promise you. We'll do it together."


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N: I just wanted to take a moment to express some sincere thank yous and appreciation for my readers. I know that this fic isn't the most uplifting thing to read and so the fact that you guys are willing to do it really means a lot to me. It's really amazing.**

**So thank you. Thank you very, very much.**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

"Dad, I'm not sure this is how my hair is supposed to look." Kya surveyed her three oddly angled braids in the small, oval mirror perched atop her knees with a deep scowl before turning her unhappy glower up at her father. "I don't like it at all."

Aang cocked his head to the side, appraising his handiwork critically. He fiddled with her hair few seconds more before expelling a satisfied grunt. "Now it's perfect. Not bad for my first try, huh?" he declared proudly. A brief glance at her reflection revealed to Kya that not much improvement had been made. The tree trunk in the center of her skull remained, offset by two curling braids that resembled two horns instead.

She growled at Aang. "You have to start over."

Oblivious to her displeasure, he flipped Kya an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Nonsense! You look great, sweetie!"

Her expression clearly stated that she wasn't feeling it. "I am _not_ going to school like this."

The road to emotional recovery had been arduous and painstaking for Aang and his children but they were making progress slowly. Of course, there were setbacks. After that first time they had grieved together, the gates of communication had opened up between them a bit more. But progress had its setbacks as wel. There were times when Aang still battled the impulse to isolate himself. There were days when Katara's loss was simply too acute…for him and for Kya and Bumi. There were often fits of rage and childish tantrums and, more often than not, moments of bitter anguish for which there was no consolation. The three veered from sadness to anger to denial to blame and back again, rebounding mercurially from one emotion to the next.

Yet, as the days following Katara's death stretched into weeks and those weeks began to blend into months, the family gradually began to find their balance again. Bao, having proved herself invaluable to Aang in a matter of months, still helped out with the baby and household chores, but now Aang had begun to take on more and more responsibilities as well.

In the mornings, before he reported to the Council building, he would prepare a light breakfast for the children and prepare Kya and Bumi for school. It was a bit harried managing a three month old, a ten year old and a five year old when they were all vying for attention simultaneously, but Aang valiantly held his own until Bao arrived and thankfully relieved him. Afterwards, he would kiss the children goodbye and leave the house to begin his day. When work was done, he would return home, make dinner, listen to the day's complaints, break up Kya and Bumi's petty arguments, give baths, read bedtime stories and then do it all over again the next day.

It wasn't the most glamorous existence, but Aang was functioning. There were even brief moments of respite when he managed to smile and even laugh. Yet, the ache that had taken up residence in his heart since Katara died remained. He still couldn't sleep in the bedroom that he had shared with her. And yet, conversely, he also lacked the heart to go in and pack up the remainder of her belongings. So, in essence, the room remained a shrine…seldom visited and yet revered all the same.

He kept waiting for the moment when the pain would lessen. That's the reassurance that everyone gave him. "Just give it time," they said, "It gets easier." Aang had to swallow down a dubious snort every time. It was nowhere near easy! Sure, the agony had become more manageable. He was definitely better at hiding his misery than he had been at first, but he still wept for her, still awoke in the middle of the night gasping her name and aching for her. Despite all the assurances to the contrary, Aang doubted the pain would ever truly lessen. How could it when he felt Katara's loss so acutely every single day?

So, he tried to occupy his mind with other things. He threw himself into raising his children, fulfilling his duties as Avatar and helping his friends. Aang deliberately kept busy because, when he was, he didn't have time to reflect on how much he missed Katara. Unfortunately, today was the first time in many, many weeks that Aang had absolutely nothing to do. The Council had insisted that he take a day of personal leave because they felt he was "working himself too much, too soon." And, of course, his brother-in-law had agreed with their assessment.

Sokka had seemed to think it would be good for Aang to simply unwind and enjoy a relatively kid-free day. He didn't seem to realize _that_ was the last thing Aang wanted. He needed the bustle and noise to keep his thoughts occupied, especially on that particular day.

Aang was eternally grateful he'd had the forethought to give Bao the day off otherwise he really _would_ have nothing to do. And that option was simply unacceptable. The prospect of being left alone to reflect on the thoughts and emotions he spent most of his energy pushing away terrified Aang. The dark place continued to loom, always cajoling him to return. So, while he might have to contend with no work to distract him and Kya and Bumi in school for most of the day, at least he had Tenzin and his various baby needs to occupy his time.

"Okay! I'm ready!" Bumi announced proudly as he stepped into the living area.

Aang took one look at him and shook his head. "What are you wearing?"

Bumi blinked at him with guileless gray eyes. "Clothes."

"No. Those are _dirty_ clothes," Aang corrected patiently. "You wore them yesterday. What happened to the outfit I picked out for you last night?"

"I don't like that one," Bumi announced matter-of-factly, "I like this one."

"Go change, Bumi."

"But, Daddy—,"

"Now."

Bumi drew himself up straight with a growl of righteous indignation. "Ugh!" he cried, throwing up his hands as he spun on his heel and stomped off for his bedroom, "It's not fair! I _never_ get what I want!"

Kya clucked haughtily over his display. "He can be so childish," she sighed before turning a plaintive look up at her father and whining, "Now are you going to fix my hair?"

Half an hour later, Bao arrived to usher the children off to school. She was a short, small woman in her mid-forties with several children of her own. Almost as if she had always been there, Bao handled both Aang and his children with practiced ease. The seasoned mother was careful to conceal her horrified reaction when she caught sight of Kya's tragic hair, genuine when she praised Aang for his efforts (no matter how horrendous), and smoothly ignored Bumi's lingering crabbiness over his father's wardrobe choice. While Kya scurried to gather her and Bumi's books together, Bao rattled off quick instructions to Aang on how to care for Tenzin in her absence.

"He should sleep for another hour," Bao told him, "But if he doesn't just rock him for a bit and he should fall back asleep. If not, you can give him a warm bottle. He's not usually fussy until mid-morning."

Aang bit out a short, exasperated grunt. "Bao, I know. I got it. He's my son. Besides, I've handled two babies before him. I can do this."

"I know, Avatar Aang, but—,"

"—_Aang_."

"—Aang," she amended with an accommodating smile, "I'm only concerned for you. I don't want you to be overwhelmed, sir."

"I'm fine. If I get into trouble, I promise I'll send word."

"Okay…as long as you promise."

Despite that concession, it was still another five minutes before Aang waved her, Kya and Bumi out the front door. Almost the instant he did, Tenzin's weak cries of hunger began to filter into the living area. Marveling over the infant's timing, Aang made his way back to the nursery to liberate Tenzin from his bed. In addition to being hungry, the baby was also wet and displeased with the world in general this morning. Even after he was dry and his tummy was full, he continued to fuss, not at all amiable to being returned to his bassinette.

His contentiousness wasn't a problem for Aang since he was content to hold him anyway. He cradled the baby in his arms, marveling over the marked changes in Tenzin's growth. He was much chubbier now than he had been at birth, his cheeks and arms and thighs all adorably plump. And his eyes, which had been a hazy bluish-gray as a newborn, had since lightened to a bright, clear gray. Downy tufts of dark hair had now become a glossy patch of curls on the top of his head.

He was growing so fast, already attempting to roll over and gain mobility. Aang couldn't help but think of Katara and regret all the missed moments there had been for her…for _them_. He hadn't imagined that when she had waddled out to the stable that morning and interrupted his grooming session with Appa to tell him she thought she was in labor that he would end up raising their child alone. That morning hadn't seemed like a day of death at all. Katara had been smiling, so excited for the baby to be born. It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of their lives and now he would never be able to think of their son's birth without remembering her death as well.

Realizing belatedly that his thoughts were going down the exact dark road that he wanted to avoid, Aang resolutely shook off the morbid memories. "Okay, that's enough of that," he whispered to Tenzin, "I think you and I should go pay your Aunt Suki a visit. She's home today. What do you think of that? Do you think that's a good idea?" Tenzin stared up at his father quietly as if to ask, "What are you asking me for? I can't talk!" A faint smile pulled at the corners of Aang's mouth. "I'll take that as a yes."

When he arrived at Sokka and Suki's an hour later, Aang had barely cleared the door before Suki had whisked the baby out of his arms with coos of affection. "Hello to you too, Suki," Aang greeted dryly, "I feel the love."

Suki made a face at him. "Aang, I see you all the time in the city. The novelty of you wore off a long time ago." She nuzzled Tenzin and pretended to gobble a chunk out of his belly. "But I hardly ever get to see this little guy though." When she lifted her head she was surprised to see that Tenzin seemed less than dazzled by her antics. She offered Aang a quizzical look. "He's not much of a smiler, is he?"

"Not really."

"Hmm…" Suki replied, noting Aang's sour expression, "I wonder where he gets that." She leveled him with a meaningful look. "You do realize that it takes more energy to frown than to smile, right?"

"What idiot said that?"

She smirked at him. "You did."

Aang dropped his head forward with a chagrined sigh. "Yeah…walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"Indeed." The brief bit of friendly banter between them faded much too soon. Inevitably, Suki asked, "So how have you been holding up? Are you getting better with everything?"

"I'm okay."

"Just 'okay'?"

"Believe me, considering how I've been feeling lately, 'okay' is a definite improvement."

She bit back a wistful smile. "You sound like Sokka. He says that all the time."

"Speaking of Sokka…is he around?"

Suki nodded. "You actually have perfect timing because he only dropped by the house to pick up some papers. He's back in his study if you want to talk." Nodding in gratitude, Aang started to reach for Tenzin but Suki danced out of his reach, reluctant to relinquish the baby. "Don't worry. I'll take care of him. Go spend time with your brother."

Aang was still quietly pondering Suki's choice phrasing of "brother" and was mid-discovery that he liked that she'd dropped the "in law" portion when he approached the study and rapped sharply on the doorframe. "Hey."

Sokka snapped upright at the sound of the knock and Aang's greeting, setting aside his papers and beckoning the airbender inside. "Hey." He frowned at Aang quizzically. "What are you doing here? Did we have a meeting today?"

"No. I have the day off, remember? You should. That's largely _your_ doing."

"Oh, I see…" Sokka drawled, a bit of mischief gleaming in his blue eyes, "So you came over to chew me out then, huh?" He gestured to the empty seat across from his desk. "Well, sit down and get on with it."

"I didn't come to 'chew you out,'" Aang said after he sat down, "I came to see how you were doing."

"Busy. Frazzled. Overworked. Under-payed. All of these things would adequately describe me right now, Aang."

"I'm not talking about the Council. I'm talking about…"

"…Katara," Sokka finished for him quietly. "Yes. I know."

"It's three months today."

"I know that too. Why do you think I pushed so hard for you to take a day?"

"I wish you hadn't," Aang told him, "Sometimes I need the noise just so I can get out of my own head."

Sokka nodded in somber commiseration. "I know what that feels like. Sometimes I need the noise too. But then sometimes it's good to have the quiet…so you can remember the good times…so you can smile about them."

"I don't smile that much anymore, Sokka. I'm just trying not to go crazy."

"I thought that things were getting better with you and the kids," Sokka observed with a worried frown.

"They are," Aang acknowledged, "But they have to go to sleep some time and when they do, I'm alone. I think about her and I miss her and my mind goes to all these wild places…"

"Wild places like where?" Sokka prompted, concern palpable in his tone.

A short time ago, Aang had confided in him that he'd considered leaving Republic City soon after Katara's memorial service. The revelation had stunned Sokka because, while he knew that Aang had a propensity to run when he felt cornered, he had never imagined that Aang would consider leaving Kya, Bumi and Tenzin for a single second. And now that Sokka knew that Aang had considered it, no matter how briefly, he continued to harbor the fear that the airbender would crack under pressure and simply disappear from their lives altogether.

On some level, Sokka knew he was being unfair to Aang. After all, Aang had been under no obligation to tell him about that night. But he had done so in the interest of honesty and full disclosure. And honestly, Sokka harbored no doubts that Aang recognized that his plans that night had been wrong on many levels. He knew that Aang regretted that momentary weakness and continued to beat himself up about it, but Sokka remained afraid nonetheless. And what he feared most, besides the devastation it would cause Bumi and Kya to lose their father, was the devastation it would cause _him_ as well. He had already lost Katara. He didn't want to lose Aang too.

With that fear driving him, Sokka folded his hands atop his desk and leaned forward, leveling Aang with a penetrating stare. "What's going on with you?"

"Lately, I've been thinking that I might want to…that I might want to go into the spirit world to look for Katara."

Sokka was already shaking his head before Aang had finished the statement. "Bad idea. Bad, bad idea."

"Why is it a bad idea? I'm the Avatar. I'm the bridge between the two worlds. It wouldn't be a problem for me to go there. I just… I want to see her. I _need_ to see her, Sokka."

"And if you went, then what? Would you come back?" Sokka charged softly.

"Of course I would." The declaration sounded weak even to Aang's ears. It was little wonder that Sokka was dubious.

"Aang, it's not a good idea. As tempting as the prospect of seeing my sister again… I would love that. I would love to talk to her again, even if I had to do it through you, but…I don't think you should do it. You couldn't go over there, see her and _touch_ her and then leave. It's too much for you to handle. I know you couldn't do it and _you_ know you couldn't."

"It's not like I could stay forever…" Aang argued feebly, "That's not how it works, Sokka. Katara's spirit is going to enter the reincarnation cycle again eventually so she can be reborn. I'd have to come back some time."

"So says the guy who trapped himself in an iceberg for 100 years," Sokka deadpanned, "There are too many variables involved so you'll forgive me if I'm not convinced, Aang."

"Okay, okay," Aang relented without further argument, "It's a bad idea."

"A bad, _bad_ idea. You shouldn't do it. _Ever._"

"Okay! I got it."

"Are you sure?"

"_Yes!_"

"Good." With his usual perceptiveness, Sokka easily discerned Aang's continued unease. "What? Something else bothering you?"

Aang sighed. "I got a letter from Hakoda the other day."

"So did I."

"So then you already know that it doesn't seem like he's doing too well?"

"Gran-Gran is getting older, slowing down. You know she never quite recovered after Katara. I think he knows she's dying and it's too much, too soon, you know?"

"I was thinking about asking him and Kanna to come here to Republic City to stay." Aang surveyed Sokka carefully from beneath his lashes. "What do you think of that?"

"I think it's not happening," Sokka snorted, "My dad loves the South Pole. He's not going to leave it again unless it's to fight. And as far as my Gran is concerned…don't waste your time, buddy."

"I guess I figured if Hakoda came here he wouldn't be feel so lonely."

"Aang, have you ever heard the phrase 'alone but not lonely?'"

"I guess," he considered with a shrug, "Why?"

"Because that describes my father in a nutshell," Sokka replied, "He's stubborn and he's set in his ways. The Southern WaterTribe is where he was born. It's where he buried his wife, where he buried his daughter and where he'll bury his mother. He's where he wants to be and that's going to always be true. But…that doesn't mean we can't go visit him. Maybe we can make arrangements for that soon."

"Good. I'd like that." Aang became acutely aware of the time when Sokka began shooting anxious glances over towards the pile of papers he'd been perusing before he arrived. "I know you're busy," he said, rising to his feet, "I'll let you get back to it."

"It's only because they're expecting me with this paperwork and it's urgent…" Sokka explained, "I can stop by your house after I'm done if you still need to talk."

"No. I'm good," Aang told him as he turned for the door. At the last second, he stopped short and pivoted to face Sokka again and added, "I did want to ask you though…what's up with Toph?"

"How do you mean?"

"She hasn't been around lately. Did she go out of town?"

"No. She's sick. She's got some weird stomach thingy going on…nausea, vomiting, the whole thing…it's not pretty." Sokka shuddered for effect. "I took her some soup the other day and then high-tailed it out of there. Whatever she has, I do not want it."

"I didn't know that she was feeling bad. Maybe I'll stop by and see if she needs anything."

"Well, when you do, don't take the kids with you," Sokka warned him, "You wouldn't want them to get her yucky!"

Aang almost laughed, stunned to realize it was the first time he'd felt the impulse to do so in months. He tossed Sokka a parting smile. "I'll keep that in mind." Aang stopped just short of his exit and half turned to face Sokka again. "Hey?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for listening before…and for being the voice of reason. Katara used to be the one to talk me out of my crazier ideas before and…uh…I miss that."

He didn't know what compelled him but, in that moment, Sokka scooted out from behind his desk and crossed the room to enfold Aang in a brief hug. The younger man regarded him with a shocked expression. "Don't get too used to it," Sokka grumbled, "I guess…I wanted you to know that I'm always here for you, Aang. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, Sokka. I know."


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

Toph opened her front door, fully aware that Aang was standing on her veranda and then promptly shut it in his face. "Go away, Aang! Don't you know I'm trying to die?"

Aggravated, but undeterred by her less than enthused greeting, Aang entered her home without invitation. The interior was dark and murky but even with the limited vision field he could discern the mountains of clutter littered throughout the house. He had to kick aside debris just to step fully into the house. And Toph was hidden somewhere in the chaos. Aang couldn't see her, but he could certainly sense her. He called out to her.

"Toph, come on," he sighed, mildly exasperated when she didn't answer him right away, "Are you seriously hiding from me right now?" He was met with yet more silence. "I heard you were sick. I only dropped by to see if you needed anything."

Her voice wafted towards him out of the dimness. "That's right. I'm sick. So run away before you're infected with my icky germs!"

"Toph, I'm not worried about getting sick. I'm worried about you." He frowned as he stepped further into the house, realizing that he literally had to navigate his way around discarded clothing, shoes, and crates just to move beyond the foyer. "This is ridiculous…" he muttered under his breath and then asked in a louder tone, "Why does your house look like a bomb went off inside of it?"

"How should I know what it looks like?" came Toph's sassy reply, "I am _blind_, remember? Besides, if your sensibilities are so offended by the mess, no one is stopping you from leaving the exact way you came!"

Aang scowled. "What's with you? Why are you being such an absolute—,"

"—Do you really want to finish that sentence, Aang?" Toph demanded in a warning tone.

After a millisecond of consideration, Aang wisely decided to rephrase. "I'm just saying that you seem crabbier than usual," he said softly, "It's not a judgment, Toph. I'm concerned. That's why I'm here."

Finally, she stepped out from the shadows into the filtering sunlight and Aang was a bit shocked by her disheveled appearance. Despite the fact that it was mid-afternoon, Toph was still in her pajamas, which consisted of little more than a thin shirt and a pair of baggy, knee-length trousers. Her jet black hair was a tangled mass of poofy waves that fell across her eyes and obscured much of her face from view. But what Aang could see concerned him greatly. It was impossible to miss how pale and sallow she appeared.

"You look terrible," he said, blurting out the first words that came to him upon seeing her.

Toph compressed her mouth into a tight smile. "Thank you so much for those kind words of comfort, Twinkle Toes. I feel better already."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know you didn't," Toph acknowledged with a weary sigh, "It's not you. It's me. I feel like crap right now. Puking up your guts all morning will do that to you."

"Eww…that doesn't sound pleasant." Aang gave a sympathetic shudder. "Can I do anything for you?"

Her lips turned in an ironic smile at the question. "Shouldn't I be asking _you_ that?" An awkward beat of silence fell between them before she whispered, "I'm sorry I haven't been by to see you lately."

"It's okay," Aang said, "You have a life. It's not like I'm expecting everyone to drop everything and hold my hand through this."

Toph fidgeted a bit, using her bare toe to draw haphazard circles across the polished surface of her floor. "So…how are you doing with everything?"

Aang fell back on the standard answer to that question. "Good. I'm managing the day to day."

"Alright, now that you've dispensed with the 'appropriate' response, why don't you tell me how you _really_ feel, Aang?" Toph pressed knowingly, "You don't have to put on a face with me. Tell me the truth. How are you doing?"

"I'm existing and that's as good as it gets right now…" he conceded gruffly, "There are still mornings that I wake up and I wish that I hadn't. But if I can make it through the day without thinking at least once that I'd rather not be here then I consider that progress. Is that real enough for you?"

"You're not thinking about…you know…ending things, are you, Aang?" Toph asked directly.

He blew out a short, startled breath…surprised that she had the audacity to ask and then not surprised at all. "No, Toph. Not today, I'm not."

She stood still for a moment, carefully monitoring the steady thump of his heart when he answered, attuned to any anomaly that might signal dishonesty on his part. It wasn't a perfect answer by any means, but it was enough for Toph. Finally, she relaxed, satisfied that he was telling her the truth. "Good. I'm glad…because that would be monumentally selfish if you did."

Aang wasn't sure how to respond to that, so he simply said, "Okay."

"Look, don't be offended. I _had_ to ask you," she told him in a gruff tone, "You know I had to."

"I'm not offended. I know I was acting a little…_crazy_…for a minute there. I promise I'm better."

"Good. I had to be sure."

Growing a bit flustered because Katara was still a very raw subject for him, Aang deftly steered the topic of conversation back around to Toph. "I actually didn't come here to talk about me. You're the one who's sick. What do you need? What can I do to help?"

"Unless you have a time machine, not much."

Aang regarded her with a befuddled frown. "Huh?"

Toph gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "Oh, forget it. Why don't you navigate your way around my crap and come sit down with me? I'll make us some tea."

Accepting her invitation with a brief nod, Aang carefully wound his way around the discarded piles of junk and followed Toph towards the sitting room. After he found a relatively clear place to sit, he asked, "Since when do you make tea?"

She shrugged. "It's hot water over a tea leaf. How complicated could it be?"

He groaned over that. "Oh, Toph. General Iroh would be so disappointed to hear you say that."

Toph smiled. "We'll keep it between us then."

While she disappeared into the kitchen to serve their refreshments, Aang made an attempt at small talk. It had been a long time since he had found himself in any sort of social setting, even one as quasi-normal as the present one, and he couldn't help but feel a bit awkward. Life for him had become about responsibility and duty and little beyond that. Aang was disconcerted to realize that it had been so long since he'd had an actual conversation with someone that wasn't completely morbid that he had forgotten how to do it.

"So I…uh…I always hated that General Iroh decided to give up his tea shop in Ba Sing Se. Katara and I used to love going there."

"It was great, wasn't it?" Toph called back to him, "We made a lot of good memories there."

"I guess all good things must come to an end," Aang mumbled to himself.

"I suppose it was inevitable that he was going to leave it behind," Toph considered as she entered the sitting room bearing a tea tray, "Once Zuko and Mai started having babies, it was all over." She set one cup down in front of Aang before sitting and taking the other for herself. "What is it about babies that make people want to change around their whole lives?" she murmured, "I don't get the appeal."

"It's not always about 'wanting' to change so much as 'needing' to change," Aang remarked wryly, "And that's what babies do. They change a lot." He sighed with the remark, lost in miserable recollections of just how much babies could change sometimes, unaware that Toph was lost in similar musings of her own as well. Determined not to go to that dark place again, Aang shook off his unhappy thoughts and lifted his teacup to his lips, took a sip and then promptly spit it out.

"Ugh! Gah! Toph, that's awful!" His eyes darted over the tray for a palate cleanser, but Toph hadn't brought anything else besides the "hot leaf juice," not even a cookie. Aang refrained from wiping his tongue free of the offending substance. The taste lingered in his mouth disagreeably. He set his cup down with a grimace.

Toph nonchalantly took a sip of her own tea, quite unapologetic. "I would like to take this time to point out to you that I never made any promises that it wouldn't be awful. Sugar?"

Aang rolled his eyes with a short grunt of amusement and set aside his cup. "I'll pass." Within moments, his expression became somber again. "So what's up with you?" he wondered softly, "Why does your house look this way? Why are you still in your underwear? Where are your servants?"

"What is this? An inquisition?" Toph snapped, "I'm sorry! I wasn't expecting guests today!"

"Toph, stop stalling and answer my question. Where is everyone?"

"I fired them. I don't need people to cook and clean for me! I'm the Chief of Police! I decided I could manage the house on my own."

"You're doing an excellent job." His drawling sarcasm was impossible to miss. Toph didn't let it slide either. She retorted with two crisp words that made it extremely clear to Aang that his opinion was quite unappreciated. "I'm not passing judgment on you," he was quick to reassure her, "It's only that…not very long ago…my own home had a similar appearance and it didn't have anything to do with me being sick. I know you're not feeling well, Toph, but this seems a bit beyond. So, I ask again, what's going on with you?"

"Oh, nothing too incredibly complicated," she replied with a deceptively casual air as Aang absently lifted his cup to his lips again, "I'm just pregnant."

For the second time in a two minute span, Aang was spewing tea. He dabbed at his mouth with the edge of his robes, sputtering furiously while he mentally groped for an appropriate response. But none ever came, so he reacted with all the dumbfounded amazement he felt. He shook his head, as if he couldn't possibly have heard her correctly.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

"You heard me. I'm going to have a baby, Aang." The words were slower, clearer and yet no easier to process than they had been the first time he heard them.

Aang blinked at her. "A baby? But…but…how?"

"Do you need me to explain the basics to you?" Toph queried rather sardonically, "Well, it begins like this…you have a man and a woman. The man then inserts his—,"

"—Will you quit it?," Aang interrupted crossly, "I know how babies are made! I didn't realize that _you_ were doing the things to make them, that's all!"

"Well, excuse me for having a sex life! Am I dedicated to a temple or something? I have needs just like everyone else, Aang! Get over it!"

"Okay! I get it! My point is…you've never mentioned a boyfriend or anyone special so forgive me if I'm caught off guard! What happened…_when_ did it happen?"

"Long story short," Toph sighed concisely, "I met a guy. I liked him. We hit it off. I thought he was all the things that I wanted, but it turns out that he was only a substitute for the thing I couldn't have…so I broke up with him. And, unfortunately for me, it wasn't soon enough."

"How long ago was this?"

"Almost five months."

"Five months?" Aang balked. His gaze automatically ricocheted to Toph's abdomen. She was so slender and her clothes were so loose and large that it was easy to miss. But now that Aang was looking, _really_ looking, he could see the telltale swell of her belly for himself. Toph was having a baby! _Toph?_ Aang gripped the armrest of his chair, feeling a little dizzy.

"Oh wow, Toph…" he breathed, "How long have you known that you were pregnant?"

"Since the moment the little heart started to beat," she answered softly, "So…for a long time now. I was going to talk to Katara about it but by the time I had worked up the courage to tell her, she was…well you…"

"…Yeah, I know…"

"So I've been trying to figure it out on my own." She slumped forward in her chair, as if crushed beneath the weight of fear and uncertainty she had been carrying all that time. "I'm probably not doing a very good job of that. It hasn't been easy."

"Why didn't you say something to us?"

"Aang, what was I supposed to say? Katara had just died! Sokka was barely holding it together and you were a complete mess! I didn't…" She trailed off with a choked sob, pausing to compose herself before she continued. "It doesn't matter now. Besides that, it doesn't have anything to do with you. It's _my_ problem and I'm going to deal with it."

Seeing little point in arguing with her about it, especially when he knew how obstinate she could be, Aang decided to ask the next question that was most pertinent on his mind. "Who's the father?"

Toph came as close to flinching as Aang had ever seen her. "He's not important. Like I said, I was with him for all the wrong reasons and now it's over. He wanted more from me than I could give to him."

"Does he know that you're having his child?"

Toph shook her head. "No. And that's how I want it."

"It's not that simple, Toph."

"I think it is," she countered, "It's _my_ choice. It's _my_ life. It's _my_ kid! Besides, it's not like my track record with fathers is at all stellar. I can count on one hand how many good ones I've known in my lifetime! This kid is already going to be at a disadvantage with me as its mother. I'm trying to give it a fighting chance here!"

"None of that matters. You have to tell him," Aang maintained, unconvinced by Toph's eloquent excuses, "It's the right thing to do."

"Says who, oh guru of goodness?" Toph retorted, "My life is complicated enough without having to deal with some poor schmuck who's looking for something that I can't give him. This kid will only provide him with an excuse to exert his 'paternal rights' and be all over me and I don't want to deal with it! He's better off not knowing. And, more importantly, _I'm_ better off!"

Aang blinked at her, left a bit speechless by her indifference. "Wow, Toph… That's…That's really cold."

"I'm being honest."

"I don't understand how you can just shrug off his existence like he means nothing."

"Not everyone finds their forever love at 12 years old, Aang!" Toph bit out shortly, "It's not always 'happily ever after!' Most often love is a messy and complicated process and usually the two people involved _never_ feel the exact same way about each other. One person _always_ loves the other person more than they are loved in return! There are misunderstandings and hurt feelings. The bottom line is that someone is going to get their heart broken. This time it just happened _not_ to be me."

"So you don't love him. Fine! No one is saying that you have to, Toph!" Aang argued, "But what about your baby? Doesn't it deserve to know its father? And don't you think this guy deserves the opportunity to know his kid too?"

Toph was immediately on the defensive. He wasn't saying anything to her that she hadn't already considered in her own subconscious over and over again. But she didn't want to think about it and she didn't want Aang to be right. She couldn't bear the idea of an already messy situation becoming even messier.

Because she had never been very adept at dealing with emotions, Toph buried her confusion and guilt and took refuge in her anger instead. "So you think I'm denying his rights, do you?" she challenged in a chilly tone, "Tell me, why exactly should I care, huh? So that he can bail on the kid at the first sign of trouble or because he 'can't handle it' anymore? _You_ know all about that, don't you, Aang?"

She knew she had gone way too far even before Aang's painful intake of breath. Knowing that she had wounded him, and when he was so emotionally raw already, just made her feel even worse. Toph immediately regretted the words and would have gladly called them back, but the effort would have proved futile. They had hit their mark and caused damage.

Aang rose to his feet, his body shaking with pain and devastated disbelief. "I can't argue with you there. You're right, Toph. I'm a coward and I don't deserve to be a father."

"No…Aang… That's not what I meant at all," she lamented thickly, "Please don't pay any attention to what I said. I was angry and frustrated and I wrongly took that out on you. It was stupid."

"But that doesn't make it any less true," he said, "I _was_ going to run out on them because I couldn't handle the pressure. I will always be ashamed about what I almost did that night. There's no excuse for it and I know that, but…" he went on softly, "I never thought you would throw it in my face like that, Toph. I'm not even angry that you did…just hurt and surprised. You know…if you didn't want me in your business all you had to do was say so."

"Aang, wait a minute!" she cried when he started to leave. Toph shot up from her seat and darted in front of him, staving off his exit. "I'm sorry. I really am sorry. What I said before was heartless and it was uncalled for. I didn't mean it! Please don't leave."

"Toph, you obviously don't want my advice and that's fine," he muttered, "It's really fine with me. I came by unannounced and you wanted to be alone. Let me go and I can spare us both."

"That's not it!" she exclaimed in a plaintive tone, "Goodness, Aang! Don't you get it? I have _no idea_ what I'm doing! I know you're right! I know that, okay! But I don't know how to make it work…" She seemed to shrink before him, suddenly appearing tiny and vulnerable in a way that she had never seemed before. As her tough veneer began to crack, Toph began to weep openly. "I feel like my entire life is spinning out of control and I don't know how to stop it! I'm scared! I've never felt this way!

"I need Katara to tell me how to do this! I need her to teach me how to be a mom and how to get ready but she's not here anymore so I don't know what to do without her, Aang!" Her words broke on a sob and she dissolved into tears completely. "She was like my sister and I don't know what to do now! Please, please don't leave. I can't do this by myself. I don't know what to do…"

The plea was poignantly familiar. Aang knew what Toph was feeling far too well. He was just as lost without Katara as she was. And, ultimately, it was his empathy for her that dissolved his anger and compelled him to reach out and tug her into his arms. "Shh…shh…" he soothed as he stroked her heaving back, "…it's going to be okay. It is…"

Toph quieted against him, her slender fingers twisting into his shirtfront. "Do you actually believe that, Aang?" she sniffled, "Tell me the truth, not just what you think you should say."

"I don't know what I believe anymore, Toph…but we have to believe that it will get better, don't we? What other choice do we have?"


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Gyatso had once told him that death often came in waves.

Aang had always wondered if there was some truth to that. It was a morbid way of thinking but, in Aang's experience, he had found some modicum of truth to it. Death was almost catching in a sense. So, when Sokka came to Aang earlier that evening and told him that Kanna had unexpectedly passed away in her sleep, Aang was saddened, but not surprised. Once again, death's decrepit hand had reached out to touch their family. The news came mere days after he and Sokka had discussed making a trip to the South Pole to visit Hakoda and Kanna. They had already made the arrangements for the trip only now they would be planning a burial instead of family outings in the snow.

After doing what he could to console his grieving brother, Aang turned his attention towards Kya and Bumi and explaining the situation to them as well. Kya was old enough to have concrete memories of Kanna and, therefore, she took the news much harder than Bumi. His eldest son's primary concern was the sudden prevalence of death within their family and the irrational fear that it was somehow catching. Once Aang had reassured the five year old that it was not and that he shouldn't worry excessively about losing his father, sister, brother or anyone else he loved dearly, he turned his attention towards packing for the long journey. He was in the process of cinching closed his knapsack when Toph poked her head into his bedroom.

"Hey."

He straightened with a small grunt of surprise. "Hey. It's late. What are you doing here?"

"I thought you'd like to know that I followed your advice."

Aang regarded her with a blank look. "I gave you advice?"

"Yeah…you know…about the guy," Toph prodded meaningfully, "…who contributed to my _situation_. You remember the other day when we talked?"

"Oh. Yeah." He sank down on the edge of his bed. "So how did that go for you?"

Toph leaned against the threshold of his door. "Not great, in fact. He was shocked at first. But once he got over it, he had the brilliant idea that we should get married. Isn't that delightful?"

"You…you don't sound very delighted, Toph."

"That's because I'm not."

"So I guess you're pretty ticked at me right now, huh?"

"Just a little bit."

"Okay," Aang sighed, "If you're going to yell at me about this, can you at least wait until after Kanna's funeral?"

Toph's irritation with him dissipated in a matter of moments. She straightened with a soft gasp. "What? Sokka's grandmother is dead? When?"

"Last night. Sokka received word early this evening. We're leaving for the South Pole in the morning."

"Oh no…" Toph mumbled to herself, "I haven't been home all day because I was dealing with that idiot! I can't believe I wasn't around when he needed me!" She stopped herself mid-rant, refocusing on the matter at hand. "Is he okay? How did he take it? I know how much he adored her."

"I think he's pretty numb at this point."

"It's too soon after Katara," Toph whispered.

"Yeah," Aang agreed gruffly.

Toph folded down in the empty spot beside him on the bed. "How are you holding up?" she asked.

"Kanna was always very good to me. She welcomed me into her home and into her family. I loved her. But…I know she was really hurting after…after Katara and…uh…maybe it's for the best," he finished in a broken whisper.

Several beats of silence yawned between them. Finally, Toph sighed. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have come here tonight to pick at you if I had known."

Aang fell back into the bed and squinted up at the wooden ceiling beams overhead. "I'm glad you pick at me, Toph. I need you to pick at me. I'd rather feel irritation than nothing at all."

A few seconds later, Toph stretched out beside him. "You really mean that, Twinkle Toes?"

He made a face at the offending nickname but nodded gamely nonetheless. "Sure."

"Remember you said that."

Aang suppressed a weary groan. "Why?"

"Because I'm about to pick at you some more." Once she had prepared him, Toph got right to the point. "I want to know why you're sleeping in the guest room and I'm going to pester you until you tell me."

He instantly tensed at the warning. "This isn't the guest room, Toph."

"Yes, it is," Toph insisted, "I know that because one of the first things Katara did after you guys moved in here was to give me a grand tour of this place. The nursery is across the hall. Kya's room is next door to this one and Bumi's room is next to hers. Your room was directly across from his, which leaves this room…_the guest room_."

Aang swallowed any further denials. "Good grief, Toph…did you memorize the floor plans or something?" he huffed irritably.

"It was important to Sugar Queen, so it was important to me…even if I didn't let her know it at the time," Toph whispered, "I wish I had let her know it."

"Yeah…I feel that way about a few things myself."

"So why are you avoiding your bedroom?" Toph pressed again.

"Because I can't sleep in there anymore," he confessed huskily, "All of her stuff is in there…her hairbrush and those little, blue beads she liked to wear in her hair. Her water-skins are there. The room even smells like her. Being in there is torture for me. It's being close to her but not really having her at all."

His confession saddened Toph and left her feeling uncommonly somber. She reached between them to grope for his hand. He didn't squeeze her fingers or acknowledge the gesture at all but, he didn't pull away from it either and that was enough for her. "You know…I used to envy what you and Katara had," she confided in a shaky whisper, "I always wondered what it must feel like to love someone that much and be loved that much in return. Now I'm glad I never knew that. I don't know if I'd ever want to feel what you're feeling right now, Aang."

His throat bobbed spasmodically as tears welled in his eyes, blurring the beams above their heads. "You don't, Toph. Trust me."

The following morning when Sokka and Suki arrived, Toph was still there. She had left briefly during the night to retrieve a few essentials for the trip, having made up her mind fairly soon after learning about Kanna that she would accompany them. While loading up the bison in preparation for the journey, Aang watched Toph surreptitiously from the corner of his eye as she approached Sokka and offered him her condolences.

Her entire manner changed around the Water-Tribe warrior. Rather than being the loud, brash Toph that she usually was, the Toph who greeted Sokka was uncharacteristically quiet, compassionate and tenderly thoughtful. Aang was acutely aware of the way she spoke to Sokka, the way she touched him. The difference in her demeanor was stark. Aang didn't have a single doubt what it meant either even if Sokka and Suki seemed oblivious.

Although, he most definitely wrestled with his demons and was also hopelessly in love with a dead woman, it was clear to him from the brief interaction he'd witnessed between Toph and Sokka that the earthbender was wrestling with her own demons as well. Toph wasn't in a much better position than he was considering the fact that she was clearly in love with a married man. Now the cryptic statement she'd said to him a few days prior about her baby's father being "a substitute for what she really wanted" made perfect sense. Aang couldn't help but pity her. Her situation was just as impossible as his.

Aang found himself reflecting on that newfound knowledge for the duration of the trip to the South Pole and even throughout Kanna's service and burial. In a strange way, Toph's plight caused a bit of welcome distraction for Aang from his sadness over Katara. Making the trip without her had been difficult. Technically, this was the first time he had done so without her. When he had made the trip three months earlier it had been for her sea burial and at least her body had been with him even if her spirit had long departed.

Still, her absence had felt like a void then and now. Usually, Katara would sit alongside him on Appa's head and they would take turns at the reins because traveling to the South Pole was always a lengthy excursion. He missed the weight of her head against his shoulder and how her hair would spill across her face when she nodded off. He missed the way her hand would sometimes drift idly up and down the length of his chest, caressing him even in her sleep. He missed the way she would stroke his cheek when she _thought_ he'd fallen asleep and the way she smelled as she leaned over him…an elusive mixture of wind and sun and a scent that was uniquely Katara.

All of those bittersweet memories swirled around in Aang's mind, mixed with grief over Kanna and concern for Toph as he perched himself atop a snowy embankment and watched his children and nephews chase penguins in the valley below. Their childish laughter echoed out through the vast emptiness of the surrounding tundra. At one time, the sound would have caused Aang to smile or even compelled him to join them altogether. Now it made him ache with sadness…because Katara was missing these moments, because she would never have them again…they would never share them again.

"Aren't you cold without a parka?"

Aang angled a glance over his shoulder at Hakoda. "I don't really feel it much."

"It's still below freezing, Aang, and you're not wearing any outerwear," Hakoda told him, extending an extra parka and mittens towards the airbender, "Here you go. Put these on." The younger man bit back a small smile and obediently followed his father-in-law's directive. "The hood too," Hakoda encouraged after Aang had finished buttoning up and donning his gloves.

Aang flipped that up as well, though he did so with an expansive sigh. "Better?"

Hakoda crouched down beside him with an approving smile. "Much better." He directed a glance out to where the children continued to romp loudly in the snow. Currently, Bumi was having a penguin sledding race with one of his cousins with Sokka, Suki, and their son as well as Kya and Toph serving as side commentary. "They look like they're having fun," he remarked fondly. He appraised Aang with a sideways look. "I'm surprised you haven't gone down there to join them yet."

"I guess I'd rather watch this time," Aang replied with a light shrug.

His father-in-law grunted at that laconic response. "That's a new development for you. I remember a time, not too long ago in fact, when you wouldn't have been able to resist a scene like that."

Aang's expression became shuttered with the observation. "Things change, I guess."

Because Hakoda didn't see the need in pressing Aang about what "things" when he already knew, he instead turned his attention back towards his grandchildren. "They seem pretty happy, don't they?"

"Kids are very resilient."

"That they are," Hakoda agreed with a wistful sigh, "It's a pity we adults can't be like that. Children get knocked down and they roll right back on their feet to charge back into the fray. But adults get knocked down and sometimes…sometimes getting back up is the hardest part."

Aang surveyed Hakoda with an empathetic stare. "Is that how you're feeling right now? Like you can't get up again?"

"More like trying to find some motivation to _want_ to get up again," Hakoda clarified softly, "I'm tired, Aang…and I'm feeling very old. I've buried a wife, a daughter and now my mother. I've lost more in one lifetime than I care to think about and I'm at the point where I've had enough of it."

"You've had a tough time of it lately," Aang murmured, "and Kanna was the last of your family here. That must be hard to deal with."

Hakoda nodded, averting his face briefly to conceal the tears forming in his eyes with the mention of his deceased mother. "It is hard."

"She was a good woman, Hakoda. I'm going to miss her very much."

"I suppose it was inevitable. Mother's health had been failing rapidly for months. I think Katara's death sapped her of whatever will to live she had left," he confided gruffly, "After that, she was only going through the motions. Kind of like me." He leveled Aang with a pointed look. "And you too."

Aang dropped his head forward with a shuddering sigh. "Well, I appreciate you not asking me how I've been holding up. I'm sick to death of that question."

"I know the feeling," Hakoda commiserated, "Besides, I don't need to ask you if you're okay. I've been where you are right now, son. I'm _still_ there."

"So I guess this isn't the part where you tell me that one day I _won't_ feel like there's a leaden weight sitting on my chest, huh?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Fantastic."

"This _is_ the part where I tell you that it could be worse."

"Nothing could feel worse than this," Aang whispered.

"Trust me when I say that you're wrong about that, son."

The self-deprecating note he detected in Hakoda's tone compelled Aang to lift his eyes again and scrutinize his father-in-law closely. "What do you mean?"

"I left the South Pole to fight in the war shortly after Kya was killed," he recounted in a soft tone hoarse with regret, "I don't think she was dead an entire month before I went away. I was so focused on crusading for my cause and defeating the Fire-Nation that I never let myself _feel_ her loss. I ran from it instead. I pushed it to the back of my mind and I let the war consume me.

"But then the war ended and I came back home and Kya wasn't here," he continued, voice breaking, "And it was like she had died all over again, only this time I had nowhere to run. And to make matters worse, I had no one to distract me from that pain either because, in my absence, my children had grown up and found lives of their own. So I didn't only have to cope with the loss of my wife but the loss of my children too. That's the first time that it really hit me that I was alone, that Kya was gone and she was never coming back."

"I'm sorry…" Aang croaked when he was finished, "I'm sorry if I did anything to contribute to your pain, Hakoda."

"Don't do that," his father-in-law admonished him, "Don't ever apologize for falling in love with my daughter. Don't ever apologize for making her happy, Aang. I didn't tell you that story to make you feel guilty. I told you because I want you to avoid making the same mistakes I did."

"What? Are you telling me that I need to let myself feel Katara's loss and deal with it? Because, if that's what you're getting at, I am nowhere near accepting that, Hakoda. I don't think I ever will."

"It's going to hit you eventually no matter what, Aang," Hakoda said, "It's just a matter of _when_. At some point, you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that she's gone and find a way to deal with that."

"But what if I didn't have to come to terms with it? What if there was another way?" Aang asked him in a trembling whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"What if there was a way for you to see Kya again, to talk to her and spend time with her again?"

"Aang…" Hakoda replied slowly, "…what are you asking me right now?"

"Nothing," he mumbled with a dismissive wave, "Just forget I said anything."

"Is this about you going into the spirit world to look for Katara?" Hakoda asked him bluntly.

Aang slumped forward with a frustrated expulsion of breath when he sensed the thread of disapproval in Hakoda's question. "Great. I guess Sokka already spoke to you about it, didn't he?"

"He's concerned about you."

"That's not the point! He's already put a negative slant on it! Now you're predisposed to think it's an unwise decision without even listening to my point of view first!"

"You're wrong, Aang. Sokka didn't put a negative slant on it at all. In fact, he understands why you want to do it. So do I. But, for the record, I always thought it was a bad idea…even _before_ Sokka ever shared a single misgiving. Your intentions are pure but…your judgment is skewed. You're not in a clear frame of mind."

The admission only served to increase Aang's tension. "Is that what you and Sokka discussed? My skewed mental state? You two have been talking about me behind my back, is that it?"

"It wasn't like that at all," Hakoda explained quickly, catching hold of Aang's forearm before the younger man could roll to his feet, "Don't you go off without having all the facts! Sokka doesn't want you to do anything foolish! Neither do I. We both want what's best for you."

Despite Hakoda's attempt to disarm him, Aang snapped from his hold and stood up. He was angry that Hakoda was already labeling his plan as "foolish" without even hearing him out on the matter. He had already taken Sokka's side on it. In the reasonable corner of his mind, Aang recognized he was probably being irrational and unfairly antagonistic towards Hakoda, but he couldn't help himself. This wasn't a small thing he was proposing. This was a chance to see Katara again! The stakes were high and so were his emotions.

"Why is it foolish?" he demanded angrily, "Why is it wrong for me to want to see her again?"

"It's not wrong," Hakoda told him, "but it's not what you need either. Aang, you are still adjusting to Katara being gone. Seeing her now, when your emotions are still so fragile, is not a wise choice…especially because the consequences could prove disastrous."

"What are you talking about? I thought you, of all people, would understand what I was feeling, Hakoda!" he burst out shortly, "After everything you just told me about Kya, I know that you do! I have a chance to see Katara again! All I'm asking for is just one more moment with her. Just _one_!"

"Could you really be content with 'just one' time, Aang?" Hakoda charged softly.

Aang had been unable to answer the question when Sokka asked him and he was just as unable to answer Hakoda. He turned his back, confused and uncertain and a little desperate. "I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead," he mumbled, "All I know is that I _have_ to find her, Hakoda! I have to see her again."

"It's not a good idea. I think being with Katara again would cause you more pain in the end."

"Being without her is what causes me pain."

"It's only been a few months. Give yourself time to grieve. Don't let your loneliness compel you to do something you might someday regret."

"Why would I regret it? I'm a bridge between the two worlds! I belong in the spirit world just as much as I belong in this one! I have the ability to find her, so why shouldn't I try it?"

"It's against the natural order of things, that's why!" Hakoda argued, "Just because you _can_ do a thing doesn't mean you _should_ do it. Katara is dead and you are alive! You don't belong in the same worlds anymore! As the Avatar you know that better than anyone."

"Other people have traveled into the spirit world to find the ones they love so why shouldn't I? Why is it okay for them but not for me?"

"Aang, the people who have tried to do that don't come home. And those who do are profoundly changed."

"General Iroh did it."

"And General Iroh almost died! You have other people to think about…your children and your family! The entire world depends on you, Aang! Katara wouldn't want you to risk yourself for her!"

"It's not a risk for me like it is for other people!" Aang argued, "Like you said, I'm the Avatar. I don't have the same vulnerabilities that other people might have. I can travel to the spirit world and come back without the fear of being harmed or trapped there!"

"And what about your heart?" Hakoda prompted softly, "Could you really travel over to the other side to see Katara and then leave her again? Could you really let her go again or would it all become a heartbreaking struggle to hold onto something that you can't possibly have?"

"I don't know. But don't I owe it to myself and Katara to find out?"

"Aang, listen to yourself! You have to let go! I know how hard this is for you. I have walked in your shoes! But this is not the way. You cannot be with her. Not the way you want. You're only going to cause yourself more pain in the long run if you don't let this go."

The righteous indignation gradually leaked out of Aang, leaving him weary and emotionally vulnerable in the aftermath. "I hear what you're saying to me." He whispered, "I do. I know all the reasons that I shouldn't do it. They make sense. I know that it's dangerous and that going there is probably going to break what's left of my heart, but… I don't know how to let it go. In the end, it's all just words and they don't mean anything to me…because I don't feel them in here." He touched his mitted hand to his heart, his gray eyes clouded and haunted when he said, "In my heart, it doesn't _feel_ wrong. I know exactly what it is that I shouldn't do, Hakoda. I know that better than anyone, but I can't deny that there's a part of me that still wants to do it anyway."


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

"This is stupid."

Aang mentally counted to ten. He refused to be discouraged by Toph's complaining spirit. He was teaching her a needed skill, whether she appreciated it or not, and he would not give up until she had learned it.

Presently, they were kneeling side by side on the floor of her sitting room with a squirming Tenzin laid out on a blanket directly in front of them. They had all they needed for their diapering lesson…swaddling clothes, clean towels, warm water, powder and pins for securing the linen. They even had a real live baby and a dirty diaper to work with. The only thing missing was Toph's enthusiasm.

With a longsuffering sigh, Aang repositioned Tenzin's soiled diaper before turning to address his recalcitrant friend. "Toph, you're going to have a baby in a few months," he stated calmly, "You need to learn how to change a diaper."

She pinched her nose with a revolted grimace. "But he smells! I don't want to touch that! How can something so tiny possibly cause a stench so foul? It's gross!"

"Of course it's gross, but that's not the point," Aang huffed, "You need the practice."

"No, I don't. I can just hire someone to do it for me."

"I thought you said you wanted to do everything yourself," Aang reminded her, "If you're serious about being independent, this is part of it, Toph. You have to start somewhere."

Toph crossed her arms with a stubborn grunt. "I've changed my mind."

He threw up his hands in a gesture of exasperation. "You said you wanted my help! You practically begged me for it! That's why I rearranged my schedule and came over here today. Now what's it going to be? Do you want to learn how to do this or not?"

She snatched the fresh diaper from his hand. "Ugh! Fine! I never knew you were so pushy!"

Aang sighed again. He might have been amused by their role reversals if she weren't driving him crazy. He didn't know why he was surprised but, it turned out that Toph was just as aggravating a student as she had been a teacher. Still, he had to admire the way she set her jaw and attacked Tenzin's diaper with all the militant stoicism of a seasoned general. Though he inserted in a few lines of direction as she worked, Toph really didn't need his commentary.

In only a few executed moves she cleaned the baby's bottom, dried him, freshened him with powder and then placed him in a fresh diaper. _And_, she had done all of this _without_ getting peed on. Now that was an impressive feat. Even Aang had gotten sprinkled his first few tries. He emitted a low whistle over her brisk and thorough technique.

"I thought for sure he was going to get you in the face," he remarked in surprise.

Toph smirked at him. "Of course you did. But you forget, I had a first row seat to Katara and Suki's unfortunate foibles as new mothers to baby boys. I learn fast."

He inclined his head in a nod of proud acknowledgment. "That you do, Toph." He leaned over to coo to a babbling Tenzin and carefully scooped the baby into his arms, nestling the baby into the folds of his robes. "How does that feel, buddy?" he murmured tenderly as he brushed a kiss over the top of Tenzin's curly head, "You like having a nice, clean bottom again? Well, you definitely smell better now, huh? Aunt Toph did a good job, didn't she?"

Toph finished clearing away the remnants of their lesson, rinsed her hands in a nearby basin of water and then paused to listen as Aang bonded with his four and a half month old son. She had always known that he had a compassionate and loving spirit, but witnessing him with his child was like something else entirely. Toph marveled over how natural and confident he seemed.

"I don't know why you wanted to run away from this, Aang?" she remarked softly. He jerked his head up at her whispered observation. "It's obvious that you love your children and you love being a father."

"I didn't want to run away, Toph. I just wanted…"

"…your wife," she finished for him with a quiet sigh.

"Yes. I wanted Katara. I still want her."

She had been gone for nearly five months now and the ache still hadn't lessened for Aang. He functioned better than he had before and he was able to work and live and do all that was expected of him…but he remained hollow inside. It never eased. It never faded. It was simply something Aang had learned to live with.

But he feared that doing so would always be a struggle. His dreams continued to be plagued by her. They were a blessing and a curse. Some nights, he could almost feel Katara surrounding him…her warmth, her skin. The memory of what it felt like to be buried so deeply in her body, to touch all the most secret places of her, to become one flesh with her was seared into his brain. It went far beyond sexual need. It was a physical ache for Katara alone. He would wake, aroused and damp with perspiration, moaning her name, and with his body aching for her almost as much as his heart did.

Those times were the hardest for Aang, not because he was left frustrated and ungratified, but because he knew his desire could never be truly fulfilled. He could relieve the ache himself, but the craving would never be satisfied…because it was Katara he wanted. And, most unfortunately, Aang doubted that would ever change.

He was mulling over that depressing prospect when Toph placed her hand on his shoulder in a rare gesture of comfort. Aang glanced up at her in surprise. "What?"

"I know this probably won't mean much to you now, Aang, but… I think you're doing a good job, all things considered. You're going to be okay."

"Thanks, Toph."

She smiled briefly before expelling a billowing sigh and falling into a nearby chair. "Now if only I could say the same thing about myself," she muttered in lamentation.

Aang twisted around to face her and settled Tenzin more comfortably into his arms so that he could begin rocking him to sleep. "It might help if you weren't so deep in denial."

"Who says I'm in denial?"

He squelched his incredulous snort at her blatant attempt to brazen her way out of the accusation. "Toph, you're only months away from becoming a mother and yet you haven't changed a single thing in your life," Aang declared bluntly, "You're still working at the same pace you've always worked. You're not eating enough, not sleeping enough and certainly not taking care of yourself the way you should! And, besides me, no one else even knows that you're pregnant! That's the very definition of denial."

"Please, Aang, don't hold back," Toph deadpanned, "Tell me how you really feel."

"I'm only saying something because I care. It's not anything you wouldn't do for me."

Toph gnawed on her lower lip for a moment before deciding to give up the pretense altogether. "You're right. I am in denial. I know that I'm pregnant. I know that this baby is coming but…it doesn't feel real to me. None of this feels real."

"But it is real," Aang whispered softly, "And you have to deal with it, whether you're ready or not. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about."

"I can't, Aang!" she cried in a suffocated little tone, "The one thing I have always prided myself on was having my life together…you know…being in control. And now…I don't have control over a single thing anymore, not even my own body. I can't handle it!"

"Then stop trying to handle it alone. Let your friends help you."

"I am," Toph replied meaningfully, "Why do you think you're here right now?"

"You're going to need more than just me, Toph. I can just barely sort out my own life. You're going to need all the support you can get." He paused a moment, steeling himself for her reaction to what he was about to say next. "You need to tell Sokka."

Toph's response was vehement and volatile. "Absolutely not!"

"Why are you so opposed to it? Pretty soon it's going to become obvious to everyone whether you tell or not. He's going to find out sooner or later."

"I opt for later."

Aang growled in frustration. "He's not as oblivious as you think he is, Toph. He already suspects something is up with you."

Toph reared upright in her chair, her expression positively feral. For a moment, Aang feared that she would leap forward and attack him. "What? Did you go blabbing to him, Aang? Because I swear—,"

"Slow down before you begin threatening me with bodily harm!" he huffed in exasperation, "_I_ didn't say anything. It was _you_! When you hugged him the day we left for the South Pole he felt your stomach, Toph! He came to me and asked me if I knew anything and if I thought you might be pregnant."

"And what did you tell him?"

"Nothing! I told him that if he wanted to know then he should ask you." He waited until the tension had eased from Toph's shoulders and she sat back in her chair before he asked, "Did he?"

"No. He hasn't said anything to me."

"Maybe he's waiting for you to come to him," Aang suggested quietly.

"That's not going to happen."

"Why not?" Aang pressed again, "He's your best friend! Why would you keep something so huge from him?"

"Because I'm ashamed, that's why!" Toph flared suddenly, causing both Aang and the baby to jump. She winced further when Tenzin began to cry. As Aang soothed the fussing infant back into slumber, she said in a much softer tone, "I'm ashamed. That's why I haven't told him."

After he was sure that Tenzin had fallen back asleep, Aang carefully situated the baby onto the blanket and then moved to take the empty chair adjacent to Toph's. "Why are you ashamed?" he asked her softly, "You have to know that Sokka wouldn't judge you."

"No. He wouldn't," she mumbled, "He'd just feel sorry for me. Poor, blind Toph with a baby and no husband."

"That's not how he'll see you."

"Yes, he will," she insisted petulantly, "After all, that's how _you_ see me."

"Me?"

"Admit it, Aang. You pity me. That's the reason you've been to my house practically every day since you found out. You know I'm a mess and that I'm going to be a disaster as a parent."

"Wow…" Aang mused in dazed amusement, "When you're wrong, you're _really_ wrong, Toph."

She folded her arms in stubborn challenge. "So you're going to deny it?"

"Toph, I don't come here because I pity you," he said, "I come here because I'm grateful to you. That night after Katara's memorial you kept me from making a huge mistake. I can't forget that. You helped me and now I want to help you too."

"I don't think you can, Aang," Toph sighed, "You can't transform me into a good mom. You can't straighten out the mess I've made of my life. And you can't help me feel better about the mistakes I've made."

"You're right. I can't do any of that. But I can be here for you. Just like Sokka would be here for you…if you would let him."

"I gotta think about it."

"Is the _real_ reason you don't want to tell Sokka about the baby is because you're in love with him?"

He hadn't meant to ask the question, hadn't planned on doing it at all. But he didn't feel the need to call them back. Although the words left his lips rather thoughtlessly, Aang found that he didn't regret asking the question. It had been niggling at him for weeks now, ever since he saw Toph with Sokka that day they left for the South Pole. He was glad that he had asked, even after Toph all but shot out of her chair in a flare of righteous indignation.

"What?" she bellowed, but then she swiftly lowered her tone to an enraged sputter when Tenzin began to stir. "Are you… Why would you ask me such a thing? That's just…that's insane! No, Aang! Of course not!"

"I saw you with him that day we left for the South Pole," Aang said gently, "I saw how you were with him. I know what it looks like, Toph."

"You don't know what you're talking about," she intoned stiffly, "I hope you haven't been filling Sokka's head with this nonsense or else—,"

"Toph, come on! You're the one who's always pushing me to be real and now it's _your_ turn." She gave a guilty start, her breath catching when he asked, "Are you in love with Sokka?"

When she answered, her voice was so tiny and so timid that he barely heard her. "Yes."

Aang wilted back into his seat with a short sigh. "Oh."

"Why are you acting so surprised?" Toph snapped, "You said you already knew!"

"Knowing in my head and having you confirm it out loud is two different things." He stared at her speechlessly. "How long have you felt like this?"

"How long have I known him?"

Aang released another sigh, this one sharp and disbelieving. "That long?"

Toph shrugged, but Aang wasn't fooled by the indifferent gesture. The haunted expression on her face spoke volumes about her feelings. "It began as a crush," she recounted softly, "He was funny and sarcastic and clever. I admired him. And then it grew into something else and before I knew it, he was everything I didn't know I wanted."

"Oh, Toph…"

"But it didn't matter because he's married and he loves Suki. _I_ love Suki. I've never, ever considered coming between them, Aang! Not once! I don't want you to think that I've had underlying motives this whole time."

"Toph, I would never think that about you," Aang vowed.

"I know it's not a good situation."

"Not for you, it isn't. I can't imagine how hard it's been for you all this time."

"I try not to think about it too much," Toph whispered. "It's not like I cry into my noodles every night or anything. I focus on what I have and I don't dwell so much on what I don't."

"And this guy…your baby's father," Aang clarified, "He was a substitute for Sokka, wasn't he?"

"Not at first…at least not consciously," she rushed to explain, "I _did_ like him very much in the beginning. I thought that we could really have something special."

"But…"

"But I realized after a while that I didn't love him, not the way I should have…not the way I loved Sokka and I probably never would. So, I broke up with him." She dropped her face into her hands with a shuddering groan. "Maybe I'm being foolish. No man is ever going to measure up to Sokka in my eyes, so I should stop holding him to an impossible standard. He loves me. He wants to marry me and raise this child with me. Maybe I should say yes."

Aang shook his head at the consideration. "I don't think marrying someone you don't love is a good idea, Toph."

"Lots of people don't marry for love, Aang," she reasoned, "It's not a big deal. Besides, I wouldn't be doing it to be selfish, but to give my child a family! You're the one who said that he deserved to know his baby!"

"But that doesn't mean you have to marry him!" Aang argued, "You'll be miserable and, in the long run, you wouldn't be doing him any favors. You'd only be trapping yourself, Toph!"

"Then what else am I supposed to do?" she cried.

"I don't know. I don't have the answers," Aang sighed, "What I do know is that you shouldn't be making any major life decisions just now. Take some time to figure out what _you_ want first."

"I know what I want," she whispered, "I just can't have it."

"Yeah, I know what that feels like," Aang mumbled.

Toph grunted a humorless laugh. "We're quite the pair, aren't we, Twinkle Toes? Here we are…both wishing for the impossible and yet completely unable to let it go. We're a real mess."

"Yes, we are."

"Love really sucks."

Aang nodded in miserable agreement. "Yes, it does."

She blinked back the tears burning in her eyes. "Sometimes I wish that I nev—," -Toph never finished the thought. One moment, she was ranting and choking back her tears and the next moment, she had completely forgotten what she was going to say. She stiffened and gasped in surprise, her hand flying to her lower abdomen. Alarmed, Aang shot to his feet and bounded over to her side. He pressed his hand into the small of her back in order to steady her.

"Toph, what is it? Are you in pain?"

Her mouth formed a small "o" of surprise as she verbally flailed around to answer him. Finally, she croaked, "It moved. Aang…I…I just felt it move. That's never happened before."

"You mean the baby?"

"It _moved_!" she dubiously cried out again. Virtually panting with the sudden burst of adrenaline that coursed through her, Toph reflexively grabbed Aang's hand and pressed it to her lower stomach. "Right here. That's where I felt it." She froze and waited, breath suspended in anticipation of another bouncing kick. And then it happened…a tiny little thump within her, brief, but strong. Toph half laughed, half sobbed. "There! Did you feel it? Did you?"

"Yeah, I did…" Aang breathed in an awed tone, "I felt it, Toph."

"That's amazing," she whispered, "That's the most amazing thing I've ever felt."

Aang gradually pulled his fingers from beneath hers and jerked a nod of wordless agreement, suddenly overwhelmed with a plethora of mixed emotions. He was happy for Toph, ecstatic that she had experienced such a profound moment in her pregnancy. He was also humbled by the knowledge that she had chosen to share it with him. Conversely, there was a part of Aang that was also deeply saddened because he couldn't help but recall sharing similar moments with Katara…recent ones too.

"That's good, Toph," he said woodenly, "That's a really good. Your baby is strong."

"Yes, it is," she murmured softly, "Now it feels real." She kept her hands pressed to her belly, marveling anew when she felt yet another thump. Toph raised her head, her lips curved in a wistful smile. "Aang?"

He turned to regard her with a shuttered expression. "What is it, Toph?"

"I want you to be there…when I have it, I mean. Will you? Will you be there with me?"

At first, Aang was too overwhelmed to speak and then, once he had regained his power of speech, he didn't quite know what to say to her. "Toph, I don't know…" he hedged, "That's a pretty intense time. It's a very intimate experience. Are you sure you want to share it with me?"

"There's no one else that I would want to share it with, Aang," Toph answered sincerely, "So will you be there?"

"Yeah…" he agreed shakily after several beats of silence, "Sure. I'll be there."

"Good," Toph breathed with a widening smile, "I'm glad. Now I can finally relax about it."

Unfortunately, Toph had no way of knowing that what filled her with relief left Aang riddled with anxious uncertainty.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

"So I guess you already know that Toph is having a kid?"

If Sokka's unceremonious entrance into his tranquil sanctuary hadn't destroyed Aang's concentration then the raucous banging of the dojo's sliding door as he closed it most certainly would have. Aang broke his meditative pose with a sharp grunt and threw his brother-in-law a frustrated glare. The Water-Tribe warrior merely ducked his head sheepishly.

"Oh…you were meditating, huh?"

Aang's expression became positively deadpan. "What gave it away?" He wasn't really irritated with Sokka. Therefore, rather than admonishing him further for his intrusion, Aang merely sighed wearily. "What do you need, Sokka?"

Sokka gestured towards the door. "I can come back if you're busy."

"No, it's fine," Aang insisted, already unfolding his legs. "You weren't interrupting anything. What's on your mind?"

He wasn't simply being gracious. When he told Sokka that he wasn't interrupting, he really meant it. Although Aang had been mildly exasperated by Sokka's disruption, the truth was that he hadn't gotten very far in his meditative exercises anyway. Despite his every attempt to free his mind and body and enter that floating plane of tranquility and peace, Aang remained tethered to the physical world, unable to break free of the crushing pain that was with him constantly. He had been unable to meditate properly since Katara's death, a fact that was becoming increasingly frustrating for him because he _needed_ to cross over to the spirit world more than ever.

Aang wasn't sure how much time he had. The spirit world, while a mystical, otherworldly dwelling for most spirit creatures, was only a temporary holding ground for those individuals who had departed earthly life. From there, those disembodied spirits would once again enter the reincarnation cycle and be born again on earth. However, whether they were re-birthed into new life as a human or an animal was simply a matter left to chance. Aang didn't know when Katara would reenter the cycle or what she would become once she had. What he did know is that he _had_ to find a way to see her again before that happened…before she forgot who she was and who they were together.

Unfortunately for him, entering into the spirit world via a meditative trance was going to be easier said than done. He had only just begun and already his efforts were fraught with challenges. Aang knew he was going to have to find another way. He also knew that finding that alternate route wasn't going to happen within the next few minutes. It was evident that Sokka needed to talk. Aang then made a concerted effort to give the Water Tribe warrior his full attention.

"Are you sure you're not busy right now?" Sokka pressed when Aang continued to look troubled, "I don't want to delay any pertinent Avatar business or anything."

"You're not. Sit down and we can talk for a bit."

Sokka took the unopened cushion directly across from Aang and dove right into the reason for his visit. "I just came from seeing Toph," he said, "She told me about the baby. Needless to say, I was shocked."

"Good. Not that you were shocked, but that she told you. I was beginning to think she was never going to do it."

"So I was right," Sokka murmured, "You _did_ know about it."

Aang's brows snapped together in a defensive frown. "I couldn't tell you, Sokka. It wasn't my place to do that."

Although Sokka muttered under his breath with the reply, he didn't attempt to deny Aang's reasoning. Instead, he said, "I understand that, but… I don't like that you guys were keeping secrets from me. Since when do we do that?"

Aang scowled at his phrasing. "We weren't keeping secrets. Toph needed to talk and I just happened to be there. That's it."

"But that's not it. She says that you've been helping her to get prepared for the baby this whole time."

Because Aang was unsure whether it was censure he detected in Sokka's tone or worry, he demanded somewhat stiffly, "Is that wrong?"

"No, I'm not saying that," Sokka rushed out, "I'm only wondering if…if you're okay with everything. I mean…Toph _is_ pregnant. That has to be stirring up a lot of memories for you, Aang."

Aang quickly averted his eyes, surprised by the sudden sting of tears that came with Sokka's perceptive observation. He had become more adept at controlling his emotions over his last moments with Katara, but there were still times when the memories felt like a boulder in the gut…very acute and very fresh. "Yes, it's difficult for me," he admitted gruffly, "Really difficult. But don't mention that to Toph. She needs someone."

"Of course she does," Sokka agreed softly, "but that someone doesn't have to be you. You don't have to torture yourself, Aang. Now that I know, Suki and I can help Toph out with whatever she needs."

"No!" Aang flashed out quickly, startling both himself and Sokka with his intensity.

Sokka stared at him as if he'd just sprouted horns. Aang groaned inwardly. He had no idea how to explain to Sokka why _he_ needed to be the one to help Toph without completely giving away her secret. He especially didn't know how he was going to explain his insistence on being the one to support Toph when Sokka very well knew it was killing him in inches. What Aang did know was that Toph probably wouldn't do well with Sokka and Suki being her support system considering her unrequited feelings for Sokka. For her sake, Aang knew he had to convince Sokka that he had matters under control.

"Listen…" he sighed finally, "Toph kept me from doing something really foolish after Katara died. I'm grateful to her. Helping her through this pregnancy is the _least_ I can do, Sokka. I can handle it."

"But you don't have to do it on your own," Sokka argued, "Aang, you're still in a deep hole because of losing Katara and I don't want to see you sink deeper. Don't be a masochist."

"I'm not being a masochist. I'm fine, okay!" Aang bit out, abruptly rolling to his feet, "You can stop trying to save me from myself, Sokka! I don't need it! You're not…"

"…Katara?" Sokka finished for him quietly.

Aang's shoulders stooped forward. "I was going to say my father," he mumbled.

"But that was her job, wasn't it?" Sokka murmured hoarsely, "That's what she did for you, Aang…ever since we were kids. She saved you from yourself. She did it for all of us. All the time. And now she's not here and I see you going down this dark road and I… I can't just stand by and watch you destroy yourself. I'm trying to do what Katara would do if she were here!"

Aang deflated of some of his anger then. "I know you mean well, Sokka. I don't mean to give you a hard time."

"I know you don't," Sokka replied as he shifted to his feet, "and I don't mean to mother you. Frankly, it's an unpleasant experience for us both. So, I'll make you a deal. I will stop trying to fill my sister's shoes if you promise that you'll make more of an effort to be the Aang you used to be. Be happy again."

"Be happy?" Aang balked with an embittered laugh, "You expect me to _be happy_? How do you expect me to do that when my entire reason for happiness is gone?"

"Yes, Katara _made_ you happy, Aang, but you also had a love for life that went far beyond your love for her. You've always had such an incredible enthusiasm for everything, this completely resilient spirit. You were the ultimate optimist. What happened to that guy?"

"His wife died in his arms after giving birth to their child!" Aang snapped. "How do you expect me to react? What do you want from me, huh?"

"I'm not saying that you should forget," Sokka uttered quietly, "_I_ can't forget. But you have to find a way to move on from this, Aang. You can't keep reliving that moment over and over again."

"Do you think I want to?" Aang whispered brokenly, "But I close my eyes and it's all I can see. Did you know that she reached for me just before…?" He trailed off on a husky whimper of pain. "She wanted to say something, but she was so weak that I could barely hear her. But I know she told me she loved me." He mutinously swept away the tears falling on his cheeks. "I didn't get a chance to say it back."

"She knew."

"I wish we'd had more time to say everything we wanted to say. That's the way it should have been."

"You need to get away from this place," Sokka observed. "You've only left Republic City twice in five months and both times were for a funeral. You need a change of scenery."

"Sokka, I doubt a change of scenery would help me."

"You never know. In a few days, Suki and I are going to Chin for our annual trip," Sokka said, "You remember how the four of us would all go every year to celebrate that silly Avatar Day? We'd make fun of the floats, eat until we made ourselves sick and have the silliest time imaginable."

"Yes, I remember," Aang replied somewhat nostalgically, "Why?"

"Because I want you to go with us. We'll celebrate together…just like we always have."

For a brief, breathtaking moment, Aang looked as if he might consider the offer, like he truly wanted to go. But then the light flickered out of his eyes and his expression became solemn and defeated once more. "It won't be the same without Katara with us."

"No, it won't," Sokka agreed, "But maybe we can ask Toph to go with us this year. We can start a new tradition."

Aang recoiled at the idea because the last thing he wanted was to change traditions that had created some of his fondest memories with Katara. "No. I can't go. Besides, I have duties that I must see to here. I don't have time to go on some silly trip with you to celebrate some idiotic holiday."

His word choice as well as his refusal left Sokka frowning. "You used to love going on that 'silly trip' and celebrating that 'idiotic holiday,' Aang!" he reminded Aang sharply, "In fact, you were the one who pushed us to go!"

"Well, things change!" Aang retorted, "_I've_ changed. I'm not interested in those kinds of things anymore. But if you want to go, please don't let me stop you."

Sokka threw up his hands. "Would you stop being this way!"

"What way?"

"So freaking miserable all the time, that's what!" Sokka shouted, "Katara died! You didn't!"

"But that's what it _feels_ like, Sokka!" he shouted back hoarsely, "That's _exactly_ how it feels!"

The silence that followed his outburst was deafening. Sokka simply didn't know what to say and Aang didn't have any more words. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to staunch his flow of tears.

"Okay…" Sokka finally croaked after a long, tense quiet, "Okay…I won't push you about this."

Aang shuddered, still struggling to recompose himself. "Thank you."

"Can I, at least, take the kids with us? They need to get away from this place too."

"Yeah. Go ahead," Aang replied with a wooden nod, "I think that would be fun for them…and they need that."

They weren't gone half an hour before Aang regretted his decision not to accompany them.

It wasn't that he had any real, burning desire to visit Chin or that Avatar Day was something he _had_ to do. Aang simply yearned for his family. He had grown accustomed to the noise and confusion that surrounded them, had come to welcome it. The house seemed abandoned without Bumi running ceaselessly up and down the hallway and Kya threatening him with all sorts of water torture if he didn't stop. He missed the constant baby sounds that Tenzin made and the way the three of them vied for his attention. He missed them, period.

But now that they weren't there, Aang was tortured by the emptiness they'd left in their wake. They would be gone for five days. He wasn't sure how he'd stand it.

His thoughts turned to Katara. He supposed he could focus completely on finding her now. Maybe quiet and solitude was exactly what he needed. Maybe now he would be able to free himself enough to detach from the physical world.

With that positive determination fixed in his mind, Aang bounded for the front door and yanked it open with the intention of heading out to his meditation dojo. He never got any further than the threshold before he stopped in his tracks. Toph stood out in the small courtyard beyond, one hand raised to knock and the other holding some sort of covered dish. She jumped at Aang's sudden appearance while he gaped at her.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded crossly.

"I brought you dinner," Toph replied, shoving the dish into his unsuspecting hands and pushing past him into the house, "You can thank me properly by making dessert."

Aang pivoted to face her, still a bit dazed by her arrival. "But…but _why_ are you here?" he sputtered, "I thought you went with Sokka and Suki to Chin for Avatar Day."

"Really, Aang? Did you really think I was going to go with them all alone and listen to them be all cutesy for days on end? No, thanks! Did I somehow give you the impression that I'm into self-hatred or something?"

The blazing sarcasm in her tone was impossible to miss. "No. I guess not. But that still doesn't explain what you're doing _here_."

"What? A girl can't pay a good friend a visit in the middle of the afternoon?" she demanded huffily, "Besides, it was _your_ idea that I take a leave of absence from work, remember? It's your fault I have all this extra time on my hands so now you gotta deal with me."

"Fantastic," Aang grumbled.

Not the least bit cowed by his lackluster response, Toph rubbed her hands together in lip-smacking anticipation. "So when are you going to get started on that dessert? Now would be excellent. My favorite flavor is lemon, by the way." When he didn't scurry off to the kitchen immediately, she added, "Well, hop to it, Twinkle Toes. I'm a starving pregnant woman here. I know I technically brought dinner, but I can tell you right now that it's not very good."

At her warning, Aang peeked beneath the lid to survey the burnt, crusted concoction she had made. He gave the dish a cautious sniff. It smelled just as unappetizing as it looked. Aang recoiled with a revolted grimace. "Do I want to know what this is?"

"Probably not. I'm still experimenting in the kitchen."

"Good grief."

"We could eat it, but I'm pretty sure we'd regret it later."

He shuddered and set aside the dish. "Toph, I…uh…I really appreciate your bringing me…whatever this is, but… I was kind of in the middle of something before you arrived."

"The 'middle of something' like what exactly?" Toph challenged, "Crying into your pillow? Sorry, Aang. Lying curled up in the center of your bed in a weeping ball of misery doesn't count as being 'in the middle of something.'"

"Gee. Thanks for that, Toph. Let it never be said that you're not a gentle and comforting soul."

"I'm not going to let you wallow in your depression."

"Maybe I like wallowing," he emphasized, "and maybe I want to be alone right now."

Toph crossed her arms. "And maybe I don't care. You might as well accept it." Aang growled at her but she merely gestured him towards the kitchen. "Well, go get to work. That fruit pie isn't going to make itself."

He shot her a departing glower as he obediently headed for the kitchen. "Sometimes I really hate you, Toph."

She grinned at him. "Oh, Aang…you do say the sweetest things."

An hour later, when the pie was very nearly demolished, Aang's disposition was greatly improved. Initially, his plan had been to make the pie without argument in the hopes of expediting Toph's departure. The sooner he gave her what she wanted, the sooner he could get her out of there so he could start meditating. He was still hopelessly distracted by the prospect of reconnecting with Katara and borderline obsessed with the idea, but Aang was also inevitably drawn in by Toph's growing fascination with her progressing pregnancy.

He listened intently as she shared every ache, every pain and every new change. After all, this was his good friend making all kinds of new and profound discoveries about herself and about life in general. She was on the precipice of becoming a parent. Toph's entire world was about to undergo a dramatic shift. Aang couldn't help but feel a little invested in that.

"I really hope this kid is a boy," Toph confessed as she leaned back into the sofa cushions and drew her hands down the ever burgeoning slope of her abdomen. "I wouldn't know the first thing to do with a girl." She grimaced at the prospect. "They're too dainty and emotional for my taste."

"Not all girls are 'dainty' and 'emotional,'" Aang pointed out with a meaningful nod in her direction.

"That is true. I suppose 'dainty' and 'emotional' could describe some boys as well," she retorted with a meaningful nod of her own.

Aang rolled his eyes at the playful dig. "Oh ha-ha, so funny," he retorted dryly, "I am not, nor have I ever been, dainty, Toph."

"But you're not denying that you _are _emotional?" Toph teased him.

Aang shrugged, not at all diffident in his response. "Yeah, I am emotional and, honestly, I don't see any real problem with that. Tease me all you want but, suppressing your feelings isn't healthy. It only leads to more heartache in the end anyway."

"So then why are you doing it?" Toph wondered aloud softly.

"Why am I doing what?"

"Suppressing your feelings," she clarified, "About Katara…about what happened to her."

Aang flinched defensively. "I'm…I'm not. I've never made any secret about how much I miss her or how much I still hurt. I'm not suppressing anything."

"I guess that's true…" Toph acknowledged, "You are very open about how much you miss her, Aang, but… You never talk about that day. You never talk about what happened or how it made you feel. I just wonder what's going on in your head right now."

"Talking about it won't change anything," he argued, "Besides, you know what happened, Toph. I was outside with Appa when she came to me and said it was time. She thought the baby might come fast and so she wanted me to send an air acolyte for the midwife right away…and so I did. After that, she wanted a bath and so I helped her."

"A bath?" Toph guffawed, "While she was in labor? Only Katara."

"I don't know the reasoning behind it. But it was important to her. I didn't want to argue," Aang recounted with a vague smile, clearly lost in his memories of that day, "We played around in the water for a little while and she was in such a good mood, even in spite of the pain. We sent Kya and Bumi to the temple to play because we didn't want them to stay here and freak out. After that, we got our room prepared for the midwife and waited for her to arrive. You know the rest."

Toph nodded somberly. She had received news of Katara's death less than an hour after it happened and, by the time she had arrived on Air Temple Island, Aang was inconsolable. No one could talk him down, not the acolytes, not Sokka and certainly not her. It was the first time since they had been young that Aang had entered the avatar state uncontrollably. He had unleashed a lot of destruction that day.

"The acolytes thought you went crazy," she whispered in remembrance, "_I_ thought you were crazy. When I got here to the island you were…"

She swallowed thickly when she recalled how, after everything was calm and quiet and desolated, he had barricaded himself alone in the bedroom with Katara, both of them still soaking wet from his unsuccessful attempts to revive her. Sokka had taken the children off the island to shield them from their father's emotional break while she had pounded on the door and done everything in her power to reason with Aang. Toph shivered at the memory.

"…You weren't yourself that day, Aang."

"I don't remember much about it," he murmured, "Most of it is a blur."

"Maybe that's a good thing." Aang grunted noncommittally. "It's not your fault, you know…what happened to Katara. Blaming yourself is counterproductive."

"I just keep thinking that maybe there was something I could have done to change it."

"Or maybe there was nothing you could have changed at all," Toph countered softly. She shifted awkwardly to her feet, balancing herself carefully to accommodate her growing girth. "I know you've got to deal with this on your own terms and in your own way, Aang," she murmured, "I'm not going to tell you how to grieve. All I ask is that, whatever it is you're doing in order to cope with Katara's loss…try not to lose _yourself_ in the process."


	9. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

"What's the emergency?" Aang demanded as soon as Toph opened the door, "I left my meeting as soon as I got your message! Are you okay? Is it the baby? Are you having contractions?"

Toph blew a lock of hair from her eyes and pointed to her bare, puffy feet with a sullen pout. "It's my feet! They're so swollen that I can barely see," she complained, "I have to run to the bathroom every five minutes. My back is constantly aching and I can't be sure, but I think there's something suspicious hanging out of my butt!" She grasped the lapels of his robe and gave him a light shake. "I can't take this anymore! I want my body back now!"

Aang had to squelch the reflexive urge to throttle her. "So let me get this straight…are you telling me that I practically ran from the council building to your house in under a minute just so you could whine to me?" he demanded in exasperation.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

He lifted his finger to reprimand her, but then thought better of it and snapped his mouth shut because he knew it would be a waste of breath. He knew Toph well enough to realize she wouldn't give a gopher's backside. His rant would go in one ear and then promptly out the other. He slumped forward in defeat. "You know, you really make me crazy, Toph."

"Well, come on in and make me some lunch and you can tell me all about it," she soothed, ushering him inside.

Before she could pull him completely into the foyer, however, Aang pulled from her grasp. "No. I can't stay," he told her, "I dropped everything to come here because I thought it was urgent."

"It _is_ urgent," she insisted petulantly, "I'm bored. And I'm lonely. I want you to stay and entertain me."

"Entertain you?"

"Yes. Amuse me, Twinkle Toes."

"Toph, I'm not a trained circus monkey."

"But you're the next best thing," she pouted. He was still grumbling over that when she tugged on his sleeve. "Please stay, Aang. Just for a little while. I'm going crazy in this house all by myself. Won't you stay and keep me company?"

He wasn't immune to her forlorn tone. After all, it was difficult to dismiss her feelings of isolation when he had been contending with similar feelings for months himself. He knew she wasn't being dramatic. Her house was big and vast and fairly empty. Except for the cleaning woman he had convinced her to hire on a month to month basis, there was no one who frequented the house besides Toph. It was little wonder she was lonely.

Aang wasn't at all fooled by Toph's loner tendencies. Underneath the gruff exterior and the penchant towards alienating others, Toph needed companionship just as much as everyone else. He also knew, given the uncertain mess that doubled as her life these days, that Toph probably needed to get out of her own head from time to time. Sometimes it helped just to have another voice to break the silence and monotony every so often. Aang was happy to be that voice and even more so now that the time for Toph to have her baby had drawn so close.

For that reason, Aang didn't like leaving her alone for extended periods of time anyway and since she absolutely refused to hire anyone on a regular basis to help her, Aang had taken the responsibility upon himself. But caring for Toph wasn't at all a burden. Given her stubborn will, Aang felt humbled and privileged that she trusted him to help her at all. As the bond between them continued to solidify, Aang had become extremely protective of her in the past few months. Even if she hadn't sent for him, he would have likely dropped by her place the instant he found a free minute anyway.

As if she were aware of that fact too, a slow, satisfied grin began to spread across Toph's face. Aang fixed her with a narrowed glare. "Do you have to be so blatantly smug?" he grumped.

"Why yes," she answered with an irreverent smirk, "I do."

"You're very lucky I'm a patient man," he muttered.

"Indeed I am," Toph agreed, as she guided him fully into the house and pushed him towards the kitchen. "I'd like to have the dumplings in the vegetable broth like last time," she requested sweetly, "I loved those fluffy pillows of goodness. They were divine."

"Wait a minute," he protested, resisting her efforts to push him forward, "Did you have any fruit today?"

"Fruit?" she balked, "I want dumplings!"

"Toph—,"

"Oh, good grief! Yes, I had fruit! I had an apple with breakfast and a banana for a snack about an hour ago." She inclined herself forward in a mock bow. "Does that satisfy you, Lord Avatar?"

"Keep doing that and you're going to topple over," he teased her, "And, when you do, I'm not going to help you get up."

Toph punched him in the shoulder and then pointed towards the kitchen. "Stop flapping your gums and go make me food already!"

"I can only stay a little while though," he warned her as he turned to do her bidding, "So don't bother giving me a hard time when it's time for me to leave."

She fluttered her fingers in a flippant wave. "Less talking. More food preparation."

Aang didn't even realize that he was smiling until he entered the kitchen. It wasn't a full-fledged grin or anything but it was the first unconscious smile he'd had in a long time. However, the instant he became aware of it, his expression crumbled into a stark mask of shock and trembling guilt. While only few seconds before he had been on the verge of chuckling a bit, now he felt ridiculously close to tears.

There was nothing wrong with smiling. Aang knew that . However, it seemed wrong that he should find reason to smile about _anything_, not when Katara was gone from his life forever. But, over the course of the past few months, he had smiled, more and more often as more time passed. He would smile while watching his children play or on occasion when Sokka made some nostalgic remark about Katara or even during Tenzin's valiant attempts to mobilize himself by dragging his small body across the floor with one arm because crawling continued to elude him.

Those were all acceptable reasons to smile. However, finding amusement, and even a bit of joy, in a friend's silly antics seemed inherently wrong. Maybe that was because whenever Aang had smiled before, the moments had always been tempered by grief and sadness. It was never far from his mind that Katara was dead. But he hadn't felt like that a few minutes earlier. He hadn't been wistful or gloomy at all. It had been a glimmer of his former self peeking through, that easy-going, happy individual that he had long since forgotten…and the realization terrified him.

It wasn't that Aang embraced being miserable or even that he _wanted_ to be. He wasn't a masochist. But he did feel that part of him should be changed forever, _gone_ forever since losing Katara had been a "life-changing forever" event. As long as his pain over it was raw and visceral then, in some sense, Katara would remain alive in his heart.

He didn't want her memory to fade as Gyatso's and his people's memory had faded. He didn't want her death to become something he accepted or something he could "live with" at all. He didn't want the memory of her voice, her laugh to become faded for him, not when she was everything he had lived for since he was twelve years old, not when he was still so in love with her that he couldn't breathe. For that reason, Aang _didn't_ want it to stop hurting. He didn't want his smiles to become easy or for laughter to creep back into his heart because he never wanted it to become easy to live without Katara. It should _never_ be easy.

When Aang emerged from the kitchen twenty minutes later bearing a tray of steaming hot dumplings and freshly brewed tea for Toph, his mood was considerably more subdued. He found her in the sitting room punching the chair cushions in an unsuccessful attempt to get comfortable and ease the ache in the small of her back. When she caught sight of him, however, she settled back into her chair.

"Ah," she sighed, "Food at last."

Aang set the food tray down on the small table next to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Eh…I have a backache that won't go away and I'm starving!"

"Well, eat up," he encouraged her, "I brought you some tea as well so that should hold you until your next snack, I guess." He straightened, making it abundantly clear that he intended to leave. "Do you need anything else before I go?"

"You're not going to hang out here for a little while?" she asked with unconcealed disappointment. "I don't mind sharing the soup. After all, you made it."

He shook his head. "I told you before that I couldn't stay long."

However, his determination to stick to his word wasn't the point at all. There was no disputing that he'd made it clear that he would be unable to linger, but Toph could still easily discern the subtle shift in his tone. He sounded flat and monotone and that was a severe change to the animation she had heard from him earlier. Even when he had been aggravated she had sensed that beneath it all, Aang had been almost…happy. He was as close to his old self as she had seen him in a very long time. But now, just as he had been for months past, he was once again joyless and morose. Toph didn't know what had changed so profoundly from the moment he left her to enter the kitchen and right then, but she did know that something definitely had changed.

"What's eating you?" she asked him.

"Nothing."

His heart rate accelerated ever so slightly. Toph grunted. "You're lying," she declared perceptively, "What's going on with you, Aang?"

"Are you _reading_ me right now?" he burst out in dubious indignation, "Stop it!"

"Don't try and turn this around on me!" she retorted hotly, "You're the one who's lying! Tell me what happened! Why are you acting so differently?"

"I'm not!"

"Are you mad at me because I called you over here for no reason?"

"No. I'm not mad at you, Toph."

"Then what gives? Why are you suddenly acting all cold and distant with me?"

"Maybe it has something to do with you treating me like a common criminal and accusing me of lying," he bit out testily, "Did you ever think of that?"

"Aang, I'm not an idiot. You're being weird. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong, okay!" he denied shortly, "I'm busy. That's all. I have important things to do. I can't keep dropping everything to be at your beck and call all the time, Toph!"

Having reached the limits of her patience with him, Toph snapped erect. "Well, excuse me for interrupting your busy life," she drawled out derisively, "Go then! Get out of here! I wouldn't want to keep you from more _important_ things!"

Aang realized he had hurt her feelings with his mercurial mood shift, but he couldn't quite push an apology past his lips. Instead, he sighed and said gruffly, "I'll be by later to check on you."

"Don't bother!"

Her infuriated retort echoed in his ears as he slammed through the front door. Aang returned to the council building, but throughout the remainder of the afternoon and on into the early evening, Toph stayed on his mind. He had been wrong and he knew it. He had taken out his confusion and frustration on Toph when all she had wanted to do was help him. He was screwed up and battling a host of demons, but none of that was Toph's fault and he knew he needed to apologize to her.

Determined to make amends, Aang sent a message to Bao as he prepared to leave the council for the evening. In his quickly scribbled note, he indicated that he would be late that evening and requested that she stay with the children a while later until he returned. The sky was already beginning to darken with purple and interspersed with only a few wide streaks of orange now. Aang didn't anticipate being more than an hour or so with Toph, but knowing her, it could possibly take longer to win her forgiveness. He suspected that there might be a lot of groveling involved. It was possible he wouldn't be home until late evening. His suspicions were confirmed when he arrived at Toph's house, knocked on her door and received no answer. Aang groaned.

"Toph, come on!" he entreated after another round of pounding, "I know you're in there! Don't be like this. I came to apologize, okay? You were right and I was wrong!" Still, no answer. Aang thunked his forehead against the thick, wooden façade of the door. "You're not going to make this easy on me, are you?" he muttered to himself.

He lifted his fist to knock again. "Toph, please…" Once again, he received little more than resounding silence. Aang bowed his shoulders in defeat. Perhaps, she needed another day to cool down, he considered. He would come back again in the morning just before work…then they would talk it out. Dejected and filled with remorse, he started to turn away from the front door and head back into the courtyard to mount Appa when he heard it…the faint call of his name. But it was the tone that chilled him because it was one of obvious distress.

"Toph!"

His heart knocking into his ribs, Aang burst through the door and swiftly followed the direction of Toph's pitiable cries. He found her a few seconds later in her bedroom on the floor. Apparently, she had made a failed attempt to reach the bed and she had been there for some time, writhing in agony. Aang skidded to her side in an instant and scooped her clammy, trembling body into his arms. She barely had the strength to hold on to him as he bore her to the bed and placed her down gently.

Toph instinctively scooted into an upright birthing position, her tangled, sweaty hair falling over her eyes as she bore down in preparation for another hard pain. "Thank goodness you came back here tonight," she groaned through clenched teeth, "I…I thought I was going to have to do this alone!"

Aang hovered at her side helplessly, stroking her back as she rode out the arc. "When did your pain start?" he pressed anxiously.

"Shortly after you left this afternoon," she explained brokenly as her contraction crested, "It wasn't bad…at first. I came in here to…to take a nap. I woke because I had to go to the bathroom and then…I felt something pop inside of me. After that…I couldn't get up…it hurt too much to move…"

"You should have sent for me sooner."

"I was mad at you, okay!" she snapped, "I know now it was a bad idea!"

"It doesn't matter. Your midwife needs to be here. I'll send word."

She grasped hold of his forearm in a vise grip before he could dart from the bed. "I don't think there's time for that now, Aang," she panted, "I think the baby is coming."

"Toph, this is your first child," Aang reasoned in a calm tone, "It won't be that fast. I know it's painful but you've got some time yet."

"No…" she ground out as another contraction began to build, "…you're not hearing me! I…feel…it! It's coming _NOW_!"

It was an absolutely surreal moment for Aang. He didn't want to look. After all, this was _Toph_ and the idea of seeing her so intimately exposed didn't entirely sit well with him at all. He wasn't squeamish about female anatomy. He had a daughter for goodness' sake! But still…this was _Toph_! It just seemed so wrong. But then again, this was an emergent situation and if he didn't look, who would?

Fortifying himself mentally for the task ahead, Aang drew in a shaky breath and delicately lifted the hem of Toph's sodden nightgown. What he saw between her parted thighs caused him to recoil in horror. Toph was indeed correct. Her baby _was_ coming. The head was already beginning to crown.

Aang experienced an instant of sheer, unadulterated terror. Not only was he bombarded with the fearsome prospect of delivering his best friend's child, but also every terrifying recollection he had from Tenzin's birth came slamming into his mind right then. The midwife who had birthed his son had been practicing for several decades and she had still lost Katara. He, on the other hand, had only delivered _one_ child and that had been under his wife's experienced direction! He couldn't possibly do it again. The idea of holding, not only the baby's life in his hands, but Toph's as well was overwhelming for him. But what choice did he have? If he didn't do something to help then, Toph and the baby would most certainly die.

Pure instinct and adrenaline took over then. Calling to mind everything Katara had ever told him about childbirth, Aang rolled from the bed with a mental inventory of the items he would need. When he surged to his feet to gather those supplies, Toph, ignorant of his plans, completely panicked.

"Wait! Where are you going?" she cried, "Aang, you can't leave! I can't do this by myself!"

"I'm not leaving," he reassured her, "I need to get some supplies. In the meantime, don't push. I know you want to. I know the urge is strong, but _don't_ do it, Toph."

She made another reflexive grab for his hand. "Aang, I'm scared."

"I know," he acknowledged softly, "but I won't let anything happen to you, Toph."

"Or the baby?" she pressed fearfully.

"Or the baby."

He was back within minutes. Toph was still on the bed, contorting in agony as she struggled to follow his instruction _not_ to push. "Please…please…" she mewled feebly, "…I can't…"

Aang jerked an apprehensive nod. "Okay." After taking a quick few seconds to roll up his sleeves and rinse his hands in the basin of water he had brought with him, Aang rolled up his sleeves and instructed Toph to slide to the very edge of the bed. Once she was in position, he propped several pillows behind her and then gave her careful instructions. "Now when you feel your next contraction, that's when I want you to push. Push as hard as you can, Toph!"

She did as he told her, biting down against the pain and using every bit of energy she possessed to expel the child from her body. It took several more times before the baby came down enough to free the head, but once that was done, Aang remembered Katara's direction for delivering the shoulders and the rest was easy. He could practically hear her voice in his head, cheering him along as the remainder of the baby slid out into his hands.

Toph fell back into the mountain of pillows with a heavy grunt while the strident cries of her newborn daughter split the air. "Congratulations, Toph!" he half laughed, half sobbed as he cleaned away mucus and blood from the baby, "You have a little girl!"

She lifted her head long enough to bleat a dubious, "I have a _what_," before flopping back into the pillows.

Aang was still laughing over that when he placed the infant on her chest and turned his attention towards tying off the cord so that he could cut it. As he worked, Toph skimmed nimble fingers tiredly over the wizened features of her daughter. She smiled faintly when she felt the baby's fine hair. "So how does she look because she _feels_ really wrinkled?"

In between delivering the afterbirth, Aang flashed Toph a brilliant smile. "She's beautiful. Like her mother."

"Thank you, Aang," Toph whispered in a rare show of trembling emotion, "Thank you for being here. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come back."

"I never should have left you here alone."

"That's not your fault," she sighed, "I told you to go. I've been stubborn and I know it. I can't do this by myself and I realize now that it's okay to admit that."

Aang would have commended her for her realization then, but he was too distracted by the blood that continued to flow from her. He massaged her flaccid belly in soothing circles, his breath suspended in his chest as he waited for her vessels to constrict. "Please, please," he whispered in his heart, "Please don't let this happen again."

Unaware of his mounting anxiety right then, Toph yawned sleepily, "I have no idea what I'm going to name her. She was supposed to be a boy."

"I'm sure you'll think of something," Aang murmured absently, finally relaxing when he noted the marked slowdown in her bleeding. He slumped forward with a shuddering breath of relief, tears springing to his eyes.

"Aang? How are you holding up?" Toph asked when she began to sense the subtle trembling in his body, "I didn't just scar you for life, did I? Are you okay?"

"I think I'm getting there, Toph…" he wept hoarsely as his emotions began to overwhelm him, "I'm definitely getting there…"

* * *

**A/N:** Warning! What follows is one extremely long author's note. Sorry.

I wanted to include this in response to one of my reviews. First of all, let me say that I don't want to break any Taang hearts. Not my intention. It's also not my intention to make Aang and Toph seem like they are settling for each other because they can't have the people they really want, which is partially why it takes them sooooo long to get together. The elephant in the room is Katara. _She_ is going to be an issue. _Her death_ is going to be an issue. It has to be addressed first. I say this, not only as a Kataanger, but as a storyteller as well. I'm not a proponent for easily shrugging Kataang aside just so Taang can happen. It's a powerhouse, people. I have to deal with it, wrestle it to the ground and subdue it before I can do anything else.

I'm also not going to ignore the fact that Toph very likely would NOT be attracted to Aang in the first place. He's not her type and has never been. I need to set up exactly _why_ she would be attracted to him…why would she want a guy she once derisively referred to as "the fancy dancer" (lol, oh Toph, you slay me.)? I can't rely on physical attraction for her because Toph is blind and I can't rely on their friendship alone because that's always been there and it's _never _impelled Toph to look at Aang as anything other than a good buddy. It has to be something stronger, something deeper, something really profound that makes her stop and think…whoa, I really _like_ this dude. I am not going to leave those issues unexplored to push the romantic pairing between them because, to me, that would be a disservice to the characters and it would be a disservice to you…my readers.

As far as my other story is concerned, that's an entirely different animal. That was my first foray into exploring why and how Aang and Toph could be attracted to each other. It was an exercise (for me) to see if Taang could be as beautiful on paper as they were in my head. This story is different. It's not an exercise. I already know that Taang are as beautiful on paper as they are in my head. Now I just have to write it in a way that respects both characters, their stories and their characterizations as we know them.

Yes, I _do_ believe that it would take extreme (and I do mean _extreme_) circumstances for Aang and Toph to fall for each other given Aang's very real and very deep feelings for Katara and Toph's…well…to be perfectly honest…complete romantic indifference towards Aang. I seriously doubt that she would be romantically inclined towards him unless the set up was a "perfect storm" if you will. I can't just throw them together. My formula is simple. First, I need to set the stage. Second, I need establish the attraction and the reasons for it, so that by the time it happens the reader already knows what they feel before the characters ever acknowledge it to each other. Third, I get into the romance and all the messy entanglements/misunderstandings it includes (that's the fun part).

In essence, this story isn't only going to require finagling on my part from an Aang standpoint, but from a Toph standpoint as well. I am, at present, trying to create that "perfect storm" so that when Taang happens romantically you will hopefully, not only buy that these two people love each other and should be together, but that they are _good_ together and _need_ to be together. No way am I trying to make Toph and Aang each other's consolation prizes. Rather, I'm trying to write a story about two friends who provide each other comfort at times of great upheaval in _both_ of their lives and accidentally fall in love with each other in the process. I'm a sucker for stories like that.

I hope that gives you guys an indication of what my plan is here. All that said I understand if some of you don't want to get invested. That's perfectly reasonable and I'd like to thank you for reading as much as you have. However, I wanted to make it clear that it has _never_ been my intention to "trick" Taangers or diminish Taang in any possible way. Romance aside, I love these two characters very much. I'm not going to do them dirty. That's not how I roll.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

Emotions were a great deal like ocean waves. Sometimes they could crest impossibly high, soaring to almost impossible heights and then other times they could pitch extremely low, taking a person deep into the bowels of despair. The days following Lin Beifong's birth proved to be like that for Aang. The day she had been born had been an emotional high point for him, an instant of rebirth and newness and burgeoning hope. But much too soon after that, those good feelings fled and left Aang feeling as empty and as hopeless as he had been on the day Katara died. He was in the downward swing of the wave and, at times, it felt like he might never resurface.

In the beginning, he hadn't known what lay ahead for him. Aang had spent the night with Toph following Lin's birth because he hadn't wanted to leave her alone and also because they were both beyond exhausted. Even still, that whole night neither of them slept very much because they were too preoccupied with marveling over the baby and all that they'd accomplished together. The following morning, reinforcements arrived in the form of Sokka and Suki, affording Aang with a bit of respite and the opportunity to return home to relieve Bao and spend time with his children. It was that night, after Kya, Bumi and Tenzin had been put to bed that Aang was suddenly hit with a profound sense of loss and sadness…and the feeling continued with him in the days that followed.

All the shared moments with Toph that night…waking with the baby, assisting her with that first awkward feeding, and even the simple wonder that came with caring for a newborn…those were all the things that he had missed with Katara after Tenzin's birth. There had been no sleepy conversations with the baby settled between them, no soft exchanges on a job well done, no laughter over things said in the heat of the moment, no persistent need to hold and cuddle their newborn. Aang couldn't even _remember_ the hours that followed Tenzin's birth. He hadn't even wanted to _look_ at the baby much less hold him.

Instead of nuzzling her newborn son, Katara's body had been prepared for burial while Aang had fallen into denial. He couldn't face the prospect of going on with his life without her and so he chose simply not to deal with it. The recollection of that time was strange now because there was a part of him that regretted those missed moments with Tenzin. There was a part of him that wanted to go back and do it all over again…to do it _better_. But then there was also a part of him that was glad those moments had been lost and forgotten. There was that part of him that _never_ wanted to go back at all…because going back meant reliving Katara's death and that was not something Aang was emotionally equipped to do.

And so he remained in a perpetual state of limbo. Hopeful then not hopeful. Healing then not healing. Yearning for something more and, conversely, wanting nothing at all. Invariably then, Aang began to isolate himself once more. He became less engaged. The time he spent with the children began to slowly dwindle. As if they sensed his descending depression and were fearful of where it might lead, Kya and Bumi began to cling to him. Aang would often wake in the mornings to find himself sandwiched between them, their small bodies wedged against his sides in unconscious cuddles. It was a stark reminder to him that he hadn't lost everything and that he still had plenty for which to fight.

It was that irrefutable reality that ultimately forced Aang from his bed again and compelled him to rejoin the living after nearly two weeks of living in a fog. He made himself get up because he knew that lying down wasn't an option. In gradual stages then, he resumed his routine. He spent time with his children again. He went to work. He very steadily began to socialize with others. And he tried to remind himself that he still had reasons to be happy. But on his loneliest days, the dojo still called to him and the prospect of finding Katara again in the spirit world simply would not leave him alone.

Nearly three weeks after Lin's birth, Aang could no longer resist the call. After ushering Kya and Bumi off to school and entrusting Bao with Tenzin's care, Aang shut himself away in his dojo to meditate. As a result of his lack of success with previous attempts, Aang decided to alter his approach this time. Rather than trying to push thoughts of Katara from his mind and suppress all the anguish that came with them, Aang embraced them instead.

He let the memories of her wash over him in a painful wave…the fall of her hair when she threw back her head and laughed the subtle rolling of her eyes when she was annoyed with him, the sweet soprano of her voice as she sang their children to sleep at night. He remembered it all, every poignant, agonizing detail and he embraced it and the heartache that came with it. And when he opened his eyes again Aang was in the very place he'd been seeking all along.

Aang sucked in a breath at the world that surrounded him, a mystical forest bathed in hazy purple hues and gossamer mist. He took a cautious step forward, feeling almost as if he was dreaming. The ground sagged underneath his feet. Yet, when his bare toes sank into the marshy earth beneath him and he glided his hands along the mossy bark of the gnarled trees along his path, Aang knew that his surroundings were very real.

But that was hardly reassuring. His hold on the place felt tenuous, not particularly anchored at all…as if he might float away at any given moment. It felt very different from all the other times he'd traveled to the spirit world. His presence felt…unstable, odd. Somehow, Aang knew then that his time was limited even if he didn't fully understand the reason why.

His heart began a wobbly knock against his ribcage with the realization. He _needed_ to find Katara. It took a few attempts to throw off his shock and disbelief and when he first called out for her, her name escaped him as little more than a whisper. He was surprised by how hoarse and unfamiliar his voice sounded even to his own ears. He tried again, louder and more insistent this time. His heart rate grew more rapid. Aang pivoted about in the fog, his feet glancing the ground as he desperately searched for some glimpse of her.

"Katara! If you're here, please answer me. Tell me where to find you!"

He could hear the echoes in the distance…laughing, sighing, whispering…all beckoning him closer. Yet, just as the heavy fog seemed to part and open for him, Aang could hear his name being called. His heart seized in his chest. His throat constricted. His limbs began to shake. He could almost sense Katara's presence surrounding him and he knew that she was near. Yet, in spite of the fact he could practically feel her nearness, Aang slowly came to realize that the sound of his name wasn't coming from the bowels of the spirit forest at all, but from further away…from another realm entirely.

Aang could hear the calls for him coming from the physical world. He wanted to ignore the urgency in the cries, but he couldn't. They were pulling him. They penetrated his subconscious although Aang made a conscious effort to shut them out. He wasn't concerned with anything happening beyond the spirit forest. He didn't want to acknowledge anything that could distract him from finding his wife.

Still, the pleas for aid resonated in his mind. "_…Please, please, Avatar Aang! We need your help! It's Chief Beifong! She needs you._" _She needs you. _The words were echoing in Aang's ears as he was abruptly slammed back into his body. In an instant, the purple forest was gone and he was once again back in the physical realm.

When Aang popped open his eyes he found the panicked face of one of Toph's servants filling his line of sight. To have been so close only to be snatched away so unexpectedly filled Aang with frustrated rage. Without a proper channel for it, he took that anger out on the hapless servant who had dared to break his concentration in the first place.

"What?" he growled impatiently, his brows drawn together in a deep scowl, "What is it? What do you want? Speak!"

The servant cowered in reaction, stammering out an answer to the Avatar's brusque demands. "It's…It's Chief Beifong, sir. She's very ill. We need you."

The words managed to penetrate the cloud of anger filling Aang's brain. His aggravation melted away in an instant. "What's happened?"

"She's been shut away in her room for three days now and she won't see anyone."

Alarm propelled Aang to his feet. "I'll be right there."

When he arrived at the house, Aang could hear yelling in the background to be left alone. In amongst her bellows were Lin's strident cries for her mother, but given the fact that the baby continued to wail, Aang could only assume that her needs were going unsatisfied. He quickly made a beeline for the nearest servant in order to get a more detailed account of what had occurred.

According to her servants, she hadn't gone near her own daughter in days and she had been emotionally detached from the child for even longer than that. If their stories were to be believed, Toph's difficulty with handling the newborn had eventually caused her to distance herself further and further away from the baby until, finally, she had nothing to do with Lin at all. Unfortunately, Aang couldn't verify their stories with any personal experience of his own. He hadn't seen much of Toph since a few days after Lin's birth and when he _had_ been with her, he had been very socially engaged.

Since then, he had been too preoccupied with his own pain to check in on her regularly. On some level, he had known that he should support Toph, but when his depression was in full swing, Aang had literally been unable to move from his bed. He had justified his neglect with the fact that Toph now had servants and nursemaids to care for and help her now. She didn't need him so much anymore. But that was clearly not the case.

With guilt settling into his gut like a leaden weight, Aang knocked on Toph's bedroom door and then entered without waiting for her to invite him inside. She lay curled up on her bed, looking as if she hadn't slept or showered in a week and also like she didn't care either. Near the door lay the broken debris, shattered rocks and splintered vases…the tangible results of every other hapless individual's attempt to slip past her threshold. Aang held his breath, expecting a similar welcome from her.

He knew that she was aware of his presence because she tensed almost the instant he stepped into the room, but she said nothing at all. Instead, she curled her body into an even tighter ball. Encouraged, Aang carefully closed the door behind him. Toph grunted when he did, acknowledging his presence for the first time.

"Well, look who finally remembered that I'm alive," she mumbled gruffly. She pushed her face deep into her pillow. Her words were muffled when she demanded, "What do you want, Aang?"

"Your servant came to me," he told her as he gradually crossed the room towards her, "He was worried. He said you were ill."

She lifted her head long enough to retort, "Like you care."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

She scoffed at the response. "Don't do me any favors! I haven't heard from you in nearly two weeks and _now_ I'm supposed to think you care?" Toph snorted. "Whatever. Go home, Aang."

Aang eased down on the edge of her bed, only a few inches from where she lay. "I didn't know that you needed me," he whispered, "Had I known, I would have been here, Toph."

"Yeah…I'm totally convinced."

Her mocking rejoinder was virtually drowned in the pillow, but Aang understood her just fine. He heaved an expansive sigh. "Will you, at least, turn around and face me?"

"Why? What's the point? It's not like I can see you whether I stay in this position or not!"

"Then why is your face shoved into a pillow?"

Toph flopped onto her back with an aggravated growl. "Haven't you ever heard of dramatic effect?" Though it was her usual flippant remark, there was a noticeable lack of pop and zing behind her words. She said the words, but there was no heart behind them…no Toph.

"I know you're angry with me," Aang said, "You have every right to be. I bailed on you. I've been a lousy friend."

"You left me here alone with that baby," she muttered, "You knew I didn't know what I was doing and you left me."

Deciding to refrain from questioning her on why she was referring to her daughter as "that baby," Aang instead addressed the hurt feelings he had inadvertently caused her. "I'm sorry, Toph," he sighed contritely, "The only thing I can say is that I've been in a really bad place ever since Lin was born and it's been hard to get out of it. But I'm here now."

Some of the tension eased from Toph's body and she became slightly less rigid with Aang's whispered confession. "Everything that happened made you think of Katara, didn't it?"

"_Everything, _period, makes me think of Katara," he murmured, "But yeah…it brought up all the feelings I had from the day she died and I felt like I had lost her all over again. I wasn't trying to ignore you."

"It's okay…" Toph muttered, the rest of her resentment seeping from her, "I figured that's what it had to be when you started getting so withdrawn. I know that you're still having a hard time. It's just that… I've really needed you here, Aang."

"You've been having a really tough time, huh?"

"I don't think I'm cut out to be a mother. I've changed my mind about it."

"Toph, I think it's a little late for that," Aang interjected hesitantly and when she appeared unconcerned with that he asked with equal tentativeness, "What about Lin's father? Has he been here to see her? Maybe he could help take the burden off of you."

Toph snorted a derisive laugh. "Hah! That's the irony of my life, Aang. When I wanted him to leave me alone, I couldn't shake the guy. And now that I need him around to help me with the kid, he's decided that he can't handle the responsibility of being a father, so…he left. Big surprise, I'm sure."

"Oh, Toph, that's terrible. I'm so sorry…"

"So now I'm stuck with her. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck."

It wasn't exactly the way Aang would have expected a new mother to speak about her newborn, but he was discerning enough to realize that something deeper was going on with Toph. "Tell me what happened," he urged, "What changed, Toph? You seemed like you were doing so well at first."

"I was doing well because _you_ were here to help me," Toph emphasized, "After you were gone though, it felt like the walls were closing in on me."

"Is that why you've been distancing yourself from Lin?" Aang wondered softly. Toph flinched guiltily. "The servants told me."

"You don't understand. She doesn't like me at all," Toph confessed miserably, "Every time I try to hold her or go near her or even _step_ in her direction she starts screaming bloody murder. She screams and screams. It doesn't matter what I do. She's always screaming. All day. Every day. It's always in my head. I'm doing this wrong, Aang. I'm not good at it."

"Toph, what you're feeling is perfectly natural," Aang soothed, "This is only 'new mom' jitters."

"No. It's _more_ than that," Toph replied in an emphatic tone, "I don't think I should keep her. I can't… There's all this…weird stuff in my head…the things I think about… I can't handle her. She's too overwhelming." She grasped hold of Aang's wrist and dragged him closer as she lowered her tone to an almost fanatical whisper, "I think she's driving me crazy."

Aang nodded in understanding, his heart lurching a little with her whispered confession. He wasn't an expert by any means, but he'd heard Katara mention in years past about women who literally became unable to care for themselves or their babies following childbirth. She'd told him that sometimes the woman went "a little crazy" afterwards and that it was a dangerous time for her emotionally.

Katara had warned him because she'd wanted him to recognize the signs in case she became ill after giving birth. The good news was that the condition usually cleared itself in six months or so and the mother seemed to recover without complications. Aang wondered if that was the thing that was happening to Toph now. He couldn't deny that she sounded a "little crazy" right now.

Right then, Aang recognized that Toph was going to need his help…and a lot of it. He couldn't help but feel torn with guilt and regret. Only an hour ago, he had come ridiculously close to finding Katara in the spirit world and it seemed that everything he wanted was finally within his grasp. But what had only been a few minutes in his conscious mind had taken nearly _four hours_ in the physical world. Time was different there. Aang couldn't afford the luxury of disappearing from his life for days or weeks in order to find Katara, especially now with Toph so ill, but at the same time, he didn't know how he was supposed to _not_ do it. The unfortunate truth of it all was that he couldn't be in two places at once.

His thoughts were disorganized and his feelings even more frenzied but, Aang tabled that emotional dilemma in order to focus on Toph. He reached over to squeeze her hand. "What do you want me to do, Toph?" Aang asked her, "How can I help you?"

"You can take her to another family," Toph suggested desperately, "Find someone who will love her and take care of her, Aang, because I can't do it!"

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do! Take her away! I can't do it! I'm telling you that I can't!"

"Yes, you can," he urged her, "What if I helped you?"

"_You?_ What exactly are you supposed to do?" Toph snorted, "You can barely help yourself, Aang! Forgive the pun, but it would be like the blind leading the blind. You're as much of a mess as I am."

"I know. But maybe together we could be less of a mess."

Toph fell quiet and contemplated his offer for a few seconds before shaking her head in refusal. "I know you want to support me, Aang, but I don't think this is something you can fix. Something is _wrong_ with me…and it didn't start until she got here. But if you take her away, I can get better. She can have a good mother and I can get better."

"Toph, I'm not going to do that. You're not thinking clearly."

"You don't know what I'm going through, Aang!" she flared.

"Let me take a guess…" he whispered, "You can't get out of bed. You don't want to eat. You can't sleep. You can't think. You can't even rest. You think about crazy things like walking to the edge of a cliff and jumping, but you know you're an airbender and that probably won't kill you, so you have to think of something else.

"And then you realize if you do that…if you did succeed in killing yourself, then you'd leave your children behind and they'll suffer over having lost both their mother _and_ their father. Perhaps, they'll even blame themselves and you can't live with that. So then you think maybe you should take them with you…maybe that might be a better solution. It's at that point that you realize those thoughts are totally insane and that you're losing it, which only frightens you and makes you want to stay in bed even more." He listened closely as Toph expelled a shaky breath. "Am I close?"

"How did you know that, Aang?" she whispered tremulously.

"Now you know how it feels to be me, Toph."

"It's not the same. I don't understand _why_ I'm feeling this way," she mumbled, curling onto her side once more, "Your wife died. It makes sense that you would go to a dark, crazy place. But I had a baby. That's supposed to be a happy thing. _I'm_ supposed to be happy…and I'm not…and I don't know why."

"I don't either. But I know that it's going to pass someday."

"It hasn't for you," Toph pointed out sullenly.

"I'm a work in progress," he replied in a wry tone.

Toph lifted her head in surprise. "Hey…you just made a joke."

Aang startled with surprise of his own. "Yeah. I guess I did."

"It wasn't very funny though."

"Sorry. I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things."

"Joking, good or bad, doesn't answer how I'm going to fix this," Toph mumbled, "I know I'm supposed to get in there and be her mother, but I don't have any motivation to do that, Aang. I don't even know if I want to."

"I'll help you."

"Which brings me right back around to my original argument…if you can't help yourself, how are you supposed to help me?"

"Toph, the last thing you want to do right now is isolate yourself. I've done that for nearly two weeks now and all that did was make me feel worse. So I'm thinking that maybe that's the key with this thing…whatever this is going on with us," he reasoned, "When we want to hide ourselves away and shut out the world, that's exactly when we _shouldn't_."

"So are you saying that instead of trying to run from Lin, I should work on being her mother instead? Because, I gotta tell you, Aang…that is easier said than done. She's barely the size of a watermelon and she weighs even less, but she terrifies me!"

Because she sounded so overwhelmed even contemplating the prospect, Aang reached over to grip her hand and give it a comforting squeeze. "So take small steps," he suggested, "Set a goal and take small steps to get there."

"How do I do that?"

"Make it up in your mind what you're going to do for the day and then do it. It doesn't have to be something big or complicated either. It can be something simple…like rocking Lin in your arms for a few minutes or giving her a bath…or bathing yourself. Brushing your teeth. Combing your hair. _Anything_ to get out of this bed! Don't fall into this trap of shutting yourself away in your room, Toph. It doesn't lead to anything positive."

It was strange how Toph's problems were serving as mirror to Aang on all the wrong ways he had been coping since Katara's death. His sadness and despair were real and pervasive and they weren't going to go away overnight, if they even went away at all, but the way he had been reacting to his grief hadn't helped matters. In fact, his sadness and despair had only worsened. However, now that he could see his missteps clearly, Aang felt confident that he could help Toph through her own crisis…and help himself in the process as well. He could feel hope start to swell in him again, blooming from the tiny seed that had been planted in his heart the day Lin was born.

"I have an idea about how to help you," Aang told her.

"And what idea is that, Aang?" Toph queried unenthusiastically, "Go on. Wow me."

"It's simple. I don't know why I didn't think of it before." He sucked in a dramatic breath and said, "Move in with me, Toph. I think that you and Lin should come to Air Temple Island and live with me and the kids for a little while."


	11. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

Aang had a theory. He had supposed that two half functioning individuals working together could serve as a whole, functioning person. As a team then, he and Toph could accomplish what had seemed insurmountable while on their own. The reality of their living arrangements was a bit more chaotic than that.

Then again, it was impossible not to be chaotic with a 10 and a half year old, a five year old, a six month old and a newborn all under one roof, all of whom were being primarily cared for by two people who could barely hold it together emotionally. There was a lot of yelling, plenty of shed tears, bouts of frustration and slammed doors. In hindsight, Aang could admit that it hadn't been one of his brighter ideas and yet, in spite of all the craziness, he couldn't regret making the suggestion at all. Somehow, life felt like it was improving, even if it was only slightly.

His chances to venture into the spirit world had been few and far between. The brief snatches of time Aang had managed to steal afforded him with only an hour or so to do any exploring on the other side. It was hardly in-depth either. And, when he was there in the spirit world, his presence remained shaky and fragile. All too often, he would find himself wrenched out of his trance due to some random occurrence on the other side. He would get just close enough to feel Katara's presence before everything around him would evaporate into nothingness and he'd be, once again, in his dojo.

Frustrated with his lack of progress and the odd difficulty he had maintaining his grip in the spirit world, Aang found himself consulting one of his past lives for guidance…Avatar Roku. It had been a long time since he had sought his former mentor's advice, years in fact. Shortly after Aang had turned fourteen, he'd experienced a falling out with the past avatar due to a disagreement over Zuko and the Harmony Restoration Movement.

At the time, Aang had felt the need to forge his own path and make his own identity as the avatar, without anyone else's influence. He'd needed the freedom to make mistakes and know that they were _his_ alone. Shortly before his nineteenth birthday, Aang had reconsidered his decision and reopened the gates of communication between himself and Roku.

His mentor was as wise and patient as he had been in the beginning. Sadly though, their conversations never resumed the frequency they once had. Aang spoke with Roku perhaps once or twice a year. Yet, recent events called for more frequent contact. Aang's increasing difficulty with navigating the spirit world and staying there prompted him to seek Roku's advice sooner than he might have otherwise.

"I don't understand," Aang had lamented to Roku, "I can make it to the spirit world, but I can never stay there. What am I doing wrong? Why is this happening?"

"Your heart is not complete, Aang," Roku told him, "You're trying to straddle two worlds and that is an impossible thing to do."

"But the Avatar is the bridge between the spirit world and the physical world, so why is that impossible?"

"You link the worlds, Aang, but you cannot reside in both simultaneously. You are attempting to defy the natural order of things."

"What choice do I have? Katara is in the spirit world. And my children…my life is here in the physical world. I have to be with her and I have to be with them. Straddling two worlds is all I know right now."

"Unfortunately, you cannot belong to both at the same time. You _must_ choose. Where does your heart truly lie, Aang? Until you decide, you will never be firmly settled in either world."

The conversation continued to haunt Aang even days after it was over. Roku hadn't told him anything he didn't already know in his heart. The situation was impossible. Even if he were to find Katara in the spirit world, they couldn't ever have a life together. She was dead and he was not. Besides that, her time in the spirit world would only be a temporary thing. In the end, they would only be separated all over again. Aang knew all of this and yet he still couldn't give up on the idea of finding her…and the wild hope that he could somehow find a way to undo her death and bring her back.

Unfortunately at the present time, Aang had no idea how to maintain the life he had now and also be with his wife at the same time. The two desires were diametrically opposed. He was making himself crazy trying to figure it out. Considering his current life situation, Aang didn't have a great deal of time to sit around troubleshooting. The winter solstice would be upon them soon anyway. If he couldn't enter the spirit world and stay there through meditation then he would wait for the veil to lower on the solstice and cross over then. He was determined to find Katara one way or another. In the meantime, Aang tried to focus on helping Toph.

She was still insecure and uncertain of her skills as a mother. As a result, Aang had elicited Bao's help in caring for Lin. They both encouraged Toph to do little things, as much as she was able to do, but they didn't press her to singlehandedly take on all of Lin's needs at once. Aang recognized that would require a gradual transition.

In keeping with that thought, Aang tried to afford Toph with as much quiet and privacy as he could. He gave Toph his guest bedroom and made room for Lin in Tenzin's nursery so Toph wouldn't be overwhelmed by the baby's presence in her room. But his feelings about sleeping in his own room had not changed. Because he was still quite unwilling to do it, Aang had begun sharing Bumi's room with him.

At first, Aang anticipated that Bumi might be a little resentful about having to share his space and particularly his bed, but the little boy had surprised him by reacting with uncontained enthusiasm. As far as Bumi was concerned, Aang in his room was the greatest thing on earth. Those sentiments were shared by his older sister, who was unexpectedly jealous over the fact her father had chosen not to room with her instead. Explanations about propriety and boy/girl dynamics had not satisfied Kya at all. Not surprisingly then, Aang would wake up most mornings wedged between her and Bumi. Waking up on those occasions, Aang felt uncomfortable and cramped and probably the happiest he'd been since Katara died.

He didn't miss her any less, but he was healing. In slow, inching increments, he was starting to do better. He still had his dark days…still grew tired and frustrated and heartsick, but he didn't feel quite as paralyzed as he had in the beginning. He felt motivated to do better for himself, to do better for his children, and even to do better for Toph. He believed, on some level, Toph had similar feelings.

The change in residences had been a definite improvement for her. She was still skittish and reluctant around Lin, but she wasn't resistant. There were some afternoons when Aang would happen by the nursery and find her standing beside Lin's bassinette, tentatively stroking her daughter's cheek. There had even been a few times when Toph had been compelled to scoop Lin into her arms in order to settle her cries.

Aang never made a big deal of those instances for fear Toph would retreat back into herself. He purposely subdued his need to praise her even when there were times when he was bursting with pride for her accomplishments. Besides, Toph wasn't the type who appreciated flash and fanfare anyway. She liked to make her accomplishments quietly. Respecting that, Aang allowed her the space to come into motherhood on her own terms and in her own way. He knew she observed the way he was with Kya, Bumi and Tenzin and often times he had glimpsed her mimicking the same behavior with Lin. She was trying and that was enough.

Of course, their living arrangements did present a few logistical challenges. Washroom privileges sometimes became a little dicey. There was only one available in the house and that sometimes led to inevitable backups and awkward moments. Though they had a nice schedule for the children in the mornings and evenings, Aang and Toph sometimes found their own bathroom schedules conflicting.

Twice Aang had almost walked in on Toph fresh from her shower and once she had actually come into the bathroom to brush her teeth while he was relieving himself. He had been horrified by her abrupt entrance, but Toph had simply shrugged and continued brushing her teeth like he wasn't standing six feet away with his… manly parts hanging free. It wasn't his brightest moment. After that incident, Aang seriously began to consider adding on an extra bathroom. When he mentioned the project to Sokka, in hopes of garnering some sympathy and understanding, the Water-Tribe warrior had merely laughed.

"Wow, not even a month and it's already getting awkward," he had teased Aang, "Yeah…I didn't see that one coming."

"It's not just because of Toph," Aang argued, "We could probably use another bathroom anyway. Having only one wasn't enough for three people to share, let alone four. And it's only going to get worse once Tenzin and Lin are potty trained. It's time to expand."

"So…you're anticipating that Toph will be living with you that long?" Sokka asked with some surprise, "This isn't just a temporary thing for you?"

"I…I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead."

"Well, if it's not temporary, that's a huge step, Aang. Living with someone can be—,"

"Wait a minute!" Aang had interrupted, his countenance drawn in a deep scowl, "Who said anything about living together? Toph and I aren't living together!"

"Then what would you call it?"

"We're…we're…uh…we're sharing the same space until she gets back on her feet again. We're roommates!"

"Aang, last time I checked that was pretty much the definition of living together."

"Don't say it like that!"

"Say it like what?"

"Say it like it's more than it is…like you think something is going on because it's not!"

"I'm not accusing you of anything," Sokka reassured him, "and I'm not implying anything either. I know there's nothing going on between you and Toph. First of all, you're not over my sister and I'm not sure you ever will be. And, second of all…_you and Toph_?" He snorted a dubious laugh. "Yeah, that'll never happen!"

"So then what's your point?" Aang huffed impatiently.

"My point is that you two are still _living_ together and that's going to present a lifestyle change for you. It's also going to increase your stress level."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you and Toph are nothing alike! You're like oil and water. You don't mix. You'll drive each other crazy."

"You're wrong, Sokka. For your information, Toph and I are getting along just fine."

"Yeah, that's because she's all vulnerable and depressed and docile right now," Sokka sighed, "Wait until she's feeling better again. You'll be begging her to leave."

"Why do I get the impression that this situation amuses you?" Aang wondered.

Sokka had clapped a hand on his shoulder with a wide, satisfied grin. "Because it does, my friend. It really does."

After Sokka had finished with his hearty laugh at Aang's expense, he had graciously volunteered to head up the bathroom addition on the house. Aang realized belatedly that would necessitate Sokka coming out to the island more often and he worried about how Toph might take the news. He didn't want to upset her further when she was already in such a delicate state of mind. When he informed her of his plans and warned her that Sokka would be a constant presence, she had responded to his concern with brutal disdain.

"If you don't stop treating me like some fragile doll, Twinkle Toes, I swear I'm going to rip out your spine and beat you with it!"

And that was that. Aang knew from that moment onward that Toph was on the mend. He watched as she grew more confident with Lin and, in the process, livened up their household in a way he hadn't expected. She was a perfect playmate for Bumi, who absolutely adored her. She was the only one who could make Tenzin laugh, which completely dumfounded Aang. She also drove Bao crazy, which secretly amused him and she had an oddly gentle rapport with Kya, who was absolutely the complete antithesis of her personality and yet was the only person around whom Toph seemed almost awkwardly tentative.

"It's because she reminds me of Katara," she had confessed to Aang once when he asked, "I listen to her speak and I feel her movements and she _feels_ like Katara."

It had taken a long time before Aang could speak again without fear of his words breaking on a sob. Finally, he'd managed to whisper, "She looks like her too."

"So it's kind of like she's still here with us, isn't it?"

Aang's tone was wistful when he answered, "Yeah…it kind of is."

Somehow their temporary living arrangements began to take on an unspoken sense of permanence as one week became two and two weeks eventually stretched on into a month and onward, Aang and Toph settled into a quasi-normal family without even realizing it. Oftentimes, they had dinner together and spent recreational time together. At times, Toph would even feed the children breakfast and usher them off to school with a barking edict to "move their butts!" Needless to say that Kya and Bumi appreciated their father's less militant approach to the morning routine, but Aang admired Toph's efforts nonetheless.

He smiled to himself about that presently as he finished Kya's bedtime story and leaned over to brush a goodnight kiss across her forehead. But as he turned to leave her, he was surprised when she reached out to tug the edge of his robe. Aang heeded her unspoken request to stay with a gentle smile.

"What is it, sweetie?"

Kya scooted upright in her bed, her small face very pensive before she asked, "Are you happy, Dad?"

Aang was visibly taken aback by the question and left a little flustered. "Happy?" he echoed a little blankly, "I…I don't know. I haven't thought about it much. Do I seem happy?"

"You seem like you are…sometimes," Kya admitted after a thoughtful moment, "You smile more and you play with us more, especially since Aunt Toph came to stay with us. I like that."

"Well…I'm glad."

It was a lame reply, Aang knew, but he was somewhat at a loss as to how to respond to her. In his mind, he had been making an effort to improve his parenting for two main reasons: his children deserved it and he wanted to provide an appropriate model for Toph. Never had Aang imagined that his attitude and outward demeanor were being affected by that. Not drastically anyway. Inside, Aang didn't feel like very much had changed at all, but evidently he was wrong about that. It was certainly so if his children were beginning to notice.

Kya reached over to pat his hand. "I'm glad you're happy again, Dad. I was worried about you. I didn't want you to be sad about Mom forever. Besides, she never liked it when you were sad."

A faint smile touched the corners of his mouth. "No, she didn't."

The mood between them shifted. As the conversation shifted to her mother, Kya lowered her eyes then, her small fingers playing over the edge of her blankets. "I still miss her. There are so many things I want to tell her, but I can't. I wish she was here with us again."

Aang moved to gather her close. He gave her a tight hug. "I wish that too, Kya. I wish it all the time."

She buried her face into the soft folds of his robes. "But I've been afraid to tell you how I feel."

Frowning at the admission, Aang tipped his head down to get a glimpse of her face. "Why would you be afraid to tell me, sweetie?"

"Because…because whenever I talk about her, you get so sad and then you don't want to be around us," Kya confessed in a broken whisper, "It's like you don't care about anything. So I don't talk about her because I don't want you to get sad again."

Aang blinked back the guilty tears that burned in his eyes, shocked into near immobility by her words. "Kya, I'm so sorry," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her rumpled head, "I didn't realize I was making you feel that way. I haven't been handling this very well, have I?"

"No, not really."

He accepted her candid response with a self-deprecating sigh. "Are you mad at me?" he asked softly.

"Sometimes," she revealed in a timid mumble, "But mostly I'm just scared."

"Why are you scared?"

"Because I think you might leave us like Mom left us and then Bumi, Tenzin and I won't have anyone."

The underlying resentment he heard in her tone as Kya spoke of her mother put Aang on instant alert. He tenderly grasped his daughter's chin and brought her wet blue gaze to his equally wet gray one. "I'm sorry you've had such a tough time and I'm sorry I made that worse for you. I didn't mean to do that. But Kya, I need you to understand something. Sometimes bad things happen that you can't control and that's what happened to your mother. She didn't choose to leave us."

"But she could have healed herself and she didn't! She didn't even try!"

"No, sweetie. That's not what happened," Aang corrected gently, "I should have explained this to you after she died, but I had a hard time talking about it. I still do, but you need to understand, okay?" Kya jerked an unhappy nod. "Your mother became very sick after she had Tenzin and it happened very fast. She didn't know anything was wrong. Neither did I. And by the time we did, it was too late to do anything and your mom…" He broke off with a sharp intake of breath, composing himself mentally before he finished. "She would have never left us if it had been her choice."

Kya buried her face in his chest with small, hiccupping sobs, wanting to believe him and torn by the secret resentment she had harbored for so many months. Aang cradled her close and fought back his own. "Have you been blaming her this whole time?" His answer to that was broken whimpers of anguish. "Oh, sweetheart…I have made so many mistakes with you, haven't I?" Aang lamented.

"I've just been…so mad at her…and at you…" Kya wept, "I just want her to come back! Why can't she come back?"

He couldn't help but think about how he had been so thoroughly obsessed with that same question himself and how, in many ways, it had been driving him to extremes. But the time had come to lay those obsessions to rest. The awful truth of it was that Katara was gone. But his children were here and they needed him to be present with them…physically, mentally and emotionally. He thought back to the words Roku had spoken to him.

_You're trying to straddle two worlds and that is an impossible thing to do. Where does your heart truly lie, Aang? Until you decide, you will never be firmly settled in either world._

In essence, that was _exactly_ what he had been doing. He had been straddling two worlds, desperately hanging on to Katara even at the expense of their children and everything that was dear to him. Aang knew he couldn't do that anymore. He had been so wrapped up in his own pain that he had been blind to their pain and the agony they had been suffering daily since their mother died. As much as he yearned to be with Katara again, Aang knew that he needed to lay her to rest more because his need for her was slowly tearing his family apart. Without even realizing it, he had become selfish and self-centered and Aang didn't want to be that man anymore.

"I don't know why she can't come back, Kya," he whispered finally, "But she can't and we have to accept that. _I_ have to accept that. I won't tell you that will be easy for me or that I won't make mistakes, but I'm going to do my best because I love you and your brothers so much."

Kya relaxed against him then and expelled a large sigh, as if it was the first easy breath she had taken in months. Sadly, Aang suspected that it was. "We love you too, Dad."

"But I can promise you this, Kya, I won't leave you…not if I can help it."


	12. Chapter Eleven

**A/N: I'm going out of town for a few days so I figured I would go ahead and post the next chapter before I left. As always, thanks for reading. **

**Edit: Thanks to the person who pointed out the hybrid animal thing. Totally forgot.**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

"Are you sure you won't need some backup?"

Aang saw quite easily through Toph's motives for asking the question. She had been pestering him for forty minutes straight, ever since she learned that he and Sokka needed to leave to prevent a possible uprising along the Fire Nation border. Every few years there would be a small insurgency of Sozin supporters who would cause problems along the Earth Kingdom/Fire Nation border. Their ultimate goal was to overthrow Zuko and appoint Azula to the throne as the "rightful Firelord." The group, as a whole, wanted to restore the Fire Nation to the former "greatness" it had known under Ozai's rule. They were only a small pocket of individuals, but they were also a resilient bunch.

The fact that there were still individuals who fought for a return to those dark days, even decades after Ozai had been removed from power, baffled Aang. He couldn't understand it at all because, under Ozai's rule, _everyone_ had suffered, not only the "opposing" nations. Of course, there was no chance of him or Azula ever taking the throne again because Aang, Zuko and all the people who had fought with them would die before they allowed the world to be plunged back into war. Due to the urgent circumstances, Aang was preparing to depart within an hour of receiving the news. He understood perfectly why Toph wanted to accompany them even as he was arguing against it.

He scrambled from one corner of the living area to the other as he gathered his things, Toph dogging his heels with every step. "Sokka and I have everything under control," he reassured her, "You don't have to worry."

"I'm not worried! I want to go with you," Toph retorted sharply, "Why do you and Sokka get to go off and fight and I have to stay cooped up here? It's not fair!"

Aang angled her with a brief glance over his shoulder. "Did you forget that you just had a baby a couple of months ago?" he reminded her, "You're still healing…physically and emotionally. This isn't the time for you to rush off into a fight."

"And what about you?" she challenged, "You're still healing too and you're going!"

"I'm the Avatar. It's not like I have much choice in the matter."

Toph obstinately stepped into his path, her hands plunked on her slender hips in challenge. "I've never felt better, Aang. In fact, I could take you right now."

He sidled around her with a deep sigh. "I'm sure you could, Toph."

"Come on! You could use an extra hand and you know it, Aang!" she argued at his back, "Besides, your nanny hates my guts! Don't leave me here alone with that woman!"

"Perhaps Bao would hate you less if you stopped threatening to bury her alive, Toph. Some people find that kind of thing off-putting."

"Well, maybe I wouldn't threaten to bury her alive if she would stop aggravating me," Toph countered in a saccharine tone.

"If you say so."

"Aang, be reasonable!" she huffed, "What am I going to do here while you're gone? Dust the furniture and polish knickknacks all day? Cook? Wash clothes? I am _not_ your personal servant!"

While nothing else managed to stop Aang in his tracks, that particular statement did. He pivoted to face her with a snort of laughter. "Toph, the day you dust or wash _anything_ is the day I will fall over dead from a heart attack. And as far as cooking goes…_toasting bread_ does not count as cooking! So please, spare me the martyr routine because I'm not buying it."

"Aha! So you admit that I'm utterly useless here! There's a simple solution to that. Use me where I can do the most good."

"I thought the whole point of you staying here with me was so that you could spend more time with Lin and recover. What's the point of being on leave from work, if you're going to go with me on a dangerous mission?"

"I _am_ recovered and I _have_ been spending time with Lin," Toph emphasized grandly, "I'm much better with her. She even sort of…kind of tolerates me now. That's a vast improvement, don't you think?" Aang grunted in response. Toph abruptly switched tactics then, smoothly transitioning from coercion to steely resolve. "I don't need your permission," she announced stubbornly, her arms crossed in challenge, "I'm a grown woman. I can do what I want."

Rather than hopping on the defensive, Aang wisely conceded her point. "You're right. I can't stop you and I'm not going to try. If you want to come along, then come along." Before Toph could begin crowing her victory, Aang ruined her fun and added rather slyly, "So what if all the progress you've made with Lin goes right out the window. I'm sure you won't mind if she ends up liking Bao more than you, right?" Toph went absolutely rigid with the suggestion. "Eh…she probably already does anyway, so no big loss there."

Toph knew exactly what he was doing. She knew his motives were pure but, it didn't matter. She was no less irritated with him. "I hate you."

Aang almost smiled. "I promise that if things get too intense, I'll send for you immediately," he said.

"Bite me."

"Sokka and I will only be gone four days at the most. You'll be fine, Toph."

"I'm never speaking to you again. You're shameless and you're manipulative and I'm not very fond of you at the moment."

"So should I bring you back something from the trip?" Aang asked dryly, "If you have a request, make it now."

Toph tempered her surliness long enough to rattle off a list of demands. "I need a new belt. Some hairpins. Also, some Fire Nation pastries would be nice. The little lemon-filled kind that they drizzle with just the tiniest bit of honey. You know which ones I like."

"Yes, I know."

"Good. So long, Twinkle Toes. The silent treatment begins now."

Aang watched her amble off down the hall towards the nursery after giving him a cursory wave, his ironic smile gradually fading from his lips as he did so. He was reluctant to leave home and yet, at the same time, he couldn't wait to get out of there. The latter had nothing to do with the fact that he had two active children or that Toph was driving him nuts, but rather because the winter solstice would be happening within the week and his mind had been invariably drawn back to things he could not have. The uprising in the Fire Nation couldn't have struck at a more opportune time.

Since his promise to Kya, Aang had done his utmost to keep his focus rooted in the physical world. Daily, he reminded himself of what he did have and, he made a concerted effort not to dwell on what he didn't have. But it was a difficult endeavor, especially because the desire to find Katara was still with him. That desire was only heightened by his dreams, which were filled with her, most especially in recent days. It wasn't only the dreams that left him rattled, but how vivid and realistic they were becoming…almost as if he wasn't dreaming at all.

Just the night before, he'd had just such an experience. In his mind, Aang could see himself sleeping on the sofa. He had been driven to the living area because his son's snores had become too much to bear. Hoping to catch some much needed rest, Aang had chosen to sleep elsewhere.

Sometime during the night, he had sensed an instant when a shadow fell across him. He had parted his lids just barely when he felt lips stirring tenderly against his. The kiss was nibbling and tentative at first. But gradually it began to deepen, shifting into something hungrier. When he opened his eyes fully, he wasn't entirely surprised to discover that it was Katara who was kissing him. Imagining that he was dreaming, he allowed himself to savor her mouth and taste her thoroughly before he finally broke contact with her lips. He stared up at her in breathless amazement.

"Hi," he whispered with a wistful smile.

"Hi," she whispered back, "Why are you sleeping on the sofa?"

"Bumi snores," he answered absently.

Katara smiled fondly. "And why are you sleeping with Bumi?"

"Because I can't sleep in our bed without you." He reached up to sift his fingers through the loosened strands of her hair. "I wish you were here."

Her brow furrowed. "You mean I'm not?"

Aang offered her a sad, little smile. "You're a dream, Katara. I'm making you up in my head."

"Maybe you're not the one who's dreaming, Aang," Katara replied gruffly, "Maybe _I'm_ the one making you up. I've been trying to reach you all this time and… I don't know what's real anymore."

He skimmed his fingers over her eyes, her cheeks, her lips. "I really am losing my mind," he remarked in a baffled tone, "I am actually having a dream that you're dreaming about me dreaming about you. That's so weird."

"Or maybe I'm dreaming about you dreaming about me dreaming about you."

Aang laughed at her, the first, real laugh he'd had in a long time. "That makes absolutely no sense."

"No, it doesn't," she agreed softly.

Aang's smile gradually became wistful as he skimmed his avid gray eyes over her face. "You're still so beautiful." His eyes drifted to her mouth. "I want to kiss you again, Katara."

"Then kiss me…" she whispered, leaning forward to kiss him again. Aang closed his eyes, anticipating the moment when her lips would touch his again…but the moment never came. When he opened his eyes again, she was gone.

Aang shot upright, expecting the same pervasive loneliness he always felt when waking from his dreams, but instead what he felt was profound confusion because… He hadn't been asleep. It was a belated realization, but he had been awake from the moment he felt Katara kissing him. Not only that, his lips felt strange…warm and tingly…almost as if he had been kissing Katara after all.

After that, Aang hadn't been able to fall back asleep. He had spent the remainder of the night stifling the impulse to run to his dojo and cross over into the spirit world. He puzzled over whether he'd dreamed up Katara, hallucinated her or if the experience had been something else altogether. Aang was still obsessing over the answer to that question six hours later.

He could feel that old desperation rising in him again. The urge to resume his search for her was strong, especially when he considered that the solstice was so close and it was possible that Katara had somehow managed to reach across that mystical tapestry that separated them to contact him. He wanted to believe she had. It would be an easy justification to disregard the promise he'd recently made to his daughter.

And that was exactly the point. He was too invested in the idea that Katara had come to him. The scenario was _possible_, but not at all _probable_. The fact of the matter was, it was equally possible that everything that had happened the previous night had been concocted entirely in his head. He had created more than one convoluted fantasy in his mind since Katara died and some of them had seemed hauntingly real at times. As reluctant as Aang was to admit it, the likelihood was that last night had been one of those times as well.

Fearing that the incident might precipitate him falling into another lengthy depression, Aang wanted to be proactive. He knew the best thing for him to do was to put some distance between himself and Air Temple Island, even if it was only for a few days. Any other time he might have resented being pulled away on such a mission, but now Aang felt grateful. He didn't want to leave his children, but he knew he couldn't afford to lose himself again either.

* * *

Kya and Bumi didn't want to tell their father goodbye. They clung to his legs and whimpered for him to stay right up until the moment their Aunt Toph came forward and proactively plucked them both away by the collars, urging Aang to make a quick getaway. Thankfully, Tenzin was asleep inside the house with Lin so he couldn't add to the emotional farewell. After laughing off Toph's attempt to "save him," Aang knelt down to gather his sniffling children in his arms and pepper their faces with kisses. And then, after he whispered a few words of comfort and brushed away the drying remnants of their tears, he tipped a nod of farewell to Bao and Toph, signaled Sokka that he was ready to leave and then said his final goodbye.

The children clasped hands and watched together as he mounted Appa with their uncle and then flew off towards the horizon. As the massive sky bison got further and further away, until he became little more than a tiny speck on the horizon, both Kya and Bumi burst into noisy tears once more. A sympathetic Bao was immediately at their sides, drying their streaked faces with the hem of her tunic. Toph, on the other hand, was a great deal less…motherly.

"Oh, for goodness sake, don't coddle them!" she snapped, "Their father is the Avatar and that's going to take him away from home from time to time. They need to make peace with that now."

"How can you be so heartless?" Bao hissed at her, "These children need love and support, _not_ a lecture!"

"It's not a lecture. It's stone, cold fact. Tears aren't going to bring Aang home any sooner. They're making the situation harder than it needs to be…for themselves and for Aang and you're _encouraging_ them to do it."

Bao pressed Kya and Bumi's faces into her bosom in an attempt to shield their ears. "You know absolutely nothing about children!" she growled at Toph, "I fear for your poor daughter!"

Largely ignoring Bao's growing affront though she was stung by the accusation, Toph expelled an expansive sigh and went to kneel before Kya and Bumi, rudely shoving Bao aside as she did. "Listen to me, you two," she commanded in an authoritative tone, "You're going to miss your father a lot, huh?"

"Yes," Bumi sniffled, "I wanted him to stay here with us."

"And when is he supposed to return?" Toph asked next.

"In three or four days," Kya recited carefully.

"And is this crying jag you're on going to bring him back any sooner?" Toph pressed. Both children thought for a moment and then shook their heads sadly. "Exactly. When all this crying is done, your dad will still be gone on his trip and you still won't see him for at least four days. Instead of having a happy goodbye, he'll remember that he left you both here crying and that's going to make him sad. So now you're sad and he's sad and, in the end, nobody's happy. That doesn't sound too great, does it?"

"No, it doesn't…" Kya finally answered, "I wasn't trying to make him sad, Aunt Toph. It's just that I'm going to miss him so much…and I didn't want him to go away."

"This is a tough time for you two. I get it. It's hard to say goodbye to the people you love. But Aang is going to come back. You've got to toughen up. Because your father is the Avatar, he's probably going to be gone a lot. You're going to have to get used to it sooner or later."

Bumi regarded Toph with large, wet eyes. "So I have to be a big boy, huh?"

"Yeah," Toph replied with the smallest glimmer of a smile, "You have to be a big boy."

"That's it?" Bao balked, "That's your advice? Are you completely without compassion?"

With a subtle shift of her foot, Toph bent Bao below ground so that she was neck deep in earth. Bumi and Kya snapped to attention, their horrified stares bouncing to Toph's impassive face as their nanny yelped in dismay. "One more word out of you and I'll bury your head too," Toph warned her, "Don't test me." She returned her full attention to the children then who, unbeknownst to her, both looked as if they might bolt at any moment.

"Now then," she resumed smoothly, "Life is pain and disappointment, struggle and sacrifice, dog eat dog… Unfortunately, tears won't change that so you have to grow a thick skin. It's okay for you to be sad and it's okay for you to miss your dad, but you have to be strong too. Do you understand what I'm telling you?" Kya and Bumi nodded simultaneously, both making a concerted effort to get their sniffles under control. Recognizing that, Toph nodded her approval. "Good deal. Now go play."

"Are…are you going to let Bao out?" Kya asked with a fair amount of concern before scampering off, "Daddy says that we should never use our bending to hurt others."

"Your daddy is absolutely right. Of course I'm going to let Bao out," Toph reassured her with a broad smile, "_Eventually_."

Later, as they skipped along together towards the temple, Kya and Bumi discussed the reality of their Aunt Toph living with them. "I think she's scary and weird and a little crazy," Bumi informed his sister candidly before adding with a toothy smile, "I like her."

"I like her too," Kya confided softly, "But I think she's lonely. She misses Mom."

"I miss Mom," Bumi sighed, his expression veering from mischievous to glum, "I wish she could come home."

"Bumi, I already explained that to you a hundred times! She can't come home. That's just how it is."

"I know. I know. Because Mom might be a butterflybug or a turtleduck or a foofoocuddlypoops now and that's why we have to respect _all_ life."

"That's right."

"Maybe we could find her," Bumi reasoned.

"Find Mom? In this big world? I don't think so."

"Then maybe she'll find us." He kicked at the dirt with the tip of his bare toe. "I don't know. I want to see her again anyways…even if she _is_ a turtleduck."

Kya reached over and hugged her little brother close against her side. "Yeah, me too."

Saddened by the subject matter and being the mercurial near six year old that he was, Bumi changed the subject. "Do you think Aunt Toph is going to live with us forever?"

Kya shrugged. "I hope so." She smirked to herself. "Bao may not like it very much though."

Bumi snickered. "I like it when they fight. That's the best part."

"Yeah, you would," Kya said with a roll of her eyes, "But I think it's a good thing that Aunt Toph is with us now. Have you noticed that Dad smiles a lot more?"

"Yeah…"

"So, I'm glad she's with us…even if she isn't like Mom."

"No one will _ever_ be like Mom, Kya."

"You're right," Kya sighed, "No one will."

"Come on!" Bumi urged, skipping ahead of her, "Let's go play at the temple! I don't want to talk about this sad stuff anymore!" He took off running at top speed, knowing full well that Kya would chase him.

And that was how Kya and Bumi passed the three days waiting for their father's return. When they weren't watching with rapt fascination as Bao and Toph bickered back and forth, Kya and Bumi would often sneak off to the island temple to play. Ordinarily, a sacred temple wouldn't be treated as a children's playground and there were some places that Kya and Bumi weren't allowed to go, but for the most part they had their run of the grounds.

They found a haven in the courtyard that was located within the temple interior. It consisted of pastoral, garden-like grounds and a pristine pond that was populated by several aquatic species. On all sides of the courtyard, looming, stone support pillars encapsulated it, creating pseudo-walls on all sides. There were several spots that were perfect for meditation, of which the acolytes often took advantage. But on the days when the children came to play, they gladly sought solitude in other places.

When she and Bumi played, Kya would often bend the water from the pond into a makeshift slide and she and Bumi would spend hours weaving in and out among the pillars, around and around again, faster and faster. They did that now, their childish squeals of glee echoing through the empty courtyard and the temple corridors. Every so often, several acolytes would happen out to the garden to watch them play. It was good to see them so happy, especially in light of all the tragedy their family had endured.

Having grown accustomed to being a spectacle to all who passed, Kya wasn't surprised when she and Bumi made a pass and there would be an adult standing there, watching them with a wistful smile. She would simply throw an absent wave at them and make another looping pass. But on this specific occasion, as she came around again and caught a glimpse of someone standing there, this time her attention was immediately captured because the person watching them wasn't dressed in the usual acolyte hues of gold, red, and orange. Instead, the individual standing there was clad in a distinctive Water-Tribe blue.

As they got closer, Kya's eyes flared wide with recognition just as the vision dissipated into thin air. Shaken, she immediately lost control of the ice slide and she and Bumi went tumbling to the ground. Kya barely registered Bumi's unhappy groans of pain. She was already scrambling to her feet and running to the spot where she had last glimpsed the phantom, her heart racing with excitement and panic. Bumi scowled at her back.

"Hey!" he griped, pouting, "What's the big idea, Kya? What'd you do that for?"

"Mom…" Kya uttered hoarsely, her entire body trembling as she pivoted to face her brother again, "Bumi…I just saw our mom."


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

She appeared to them at different spots all over the courtyard, winking in and out of existence. At first, Bumi had been reluctant to believe Kya had seen anything at all. Truthfully, Kya had felt a little doubtful herself. She knew that grief sometimes had a way of playing tricks on a person's mind. Her mother was never far from her mind so it was very possible that she had only seen what she wanted to see. Kya was willing to dismiss it as exactly that. Yet, when Katara appeared to them again and Bumi saw her as well, they both knew that she was no hallucination. She was real…and it soon became clear that she was just as desperate to get to them as they were to get to her.

With increasing fervor, they chased her phantom from one corner of the courtyard to the other because she would continually fade in and out on them. They would reach for her. Katara would reach for them. Yet, the moment they came within inches of touching one another, she would fade into nothingness. It was a frustrating turn of events for all involved. Despite the difficulty, Katara, Kya and Bumi were determined not to give up. The idea was unacceptable. They _would_ reach each other somehow. And eventually…they did.

When Katara materialized once again and her arms were wide open and beckoning them forth, Kya and Bumi ran with every ounce of speed they could muster and this time…they made it. The instant Katara's arms closed around her children, the three of them were transported together back into the mysterious spirit realm. At first, none of them noticed the change in their surroundings because they were too preoccupied with exchanging warm hugs and kisses and tearful "I love yous." Katara held Bumi and Kya against her tightly, almost fearful that if she released them they would vanish from her again.

"I have missed you both so much," she whispered against their cheeks in between sound kisses, "You have no idea how much I have! I was sure I'd never see you again."

"Mom…Mom…?" Kya whimpered, caught somewhere between fear and wild hope, "Is it really you? Are you really here with us?"

Katara smiled and reached up to sweep Kya's unkempt hair back from her forehead. She leaned forward and pressed a loving kiss there. "Yes. Yes, sweetie, I'm really here. I'm right here with you."

"Kya said you were going to be a turtleduck, Mom!" Bumi declared somewhat indignantly. He shot his sister an aggravated glower. "She's not a turtleduck! I'm never listening to you again! You don't know anything!"

"Well, Kya's not completely wrong, Bumi," Katara laughed softly as she drank in her son's beautiful features, "I don't know if I'll become a turtleduck or not, but I won't be in this place forever. One day soon, I _will_ be reborn, but as who or what, I don't know."

"Why can't you come back home with us instead?" Bumi mumbled sadly.

The lump of acrid tears that rose in her throat choked Katara's reply to him. "It just…it doesn't work that way, sweetheart." She smoothed her hands through his dark, unruly locks, sweeping away his falling tears with the pads of her thumbs. "I wish it did."

It was then that Kya realized that they were no longer in the courtyard. She turned a curious glance around at their hazy, forested environment, taken aback by the foreign surroundings and unusual quiet. "Mom…what is this place? Where are we? Is this the spirit world?"

"Yes, Kya. It is the spirit world."

Kya's blue eyes became round with fear. "What does that mean? Are Bumi and I…dead?"

"No. No," Katara quickly reassured her, "I don't think you're dead at all. I think somehow you and your brother managed to cross over from the physical world, but I'm not sure how or why."

"It's the winter solstice," Kya realized with a sharp intake of breath, "That's how we got here!" She regarded her mother with excited blue eyes. "Remember how you and Dad always told us that during the solstice spirits could cross over into the physical world and humans could cross over into the spirit world? Maybe that's what happened."

Katara furrowed her brow. "The solstice? Is it already the solstice?" Kya confirmed the query with a nod which caused Katara's frown to deepen. "Exactly how long have I been here?"

"You mean, how long have you been…" Kya faltered off into silence, hesitant to use the word "dead" when her mother was right there in front of her moving and talking and looking very much alive. She was bathed in an odd blue light and glowing ethereally but she was still there. It was the most surreal experience that Kya had ever known.

Sensing her discomfort, Katara smiled and stroked her hair. "It's okay, Kya. I'm here. How long have I been gone?"

"Almost a year now," Kya said.

That had been the last thing Katara was expecting to hear. She reeled. "A year?" Both Kya and Bumi confirmed with hesitant nods. Katara collapsed fully onto her knees. "Oh, my goodness… A year. I've been here nearly a year. That seems so impossible." She looked back at her children, noticing the subtle differences in their features and heights. "You've both changed. That means that…you've already had a birthday, Kya, haven't you? And you, Bumi…you'll be six very soon."

He wrapped his small arms around her shoulders as tightly as he could and ducked his face into the crook of her neck. "In two weeks. This was my birthday wish," he confessed in trembling whisper.

"Oh my beautiful little boy…" Katara slumped forward with a devastated sigh, "I've been wishing for that exact same thing."

"How long did you think you had been here?" Kya wondered.

"It hasn't felt like it's been that long at all…no more than a week or so…" She fixed Kya with an anxious stare as an entirely new host of questions occurred to her. "What about the baby…and your father? How are they? _Where_ are they?"

"Tenzin is doing really well, Mom," Kya said, "You don't have to worry about him. He's gotten really big and he's walking now. He's an airbender too. We found out when he was eight months old."

"An airbender…" Katara echoed thickly, overwhelmed by the intensity of emotion she felt. She closed her eyes briefly in a bid for composure. "We had an airbender. That's good," she whispered, "It's good that your dad is no longer the last… That must have made him very happy."

"Not really," Bumi piped in with childlike honesty, "He didn't used to like being around Tenzin very much."

Katara was still processing the shock of that revelation when Kya quickly added, "I think it was hard for him in the beginning because he was missing you so much…and he couldn't be around anyone. He couldn't take care of us and Tenzin so Uncle Sokka hired a woman to help us with everything. But that was a long time ago. Now Bao only takes care of Tenzin when Daddy has to go to the Council."

It was difficult not to feel bombarded by all the new information she was receiving, particularly when each new piece seemed more unsettling than the last, but Katara managed to focus on one question. "Who is Bao? Is that the woman your Uncle Sokka hired?"

Kya's eyes skittered away briefly as she nodded. "She's been taking care of us all since…since you died. But…but we don't think of her as our mom or anything."

Clearly reading the misery on her daughter's face, Katara whispered, "Sweetie, you don't have any reason to feel guilty. You needed help and obviously your daddy needed it too. That's nothing to feel ashamed about." Both Kya and Bumi regarded her with wounded eyes. "This has been hard for you both, hasn't it?"

Bumi nodded. "Daddy was sad for a long, long time. He wouldn't come out of his room or do anything. He wouldn't even talk to us. He's still like that sometimes, but not a whole bunch like he used to."

Katara's heart was aching with the mental picture Bumi had created when Kya added, "It helped when Aunt Toph came to stay with us."

That bit of news left Katara stunned. "What? Toph lives with us…I mean…with you?"

"Ever since she had her baby," Kya confirmed. "She had a little girl, Mom, and she named her Lin!"

Now Katara was _really_ reeling. She blinked up at her daughter in disbelief. "Wait. Wait a minute. _Toph had a baby?_ That's… I…" She flailed around for a proper response before finally settling with, "Kya, you're going to have to explain this to me slowly. Start from the beginning."

"Okay," Kya agreed with a small nod, "It all started when Uncle Sokka came to Bumi and me and told us that you had died…"

* * *

When Aang and Sokka flew over Air Temple Island in preparation for landing, they could see clearly that there was pandemonium on the ground near the island temple. Rather than flying directly to the house then, Aang chose to land Appa immediately in order to determine what had occurred. Almost the instant he touched down and he and Sokka dismounted, they were surrounded by frantic people among whom were Toph and Suki.

"Thank goodness, you're back!" Suki cried as she and Sokka converged in a solid embrace.

Her frantic greeting instantly filled Aang with pounding alarm. "Why? What's happened?"

Toph, the calmer and more composed of the two women, decided to take the lead then. "Now Aang, I don't want you to panic…"

Sokka grunted at her opening. "That doesn't sound good."

Aang visibly struggled with maintaining his composure because his mind had already veered to the grimmest possibilities imaginable. "Is it one of the children? Just tell me, Toph."

"They're missing," she said, "Kya and Bumi, I mean. Tenzin is safe back at the house with Bao."

He blinked at her. "Kya and Bumi are missing? You mean like somewhere on the island?"

Suki shook her head. "Oh, they're definitely not on the island anymore, Aang."

"Then where are they?" he burst out in rising panic.

Toph swallowed down her trepidation and simply answered his question, seeing little point in sugarcoating the truth. "The spirit world. We think they're with Katara."

That admission created an understandable stir and, initially, Aang was in quite a bit of denial. At first he was incredulous, then angry and then filled with wild hope and cold, creeping fear. He couldn't decide whether the news was good or bad. He couldn't be sure whether what he was being told was truth or embellishment. It was a lot to process. Once his emotions had settled and Aang was in a more reasonable frame of mind, he was finally given an eyewitness account of the events that had transpired.

According to an acolyte who had seen the unfolding events, he had ventured out into the courtyard out of concern. For quite some time he had been listening to the distant sounds of Kya and Bumi's play when it abruptly ceased. He had been worried that perhaps one of them had been hurt and his anxiety increased as he'd neared the courtyard and heard their cries of distress. He made it outside just in time to see them run into their mother's arms and then disappear. After informing the others of what he had seen, he ran to the house to tell Toph and Bao.

"This is unbelievable," Sokka uttered when the acolyte was done with his tale. He turned to Aang with a dazed and concerned look. "How sure can we be that what he saw was really Katara and not one of your enemies using her form to lure the kids? Could they be in danger?"

"It's not an enemy, Sokka," Aang replied woodenly, "It's Katara. I know it is."

Suki regarded him with a concerned stare, torn between believing him and chalking up his insistence to _his_ need to believe. "How can you be so sure, Aang?"

"She came to me the other night," he whispered. "I thought I was dreaming, but I wasn't. It was really _her_. I'm sure of that now."

Toph shook her head in denial of that theory. "Aang, don't get ahead of yourself. Are you sure you weren't dreaming after all? This could easily be a case of you seeing what you want to see. I know you want to believe it was her, but…" She trailed off with a sigh, sensing his mounting disquietude over her line of reasoning. "All I'm asking is, what possible motivation could Katara have for taking the kids over to the spirit world?" she asked finally, "It doesn't make sense."

"I don't think she did it on purpose," Aang reasoned, "Everything is unstable due to the solstice. That's probably the reason she was able to cross over at all."

Sokka shifted restlessly from one foot to another, hopeful that Aang was correct but equally fearful that he wasn't. "So what do we do now?"

"_I'm_ going to go after them," Aang said, "The kids can't remain indefinitely in the spirit world. Once the solstice is over then they risk being trapped there."

As he started to run for the courtyard, single-minded and determined, Sokka reached out to grasp hold of his shoulder, stilling his departure. Aang glanced back at him with a questioning frown. "I'm coming with you," Sokka said.

"Us too!" Suki and Toph piped in simultaneously.

"That is, if it's even possible for us to follow you," Sokka added in a hesitant tone when Aang appeared on the verge of refusal. "Please, Aang," he whispered, "I want to see her as much as you do."

Aang relaxed with a heavy sigh. "It's possible," he murmured finally, "Come on! We need to be fast!"

Given the tenuous demarcation between the two worlds, his friends needed only to fall into a deep, meditative trance in order to cross over into the spirit world with Aang. He acted for them as little more than a guide. For Sokka, who had entered that mystical realm once before, the transition was less of a shock. Suki and particularly Toph were affected quite profoundly.

Suki felt her way along the rows of decrepit trees that flanked them in panicked disorientation, convinced that she would sink into the marshy ground that seemed to have no sturdiness whatsoever. Aang and Sokka did their utmost to convince her that the ground would not swallow her up if she let go of the tree trunk. Unfortunately, just as they were beginning to have some success with calming Suki down, Toph's anxious cry of fear threw them into another round of alarm.

After quickly assuring that Aang had a steady hold on Suki, Sokka rushed over to his best friend's side. Toph was clearly agitated, looking for a moment as if she might jump out of her skin entirely. Her breath escaped her in short, panting bursts and her face was alive with color.

"Tell me what's happening," Sokka urged, "What's wrong?" Toph looked at him then…_really_ looked at him for the first time ever in the decades since he had known her and Sokka knew immediately what had caused her so much anxiety. "You can see me, can't you?" he whispered in amazement.

Toph jerked an unsteady nod, still struggling to grasp the reality herself. "I can see you, Sokka," she gasped shakily. He reached out to steady her when she might have toppled over. Half laughing, half sobbing, Toph lifted trembling fingers to skim his features in reverent disbelief. "I can actually _see _you."

"Are you disappointed?" he laughed softly.

"No…no…" she murmured as her eyes darted over him in hungry appraisal, "Somehow you're just as I imagined you to be, Sokka." And he was. Genial features, strong jaw, beautifully hewn cheekbones and laughing eyes. She stared into those eyes, almost mesmerized by their swirling, deep color. "So is this what blue looks like…"

His smile widened, tempered by wistful joy. "Yeah."

"I think it's the most beautiful color ever."

Just then Toph caught a glimpse of movement in her peripheral vision and Suki came into view. She gasped a little as she appraised the taller woman, noting her large eyes and pale skin with avid fascination. "Wow, Suki…" she breathed, "You're beautiful. You're so, so beautiful."

"You can really see me, Toph?" Suki whispered as she took tentative steps of approach.

"I can really see you," Toph confirmed, "I don't know how or why, but I can." She reached up to lightly finger the thick braid that lay over Suki's shoulder, able to discern the color even beyond the strange glow that emanated from her friend. She lifted eyes filled with wonder to Suki's smiling face. "So this is the color brown?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," Suki answered, reaching inside her tunic to produce a small, oval mirror. She presented it to Toph so that she could see her reflection. "And your hair…that's what black looks like."

It took several breaths before Toph found the courage to look into the mirror and, once she had, her breath seized in her lungs in a soundless gasp. The first thing she saw was her own eyes. They were large and green and fringed with thick, dark lashes. They were strangely expressive eyes, wide and innocent. As her gaze traveled lower, Toph noted that her features were soft and dainty, almost ridiculously delicate…something she had never imagined at all. She touched her lips, her eyes, her nose…acquainting herself with her own face for the first time in her entire life. To her absolute horror, Toph began to cry.

"I always told you that you were beautiful."

Toph glanced up sharply at the comment, her answering retort freezing in her throat as she beheld Aang for the first time. She had always known that he was tall and tattooed but she hadn't quite imagined that his eyes and features would be as kind and gentle as his demeanor. His features were surprisingly angular and refined, but he didn't look hardened at all. Instead, there was also something distinctively boyish about his face, something a bit mischievous…and _that_ was most assuredly Aang.

He was nothing like Toph would have expected and yet…he was everything she had always imagined he would be. Toph's breath was further taken away as she realized she was staring into the eyes of the man who had delivered her child. It was an intense moment for them both.

"Hey, Twinkle Toes," she murmured thickly.

Aang smiled at her. "Hey, Toph."

Sokka stepped in between them. "Hmm…as profound and amazing as this moment is, we really need to get a move on. Time is getting away from us."

"Right," Aang agreed. He began to guide them deeper into the murky shadows of the forest, but then he turned back at the last second to address Toph. His countenance was shuttered with sadness. "You…you know that this is only temporary, don't you, Toph?" he prompted hesitantly, "…with…with your vision, I mean. Once we leave here, you'll…"

"…I know," she finished quietly, "It's what I expected. Nothing good lasts forever, right?" She and Aang traded yet another long, meaningful look as Suki stepped forward and looped an arm around Toph's shoulders to give her a reassuring squeeze. Toph smiled at her. "I'm okay," she reassured her friend, "The only thing I regret is not being able to see Lin…just once. I would have liked that."

"Well…at least now when we describe her to you, you'll have a frame of reference," Sokka said, "So there is a bright side, even if it is a little bittersweet."

"You're right, Sokka," she agreed, shaking off her lingering sadness, "Come on. Let's go find your sister."

They decided against splitting up since the possibility of being separated and lost was too great. The spirit world was a strange place. The pastoral scenes around them continually shifted and morphed from forest, to plain, to sandy desert to cavernous depths and back again. The colors around them were vivid. They ebbed and flowed, blended and bled. Nothing seemed solid or real. Their footsteps barely made contact with the ground. It felt like living in a fantasy world. They floated and bounced along as if in a dream.

On occasion, odd spirit creatures would drift by with curious looks and unconcealed fascination, disappearing and reappearing only to disappear again, but they mostly left the group to their search. The spirit world loomed before them, surreal and vast. As they searched, their intermittent calls for Katara echoed through the distance, rebounding back at them and pounding in their ears. It was beginning to feel like a fruitless search when, without warning, Aang sensed Katara's nearness.

He stopped short. "Here," he whispered, "She's here."

Sokka turned a blank look at their foggy surroundings. "Where? I don't see anything."

Aang pointed into the hazy distance. "There."

No sooner had he breathed the word than the heavy vapor that hung around them began to clear. It swirled into a light mist before dissipating completely to reveal an open valley of orange and violet kissed clouds on the other side. And, to Aang's stunned relief, in the very center of that bed of clouds, huddled close with their son and daughter, was his smiling wife.

_Katara._


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

Kya and Bumi were the first ones to break the reverberating silence of the moment.

The instant they glimpsed their father, they came bouncing towards him on the diaphanous purple-ocher clouds with glad cries. "Daddy, look!" Bumi exclaimed excitedly as he and Kya tackled Aang's legs, "We found Mom!"

Aang could barely hear his son's words past the roaring in his ears. He couldn't form words at all. He returned his children's embrace almost mechanically, his eyes locked on his wife. Much like Sokka, Suki and Toph, he stood frozen with shock, caught between disbelief and wonder and completely immobilized. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Katara's face. She was even more breathtaking than he remembered…youthful, vibrant and very much the image of the woman she had been at twenty. That unforeseen change was a little disconcerting for Aang, but the way she looked at him…the way she _smiled_ at him was undeniably familiar.

He wanted to go to her…wanted to _run_ to her and take her in his arms and never let go, but Aang felt as if his feet were cemented in place. He wanted to move forward but he was afraid to take a step. There was a portion of his brain that was struggling to process the reality of Katara standing less than twenty feet away from him. She was dead and had been for almost a year. His life had changed irrevocably in the wake of that event. And yet, here she was now, practically floating right in front of his eyes. It was too illogical. However, his heart…his heart was already threatening to burst right out of his chest and soar clear into the stratosphere. But, even then, the moment didn't become truly _real_ for him until she spoke.

"Hey, guys," Katara murmured with a tender smile when her friends continued dumbfounded, "Long time, no see."

That seemed to break the spell. Sokka whimpered her name and then gratefully closed the distance between them with a glad cry. He crushed her in a relieved embrace, his tears flowing freely. "I can't believe it," he wept brokenly, "I can't believe I'm hugging you right now!"

Katara hugged her brother back fiercely. "I can't believe it either."

"I've missed you, Katara," Sokka whispered, rocking back on his heels to stare down into her face once more, "I have missed you so much!"

"I've missed you too."

Sokka lurched back for her, his eyes darting across her face as if he were trying to memorize every line of her. "I…I suppose you know about Gran," he whispered, "Is she here with you now? And Mom? Is Mom here too? How did you feel when you saw her again? What did she say? Did she miss us?"

He fired the questions at Katara rapidly, asking a new one even before she had the opportunity to answer the previous one. She laid her hand against his forearm to calm him. She needed only to murmur his name for Sokka to fall into silence. "Yes, I know about Gran," Katara murmured, "I saw her when she first came and, at first, I didn't even recognize her because she looked so different…so young."

"Is she here now?" Sokka pressed, already craning his neck for a glimpse of his grandmother.

Katara shook her head. "She's in a different place from here," she explained, "The dead come to this place when it's their time for reincarnation. Mom had already reentered the cycle by the time I arrived. I never saw her at all."

As she spoke, Katara's blue gaze was inevitably pulled over towards Aang. Their eyes met in an intense stare. He had heard every word she had said to Sokka and she could tell he was grappling with them emotionally. None of them were in a mind frame to even accept that she was dead. And the idea that she would soon become completely inaccessible to them was somehow even worse. She could tell they were in denial and truthfully so was she. For that reason, Katara didn't press the matter, even though they all knew the truth.

"It doesn't matter right now," she told her brother, though her eyes were still trained intently on Aang as she spoke, "You found me here and that's incredible enough." She turned a wistful smile towards Sokka. "Let's just enjoy the time we have for now."

She and Sokka hugged again and, invariably, her gaze was drawn back to Aang. Thus far, they hadn't spoken a single word to one another, hadn't touched at all. But that look between them transmitted more feeling than any words possibly could have done. It was as tangible as a physical caress, filled with longing and love.

Sokka and Suki didn't seem to notice the lovers' preoccupation. The reality of Katara standing there, talking and smiling was almost too much to handle. But Toph, always the quickest to recover even under the most emotional of circumstances, noticed the persistent look of longing between Aang and Katara…and it worried her. As amazing and miraculous as the moment was and as happy as everyone was to see Katara again, Toph was vibrantly aware of the fact that it was temporary. Eventually, they were going to have to say goodbye to her again.

Nothing had changed. Just as her eyesight would disappear once they left the spirit world, so would Katara. It was all illusion there, a world filled with the heart's greatest desires, but also designed in such a way to snatch them back the instant a person reached for them. Toph knew that she was prepared for the loss, of her eyesight and Katara as well, but she wasn't so certain that Sokka, the kids and _especially_ Aang were prepared…and the thought frightened her a lot. Aang had managed to climb out of that pit of despair once before, but Toph was uncertain whether he could do it a second time.

Aang and Katara continued staring at each other until Suki tentatively approached for her own hug. Katara almost didn't register her coming forward until Suki had wrapped her arms around her. Aang was just as oblivious to his surroundings. Kya and Bumi chattered to him almost nonstop, tugging in tandem on his arms and legs and vying for his attention. But Aang kept watching their mother with a faint smile, as if he wasn't hearing a single word they said at all.

Forcing herself to concentrate on Suki, Katara returned her sister-in-law's embrace, grunting a little when Suki squeezed her hard. She both laughed and cried when Suki began palming her cheeks like a blind person, squishing them and pinching them in an almost comical fashion. Katara suspected that Suki was trying to come to grips with the idea that she was actually standing there. Suki confirmed those suspicions with her next words as Katara covered Suki's hands with her own and smiled.

"This doesn't feel real," Suki whispered thickly.

Katara inhaled a shaky breath. "It doesn't feel real for me either, Suki."

Her sister-in-law blinked rapidly in a valiant attempt to keep her tears at bay. "I'm dreaming, aren't I?" Suki glanced over at Sokka, who was also regarding his sister with the same dazed expression. "This is one crazy, whacked out dream, isn't it? We must have had a hit of the cactus juice or something."

"That has to be it…" Sokka murmured with soft incredulity, "You're having a drug-induced hallucination and I'm having the same one. When I wake up, we're both going to laugh about how nuts it was that we had the same dream."

"Well, if this is a dream," Toph said, finally stepping forward for her own hug, "I wouldn't mind sleeping for a while."

Katara regarded her with a wobbly smile. "That's not much of a change. You've never minded sleeping, Toph."

The two women came together in a tight hug, overcome with equal emotion. Toph allowed herself only the briefest moment of respite and joy before she shrugged out of the embrace. "Alright, that's enough of that, Sugar Queen. You're not turning me into a blubbering mess of jelly." She grinned at Katara, reaching out to flick at one of her signature hair loopies. "Really, Katara?" she teased, "You're in a new place, running with a new crowd now. You couldn't do something different with your hair for once?"

Frowning in mild affront, Katara swatted at her hand. "Excuse me? For your information, I…" Katara paused mid-rant, belatedly realizing what Toph's flippant comment signified. She gaped. "Wait. You…you can see me?"

Toph nodded happily. "And for the record…I think you're as pretty as you sound. It's nice to finally put a face to the voice of my conscience."

"Oh, Toph…" Katara choked, her emotions welling anew as she yanked Toph close for another hug, "You have no idea how much I've missed you…how much I've missed all of you." Her eyes, once again, found Aang's over Toph's shoulder.

Sensing her unspoken yearning, Toph whispered into her ear, "Go to him. He's waited long enough, Katara. You both have."

With a wooden nod of agreement, Katara gradually pulled herself from Toph's embrace and began floating across the canopy of clouds towards Aang. He, too, was being nudged along by their children with giddy whispers of "go to her, Daddy…kiss her, Daddy," until finally, Katara and Aang met each other somewhere in the middle. All the while, the longing look between them never wavered.

When they were within literal inches of one another, they froze, regarding one another with uncertain smiles tempered with grief and sorrow. And then the resistance between them broke and they fell into each other's arms with tearful cries and searching kisses. The instant Aang's arms went around her, he knew he wasn't going to be able to let her go again. Even as the reasoning part of him recognized that very soon the life they shared wouldn't even be a memory for Katara anymore, Aang _could not_ accept it.

He kissed her lips and eyes and cheeks before returning to her lips again, tasting her over and over and yet feeling as if he would never get enough. "Are you really in my arms right now?" he whispered into her mouth, a sob catching in his throat as their tears mingled together on his tongue, "I've dreamed about this so many times, Katara, and for so long that I'm afraid to believe it's real."

Her fingers curled into the loose material of his robes to grip him tightly, skimming his back and shoulders before she reached around to cup his face. "It's real, Aang," she whispered back, "This isn't a dream. I'm here with you. We're here together."

"For now…" he pointed out forlornly.

She favored him with a tremulous smile. "Let's not think about that. I don't care. I just want you to hold me now."

For the moment, it didn't matter that they had an audience. Neither Aang nor Katara were aware of anyone else except each other. It was almost as if they had retreated to their own world.

Aang gathered her closer, curling into her body and nestling his face in her hair. "This is the best and worst feeling ever. I'm not sure I can let you go, Katara."

"I know," she whispered sadly, "I'm not sure I can let you go either."

He leaned back to look at her again and swallowed roughly, feathering his fingers over the ridges of her cheekbones, the lush curl of her lashes and the soft fullness of her lips. "I have missed touching you so much."

She pressed a light kiss to his fingertips before turning another into his palm. "And I've missed having you touch me," she confessed in a small voice suffocated by tears, "I kept trying and trying to reach you before…but I couldn't hold on. I thought…I thought that maybe I might never see you again…that maybe we'd never have _this_ again."

"But now we're together and we're a family again," Kya said, a happy, expectant smile blooming across her face, "and everything is going to be okay now, isn't it? We can find a way to stay together, can't we?"

Reality asserted itself again with Kya's hopeful reasoning. Unable to answer their daughter or kill the optimism they could see flaring to life in her eyes, Aang and Katara wordlessly pulled both their children into their embrace. They sank down to their knees to huddle around them, weeping softly.

"How are we supposed to leave her here?" Sokka asked, voicing aloud the question that was pounding in everyone's minds right then, "We can't do that! We can't leave her here. There has to be another way!" He threw a wild look over towards Aang. "Right? There has to be, right? Aang, I _can't_ leave her here!"

Hearing the rising denial in his tone, Katara sniffled and reluctantly pulled herself from her family's desperate hold. She looked around at the devastated faces of her loved ones. "Sokka, I can't come back with you to the physical world. You _know_ that. That's not how it works."

Kya threw her arms around her mother's waist and buried her face in Katara's belly, holding on so tightly that she momentarily stole Katara's breath and her own. "Mom, don't say that! Dad's the Avatar!" she cried, "Can't he figure out a way? I don't want to leave you again, Mom! I can't!"

Aang flinched helplessly as Bumi began to cry as well. He wrapped himself around his mother's leg. "Please…please, Mom… We can't go back home without you," he sobbed, "Please come back with us… Please…"

Katara threw Aang a pleading look, both her tears and his running freely now. It was a fruitless gesture. He looked ready to throw himself at her feet right along with their children. Still, she silently begged him to do what she couldn't. "Come take them, Aang…" she pleaded in a pained tone, "I can't tell them goodbye…"

When it became apparent that Aang had no more will to let go than she did and that he was on the verge of breaking down completely, Toph came and gently untangled a hysterically sobbing Kya and Bumi from their weeping mother. It stunned her to see what a perfect mixture Kya and Bumi were of their parents. She knelt down before them, her eyes darting sympathetically over their small faces which were contorted with grief. Seeing the children's anguish also reflected on their parents' faces was especially hard. It was one thing to _know_ that a person was in agony and to _hear_ it, but it was a devastating thing altogether to _see_ it. Toph was horrified to realize her own tears were welling up.

"Do you two remember what we talked about before?" she prodded Kya and Bumi when they continued to sob inconsolably, "Remember when I told you that sometimes you're going to have to be strong?" They both nodded miserably. "This is one of those times."

"But I don't want to say goodbye! We can't leave her," Kya sobbed, "We can't…we can't…"

Toph glanced over her shoulder at Sokka and Suki, silently pleading for their support but Sokka could barely meet her eyes. As Kya and Bumi ran back into their mother's arms, refusing to be parted from her again, Toph went over to stand with Sokka and Suki. She nodded over to where the family of four stood huddled together and clutching one another tightly.

"We're going to have to physically drag them out of here," she said in a low tone, "They're not going to leave otherwise."

"They want to be with their mother," Sokka ground out, "Why is that wrong? I don't want to rip them away from her. I can't do that, Toph!" His voice broke on a shuddering sob. "I don't want to leave her either."

Suki leaned over to drop a comforting kiss to his shoulder before reaching down to take hold of his hand and give it a gentle squeeze. "I know that this is tearing you apart inside, Sokka. It's tearing us all apart, but we can't stay here. Toph is right. We have to go. Aang doesn't have the strength and neither does Katara. We're going to have to do it for them."

"You heard what Aang told us before," Toph whispered, "If we don't leave now, we might never get home."

Unable to argue with them because he knew, somewhere underneath his pain and grief, that they were right, Sokka jerked a nod and reluctantly walked over to Aang. He nudged the airbender in the back to catch his attention and then furtively drew him off to the side. "It's getting late now," he told Aang, "The solstice will be over soon. We need to go."

"I know," Aang acknowledged gruffly, "So go. Take the kids and get out of here."

Sokka snapped erect in stunned reaction. "You're not coming with us?"

"I can't go, Sokka…not just yet. There are things Katara and I haven't said to each other…things we _need _to say…"

He wasn't surprised by the answer, but expectation made him no less anxious when he received it. "Aang, I don't think that's a go—,"

"Listen to me," Aang urged before he could begin to argue further, "I'm not going to get stuck here. I don't face the same dangers that you do. I can move freely in and out of the spirit world, remember? I'll be fine."

"I'm not worried about you being stuck here! I'm worried about you wanting to come back."

"I'm going to come back, Sokka," Aang promised, "I will. Just take the kids home for me. Please."

"How are we supposed to get back without you, Aang? _You_ led us here!"

Aang reached out to place his hand in the center of Sokka's chest. His fingers glowed briefly and Sokka felt a jolt shift through his body, flooding him with an eerie sense of calm. The sensation rippled out as quickly as it began and when it was over Sokka had no doubts that he could find his way back home. "Now you know," Aang said simply.

Sokka growled at him. "I hate it when you do stuff like that." Aang bit out a soft laugh and the two men came together in a brief hug. Sokka clapped Aang firmly on the shoulder before taking a step backwards. "Take care of yourself, Aang, and try to remember you have people who need you on the other side." They exchanged a tacit look of understanding before Sokka glanced over at Toph and Suki and indicated with a small nod that it was time.

Afterwards, he took a shaky breath and approached his sister for what he knew would be the last time. Katara stared up at him over the tops of her children's heads with wide, blue eyes that reminded him of the frightened little girl she had once been. Sokka felt his protective brotherly instincts rise up in him, but he knew, in this situation, there was very little he could do for her. Katara had to walk a certain path now, whether he liked it or not. Sokka _had_ to find a way to accept that. The most he could do was to the transition as easy as possible.

With a rough swallow, Sokka crouched down before her, indicating without a word that he had come to take the children. Katara's eyes flashed with gratitude before filling with tears. She pressed trembling kisses to the crowns of both Bumi and Kya's head and then gradually slackened her hold on them both.

"I love you," Sokka mouthed to her as he reached for Kya.

"I love you too," she mouthed back, "Thank you."

Suki and Toph came to kneel alongside him, both of them whispering their goodbyes as well. By the time it was over, everyone was weeping openly. Losing Katara once had been excruciating enough, but this time was beyond agony. Perhaps it was because they were faced with the prospect of shattering the children all over again.

The instant Sokka took hold of Kya and tugged her from her mother she began screaming frantically, fighting and kicking and clawing with all her might. It took every ounce of strength Sokka had to hold her. Bumi was snatched away almost simultaneously by Suki and his reaction to being parted from his mother was just as visceral. He reached out for her desperately, screaming and screaming for her. Aang and Katara turned away from the scene, unable to watch as their children were physically dragged away, both of them weeping in near hysteria. They wept hysterically, pleading with Aang and Katara not to let them be taken away.

It was a horrible feeling, pure agony to hear their children's distressed pleas to stay echo through the vast emptiness that surrounded them. Aang and Katara crouched together in a tight ball of misery. Even when Sokka and Suki had managed to pull Kya and Bumi some distance away and the sound of their screams began to lessen, Aang and Katara could still hear their anguished cries ringing loudly in their ears.

Toph hesitated in following them, noting at the last minute that Aang hadn't moved. He continued to linger with Katara. "Aang, what are you doing? Aren't you coming with us?" she asked him.

Aang and Katara exchanged a tormented glance before he replied, "I just need a little more time with her…to say goodbye. That's all."

"Are you sure you can handle that?" Toph pressed him uneasily. He nodded, but the expression on his face screamed otherwise. Toph leaned in closer to him. "Do you need me to stay with you? I'll do that if you need, regardless of the risk."

"No. I'm fine," Aang reassured her, "I need this time alone with her, Toph. It's important to me." He glanced over briefly at Katara. "To both of us."

She was reluctant to accept that, reluctant to leave him there at all because she wasn't altogether sure that she would ever see him again. However, Toph didn't attempt to change his mind either. She understood that this was a journey he had to take and, for that reason, she nodded her acceptance even as she feared it wasn't the wisest choice he could make.

"Okay. We'll be waiting for you on the other side."

After one final glance of farewell at Katara, Toph started to turn away. Suddenly unprepared to say goodbye to yet another person, Katara waylaid her departure and ran up to Toph to give her another hug. "This is going to be the last time we ever see each other, Toph," she whispered, "I don't want to say goodbye to you."

"I know," Toph whispered back, "I don't want to say goodbye either."

"Will you take care of them for me…I mean…_after_… They're going to need someone."

Toph blinked back the acrid tears forming in her eyes, a caustic laugh tripping from her lips. "I can barely keep my own life together. What makes you think I'm that someone, Katara?"

"Because I watched you with them a little while ago…with the kids and Sokka and Aang," Katara told thickly, "I know you'll be strong for them when they can't be strong…and they need that." She glanced over to where Aang stood, waiting for her. "_He_ needs that."

"Katara…you don't know how hard this past year has been for him. He's not going to leave you," Toph murmured sadly, "I don't think he can."

"Yes, he can. And he will, Toph. He's not going to have a choice."


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**A/N: Just a heads up. This chapter contains romantic Kataang. Those who aren't interested in that sort of thing should skip this. However, I also want to point out that, after this chapter, this story will focus on Taang exclusively. (And I'm not just saying that. I know because I finally completed this entire fic (all 31 chapters) yesterday.) Just needed to get that out.**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

"I think that was one of the hardest things I've ever done."

Following that forlorn statement, Katara pivoted to face Aang with a shuddering breath. With everyone gone now, it seemed almost uncomfortably quiet. She wasn't surprised to find Aang watching her, looking every bit as miserable as she felt. He straightened awkwardly in the cloudy mist, strangely at a loss for words now that they were alone. Katara dropped her eyes self-consciously in the pervading silence.

"So…" she opened rather clumsily.

"So…" he responded with equal clumsiness.

"Here we are…"

"Yeah…"

"I heard you were living with Toph now." There was very little finesse to that opening but Katara imagined that it might, at least, break the ice between her and Aang…and it did.

Aang blushed such a brilliant shade of red that it was difficult for Katara not to smile. "Uh…no, it's…it's not like that," he stammered in protest, "I'm helping her out or… She's helping me out. I don't know. It's…it's complicated."

"Kya and Bumi told me that she had a baby."

"Yeah," Aang confirmed softly, "A little more than three months ago. A baby girl. She named her Lin."

"I have a hard time imagining Toph as a mother."

"So did she? She had a rough time of it in the beginning," Aang admitted, "But she's getting better."

"With your help," Katara surmised softly. He ducked his head, fidgeting uncomfortably at her comment. "It's not an accusation, Aang," she sighed, "I'm just…surprised, I guess. I never would have expected that."

"It surprised me too, Katara."

"Do you know who the father is?"

Aang shrugged. "I've never met him and Toph says that he's out of the picture now. She's going to try and raise Lin on her own."

"That's going to be a big job."

"It is," Aang agreed, "That's why I'm helping her…or she's helping me. It's gotten kind of muddled in the last few months, I guess."

"You're helping each other," Katara surmised quietly.

"Yeah, we are…"

"Tell me about Tenzin," she urged after a beat or two of silence, "I want to know everything that I've missed. Kya says that he's an airbender."

"Yes," Aang confirmed with a wistful smile, "I found that out one day when he sneezed and flew ten feet in the air."

Katara's eyes twinkled with the brief glow of merriment. "Are you sure it wasn't higher than that?" She and Aang exchanged a laughing look over the inside joke, but then sobered rather quickly afterward. "So…so what is he like?" Katara wondered gruffly, "How does he look?"

"Fat," Aang provided almost laughingly, "He's got these big round cheeks and chubby legs. He has a ton of dark, brown hair the same color as yours and big gray eyes and…I think he looks like us both, Katara."

"What else?" she prompted eagerly.

"He's a serious little guy, very determined and stubborn at times," Aang recounted softly, "He definitely has an airbender's mentality. When he encounters an obstacle, he finds a way around it every time."

"How so?" Katara pressed with a fascinated smile.

"Like, for instance…he didn't get crawling right away. Somehow that hand-knee coordination eluded him and he just couldn't make it happen. So, he decided to find another way and he would drag himself along by one arm and then use his toes for leverage." Aang smiled at the mental image. "It was adorable. And then, by the time he realized he could bend air…there was no stopping him from getting around. He's walking now."

"Walking…" Katara echoed, clearly greedy to hear more and tortured by the stories at the same time, "When I saw him last, he was so small and…" She choked off into emotional silence. "I can't believe he's _walking_ now." Katara wilted a little with the revelation, her shoulders slumping forward heavily. "I can't believe I've missed so much…missed all of his milestones. He's going to grow up without a mother and…and I can't help but feel like I've failed him."

Aang reached out to pull her into his arms and hold her close. "You haven't failed him, Katara. You gave your life to give him a life. That's the greatest gift a mother could give a child."

Although Katara nodded in seeming acceptance of Aang's words, she shrugged out of his arms nonetheless. "It's funny how things change, isn't it?" she mumbled, more to herself than to Aang, "It feels like I've only been here a little while and already things are so different from what I remember. Everything has changed so much."

"You've been here ten months and seventeen days, Katara," Aang whispered gruffly. She met his shadowed gray stare across the swirling mist. "That's how long we've been apart. That's not a 'little while' at all. And not so much has changed…not for me anyway. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about you."

"Aang, I—,"

Before Katara could prepare herself, Aang had closed the distance between them again and was stifling the flow of her words with his lips. At first, she was too stunned to respond to him but, once she responded to the shock, Katara kissed him back with matched fervor. It was a long time before they parted again and once they had, Aang cradled her face and rested his forehead against Katara's, needing to be close to her still.

"That is _all_ I have dreamed about for nearly eleven months," he uttered hoarsely, "I could go on kissing you for the rest of my life."

Katara emitted a mewling whimper of despair. "Aang, you know you can't stay."

"You keep saying that. But I have no idea how I'm supposed to leave you."

"Because you have more important things to consider! Our _children_ need you," Katara answered fiercely, reaching up to grasp hold of his wrists and pull his hands from her face. "The _world_ needs you! Life didn't end just because _mine_ did! You have to let go!"

"_My_ life ended, Katara," he hissed, "I don't know how to let go! I have been trying to put myself back together ever since you died, but I don't know how I'm supposed to pick up the pieces. I don't know how I'm supposed to live in a world where you don't exist anymore!"

Aang reached for her again, but she whirled out from beneath the attempt. "Do you think I want it this way?" she cried, "Do you think I like standing here and watching my children be hauled away kicking and screaming and all because they wanted to stay with me? Do you think I like saying goodbye to you?"

"Well, you don't have to be so accepting of what's happened either!" Aang retorted, "You could keep on fighting! You could work with me to find a way around this. You don't have to just give up!"

"Aang, are you listening to yourself? There are no brainstorms for this situation, no ultimate plan that we can devise! I am dead, sweetie. _I am dead!_ You cannot undo this!"

"You did," he replied quietly, "When I died after Azula shot me down, you brought me back to life, Katara. Why can't I do the same for you? I know that if there's a way to kill a spirit then there's a way to bring you back to life. I just have to find it. Maybe Wan Shi Tong has the answers."

Katara stared at him in frozen shock and shook her head in mute disconcertion. Finally, she whispered, "Aang, you don't mean that. What Zhao did at the North Pole all those years ago was an abomination. It wasn't right. And what you're thinking about isn't right either."

"I don't care."

"I don't believe you."

"Why not? You don't think I can be selfish? The _whole world_ is selfish and I can't be?" Aang cried indignantly.

"I know you can be selfish, Aang," she acknowledged softly, "But it's not something you embrace." He slumped forward with a defeated sight. "That's not who you are," she went on in a whisper, "That's not the boy I fell in love with or the man I married. And that's not the man I still love now."

"I love you too. That's why what you're asking me to do feels so impossible."

"And yet, I'm still asking," Katara reiterated softly, "Because I _know_ you can do it and because we don't have a choice. I don't want you to suffer anymore. I don't want our children to suffer. You can't lie in bed all day and pretend they don't exist, Aang."

His countenance darkened with shame even though her words had been free of censure. "They told you about that?"

"Yes, they did. You've been depressed. That's no reason to feel ashamed."

"It's more than that, Katara," he mumbled self-effacingly, "I haven't been a very good father to them at all."

"That's not what Kya and Bumi told me."

Aang grunted. "They're too young to know the difference."

The corner of Katara's mouth tilted in a bittersweet smile. "I don't think you give our children enough credit. They are very intuitive and very smart. They know you've been hurting and they've made allowances for that. They love you, Aang. But that doesn't mean you can go on the way you have been."

"I…I know," he stammered, "And I've been trying to get better. I really have."

"And you have to _keep on_ trying, Aang. Our children are so scared and they are so afraid of losing you like they lost me. You're the only stability they know, Aang."

"And you're the only stability _I_ know," he countered, "So how am I supposed to keeping being strong for them when I can't be strong for myself?"

"You'll find a way," Katara promised, "I found a way after my mother died and so did Sokka and my father. And then, later, Sokka found a way after Yue died. It's not that I expect you to get through this without stumbling. You're going to fall and you're going to experience times so dark that you'll want to give up, but that's when you have to stand back up again, brush yourself off and _keep going_, Aang. I need you to keep going. I can't bear the idea of you hurting anymore."

"I'm going to hurt as long as we're apart. That is a matter of fact."

Katara buried her face in her hands. "Aang, please…"

"Listen to me, Katara…all I have wanted since I came out of that ice and learned that my people were gone…was you," he uttered brokenly, "That was all I wanted then and that's all I want now. You gave me hope and a reason to fight and later you gave me a home and a family. I belong with you. Everything that means anything at all to me is wrapped up in you. I don't want to walk away from you now like that meant nothing. I don't want to lose you for a second time."

"But, Aang, don't you see…" she wept desolately, "I'm already gone. There's nothing for you to lose that hasn't already been lost."

His breath caught in a painful gasp with those agonizing words. Aang closed his eyes and averted his face, not wanting to hear the truth and not wanting to see it reflected in her eyes either. He bit down on his lower lip to stifle the sobs that rose in his throat. "What do you want me to do, Katara?"

"Go home and love our children," she whispered, "Hug them often. Raise them to be good people. Watch them grow up and get married and start families of their own. But, most importantly, be happy, Aang." She approached him tentatively and reached out to cup his cheek, bringing his watery gray gaze back to her tortured blue one. "Please…" she pleaded when he wouldn't respond, "…for me…"

A series of harsh sobs broke forth from Aang's chest, the manifestation of months' worth of stored misery. He had never been able to deny Katara anything she asked of him and he knew he would be unable to deny her now. Aang hunched forward in defeat. When he finally managed a spasmodic nod in answer to her trembling request, Katara rose up onto her toes to press her mouth to his in an aching kiss.

Aang didn't respond to her right away. He didn't turn away, but he didn't kiss her back either. Instead, he held himself rigid against her, resisting her tender nibbles at his lower lip. She persisted, tracing her tongue delicately along the seam of his lips, tasting the salt of his tears, seeking and seeking until he finally opened his mouth and kissed her back. The air around them seemed to sigh as the tension between them began to melt away and they became lost in each other's arms.

There was no conscious thought of any further intimacy than that, but neither of them could resist the urge to run their hands over one another, to touch and caress familiar places. When Aang and Katara gradually broke their kiss they discovered with only a mild sense of astonishment that their clothing had dissolved away with nothing further from them than their pressing need to have all barriers between them removed. Somehow the yearning of their subconscious was made manifest, their deepest desires being granted without a word ever being spoken. They kissed again, fiercely, hungrily and deeply, and sank down together into the billowing bed of clouds that surrounded them, joining themselves together for what they knew would be the last time.

Afterward, they floated together on a cloudy canopy, their bodies intertwined and their hearts subdued. Aang stroked his hand absently up and down the length of Katara's bare shoulder while she lay with her cheek pillowed against his chest and drew small circles around the indentation of his navel. She plucked lightly at the sparse line of dark hair that grew there. It was a habit Aang remembered well and one he knew she did only when she was preoccupied with something. He smiled and covered her nimble fingers with his own.

"It would be easier if you told me what was bothering you," he murmured with a small laugh, "instead of taking it out on those poor, innocent hairs. They've never done anything to you."

Katara released a sheepish groan and buried her face into his chest. "Sorry. I didn't realize."

He tangled his hand in her hair to gently lift her head for his kiss. "It's okay. I've missed having you do that. I've missed laying here with you like this."

"But it's destined not to last," she murmured sadly.

Aang's smile gradually melted into a look of pensive misery. "Is that why you did this with me? Because you felt sorry for me or something?"

"Being with you has _never_ been about pity, Aang. Why would you ask something like that?"

"You're so reasoning and accepting about all of this. I can't understand it."

She favored him with a tender smile. "What choice do I have? I died, Aang. I didn't want to and this isn't the end I would have chosen for us at all…but it's the one we have." He tried to look away from her, but she determinedly nudged his gaze back to hers. "Sweetie, we've gotten more than most people do. We've had this chance to be together one more time and we can make our goodbye whatever we want it to be. This time, it can be on our terms."

Aang brushed his knuckles across her cheek. "And if I don't want to say goodbye?"

Katara shook her head with a sad smile. "That's not an option."

"Is that the reason you made love with me?" he asked, "To tell me 'goodbye' on your own terms?"

In answer, Katara leaned forward and feathered a sweet, trembling kiss across his mouth. "I did this because I wanted to be with you, Aang," she whispered, "Because I wanted to have this last memory of you, if I could…because I want to take it with me wherever I go next."

His heart lurching a little with the unspoken implication, Aang lifted trembling hands to sweep the skeins of dark hair back from her face. "How much time do we have?"

"It's soon. I can feel the change happening."

"How does it feel?" he managed to ask past the ache in his throat.

"Strange…like I'm disconnecting…floating away…"

"What should I do?"

"Hold me," she whispered, settling back down against him, "I want it to happen while I'm in your arms, Aang."

He sifted his fingers lightly through her hair, his heart pounding with anxiety and dread, his belly rolling with nausea. Although, he wanted to weep and beg and demand that she not go, Aang knew that this was something Katara had no control over. It was something he had no control over. It was simply a heart-wrenching end that they had to accept…that he had to accept.

She whispered his name, momentarily breaking apart his chaotic musings. "Yeah?"

"Do you remember when I found you in the ice?"

"Of course, I do. It was the best day ever. Why do you ask?"

"I used to wonder why I was drawn to you from the very beginning," she explained, "I didn't understand why or how, but I knew that we were connected somehow."

"What are you saying? You mean like we were predestined to marry or something?" His brow furrowed at the thought. "I don't know how I feel about that."

"No, I don't mean anything like that. I mean that…I felt like I _knew _you already. You were familiar to me. I couldn't explain it, but I knew you from the moment we met, Aang, and I knew that you would become someone very special to me." She rose up onto her elbow to regard him with a tender smile. "And it's only now that I understand why."

"Why, Katara?"

She never had the opportunity to answer him. The words had barely left Aang's mouth when her transference began. An otherworldly glow began to fill Katara's body, emanating from the inside out. He could feel her form begin to shift and dissipate in his arms. He tried to hold on to her more tightly, tried to slow the process but he knew that she was going and there was nothing he could do.

Aang blurted the words from his heart as she began to fade from him. "I love you, Katara! I will always love you. Not even death will change that. _Nothing_ will ever change that!"

Katara offered him one final, trembling smile as she whispered, "I know. We'll find each other in another life, Aang. We always do."

And then she was gone, leaving Aang with nothing except the swirling clouds and the haunting echo of her parting words resonating in his ears.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

"I was starting to think you might not come back."

Aang stopped short at Toph's irate observation and froze in place in the threshold of his front door when she surged to her feet. "Well, I did come back," he answered dispassionately, "So calm down."

"That's it?" she screeched, "That's all you have to say? Aang, you've been gone for twelve days!"

He almost turned on his heel and left then. After what he had just experienced the last thing Aang wanted to deal with was Toph ranting at him. He felt exhausted and emotionally beaten. He wanted nothing more than to retreat into his bedroom and shut out the world. But he recognized the selfish impulse right away and squelched it. That would only take him down the same old road of grief and despair and Aang wanted no part of that. Besides, he had been gone for _twelve days_ and that was a long time. No wonder Toph was ticked off at him.

Aang staggered towards the nearest chair and collapsed down into it. "I'm sorry," he grunted contritely, "I didn't realize how much time had passed until just now when you told me." It was then that Aang became aware of how uncommonly silent the house was. His brow knit in a confused furrow. "Where are the kids?"

"With Sokka," Toph replied, "Like I said…we didn't know if you were coming back and Kya and Bumi have been almost inconsolable. Sokka thought a change of scenery might be good for them. He took them into the city. Bao's with him. She's watching after Tenzin and Lin."

"Oh." Aang flicked her with a curious glance. "Why didn't you go?"

Toph shrugged laconically. "I don't know. It's weird. I had a dream last night that you'd come back today. I couldn't shake the feeling that it was true, so I stuck around today. I wanted to be here in case you actually came back…and you did."

He regarded her with a quizzical look. "Yeah, that is weird. Thanks for waiting though," Aang said, but his tone was neither grateful nor enthused.

"It's your kid's birthday today, by the way," Toph threw out casually, "I thought you might like to know that. So you should probably look alive."

Aang groaned inwardly, the familiar weight of guilt in the pit of his stomach growing heavier. He slumped down in his chair. "That's right," he muttered in afterthought, "Bumi is six years old today. I can't believe I almost missed it."

"Well, before you go into a predictable round of self-flagellation, rest assured that we have something special planned for him later," Toph replied, "All is not lost, especially because all the kid really wanted was you…and his mom, of course."

He slumped further with that mumbled addition. "That's not going to happen."

"Which one? Having his mother or having you?"

"Katara," Aang answered woodenly, "She's gone, Toph. It's over." It was difficult for Toph to grasp what that meant considering the circumstances. She was still flailing around for some sort of comforting response to that, especially because her view was that Katara had already _been_ gone for some time now, when Aang abruptly shifted to his feet. "I suppose Sokka is going to be a couple of hours with the kids, so I might as well make the most of my time."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Toph asked warily.

Aang flicked her with an impassive stare. "It means it's about time I packed up her things, don't you think?" Toph smoothly stepped into his path when he would have headed for the bedroom, planting her hand firmly in the center of his chest to stop him in his tracks. "What?" he demanded impatiently.

"Let me get this straight…you haven't set foot in that room for nearly a year, but now you come back from having this profound spiritual reunion with your dead wife and suddenly you're ready to move on? Just like that?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. Just like that."

"Aang, come on!" Toph scoffed, "This is _me_…lie detector extraordinaire. I know you don't mean that."

"You're the one who's always mocking me for being too emotional and clingy," he bit out in terse accusation, "How many times have you told me to 'grow a pair, Aang?' So what's the problem now? Katara is gone. There's no bringing her back. It's done."

"The problem is that I don't know if you're doing it for the right reasons."

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah, it kind of does!" she cried, "I don't know what happened between you and Katara over there, Aang, but I do know you're not acting right and that concerns me."

"I'm going to pack up her stuff, Toph. It's not like I announced my plan to hurl myself off a cliff or anything!"

"I get that! But that doesn't mean you have to go in there and pack up all of her stuff _now_!"

"Yes, it does," he insisted fiercely, "I want it out of this house! I don't want to think about her anymore."

His reply chilled Toph, shocked her to the point of speechlessness. In the near two decades that she had known Aang, she had _never_ heard him speak about Katara that way. His tone was harsh, cold and bordering on unfeeling. The reality was as foreign as the sun rising in the evening rather than the morning. Toph knew then that something had to be deeply wrong if Aang was shutting down like this. She drew in a shaky breath.

"What happened over there, Aang?" she whispered.

He closed his eyes briefly and, for the first time, his voice quaked with emotion when he said, "I don't want to talk about it." Then he shook it off, becoming distant and emotionless once more. "I want to get the room in order before the kids come home." He swept aside Toph's hand and stepped around her, striding off towards the bedroom with militant resolve. His bravado was fleeting. When he thrust open the door, Aang caught his breath as his rigid veneer received a decimating blow.

The first thing that hit him was the smell. It was almost undetectable in the chilly interior of the bedroom but it was not so diminished that Aang didn't recognize it…and immediately hurt. _Katara._ Sweet, clean…perfect. There had been no smells in the spirit world. No stark reminders of the small things he associated with Katara. Everything had been muted and somewhat distorted over there, so it had been her physical presence that brought back the memories of her scent and warmth. It wasn't like here in the physical world, where his senses came alive…and color, smell, taste and sometimes even texture all reminded him of her.

He ran his fingers over the finished surface of the small table that was situated against the wall as he entered, lingering on the only corrugated spot to be found there. Aang recalled how he and Katara had built that piece of furniture together when they were still teenagers. He had been responsible for the carving, but she had been the one to smooth the wood and finish it. On a silly whim, they had decided to carve their names into the sanded surface for posterity. It was still there, a little worn, but easily discernible: Aang loves Katara 4-ever. Such a childish thing to do back then and yet, more than ten years later, that simple, inelegantly scrawled statement was still true.

With a rough sigh, Aang turned his eyes out towards the remainder of the bedroom. Not much had changed since the last time he had entered. The bed was still immaculate and draped in the cherished pelts that Katara had received as a birthday present from Hakoda years before. He had never been overly fond of those pelts, but they had meant so much to Katara that he had tolerated them. And, on the occasions when they faced a particularly hard winter, he had appreciated them too.

They were carefully arranged now. It wasn't something that Aang had done. After Katara died, he hadn't had much interest in anything, let alone tidying his home. He couldn't recall exactly when the room had been cleaned or who had requested it but someone had obviously taken it upon his or herself to do it. It didn't look at all the way it had when Katara gave birth to Tenzin, but when Aang looked at the bed all he could see was her blood soaking the sheets.

Swallowing down the wave of nausea that assaulted him along with the memories, Aang forced himself to look elsewhere. There was her hairbrush on the small, weathered vanity adjacent to her bed and a warped, clay jar of pale blue beside it that housed her decorative hair beads. Kya had made it when she was six as a gift for Katara. It was hideously ugly, but Katara had cherished it like the most precious thing that she owned.

In his heart, Aang smiled at the recollection as his gaze continued to meander around the empty bedroom. Hanging from a wooden peg on the wall, just on the other side of the doorframe was Katara's water-skins, still filled with water as far as Aang knew. He regretted that she'd not had an opportunity to use that water when she had the strength. Maybe things would have worked out differently for her…for all of them. Aang wondered vaguely if that regret would ever leave him completely.

Painful reminders of her littered the room. Her moccasins at the foot of the bed. The book she had begun reading in the middle of her pregnancy. Even her mending kit was still set out on their hand-carved bureau. Katara had forgotten to put it away after she finished repairing yet another hole in Bumi's trousers. Everything was situated as she had left it…as if she had only left the house for an errand. It was a deceptive scene and suddenly Aang was very tired of looking at it.

With a feral growl of rage and pain, Aang flung out a sharp burst of air. It sliced through the room, obliterating the mending kit into pieces. He targeted the vanity next, blowing aside Katara's brush and hair beads and scattering them across the room. The vanity he wrecked beyond recognition. He blasted it again and again until nothing was left but shards of wood. Aang didn't even realize he was crying, half mad with pain and grief and on an indiscriminate rampage until Toph appeared from out of nowhere and grabbed hold of his arm, preventing him from wreaking further destruction.

"Stop it, Aang!" she bit out sharply, "Stop it before you really do something you'll regret!"

He recognized then that he had been just a hairsbreadth away from destroying that table and Katara's water-skins. Unfortunately, other items in the bedroom were not spared. The place was a mess. The bed was toppled and looked as if it had been ransacked. Clothes and broken clay shards were thrown all over in hapless heaps of debris. Tiny blue beads were scattered. Very little was left intact. He had destroyed nearly all of it and he barely remembered a single moment.

Overwhelmed with remorse, self-hatred and exhaustion, Aang staggered back into the wall behind him and slid to the floor, covering his face with his hand. A moment later, the silence of the room was shattered by the sounds of his harsh, broken sobs. He wept from the inward depths of himself, finally shedding tears that he had kept stored for many months. Toph knelt down beside him and placed her hand on his shoulder. She didn't reject him when he turned into her body for comfort, but instead held him close while fighting back her own tears.

After a few minutes, his sobs began to dissipate. Toph waited until he had regained some of his composure before asking, "Do you feel better now?"

"A little bit," he replied gruffly, "I'm sorry you had to witness that, Toph. I guess I went a little crazy."

"You've had flip outs way worse than this one," Toph told him, "This was tame by comparison."

"Still, I don't want to lose control like that again. I guess it finally hit me that she's not coming back home," Aang confessed in a suffocated mumble, "I'm _not_ going to figure out a way to undo her death. We _aren't_ going to be a family again. We _aren't_ going to grow old together. It's really over."

Toph scooted around to settle down beside him. "I guess I'm not the only one who's been in denial, huh?"

"No…I guess not. I've been lying to myself big time for months and I wouldn't let myself accept the truth. It feels like I've been running in place, expending all of this energy, working and working and working and not getting anywhere. I'm still in the exact same place I was when she died."

"That's not true. You _are_ making progress, Aang. It's slow and it's painful, but you're getting there. That doesn't mean there won't be setbacks along the way."

"Seeing her again was…indescribable, Toph. It was everything I dreamed it would be. I loved every second of it…and I _hated_ it too."

"Would you have rather not had the time with her at all?"

He shook his head without hesitation. "Even as much as it hurts now, I wouldn't trade the time we had together," he whispered, "I'm glad we were able to say goodbye on our own terms. I needed that. Now I can _try_ to let her go."

Toph looped her arm around his shoulder and gave him a quick hug. "You're going to get through this, Twinkle Toes. I don't doubt that for a second."

"Thank you, Toph."

"And in the meantime…" she added with an irreverent half smile, "…you've had an epic, life changing journey that ultimately reunited you with your soulmate and best friend. How do you top that? Now what?"

Aang managed to smile despite the mangled remnants of his bedroom. "Now?" he sighed, "Now I clean up this mess and see what I can salvage. After that, I grovel to my children and hope I haven't emotionally scarred them in some irreparable way."

Toph didn't help him clean up the mess because, according to her, "it wasn't _my_ temper tantrum." Somehow, her refusal was endearing to Aang rather than annoying. In spite of that seeming indifference, Toph did stay with him and listen to him talk as he sifted through his and Katara's belongings and, he appreciated that. Aang took meticulous care deciding what he would keep and what he would throw out. He lamented having not kept Katara's necklace because he would have liked to pass it down to Kya but, at the time, it had seemed fitting for Katara to be buried with it…since it had meant so much to her in life.

Other things remained, however. Her hair beads, her water-skins, the ornate hairbrush the Earth King had given to her as a gift, his first love letter to her and her lengthy written reply to it…Aang kept all of those mementos and stored them in an airtight basket, along with several articles of her clothes and her moccasins, for safe keeping. One day he would present them to his children and they could decide what they wanted to keep and what they didn't.

Aang was just finishing up his task of making the bed when Sokka, Suki and Bao arrived back at the house with the kids. When he entered into the living area with Toph, everyone went absolutely still with shock. Aang fidgeted self-consciously under their probing stares.

"Hey," he said with a superfluous wave, "I'm home."

"I knew it!" Bumi cried happily, rushing forward to spring into his father's waiting arms, "I knew you wouldn't miss my birthday!"

Aang hoisted the little boy in his arms with an affectionate smile. "There isn't any place else I'd rather be, buddy," he told him sincerely.

Kya leveled her father with a look that could have pulverized iron. "Yeah, I'm so sure, Dad," she bit out under her breath and then, in a louder tone, she added, "I'm tired. I'm going to my room now."

Without saying anything further or waiting for Aang to respond at all, the eleven year old sidled past him and disappeared into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her hard. The clatter she caused echoed loudly through the corridor. Aang stared after her in stunned silence. "Um…okay," he uttered slowly.

"Kya's real mad at you, Daddy," Bumi provided helpfully.

"Yeah…I'm picking up on that." He regarded Bumi with a contrite expression. "How about you? Are you mad at me too?"

Bumi shrugged. "I was, but I got over it," Bumi chirped, flinging his arms around his father's neck once more, "I'm glad you're home."

"So am I," Aang murmured. He glanced over towards Sokka, who had remained silent during Kya's brief, but antagonistic outburst. "Thanks for watching out for them."

"It wasn't just me. Suki and Toph pitched in a lot too."

Sensing that a good amount of family drama was about to unfold, Bao quickly made her way over to Aang and Toph so that they could exchange cooing hellos with their infants before whisking both babies off towards the nursery. After muttering something about "not trusting that woman," Toph decided to follow after her. Aang was so easily fooled by the flimsy excuse. He suspected that her swift departure had less to do with monitoring Bao and more to do with her desire to give Aang, Sokka and Suki some privacy. She might have taken Bumi with her, but now that he was in his father's arms, the six year old refused to be budged.

Once they were alone, Aang favored Suki with a grateful look. "I appreciate everything you've done this past week. I'll be sure to tell Toph the same."

"We didn't mind it, Aang."

Sokka, on the other hand, was a great deal less kind about the situation than his wife. "Where have you been all this time?" he demanded, "What took you so long? The kids have been a wreck!"

"I know! I'm sorry! I didn't realize that much time had passed," Aang explained, "When I was with Katara it felt like only a few hours had gone by."

Some of the antagonism drained from Sokka's features and was replaced with conflicted regret. "How was she? I mean…was she okay after we left her…when you left her?"

"_She_ left _me, _Sokka," Aang answered vaguely, "I'm sure she's been reborn by now."

Bumi whimpered at that. "So Mom's going to be a butterflybug or something now?"

"Yeah, buddy," Aang whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of his tousled head, "She's going to become something really special…just like she was when she was with us."

Suki reached out to steady Sokka as he staggered a bit. After murmuring a few words of comfort to her husband, she turned towards Aang and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay, Suki," Aang replied, thoroughly surprised when he realized that he _meant_ the words. "Katara has started over. So now it's our turn."

Later, when Sokka and Suki had left to make the final preparations for Bumi's celebration and Toph was entertaining him and the babies with some outlandish story, Aang took the opportunity to duck into Kya's room for a little talk. She was supine across her bed when he opened the door, but once he stepped inside, Kya flipped onto her stomach and turned her face away from him completely. "Go away," she ordered petulantly.

"We're going to be leaving for your aunt and uncle's soon," he said, "Don't you think you should start getting ready?"

"I said go away!" she reiterated more forcefully.

Aang sighed and perched himself on the edge of her bed. "I'm afraid I can't do that, sweetie. I was hoping that you and I could talk a little bit."

She buried her face into her pillow. "Nope." Though her answer was painfully muffled in the down of her pillow, Aang had little trouble understanding her response. "Not interested."

He placed his hand on her shoulder, but then pulled it back when she stiffened at his touch. "Kya, don't be like this," he entreated her gently.

Kya lifted her head briefly to mutter, "I don't want to go to Bumi's party. He's going to have like ten trillion more of them anyway. I'll go to the one he has next year." She promptly hid her face again after that outlandish statement.

Aang resisted the urge to groan aloud in consternation. "Okay, you're mad at me right now. I get that. But that's no reason to take it out on your little brother."

She flipped him a withering, sideways glance. "Bumi won't care whether I'm there or not!"

"Yes, he will care. _I_ will care. And someday, you're going to care."

"Right. You weren't even here until the afternoon!" she bit out, "You almost missed it yourself!"

"That's right," Aang admitted candidly, "I did, but not _on purpose_. And I can guarantee you that I never would have forgiven myself if I had." Kya responded to that with a very loud, very long sigh of aggravation. Once more, Aang clamped down on the desire to scold her. "Will you, at least, tell me why you're so angry with me?" he beseeched softly. She responded to that question with resounding silence. Aang tried again. "I wasn't gone that long on purpose, Kya, if that's what you're thinking. I didn't even realize so much time had passed until I came home."

She flipped over to glare at him then and, for the first time, he realized she had been crying. Her eyes were puffy and wet. "Why did you get to stay when we didn't?"

Aang closed his eyes briefly with a regretful groan. "It would have been dangerous for you to stay, Kya. Your mom didn't want you to be stuck there and neither did I."

"I don't believe you," she mumbled, tears welling, "You just didn't want to come home with us."

"That is _not_ true," Aang insisted, "I'll be honest with you. It was hard to let go of your mother and I didn't want to leave her, but never once did I consider _not_ returning home. Not once."

"I don't understand why you couldn't fix it, Dad!," she wept, "You're the Avatar! You fix everything for everyone else, so why couldn't you bring Mom home? Why did you make us leave her? I wanted to stay! It's not fair!"

Aang pulled her trembling body into his arms and stroked her back in an effort to soothe her hiccupping sobs. "You're right," he murmured into her hair, "It's not fair…but even the Avatar has limits to what he can do. I wish I could have done something to undo this for you…for our whole family, but there was nothing I could do, Kya. I would have changed it otherwise."

Having expended all her accusation and rage, Kya was left trembling in anguish. "I know," she whimpered in a tiny voice, "I'm just so…so angry and I don't know how to make it go away!"

"I know you are and I understand. I'm angry too."

"I'm never going to see her again, am I?" she sniffled into his chest.

"Maybe you will," he whispered, "You just won't know it's her."

Kya tipped back her head to regard him with a shimmering blue stare. "What happens now, Dad?"

"We find a way to go on living without her," Aang told her with a bittersweet smile, "That's what she wanted us to do…and you know me, sweetheart. I've never been any good at denying your mom anything."


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Chapter Sixteen**

The bathroom renovation was finally set to be completed in two weeks, but Toph seriously doubted that she could hold out that long.

It had been a harrowing seven months since Aang had returned from his life-altering journey into the spirit world and life had been a series of highs and lows. In the beginning, there had been a fair amount of tension in the family, lots of fighting and even more tears. There were times when Aang's resolve became extremely shaky. He had moments of indecision where he berated himself for "giving up too easily," and wondered if he had done the right thing. More than once, Toph had to talk him out of a crazy quest to find Wan Shi Tong, the elusive owl spirit with the mystical library.

But time was an effective healer. As the months progressed, those instances became far less frequent with him. Gradually, he began to work around the void Katara had left in his life. He even began sleeping in the bed they'd shared once again, smiling and laughing more frequently until he finally made his peace with Katara's death at last. At the same time, Kya and Bumi struggled to regain some normalcy as well. Bumi constantly battled separation issues, especially when it pertained to his father. He had a great deal of difficulty being away from Aang for long stretches of time and practically zero trust that when Aang left a place he would actually return.

Kya, on the other hand, had days where her anger simply could not be contained. She was bratty, petulant and simply an all out pain in the neck to deal with yet, despite her perpetual tantrums, Aang and Toph helped her both collectively and individually to come to terms with the loss of her mother. Eventually, their perseverance and determination to heal paid off. Kya's angry outbursts eventually lessened to the point where she became the sweet-tempered, albeit bossy, little girl they had once known. Bumi, too, steadily began to relinquish his fear of losing Aang. Life for their makeshift family resumed in deliberate stages.

In the meantime, Toph and Aang grew closer, both as friends and as unassigned co-parents to each other's children. They naturally fell into the routine. Aang would often get up in the middle of the night to care for Lin and sing her back to sleep when she was fussy. Toph, in turn, took it upon herself to act as Tenzin's first, unofficial bending sifu. Naturally, she became an unofficial mother figure in the child's life. Though they had opposite bending elements, she often provided a toddling Tenzin with small obstacles to strengthen his problem solving skills and his airbending.

She did the same with Kya and Bumi and was continually challenging them to face their problems head on. Toph was a stern and brusque teacher although not much of a rule setter or disciplinarian. She made the children work hard, but she never doled out punishment for failure. She didn't expect anything from them that was beyond their abilities. Recognizing that lack of structure…something that Katara had usually been the one to provide, Aang attempted to step up and fill her shoes in that regard.

In time, Aang and Toph's team approach to parenting also compelled them to sit Bumi down and, as a unit, give him the "being a nonbender doesn't make you less special or strong" talk. Toph had even elicited Sokka's help to provide Bumi with a few lessons in hand to hand combat. And when the time had come for Kya to have her very first crush, Aang and Toph both had offered her advice on how to proceed (although Aang's suggestion to let the boy chase her was a great deal more welcome than Toph's idea to freeze him to a tree.).

The familial bond felt natural. Never in Toph's mind, did she consider what she was doing parenting or "raising" Aang's children. She was simply acting as their advocate. She was doing for Kya and Bumi and Tenzin what Katara had done for her. And she loved them all, so it was an easy thing to do. Through an unspoken agreement, she and Aang operated as a unit to rear all four children and, without much forethought or planning, the arrangement somehow worked.

It was little wonder then, given those intimate circumstances that Toph's feelings for Aang would slowly evolve over time. At first, she had been focused on supporting him through the roughest rough patch he had ever endured in his life. Someone had to keep him strong and Toph made that her job. In fact, doing so had helped her in dealing with her own depression and insecurity when it came to raising Lin.

Later, as Aang healed, Toph had been amazed by his resilience and determination and unshakeable optimism. There were times, especially in the very beginning, when she was sure he would never get over Katara's death. And, in many ways, he hadn't, but he was definitely moving on from it. He was living again and that figurative rebirth in him was a breathtaking thing to witness.

Along the way, Toph also found herself enthralled by his easy manner with his own children and her daughter as well. There was no demarcation for him between Lin and his kids. He showered them all with unrestrained affection. Sometimes at night, after her bath, Toph would huddle in the hallway secretly and listen with suspended breath as Aang read the babies bedtime stories or sang them silly songs. In essence, she came to respect certain aspects of his personality that she'd never considered before and, the more she discovered, the more preoccupied with Aang she became.

Suddenly, she was hyperaware of his proximity. The occasional instances when they would bump into each other in the early, sleepy hours of the morning on the way to the bathroom became torture for Toph. Her senses were highly attuned to his scent, his warmth and even his shuffling gait as he passed her in the corridor with a mumbled, "Morning, Toph." Being blind did not prevent Toph from using her special sense to admire the low ride of his pajama bottoms or the sleek, defined lines of his body as he moved.

Her heart rate would increase. Her palms would sweat. And, on some horrifying occasions, she'd completely forget what she was doing. It had dawned on Toph in a burgeoning realization of shock and dismay that she was _attracted_ to Aang. _Aang?_ Toph couldn't pinpoint exactly when the change happened, but once she acknowledged the truth to herself then there was no shaking it.

Of course, Aang was totally oblivious to all this. He would invade her personal space and prance around half naked and generally go about his routine as if he weren't wreaking havoc on her sanity on a daily basis. That simple fact aggravated Toph to no end. Matters were made worse because she literally couldn't escape him. He was everywhere she turned. When she went to work, Aang was there. When she came home, Aang was there. When she spent time with her kid, Aang was there! Essentially, he was driving her crazy…and in every context of the word!

Yet, as aggravated as she was with Aang and his enduring cluelessness, Toph was even more aggravated with herself. Had she not learned her lesson with Sokka? Was that one bout of masochism not enough? Why did she continually fall for men who were emotionally unavailable to her…men who were some of her closest _friends_ to boot? It was like she was _asking_ to be kicked in the teeth! She hadn't even been aware that her feelings for both men were shifting until she found herself in a room with Sokka and felt…_nothing_.

Well, perhaps nothing was too strong a description. Toph certainly didn't feel nothing for Sokka. She still admired him and was fiercely loyal to him, but that strange ache no longer throbbed in her chest when she was in his presence. She could be with him and not feel any longing at all. Instead, now her chest ached whenever she was near Aang. She had been liberated from one hopeless situation only to dive headfirst into another. Something had to give.

Toph knew she didn't have choice in the matter. She needed to move out. Although she had hoped for a while that having a separate bathroom would provide her with enough space to calm the odd new feelings she was having, Toph knew better. A new bathroom wasn't going to change anything. She needed to put some true distance between her and Aang and she needed to do it soon.

With that determination in mind, Toph decided to inform Aang of her decision one morning over breakfast. She waited until Kya and Bumi were out the door and headed for school before broaching the subject with him. She deliberately chose the few minutes Aang had before he would leave for the Council himself, since she had taken the day off to pack her belongings, to inform him of her decision because she knew he wouldn't have time to argue with her about it. Her plan was brilliant, she thought. _And that's why it's destined to fail_, a little voice in the back of her mind added.

Toph entered the living area and listened intently as Aang engaged in an impromptu game of "bending blocks'" with Tenzin and Lin. For a moment, she hovered there, savoring his soft laughter and their children's answering giggles. It was almost like they were a true family, which seemed wrong to Toph on so many levels because this was _Katara's_ family she was daydreaming about…this was _Katara's_ husband. Toph knew she couldn't wait anymore.

"I'm going home," she informed Aang flatly, "First thing tomorrow morning. I thought I'd let you know."

At her declaration, he stopped his activity and regarded her with a puzzled frown. "Uh…what? What are you talking about? You're already home."

"This isn't _my_ home, Aang. It's _your_ home. And I've more than overstayed my welcome here so it's time for me to go. So uh…thanks for the memories and all that."

His frown deepened. "Wait…what? I don't understand. Who says you've overstayed your welcome? Have I made you feel that way?"

Toph squelched the impulse to stomp in frustration. Why couldn't he simply accept what she was saying so that she could leave his house with a little dignity? Was that too much to ask? "Why are you acting so surprised, Aang? This was always supposed to be a temporary thing. The entire reason I moved to Air Temple Island was so that you could help me with Lin. Well, you've helped. Now it's time for me to return to life as I knew it."

"But I don't understand why it's time!" Aang argued, abruptly shifting to his feet, "I thought everything was good between us. Lin is settled here. You're settled here. Why don't you want to stay? Is it me? Is it the kids?"

She wanted to throttle him for being an idiot and kiss him all at the same time. He didn't even realize what he was doing to her! Toph mentally counted to ten before she addressed him again. "I already told you. It's a very simple concept to grasp. This not my home."

"Since when?"

"Since always! I live in Republic City! I have a house there!"

"Which you haven't inhabited for nearly an entire year, so why are you in such a hurry to go back there now?"

"Because I want to! Can't that be enough?"

"But it doesn't make sense! Where is this coming from, Toph?" he pressed, "Why did you just decide to do this all of a sudden? Did I do something? Are you mad at me?"

Toph expelled an exasperated groan. "No, you didn't do anything, Aang!" she bit out shortly, "This isn't about you. This isn't about the kids. This is about _me_. I want my independence back! I miss it and I want to go home!"

"Your independence?" he echoed blankly, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Yet another groan rose in Toph's throat. Honestly, she was simply making up excuses as she went along. She knew it wouldn't take much poking on Aang's part to see through her flimsy explanations. He would suspect she was lying and inevitably question her further and…there was no way in dirt she could deal with him knowing the truth! She could just imagine his freak-out if he learned that she thought she might have romantic feelings for him. She wouldn't have to worry about him arguing for her to stay with him. He'd give her a wide berth from that point onward. The fallout would be horrendous.

It was her all-encompassing fear of that which drove Toph to push him away. She took protective refuge in her anger and irritation. "Would you stop being so clingy?" she snapped, "I have a life and I would like to get back to it, thank you very much!"

"So you're saying I've kept you from having a life? How did I do that?"

"Aang, I never signed on to be a mother of four, okay," she mumbled, "Having one is enough to wear me out mentally."

"So you want to leave because the kids are too much responsibility?" he prodded gently, "Is that it?"

Toph waved her hand dismissively, not wanting to go down that dark and ugly road of reasoning at all. "Don't put words in my mouth!" she huffed, "All I'm saying is that I want to go home! I've made my decision and that's that! It's final. Build a bridge and get over it, Aang!"

"What?" It was clear that the longer the conversation went on, the more befuddled he became, the more determined he was to find out what was really bothering her. "Toph, I can't fix the problem if you don't tell me what it is. I want to help you."

Toph hung her head with a frustrated whimper. "Look," she evaded in a mumble, "You're going to be late. There's no reason for us to argue about this. It's settled."

"It is _not_ settled! You haven't even explained to me the reason why you're doing this!"

"I have been explaining! Is it my fault that you're not listening?"

At that point, Tenzin and Lin both released sharp yelps, alerting Aang to the fact that he and Toph were screaming at each other. The realization stunned and baffled him for two reasons. First, he couldn't remember having anything more than bickering matches with Toph in the months they had lived together. Second, he had no idea why they were yelling at each other at all. After quickly stooping to soothe their agitated babies, Aang once again addressed Toph. "I don't want to fight with you," he sighed, "I don't want to yell. I'm trying to understand."

"No, you're not. You're trying to change my mind and I don't appreciate it!"

"What is with you?" he asked softly, "Why are you getting so testy with me?"

Toph growled at him. "I have a better question. Why are you being such a pain in my a—?"

"Okay, now I _know_ I did something to piss you off," Aang exclaimed, "What? What did I do?"

"I am going to say this slower for you," Toph enunciated, "It has _nothing_ to do with you. I…am…ready…to…leave! Period! End of explanation!"

"What about Lin?"

"What about her?" Toph snapped irritably.

"I love her." Those three, unguarded words were like a physical blow to Toph's chest. She came dangerously close to bursting into tears. For a second, she actually couldn't breathe. Unaware that she was virtually trembling in the aftermath, Aang continued in his candid admission. "I know that she's technically not my daughter, but…I love her like she's my own and I don't want you to take her, Toph. I don't want you to leave."

"It's…It's not like I'm leaving Republic City, Aang," she managed hoarsely, "You can still see her whenever you want. I'll still spend time with Kya, Bumi and Tenzin just like I always have. Nothing has to change."

"Except you won't live here anymore," he concluded in a quiet tone.

"Aang…please don't make this hard. I can't stay here. I need to have my own space again," she whispered, "These last ten months have been really good for me, but it's time I resumed my life. You don't need me anymore and you haven't for a long time."

"I _do_ need you, Toph. My children need you. We have something good here."

"Not for me," she murmured sadly, "Not anymore. I don't want to stay here, Aang. And if you care about me…if you're _really_ my friend, you'll let me go."

* * *

"I don't get why this is bugging you so much."

Aang went to work, but unsurprisingly he didn't get very much accomplished. Although he had several pressing items of business that demanded his attention, Aang invariably found his mind wandering back to the argument he'd had with Toph that morning. Her sudden shift in attitude made very little sense to him. Just a week before, they had attended an Earth Rumble match together, just the two of them alone, and had reminisced on the first time they met. They had a good time. Toph had seemed happy. He had gotten no inkling from her at all that she was considering moving out. And yet, if he was to believe what she had told him this morning, she had been contemplating the decision for some time now. He just didn't get it.

They had a good thing going for them, a seamless system that had worked well for them for nearly a year. It was true that he and Toph had an awkward beginning and there were still some things about her personality that aggravated him, but those quirks were infinitesimal in comparison to Toph's strengths. She was an admirable role model to his children, a strong advocate to them and an invaluable support to him. Sometime in the last ten months, Aang had stopped imagining his family without Toph. He had thought she felt the same about him. In fact, he had been sure of it, which was why Aang couldn't fathom why she wanted to leave at all.

Eventually, his unabated need to understand led Aang to seek out Sokka for some advice. If anyone knew the blind earthbender's inner machinations the best, it was Sokka. Everyone else might struggle with making sense of Toph's mercurial actions, but Sokka never seemed to have that difficulty. Aang had been sure that his friend would be able to provide him with some insight to Toph's psyche. Instead, rather than sharing his infinite wisdom and the benefits of his experience in dealing with Toph, Sokka expressed surprise that Aang was even bothered by her decision at all.

"I thought it was supposed to be a temporary arrangement anyway," he remarked casually as he perused the books lining the walls of Aang's office, "So now it's finally ended. Why are you acting so surprised?"

"It's not so much that she wants to move out as the fact that it came from out of nowhere!" Aang explained, "I don't understand what happened."

Sokka selected a book and began flipping through the pages. "That's Toph for you. She can be an enigma."

"Thanks, Sokka. That helps so much."

Detecting the droll sarcasm in Aang's tone, Sokka shot him a look. "Well, what do you want me to say?"

"I'm hoping you can help me figure out what's going on with her. Make her _less_ of an enigma."

"Fine." After returning the book to its place on the shelf, Sokka tapped his chin thoughtfully and began to pace the length of Aang's office. "Okay, what exactly did she tell you this morning?"

"It didn't make much sense. She said something about wanting her independence and needing her space because…I don't even know why," Aang recounted in mounting frustration, "She never really gave me a straight answer about anything."

"Maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings," Sokka suggested vaguely.

Aang scowled. "Hurt my feelings? What does that have to do with her wanting to leave?"

"Well, yeah," Sokka said, growing to like the theory the more he pondered it, "Think about it. You and Toph are fundamentally different, Aang. You're very social. She's a loner. You're cheerful. She's pessimistic. You're nice. She's _mean_. You, unfortunately, don't eat meat and Toph? Well, she's all about it. It was only a matter of time before you drove her crazy or vice versa."

"But she told me that it didn't have anything to do with me," Aang argued, "She was adamant about that part. There's something else going on with her."

"How has she been acting lately?"

"The same," he answered lamely, "You know…like Toph, only more irritable than usual."

"Aha! That only further proves my theory! She's trying to spare your feelings by moving out. That's the only thing that makes sense. Toph might be mean, but she's not heartless."

"So you're saying that I've probably been getting on her nerves?"

The Water-Tribe warrior lifted his shoulders in an off-hand shrug. "You do have that tendency."

"Thanks, Sokka," Aang deadpanned.

"Besides, there are other things to consider," Sokka added.

"Other things like what?"

"Other things like a social life. Living with the Avatar doesn't necessarily lend itself to dating, you know."

Aang recoiled a bit. "What? Are you saying that Toph wants to date or something?"

"It's possible," Sokka replied.

The response wasn't a welcome one. Aang didn't expect the idea to annoy him so much, but it did. For some reason, the thought of Toph dating filled him with discomfort and…and general discontentment. Bothered, though not greatly, he didn't dwell too much on what motivated those odd feelings. Aang simply assumed that it was the inside knowledge that he had on Toph's feelings for Sokka that made the idea so repugnant to him.

He leveled Sokka with a dubious look and shook his head in dismissal of his friend's hypothesis. "You're wrong. Toph isn't interested in dating anyone."

"How do you know for sure? Have you asked her?" he challenged, "She did have a baby, Aang. Maybe her priorities have changed since then. She has Lin to think about now. It's possible Toph would like for her to have a father."

"Lin already _does_ have a father!" Aang bit out shortly.

"But he's not in the picture anymore, remember?" Sokka argued, not realizing that Aang had been speaking about himself right then, "Toph might not admit it, but she craves stability. She also values her independence. It's possible that she feels like moving out is a way for her to gain both."

"So do you think that's the best thing for her?" Aang considered as he nibbled pensively on his lower lip, "Should I press her to stay or should I back off?"

"You're the only one who can answer that question, my friend. _However_…I think you want Toph to be happy and this will make her happy."

"You're right. I do want her to be happy," Aang sighed, "It's just hard. I suppose I got used to having her around."

"She's a riot to hang with," Sokka agreed, "But I have to admit I'm still surprised you two stuck it out as long as you did. I would have laid odds on you nixing this living arrangement a long time ago. Glad I didn't make that bet. Seems like having Toph stay with you for a while turned out to be a pretty good thing, huh?"

"It was a great thing, Sokka," Aang murmured with a far-off look, "Better than I ever realized."


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Aang," Suki chided upon thrusting open her door, "I specifically told you _not_ to bring anything."

He ducked his head in sheepish amusement as she liberated the dish from his hands. "It's only a platter of fruit, Suki, and it's the least I can do for you making dinner and giving me a night away from the kids." He dropped a quick kiss of hello to her cheek. "So I noticed that you have a bird feeder out in the courtyard as Appa and I flew in," he noted as he ducked past her, "That's new."

"Yeah. I had Sokka build it for me a week ago," Suki explained, "There's this pretty little cardinal-jay bird that has been coming around here every day for months now and I…I guess I feel sorry for her because she's all alone. So I started leaving out a little seed and it's evolved from there. Now she has a house and a bath and a feeder and anything else her little birdy heart could desire."

"Aww, Suki…I didn't know you had such a soft spot for animals."

"I didn't either," she sighed, "But there's something about that bird, Aang…" She shut her front door with a wistful smile. "Anyway, yes, I am a big softie. So deal with it."

"As one softie to another, I don't mind it one bit."

Suki grinned at him. "Well, enough of that. Come in, come in," she urged excitedly, clipping him by the arm and half leading him, half dragging him further into the house, "Sokka is already in the dining room and we also have another guest who has so graciously joined us tonight as well."

Aang stopped in his tracks. "A guest?" he parroted suspiciously, "What kind of guest?"

By now, Suki's shameless matchmaking attempts were legendary. Aang was both endeared and mildly annoyed by her efforts. It had been a little over five months since Toph had moved out and presumably resumed the life she had before she and Aang became roommates and Aang was a bit surprised by how difficult the transition had been…for his children and for _him_. It was around that time, when Aang was trying to regain his equilibrium following Toph's departure, that Suki had taken it into her head that Aang needed some companionship and operation "find Aang a wife" commenced.

After all, Katara had been gone for nearly two years now and he was a single father with three young children. He also happened to be the Avatar. He was essentially on call to the world 24 hours a day. He had a busy life and many responsibilities. Practically speaking then, it made sense to Suki that Aang might begin considering the possibility of remarriage so he would have someone to help him navigate all the chaos. Unfortunately, it made absolutely _no sense_ to Aang at all.

It wasn't that he didn't have occasional bouts of loneliness. He did. He missed having someone to talk to and share the small annoyances he'd experienced during the day. For a while, Toph had been that person. She had been his sounding board, his confidant and, on some occasions, the wingman to his incurable prankster. When she left, it was like a void had yawned open. But after thinking it over, Aang recognized that he couldn't begrudge Toph from having a life just because his had somehow come to revolve completely around her. Well, not _completely_…he corrected to himself.

Sometimes he was plagued by desires even more primal than that of simple companionship. Aang had sexual needs as well. That part of him hadn't died with Katara. Unfortunately, that part of him was tied up _with_ Katara. And, while he craved that physical release still, he mostly craved it with her. There were a few times when, in the throes of some vivid dream, Aang would see himself with another woman but by the time he awakened the memory of her face would elude him completely. He chalked it up to his body attempting to distance itself from craving something it could not have.

But in his conscious reality, no other woman had ever really elicited a sexual response in him besides Katara and, as long as that was true, Aang couldn't imagine embarking on a romantic relationship with anyone. If he wasn't attracted to them, then what was the point? Of course, that crucial detail didn't seem to deter Suki at all.

Suki smiled at him slyly as she ushered a reluctant Aang down the corridor. "It's not what you're thinking," she reassured him.

"It _is_ so what I'm thinking," Aang argued, "You have that weird grin on your face again. That never means anything good for me!"

"Aang, don't be silly."

"Suki, who is it? I swear, I'm not opposed to leaving right now," he threatened.

"Would you stop being so melodramatic? Onji is one of my fellow Kyoshi Warriors now," Suki told him, "_And besides_…she says she already knows you."

No sooner had she said the words than the aforementioned guest materialized, sans traditional Kyoshi garb and makeup, in the dining room threshold with a jaunty smile. She laughed a little at Aang's dumbfounded expression. "Hello, Avatar."

If it hadn't been for Suki's forewarning he might not have recognized Onji at all. She had grown taller, though he still dwarfed her by a good six inches, and leaner in the years since he had seen her last. She had blossomed from a cute, plucky girl into a delicate beauty. Only her eyes remained the same. They were still filled with as much merriment and kindness as they had been when he first met her.

"Onji…I…wow…what are you doing here?" Aang stammered.

"It's a long story," she sighed, "But the gist of it is, I was one of the first cadets to serve in the United Forces. And after I finished my tour, the Kyoshi Warriors caught my attention and I soon decided to join their ranks. I trained for four years before I became an official member and I've been with them ever since. Ironically, I never realized the close connection to you until a few years ago."

"Wow…" Aang breathed again, "I can't believe you're actually standing here right now."

"I could say the same thing about you," Onji returned softly.

"And on that note…I can see you two have _a lot_ to catch up on," Suki drawled meaningfully when Aang and Onji continued to regard one another in amazement, "I'm just going to pop into the kitchen and pull the rest of my meal out of the oven. In the meantime, you two keep doing what you're doing." Aang and Onji watched her skip off with a mutual shaking of their heads.

Onji quirked an eyebrow at Aang. "She's very obvious, isn't she?"

"Very much so."

"I want you to know that I wasn't in on this whole idea to set us up," Onji reassured him, "That was all Suki. But when she invited me to dinner tonight, I couldn't pass up the chance to see you again." A soft look settled over her dark eyes as she murmured, "It really is good to see you again, Kuzon…er, I mean…_Aang. _I'm still getting used to that name."

"It's okay," he laughed, "It's my fault. I never properly introduced myself to you." He inclined himself towards her in a formal bow. "Hello. My name is Aang. I am very pleased to make your acquaintance."

Onji bowed to him as well. "And I am very pleased to make yours as well." They shared a brief spurt of laughter. "So…I don't guess you still have that little monkey, do you?"

"You mean Momo?" He shook his head. "No. Sadly, he died shortly after my daughter's eighth birthday. Kya loved him like crazy too. She took it kind of hard."

"Wow. I can't believe you have a daughter. The last time we saw each other you were just a kid yourself and now you have a daughter."

"A daughter and two sons," Aang clarified with a smile, "They keep me busy."

Onji smiled at him in return only to sober abruptly when she said, "I heard about what happened to your wife, Aang. I wanted to send you something but I didn't know whether that would be appropriate or not…or if you'd even remember me. But I really am sorry for your loss. I know from personal experience how difficult that can be."

Aang stared at her in a stunned beat of silence. "You lost someone too?"

She jerked a somber nod. "My husband. It will be eight years this spring."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Onji."

"I'm sorry too. My condolences to you and your family, Aang."

"Thank you."

"Your wife…she was the girl that you danced with in the cave, wasn't she?"

Aang smiled at the memory. "Yeah. She was."

"I thought so. I could tell she meant something to you," Onji murmured with a thread of wistfulness, "That she was someone very special to you."

"She still _is_ special to me."

Something flickered in Onji's eyes before they brightened considerably and she smiled. "I understand. I hope that you and I can still become friends though despite Suki's 'plans' for us."

"Yes," Aang said, returning her smile, "I would like that very much."

Surprisingly, despite Suki's audacious machinations, dinner wasn't a complete fiasco. Rather than Aang spending the evening fighting off the advances of some pushy female who imagined herself as the Avatar's next wife, he instead spent an enjoyable two hours catching up with Onji on her life and trading stories. He learned that she and her husband had only been married a few years before he was killed in a storm. They had a son together whom she had been raising on her own with the aid of her parents. In many ways, her life paralleled Aang's almost eerily. Given those circumstances, it was easy to feel a kinship towards her.

Suki, of course, saw the potential for much more than that. She spent the evening espousing endless praise for Onji to the point that she had both Aang and Onji blushing furiously. Sokka, meanwhile, had simply reclined in his chair to enjoy his dinner and the entertainment their embarrassment provided. Occasionally, he would roll his eyes over his wife's utter shamelessness, but for the most part he said little to curb Suki's enthusiasm.

By the time Onji left that evening, and with a promise from Aang that he would keep in touch, Suki was grinning from ear to ear. She was so pleased with herself that Aang was surprised she didn't float right off into orbit. Moments after she shut the door behind Onji, she was rounding to face Aang with an excited rush of breath.

"Well?" she pressed anxiously, "What did you think? She was great, huh?"

"She was nice. And funny. It was good to see her again."

Her grin widened. "She's very pretty, isn't she? Great figure. Good legs. Nice smile. And she made you laugh more than I've seen _in months_!"

"Suki, please," Aang groaned, pivoting on his heel to rejoin Sokka in the dining room, "Would you give this a rest already? It's like you're trying to sell me an ostrich-horse!"

"What?" she bleated in feigned innocence, "I'm only making conversation!"

"Right. Sure you are."

"Suki, for goodness' sake, would you lay off of him?" Sokka sighed around a mouthful as they reentered the dining room together, "Aang's not ready to start dating again. When he is, he'll let you know!"

"No, he won't! He'll shut himself away in his house like a hermit like he's been doing for close to two years now!"

"And that's his choice!" Sokka volleyed back, "I don't necessarily like it or think it's healthy, but if he wants to wallow in misery and loneliness, who are we to tell him differently? It's his life!"

"I want him to be happy, Sokka! Don't you want him to be happy?"

Aang followed the bouncing conversation with a lamenting sigh. "Do either of you care that you're talking about me like I'm not even in the room? And, for the record, I'm neither miserable nor lonely. Thanks for asking."

Suki pivoted to face Aang with a huff of exasperation. "I don't understand you at all, Aang! Onji is perfect for you! It's obvious you two hit it off tonight! Why won't you give her a chance? I know she likes you."

"I'm not ready, Suki. I've been in love before and it was the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. I'm not interested in falling for anyone else."

"Because you're afraid you'll get your heart broken?"

"Because I'm still in love with Katara," Aang emphasized, "I'm not ready to entertain the idea of another woman taking her place! Why are you so eager for me to do it?"

"I'm not _eager_. 'Eager' is a very strong word!"

"What do you call trying to pawn me off on every available female that you know? It's getting a little embarrassing, Suki."

"Try a lot," Sokka coughed behind his hand, "I'm humiliated for you."

Suki tossed him a narrowed glare before turning back to Aang. "That's not what I'm trying to do," she replied defensively, "or what I'm suggesting at all."

"Then what are you suggesting?"

"Security, companionship, love, intimacy," she stated, ticking off each point on her fingers, "You still need those things, Aang, even if you don't want to admit it."

"I'm not ready," he reiterated stubbornly.

"Okay, fine! When will you be ready? Tell me that much!"

"Why does it need to happen on a time frame at all?" he retorted, "I don't know, Suki! Maybe I'll _never_ be ready! Maybe I don't want to be with anyone except Katara!"

"But you can't be with her, Aang," Sokka interjected softly.

Aang quickly averted his gaze, dropping it to the ground. "I know that. I'm only saying that maybe it's not possible for me to love anyone else."

Sokka regarded him with a commiserative look. "Listen, I know better than anyone how deeply you felt for my sister," he sighed, "She was everything to you and I get that, but…I don't think it's a good idea to close yourself off to the possibility of finding love again, Aang." He directed a warm look over at Suki. "I did and I know you can too."

"I'm not ready to think about it," Aang mumbled wearily, "Can we please drop this?"

"Sometimes you don't think about it," Sokka told him, "Sometimes it just happens and you wouldn't be fair to yourself if you simply ignored it." He knew that Aang was gleaning the wisdom in his advice when his features became stony with resistance. Sokka pressed on anyway. "I'm not saying I agree with Suki's methods," he said, "because she's being something of a bully about the whole thing…" he paused to make a face at his wife, one which she peevishly returned, "_but_…she has a point. It's okay for you to move on. Katara would have never expected you to cut out that part of your life altogether."

"I'm not saying that she would have expected it. I'm saying that I don't have any interest in dating at this time! Please stop pressing me about it."

Suki threw up her hands. "Good grief! You're worse than Toph!"

Aang blinked at her in confusion, his heart giving a strange lurch with the mention of his former roommate. "What does Toph have to do with this?"

"Oh, you didn't know?" Sokka laughed, "It seems our earthbending friend is as resistant to my beautiful wife's matchmaking efforts as you are."

"What do you know?" Aang murmured with some amusement, "Toph and I actually agree on something for once."

"She threatened to rip off my arms and beat me with them if I didn't quit it," Suki confessed in a mumble, "I think she really meant it."

"Well, I'm not going to do anything as dire as that," Aang chuckled shortly, "I know that you mean well, Suki. You want me to be happy and I love you for putting so much effort into that, but…I am okay. I'm fulfilled. I have my family and my friends and that's enough for me. It's all I need." He leaned over to peck her cheek. "You don't have to worry. I'll be fine."

After he was gone, Suki and Sokka stood at the front door and watched as Appa disappeared into the night sky. "What are we going to do about him, Sokka?" she lamented sadly.

Sokka placed his arm around her shoulder and drew Suki close. "We can't make him be ready to move on, Suki. He has to want it for himself."

"But he won't do it. I can see him spending the rest of his life alone and that seems like such a waste to me. Aang is still so young and he has so much love to give."

"You're right…but I think he gave it all to Katara. It's possible that he'll never get over her."

"I don't expect him to get over her, Sokka. I never have. I know that Aang is _never_ going to love anyone the way he loved Katara. But I don't believe it's impossible for him to love again. I think he can, but he won't let himself consider the possibility." She listened for her blue bird twittering in the distance despite the late hour. "See?" she said with a sideways glance at Sokka, "Even she agrees with me."

"Oh well, if _she_ agrees then that just makes the whole argument!" Sokka drawled.

Suki slapped his shoulder in affront. "Don't mock me! I'm being serious."

"I know you are," Sokka acknowledged, "But my original point still stands…this is something that _Aang_ has to decide on his own when he's ready, in his own time and in his own way."

Somewhere in the darkness, the blue bird trilled again and with her piercing call, a stunning possibility suddenly occurred to Suki. It was an unexpected moment of complete clarity. "I think you're right, Sokka. This _is_ something Aang has to decide for himself and maybe he has…maybe it's something he's already decided, but he doesn't realize it yet," she considered slowly, turning to drift back inside the house. "I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner."

"Oh no. I know that look," Sokka groaned, "Bad things happen when you get that look. Please, Suki. If you have any love for me, please don't act on whatever it is you're thinking."

"Hear me out," Suki entreated before he could go into a rant, "Do you remember how upset Aang was when Toph first told him she was moving out? He was depressed for weeks after she left. He barely even talks to her now. They have this whole separate lives thing happening except for their kids."

"Yeah. So what? She told him she wanted space so he's trying to give it to her."

"Exactly. And what does that sound like to you?"

"Uh…one friend respecting another friend's wishes?" Sokka ventured sardonically.

"A _relationship_, Sokka!" Suki clarified in epiphany, "Aang has practically been in a relationship with Toph this whole time! What if he has feelings for her and he doesn't realize it?"

"What?" Sokka balked with a snort of laughter and revulsion, "That's…That's the craziest thing I've ever heard! Aang does not have feelings for Toph, Suki! They're buddies! They're virtually family! Frankly, the fact that you would even suggest…well, what you're suggesting is a little sick!"

"Sokka, get over yourself! It makes perfect sense," Suki insisted, "Aang says that he's not ready to date, that he's not ready to contemplate the idea of another woman coming in and filling Katara's role in his life, but that's already happened…_with Toph_."

"It wasn't like that," Sokka argued, "They were only helping each other out. It was a temporary arrangement for their mutual benefit and that's all. You're reading way too much into it."

"Maybe I am…and then again maybe I'm not," Suki replied with a wily smile, "There's only one way to find out."

Sokka shuddered when he discerned her line of thought. "You are diabolical, woman. What you're plotting is wrong on so many levels! I don't even know how you sleep at night."

"I sleep just fine thank you very much," Suki intoned rather haughtily, "If Aang and Toph are so opposed to dating other people, that's perfectly okay with me. I can accept that. I'm a reasonable woman. But, let's see how they feel about getting involved with _each other_ instead." She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "It should be very interesting."

Pleased with herself, Suki rubbed her hands together in scheming delight and swished off for the kitchen to clear away the leftovers from dinner with Sokka's groan of consternation following her the entire way.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Chapter Eighteen**

"Hi there."

Toph had sensed that Aang was outside long before she opened the door. She thought she was prepared for the onslaught of emotion due to his presence and proximity. After all, she dealt with it on almost a daily basis in the Council. But somehow she wasn't prepared enough and the moment she heard him utter that soft, almost shy greeting, Toph felt her heart leap into her throat. It also didn't help that he had caught her so early in the morning when her hair was untamed and she was dressed only in a loose cotton nightgown and fresh from a recent bath.

"Hey," she managed around the lump, "Are you here to spend time with Lin because she's having her breakfast right now and—?"

"No, actually…I'm here to see you," Aang interrupted softly, "I need your help with something."

That was a _huge_ admission considering that she and Aang hadn't had an abundance of conversation for quite a long time, not since shortly after Toph decided to move back home. They chatted about work related matters, greeted each other in passing when each one came to visit the other's offspring, and even shared several dinners together over at Sokka and Suki's, but there had been no one on one interaction between them beyond that. And as time passed, the silence between them gradually evolved into tension before it eventually began to harden into unspoken resentment.

Since Toph's abrupt decision to leave Air Temple Island, Aang had avoided her, not because he was angry or resentful over her decision, but because he had been given the impression that Toph wanted him to leave her alone. Toph, in turn, avoided Aang because _he_ was avoiding her, wrongly assuming that _he_ did resent her for leaving and that the silent treatment was his passive aggressive way of punishing her for it. Both were wrong in their assumptions, but neither of them made any effort to clarify matters. Consequently, the misunderstandings between them grew and festered until they were condemning each other for sins neither of them had committed.

Toph leaned into the threshold and crossed her arms. "Wow. You treat me like an afterthought since I left the island and now you have the audacity to come here and ask me a favor after all of that?" she snorted, "That's gutsy. You've got some brass ones. I'll give you that, Aang."

He blinked at her. "Wait a minute. _I've_ treated _you_ like an afterthought? I think you've got this backwards! You're the one who needed space, Toph! You couldn't run away from me fast enough, remember? It's not like I _asked_ you to move out! You ran back here on winged feet!" Her jaw clenched in guilty response but, she stubbornly refused to say a word. "Yeah, exactly," Aang intoned rather smugly, "So you can curb the attitude, Toph."

She snapped upright with that challenge. "Excuse me? I asked you for _space_, Aang, not to pretend like I wasn't alive! You're just upset with me because you didn't get your way!"

"What?"

"That's right! You're ticked at me because I moved out when you didn't want me to! I never expected you to be such a baby about it!"

"Is that really what you think?" Aang uttered in mild disgust, "That I'm being petulant because I didn't get what I wanted?"

Toph refused to be cowed by the disappointment and hurt in his tone. Her stance became one of stubborn challenge. "You haven't given me any reason to think otherwise."

"Wow, you're some piece of work, Toph."

"Really? And how is any of this my fault? I was upfront with you from the start, Aang!"

"Hah!"

She growled at him. "I came to you as soon as I made the decision! You're acting like I packed a bag and snuck away in the middle of the night!" she yelled.

"That's practically what you did!" he yelled back. She muttered something under her breath in response. Aang couldn't quite make it out, but he knew her well enough to discern it was likely an insult. He glared at her.

"Have you taken even five seconds to consider things from _my_ point of view…" he demanded crisply, "I woke up one morning, thinking everything between us was fine, and then you tell me you're moving out. You don't give me an explanation, at least not one that makes any earthly sense, and then you get mad at me when I ask you to stay. You actually pulled the 'if you love me, you'll back off' card! So, after all of that, what was I supposed to think, Toph?"

Toph was loath to admit that he had a point, but when stated so directly and succinctly, she had little choice in the matter. He did have a point. When analyzing her actions from his perspective, her behavior did shout "stay away from me!" And so he had. Upon that realization, much of Toph's righteous indignation faded and was replaced with irritation towards herself rather than him. Unfortunately, without her anger acting as an emotional cover, she felt more exposed than ever.

In retrospect, Toph recognized that she had been all over the place with him. After all the mixed signals she had sent him, Aang was understandably confused but, at the time, Toph hadn't known what else to do. She had been a little desperate. Once she had moved away from the island, she'd hoped devoutly that the enforced distance between her and Aang would help to lessen the growing attachment she felt towards him. She'd thought that, once they weren't in such close quarters, she could begin to get her head on straight again. Unfortunately, in the many months that had elapsed, Toph was still battling with herself to resist the pull towards him. Whatever she felt for him, distance or no distance, it wasn't going away.

She slumped forward, defeated in more ways than one. "I guess you're really angry with me then, huh? I don't blame you."

"I'm not so much angry as I am confused," he sighed, "I thought you _wanted_ me to stay away from you, but then when I do that, you're angry about it. And I still don't know what compelled you to come back here in the first place. I liked living together. I thought we had a nice arrangement going between us."

"It's…it's complicated, Aang," Toph hedged.

"I've got time if you want to explain it to me," he told her softly, "I haven't liked all these months of weirdness between us. Have you?"

"Not really," she mumbled.

"So don't you think we should do something about it?"

Toph straightened with a sigh. "Follow me. We can talk more inside."

As they made their way into her sitting room, Toph wracked her brain for something acceptable to tell him. She certainly couldn't go with the truth. That would only end in disaster and tears. But she couldn't give him vague answers either because he would see through that. He was already so frustrated with her, that anything less than forthrightness from her would only worsen the situation. Contemplating all of that, Toph decided to give Aang a portion of the truth without revealing everything to him.

After indicating that Aang should sit and offering him a drink, which he refused, Toph crossed over to the large, picturesque window on the adjacent wall and began pulling back the heavy brocade to let the light shine through. Aang shot up from his chair and rushed over to assist her. "Toph, the light is fine. You don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do. I might not mind the darkness, but I know enough about you sighted people to understand that you have a problem with it." She took her time tying back the drapes because part of her was very reluctant to start, but once she had finished, Toph didn't institute anymore stall tactics. She got straight to the heart of the matter. "So you want to know why I decided to move out so suddenly…"

Rather than resuming his seat, Aang remained where he was and regarded her intently. "That would be a nice start."

"Okay. I left because I was starting to feel like a 'tack on,'" she revealed quietly.

The explanation left Aang frowning. "A 'tack on,'" he echoed, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It was _your_ house, Aang, on _your_ island with _your_ children that you share with Katara. We had this quasi-family arrangement between us, but Lin and I didn't really belong there. You only made room for us. And that's fine," she rushed to add when he would have argued, "I'm not saying that I wasn't grateful or that you didn't make me feel welcome. You did. You made me feel very welcome. But there wasn't a true place for _me_. I was like a houseguest who came to spend a few days, but ended up never leaving."

"That's not what you were to me, Toph. That's not what you _are_."

"Aang, I know you. You're extremely non-confrontational. I'd probably been getting on your nerves for months and you just didn't have the heart to tell me."

He shook his head in denial. "You're wrong. That wasn't how I felt at all, Toph."

Aang wasn't making the statement to shine her on either. He absolutely meant it. It was true that Toph could be obnoxious and rude and unapologetically messy, but truthfully he had grown used to the general chaos that surrounded her. He liked bumping into her mid-morning when she was freshly rumpled from bed and at her most grumpy. He enjoyed watching her sip tea over the breakfast table as she mentally inventoried her plans for the day. He secretly admired the way she pushed Kya and Bumi to give their best, never letting up, not because she was relentless but because she knew their potential and she would never let them fall short of that.

He missed putting Lin to bed at night and the incessant baby babble between her and Tenzin that would inevitably wake him every morning. He missed watching them fight over toys and make their milestones together. His house had seemed fuller and livelier with Lin and Toph in it.

But what Aang missed the most was the way he and Toph would talk into the small hours of the night. Sometimes, she would be utterly silly and insist that he tell her a bedtime story only to fall asleep literal minutes before he reached the climax. On those occasions, before nudging her awake to usher her off to bed, he would watch her sleep, marveling over how someone so tough and tenacious could appear so small and sweet while she slept.

For years, he had been fairly certain that he knew Toph well, but now Aang realized that he had barely scratched the surface with her. She was so much more than a brash, loud bully. She was a woman who kept her emotions especially close and very deeply hidden, but when she relaxed enough to reveal them…what was found sheltered inside was beautiful.

So, no…she hadn't annoyed him at all. Far from it. She'd been his distraction, his rock, his motivator, his best friend, his partner in crime. Much more than a "houseguest" and definitely not a "tack on" either. Aang told her as much, which strangely enough provoked an altogether rare reaction. Toph Beifong actually blushed.

"Ugh, Aang," she grunted, "You know it makes me itchy when you lay your feelings bare like that. But I'm willing to let this time slide because I've been such a jerk to you lately."

Aang smiled. "Thank you, Toph."

"So now do you understand why I needed to move back here?"

"I understand what motivated you, but I still wish you'd change your mind and come back. The kids miss you. _I_ miss you. It's not the same."

"I'll bet that it's quieter."

"Definitely quieter," Aang laughed in agreement, "But I still miss you anyway."

Toph groaned inwardly, somehow managing to choke out, "I've missed you too." Goodness, didn't he know that he was _killing_ her? These candid admissions were _not_ helping in her mission NOT to fall for him. Very aware of that and rather unhappy about the development, Toph added, "But I think that it's best that Lin and I stay where we are. She's settled now and I don't want to uproot her again."

"You're right. Babies need stability. Katara used to drill that into my head all the time when Kya was small."

With the mention of Katara, Toph became even more subdued. "I know that it was two years ago last month," she acknowledged quietly, "I…I wanted to say something to you, but things have been so weird between us lately and I…" She trailed off into miserable silence.

"That's okay," he reassured her with a small smile, "It wasn't too bad a day. It _was_ Tenzin's birthday after all."

Toph snapped erect, surprised and pleased to hear him phrase it that way because only the year before Aang had almost entirely associated that day with Katara's death. "You really _are_ getting better," she commended him proudly.

"Well, there's that and the fact that it's not fair to Tenzin. I don't want him to associate his birth with tragedy. He didn't kill Katara, even if, in my heart, I did blame him for that for a while."

Grinning in admiration for him, Toph reached up to pinch his cheeks. "Aww…my little airbender is growing up." However, what she meant to be playful teasing quickly became awkward. Her breasts grazed his chest only slightly as she rose up on her toes to reach his face but the instant she made contact, Aang gasped a little at her proximity and his gasp made her gasp. She quickly dropped her hands but, by that time, they were both blushing furiously. He stumbled back a few steps, unconsciously putting needed distance between them. Toph made a quick mental note to self: touching Aang…not so good.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"No. It's okay. It's me. I'm sorry," Aang rushed back, "I wasn't prepared and…"

He meandered off into silence before he dug himself into a hole with his stammered explanations. In the still functioning part of his brain, Aang recognized he was having an unnecessary freak-out. After all, it had been a cursory gesture, one that Toph had done in jest plenty of times in the past. He had never thought twice about it before that moment, other than to complain about it because he knew Toph mostly did it to aggravate him.

Yet, this time, Aang had been far from aggravated. He hadn't expected to be so aware of the clean, soapy scent of her skin when she came close or to notice how glossy and inviting her hair looked falling across her face and shoulders in rumpled disarray. He didn't expect to find himself suddenly preoccupied with the diaphanous material of her nightgown or wishing so intensely that she would find a robe and cover up. And he definitely hadn't expected to feel a jolt of _something_ when her breasts grazed his chest. But he had. Aang tried to shrug it off but, the aftermath following that realization was incredibly awkward.

Silence descended. Aang dropped his eyes to the floor and scratched behind his ear. Toph wiggled her bare toes. He coughed. She blew falling tendrils of hair from her eyes. Beyond the steady cadence of their breathing and the white noise created by her servants working in the background, the tension between them was pervasive and almost suffocating.

Finally, Toph cleared her throat, unable to stand it anymore. "Um…didn't you say you needed my help with something before?" she prompted a little desperately.

"Oh, right!" Aang exclaimed, suddenly recalling the entire purpose for his visit, "I was going to go to Suki about it, but that didn't work out, so I came to you instead."

"Gee, thanks for that, Aang. Good to know I'm your second choice."

"I didn't mean it like that," he sighed contritely, "Actually, I wanted to ask you _first_. But, if you'll recall, we haven't exactly speaking to each other very much recently and, given the abounding misunderstandings between us, I was trying to keep out of your way because I thought that was what you wanted. Going to Suki with this seemed like the wiser choice and, frankly, the only other option I had. Unfortunately, that didn't work out."

"She couldn't help you with the problem?"

"No, it's not that. Suki is bent on fixing me up with someone and it's starting to get a little awkward. I'm sort of ducking her at the moment."

"Oh…" Toph murmured commiseratively, "You too?"

"She's determined to save me from myself," Aang sighed.

"Just do what I do," Toph suggested, "Threaten to rip out her guts and skip rope with them. That worked wonders for me."

"I don't know that I'm quite that…er…aggressive, Toph."

"That's exactly your problem, Twinkle Toes. You have to set limits, otherwise you'll spend your entire life ducking people."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"So what's the problem?"

Aang hedged a bit and made his way over to a nearby chair to sit down. "Well, it's a little delicate…" he prefaced.

"Just spit it out."

"It's Kya," he sighed, "I think she's started her menstruation."

Toph gaped snorting amusement, caught somewhere between laughter and horror. "I'm sorry. Her what?"

"Her menstruation," Aang reiterated, "You know…it's that time every month when a woman—,"

"I know very well what it is, Aang!" Toph sighed in exasperation, "I guess I've just never heard it referred to quite so…so formally."

"Well, excuse me! Is there something else you'd prefer to call it?"

"Not at all. Feel free to call it whatever you wish," Toph chuckled. "I don't want to step on your toes. You were just so earnest about it too. It was actually kind of cute. How many times did you practice saying it in the mirror this morning?"

"I'm glad my embarrassment can serve as a source of amusement for you, Toph."

She giggled a few more times before adopting an appropriately solemn manner. "Okay, okay. I'm done," she assured him, biting back further smiles, "Now why exactly do you think Kya has started her _menstruation_?"

Aang made a face at her as he grumbled, "The evidence is a little impossible to miss and I know it's about that time for her to start."

"But she and I were together last week for lunch and she never said a word to me," Toph recalled.

Although, now that she was thinking about it, Kya had seemed very fidgety and weird that day. However, at the time, Toph had been so preoccupied with Aang bending Lin and Tenzin up onto bouncing currents of air and making them squeal and so intent on ignoring him because _he_ was ignoring her that she hadn't given Kya's strange behavior too much focus. She regretted that now and felt more than a little guilt over missing Kya's distress at the time.

"Are you sure it's what you think it is?" she pressed Aang.

"Very sure. Katara and I _were_ married for ten years, you know, and together longer than that. I know the signs, Toph. So far, it's happened twice that I know of, but every time I try to talk to Kya about it, she blows me off. I don't know what else to do."

While he spoke, Toph was continually shaking her head so that, by the time he finished, she was groaning aloud in chagrin. "Aang, while I think it's commendable and very sweet that you want to be all things to your children, _that_ is not a conversation an adolescent girl wants to have with her father!" she said, "Personally, I had the discussion with Katara and even that was awkward, so I can't imagine how Kya feels right now."

"I know that! Why do you think I'm here right now? I need _you_ to talk to her."

Toph's amusement dissolved in an instant. "Me?" she bleated, "Why me?"

"She respects you, Toph! She trusts you. I think you'd be the perfect one to do it."

"No, I wouldn't. _Katara_ would be perfect," Toph stressed glumly, "She needs her mother."

"Agreed. She does need her mother. But Katara's not here," Aang countered softly, "You are. And I'm asking _you_ to do it because I need you, Toph, and I trust you."

She shook her head at him. "Flattery. Now you're playing dirty."

"I can drop her by anytime. Just let me know what day is convenient for you."

"Aren't you getting ahead of yourself? I haven't agreed to anything yet!"

"Are you really going to tell me 'no?'" Aang wheedled, "Don't do it for me. Do it for Kya."

"You're shameless."

"I'll bring snacks," he offered in an attempt to sweeten the deal.

Toph bit her tongue for a long time before finally snapping out impatiently, "Alright! Fine! I'll do it! Are you happy? And just so you know, I'm holding you to the snack promise!"

"You're a life-saver, Toph! I'm grateful. I'm relieved. And yes, I'm very happy. Thank you."

"I guess it's the least I can do," she muttered, "Goodness knows the damage you've done to the poor girl in your attempt to be sensitive! You've probably scarred her for life."

"I tried to use metaphors. I thought that would be easier."

Toph groaned anew. "You should have come to me sooner," she told him before adding, "How about I bring Lin over with me tomorrow afternoon and I'll talk to Kya then?"

Aang grinned at her. "That's perfect!" he exclaimed, "Maybe we can even have a picnic on the island afterwards or go flying on Appa or…or something. It'll be nice to spend time together again…just like old times, huh?"

"Yeah…" Toph mumbled unhappily as it slowly began to dawn on her what she had just agreed to, "…exactly like old times."


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Chapter Nineteen**

Aang stepped into the kitchen to grab a quick snack for himself before Sokka's arrival but was temporarily distracted when he caught sight of his seven year old son half leaned out the window. If they hadn't been on the first floor, Aang would have worried about his little daredevil in training. As it was, Bumi teetered precariously on a small, wooden stool as he craned his neck for a closer look at the mid-morning sky. He was so preoccupied with scanning the clouds that he didn't take note of his father's sneaking approach until Aang crept up behind him and caught him unawares by tickling his sides.

"Daddy!" Bumi squealed in childish indignation between helpless chortles, "Stop it! I'm a big boy now! I'm…too…manly…for…tickling!"

Choking back a stunned laugh, Aang's nimble fingers fell still momentarily. "Too manly, huh?" he echoed rather ironically, "I'll bet that's Toph talking, isn't it?" Bumi said nothing, but only blinked at him with wide, gray eyes gleaming with merriment. "Hmm…" Aang considered playfully, "…remind me to tickle _her_ later."

"Do…it…Daddy…!" Bumi urged between mad giggles when Aang's tickling campaign resumed, "_Do…it!_"

When Aang finally relented enough for Bumi to catch his breath, he cradled the boy against him and squeezed him in a great hug. "You should know that you're _never_ too manly for tickling," Aang teased, "Besides, you left yourself wide open, buddy. How was I supposed to resist?" Bumi quickly lurched back around in his seat in an effort to conceal his answering smile, but Aang caught the laughing grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. "So why exactly were you half hanging out the window a few seconds ago?" He threw a curious glance up at the cloudless and very empty sky. "What are you looking for?"

"Aunt Suki's bird," Bumi explained, returning to his vigil, "She comes everyday and I always feed her." He lifted the small, canvas bag of birdseed that was resting in the windowsill. "See? I'm ready for her."

"I do see that. Tell me…what is everyone's obsession with that bird?"

Bumi shrugged. "I dunno. I just like her. And…and sometimes she even eats right from my hand!" he exclaimed excitedly, "Isn't that neat?"

Aang smiled at him. "That's very neat."

"You think Aunt Suki would let me keep her if I said 'pretty please?'" Bumi wondered aloud.

Grinning, his father reached over to tousle his already unruly hair and press a quick kiss to his temple. "I think you should maybe stick to feeding her for now. Your Aunt Suki seems pretty attached to her. She's made a home for the bird and everything. You don't want her to feel sad, do you?"

Bumi expelled a disappointed sigh. "No, Daddy…guess not."

"Maybe we can find you a bird of your own," Aang suggested, "What do you think about that?"

The little boy old burst into a wide smile at his father's proposal and nodded vigorously. "But I want it to be a _blue bird_," Bumi emphasized, "That's very important."

"Deal."

He and Bumi chatted for a few minutes longer before Aang straightened to grab an apple from the table and Bumi resumed his sky watch. After allowing his gaze to linger on his son for a few minutes more, Aang ambled into the living area to eat his snack and attend to some paperwork while he anxiously awaited Sokka's arrival. It was difficult for him to concentrate because his mind had been ridiculously preoccupied for more than a few weeks now.

Following Toph's rather delicate discussion with Kya eight months prior, a talk he'd tried very hard _not_ to eavesdrop on, his friendship with Toph had gradually resumed its former equilibrium. Not that they had ever truly stopped being friends, but much of the tension between them finally dissipated. They joked with each other again, hung out together and basically did what they always did. Everything between them was practically the same…with one, glaring exception and that exception was distracting him terribly.

Despite the fact his eyes traveled over the scrolls laid out before him with rapid speed, Aang wasn't really processing a single thing on the page. His thoughts kept meandering elsewhere. One second, Aang was earnestly analyzing the crime report from Republic City's sister city and the next second he was smiling to himself, recalling how Toph and Bumi had played in the mud together just the week before. Aang would attempt to refocus only to find his mind wandering again as he chuckled at the mental picture of Toph and Kya deviously devising a plot to prank the hapless young man who had dared to spurn his daughter's affection.

The scrolls were forgotten completely as Aang sank deeper in reverie. He thought about the way Toph sometimes spoke to Tenzin and Lin like they were full grown adults and how, at times, the two toddlers seemed to respond to her as if they were exactly that. He also shook his head in amused chagrin when he considered the times she randomly would launch a chunk of earth at him with the laughing command to "think fast, Twinkle Toes." She claimed she was trying to keep his earthbending skills sharp but, Aang would often accuse her of secretly wanting to give him a head injury. Ironically, the secret was really _his_. In spite of his complaints and grumbling, Aang liked when she did it.

More and more often of late, Aang had found himself reflecting on Toph and her many quirks and idiosyncrasies. Strangely, he wasn't annoyed by them as he had been in the distant past. Instead, his appreciation for her was deepened and, more often than not, thinking about them and her made him smile. It was an appreciation that had been developing over time, something that had been building since Toph first took an active role in his children's lives and in his own. In the ensuing months since they'd reconciled, that appreciation and admiration for Toph seemed to be morphing into something else, something Aang hadn't quite expected at all…and it was freaking him out a little.

So, he had always known that Toph was a very pretty woman. It was a matter-of-fact and something he had never particularly given attention. Theoretically, he understood why she would be considered attractive to some. Toph was strong, self-confident, cocky and very bold. Most men would likely be wildly drawn to her. But that was _them_. Aang wasn't most men. For him, Toph was Toph and his attention had always been focused solely on Katara.

As for Toph, she was the girl he had known since he was twelve years old and one who had tormented him mercilessly a good portion of the time since then. He had never reflected on her womanly attributes very much or had even been the least bit interested in them before…that was until _recently_. Now, he was very aware of the fact that Toph had breasts and hips and inviting curves that drew his attention and held it at very odd times.

The shift in his perception had begun shortly after they began spending time together again, though it hadn't reached a point of driving him to total distraction until a few weeks ago. His internal chaos had all started rather innocently too. They'd been together in her sitting room that day, doing what they always did. Toph was teasing him and he was tolerating it. But then she had reached up to pinch his cheeks and, when she had, her body had made minimal contact with his. After that, everything began to change, though at the time, Aang hadn't realized just how much.

It had been an accidental brush of their bodies and ridiculously brief. They had scurried out of each other's way within a millisecond of it happening, awkward and tentative in the aftermath. Truthfully, it should have been a bit awkward, but no big deal beyond that. Unfortunately, for Aang, it _was_ a big deal. What should have been cursory and easily dismissed gave him an unexpected jolt and flooded him with a tumult of feelings he hadn't anticipated.

Of course, after it happened, Aang had quickly shrugged off his reaction as embarrassment and a man's natural reaction to that type of intimate contact. What guy wouldn't have a moment if some pretty, scantily clad woman's breasts rubbed against his chest? It was normal, he told himself, perfectly normal. But the fact remained, he wasn't just _any man_ and he had _never_ felt currents of attraction for any woman besides Katara before that moment. Not a passing glance or even outright interest. So that "jolt" of attraction, even while he hadn't actually been consciously aware of any interest in Toph before then, left Aang understandably shaken.

So, he did what came natural to him…he avoided analyzing the situation altogether. It would only become a big deal if he _made_ it one. Therefore, Aang convinced himself that it hadn't been the stirrings of attraction at all. It was a weird moment. A glitch. A transitory sensory response to a beautiful woman. But it was _not_ a big deal. It couldn't be! After all, Toph was still Toph. That was reason enough to dismiss it.

But dismissal was easier said than done. As the months pressed onward, the memory of that day kept reasserting itself at the strangest times. What Aang had dismissed as "the "weird moment," the "glitch," and "transitory response" slowly began to set off an arc of emotions that were not easily ignored. What he consciously suppressed during the day, made a point of asserting itself at night. As a result, Toph had been invading his dreams for weeks now. He was starting to get used to it, but the first time that it happened, Aang had been more than a little dismayed.

After he finished putting his children to bed with kisses and bedtime stories one night, Aang had crawled between the cool sheets of his own bed and fallen asleep in pure exhaustion. He couldn't even remember his head hitting the pillow. Once his subconscious mind took hold, he'd dreamed of that moment in Toph's sitting room again. Only in his dream, Aang saw himself cupping her hands when she reached up to pinch his cheeks and holding them cradled against his face with his own.

He felt mesmerized by the choppy cadence of her breathing, aroused by the warmth her breath created against his skin as he lowered his head… When he awoke with a startled gasp, Aang could vividly recall how she had looked and smelled and felt both in reality _and_ in his dream. His reaction to the unbridled wanderings of his subconscious and his memory of that day left him upset and confused, not only because he had _liked_ how Toph had smelled and looked and felt both in reality and his dream, but also because he had awakened wanting it to happen again.

And so that disturbing pattern continued in the days that followed. Aang would find himself holding his breath at several points during the day, dreading the moment when Toph might brush his shoulder or briefly touch his hand and stir everything up again, only to be disappointed later when it didn't happen. When he was at the Council during the day, he spent most of his time obsessing over her and when he returned home in the evening it was more of the same. By the time he went to bed at night, thoughts of her would then be made manifest in his dreams. It was a never-ending cycle, perpetuated by the fact they were constantly orbiting each other's worlds. For the first time since Toph left the island, Aang was actually _glad_ she had.

Eventually, his tortured musings and dreams began compelling Aang to give up on sleep altogether because whenever he closed his eyes, _she_ was there…in a place that had once been reserved exclusively for Katara. He would often rise from his bed late at night and meditate until the early morning hours, but that provided little consolation or peace. After that, he began haunting the only place he imagined he could find it…Katara's memorial plaque on the island. He felt inexplicably guilty for his thoughts, as if he were somehow betraying her and the love they had.

Aang would pour out his heart to her night after sleepless night, hoping for an answer or some direction, but he received only silence. Some nights, he would simply kneel at her marker and cry. Aang didn't know what was happening to him or what it meant as far as his relationship with Toph was concerned. In the grand scheme of things, that concerned him the least. What he feared most was that the burgeoning attraction he felt for Toph meant that he was forgetting Katara…and he didn't want to forget her. He was determined not to forget her.

Unfortunately, despite all his efforts to banish his feelings for Toph as well, whether through ignoring the changes or outright avoidance, Aang would inevitably find himself watching Toph from the corner of his eye…admiring the way she moved, the way she spoke…the way she laughed. She was suddenly abnormally fascinating to him, almost as if he hadn't seen her nearly every day of his life for the last twenty years. He was acutely aware of the small details that surrounded her…the tilt of her head when she was listening to someone speak, the way she blew her hair from her eyes when she was frustrated, the way she almost glided across the earth when she walked…

And no matter how hard he fought to expel his feelings, to stomp them out and obliterate them entirely, they kept asserting themselves until eventually Aang couldn't stop thinking about her at all. And not only thinking about her…but _wanting_ her too. He wanted her and that was the most foreign realization of all because he had only ever wanted one woman in his entire life. And Toph? _Toph, of all people?_ How could he want _Toph_?

She was _Toph_. Her favorite pastimes included insulting him, verbally abusing him and generally being a pain in his butt. She was loud, abrasive and thoroughly obnoxious. She was also brave, funny, loyal and a steady support. She was still the Toph she had always been, but now he was fascinated by the side of her he had never known and he wanted to know more. She was stuck in his head and there was no getting her out.

There was no escaping that realization either. Meditation had provided no answers for him. Denial had accomplished very little. Avoiding her completely was impossible. He worked with her. They had the same circle of friends. They _were_ friends. She was as firmly entrenched in his children's world as he was in Lin's. Their lives were inextricably linked and yet, Aang was finding it increasingly difficult to be around her without being plunged into a bewildering vat of guilt, longing, fear, self-hatred, elation and desire when he was.

He ran the full gambit of emotion. He wanted her close and he also wanted her far, _far_ away. He wanted the feelings to stop and, at the same time, he dwelled on them when he was alone. Basically, he was a mass of contradictions. Aang felt like he was losing his mind.

As a result, Aang could no longer deny the irrefutable truth of it all…he had developed a relatively annoying, possibly insignificant and hopefully altogether brief crush on Toph Beifong. And now that he had finally acknowledged it, Aang simply had to figure out a way to get over it. That is where Sokka came in.

Almost as if he'd heard Aang's distress call in the distance, Sokka arrived only a few seconds after Aang gave up the idea of paperwork altogether. Setting the scrolls aside in a haphazard stack with Sokka's knock, Aang shot up from the sofa and flew to the door, flinging it open before Sokka could engage in another round of rapping. "What took you so long?" he demanded, "I thought you'd be here an hour ago!"

Sokka frowned at the less than gracious greeting. "Hello, Sokka. How are you? Oh, I'm great, Aang. Thanks for asking," he recited sarcastically. However, he gave Aang little time to respond to that before he added with some exasperation, "I came over as soon as I was free. Suki said you needed to see me right away, so… What's the big emergency? Keep in mind, I haven't had lunch yet."

"I'm having a small problem," Aang explained as he ushered Sokka inside, "and I was hoping that you could help me make sense of things."

"Oh, boy. That doesn't sound good."

Aang jerked a nod of confirmation. "You may want to sit down for this."

A look of supreme unease passed over Sokka's features. "Yeah, that definitely doesn't sound good." Sokka obediently did as Aang requested and took a seat on the sofa, his expression filled with dread. "Okay, has someone died?" he demanded bluntly.

"No."

"Been maimed, disfigured or otherwise horrifically injured?"

"No."

Sokka squinted at him. "Minimally injured?"

"No."

A great sigh of relief leaked from Sokka's lungs then. "Good. Okay then, lay it on me."

"Well…" Aang began after clearing his throat several times, "…as you're well aware, it has taken me quite a bit of adjustment to get used to the fact that Katara's not with us anymore."

"I know. And you've done a good job at working past that," Sokka commended him, "There were some times when I worried that you wouldn't come out of it at all."

"Right." Aang ducked his head and swallowed hard. "And I did come out of it and I can honestly say that I'm finding new reasons to be happy every day. But as far as ever feeling…what I felt for her…or being with someone else or even _wanting_ to…I never imagined that, Sokka. It was unthinkable to me."

"Is this about Suki and her pushy matchmaking?" He slapped his palm against his forehead with an exasperated groan. With considerable effort, Sokka had managed to steer Suki away from the insane idea she had about Aang and Toph being together but, for some unfathomable reason, she was still doggedly determined to find _someone_ for Aang. It was practically a sickness with her! "I've asked her to back off several times already, but I can talk to her again if you want. I don't know why she's so obsessed with the idea. She's like a crazy woman!"

"It's not Suki," Aang rushed to explain, "It's me. I mean, don't get me wrong. She's been driving me nuts with the whole matchmaking thing, but that's not the point!" He paused to take several breaths, struggling to arrange his thoughts before verbalizing them. "Sokka, what I'm trying to say is that…well…I honestly didn't think it was possible that I'd ever look at another woman or want that type of companionship again because Katara was everything to me and everything I knew about romance and intimacy was tied up in her."

Sokka began to shift uncomfortably in his seat, his expression uneasy and his features going a bit gray. "Aang, what kind of conversation are we having right now?" he queried warily, "Because I don't know if this is a discussion I'm ready to have with you."

"Will you focus?"

"I'm trying, but you're freaking me out!" Sokka retorted.

"All I'm trying to say is that, _apparently_, I was wrong."

Sokka frowned at him. "Wrong about what?"

"Wrong in my assumption that…well… I was wrong when I thought that part of me died with Katara. I was wrong when I thought that I would never have feelings for anyone else but her."

"Oooh…" Sokka hummed with dawning understanding, "Now I see what you're saying. Are you interested in a woman? You have a girlfriend, don't you?" Sokka took Aang's guilty flush as confirmation. "Aang, you don't have to feel bad about it. It's been nearly three years. I never expected you to be alone forever and neither would Katara."

"But…but she's my wife, Sokka," Aang stammered in explanation, "And…and I still love her so much, but… But this other woman…I can't get her out of my head. Believe me, I've tried."

"Aang, love and death are very complicated," Sokka murmured softly, "You don't fall out of love with someone just because they die. I still love Yue. I'm always going to love her. But I had to let her go so that I could move on with my life and, if I hadn't then Suki and I wouldn't be together…and she's one of the best things to ever happened to me. I can't regret that."

Aang sank down into an adjacent chair and leaned towards Sokka, resting his forearms atop of his thighs. "But didn't you feel guilty…like you were…I don't know…betraying Yue?"

"In the beginning, I did," Sokka confessed, "It was hard. I mean, Yue is the _moon_, for goodness' sake! Every time she would shine down on me, I would wonder: Is she seeing this? What does she think? How does she feel? Am I hurting her?"

"What made you stop asking those questions?"

Sokka shrugged. "I don't know. Time. Wisdom. The knowledge that Yue loved me enough to want me to be happy and I know Katara loved you the same way."

"It's not the same thing though, Sokka," Aang argued softly, "Not to diminish what you had with Yue at all, but… You both were so young and you were only together a short time when she died. But I'd been with Katara since I was twelve years old. We were married for _ten years_. We have three children. She was my first love, my first kiss, my first _everything_ and I thought she would be my last…my _only_. We both thought that. We thought we were going to be together forever. That's what we promised each other. So, if I try to move on, am I betraying that? Am I betraying her?"

Sokka sighed. "I can sit here and tell you all afternoon that you're not, but until you're ready to believe it, the reassurance will be only words to you. They won't have any meaning."

Aang slumped back into his chair, frustrated and heart-sore. "So you can't help me with this?"

"Afraid not," Sokka replied in a regretful tone. He studied Aang's miserable posture for a moment before noting softly, "I thought you said before that you weren't ready for a relationship."

"I'm not saying that I am."

Sokka surveyed him with a blank stare. "So then what gives? What's going on with you and this woman?"

Slumping further, Aang flicked him with a mournful glance. "Nothing is going on. I'm not even sure if I _want_ something to go on. I didn't choose this, Sokka. It just snuck up on me. _She_ snuck up on me. I thought it was something that would go away eventually, but it's been persisting for months now. I don't even know what I feel for her. I just know that I can't stop thinking about her."

"That's heavy," Sokka muttered gravely, "So exactly who is this woman who has you so twisted up like this?"

Tensing immediately, Aang averted his face in guilty reflex. "It's…it's no big deal…" he brazened unsteadily, "Just…Just a woman I know."

"Does she have a name?"

"Of course!"

"Well, what is it?"

Aang stiffened defensively. "Why are you asking me so many questions? I feel like I'm under interrogation!"

"What? I've barely asked you anything!"

"You're being pushy!"

"Aang, stop being so sensitive! Have I met her?"

"I don't really want to discuss it, Sokka."

"Wait a minute…are you…? Are you turning red?" Sokka bleated when Aang's entire face began infusing with deep crimson, "Ha-ha! This lady has you blushing like a little girl. Oh now I _definitely_ need to know who this woman is!"

Aang surged to his feet in a nervous flurry. He glared at Sokka. "Will you drop it?"

"It's Onji, isn't it?" Sokka guessed knowingly, "You guys hit it off at that dinner Suki had for you a while back, didn't you? Have you been secretly dating all this time? Well, no wonder you kept it under wraps. Suki would never let you live it down. You'll be hearing 'I told you so' for the next two decades."

"It's not Onji, Sokka."

"Right," came Sokka's dubious drawl. He wiggled his eyebrows at Aang. "Sure. I believe you."

"I told you, it's _not_ Onji," Aang reiterated in a frustrated breath. Several beats of silence ensued before he sucked in a shaky breath and revealed the truth. "It's Toph."

Of all the reactions Aang expected from that revelation, laughter was the last thing. But that was exactly what Sokka did. First he gaped, then he snorted and then he guffawed. Before long he was choking with laughter, gasping and chortling and rolling on the sofa in unrestrained hilarity. Sokka was so tickled that it took him a minute to realize that Aang wasn't laughing with him. In fact, his friend's expression was deadly serious. Sokka's amusement evaporated in an instant. He snapped upright to regard Aang with an incredulous stare.

"You _are_ kidding with me right now, right?" Aang slowly shook his head. Sokka's response to that was explosive. "_WHAT?_" he exclaimed in absolute horror, "YOU'RE DATING TOPH?"

"I'm not dating her," Aang clarified quickly, "I…I just have a little crush on her…that's all."

Sokka surveyed him with a blank look. "This is a joke, isn't it? You and Suki cooked this up and now you're punking me, aren't you? Well, I'm not falling for it." After wiggling his finger at Aang in stern admonishment, Sokka began craning his neck around the living room in expectation of catching a glimpse of his hidden wife. "You can come out now, Suki. The jig is up!"

"It's not a joke, Sokka," Aang uttered gruffly, "I have feelings for Toph. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything I can think of to make them go away and nothing is working! Tell me what to do!"

Speechless and stunned, Sokka could do little more than blink at Aang. "I'm…I'm a little…shocked…and uh…what? You what?"

"Sokka, please!"

"Can you give me a minute?" Sokka demanded, clearly reeling, "I need a moment to process all of this!" He took several. Aang watched him with growing impatience as Sokka had an animated argument with himself, rolling his eyes as Sokka occasionally slapped and pinched himself. Finally, the stunned Water-Tribe warrior said, "Well, it appears that I am not dreaming, so… Let's take it from the top. You're telling me that you _like_ Toph…like her like a guy likes a girl."

Aang repressed the impulse to roll his eyes at the adolescent description of his feelings. "It's a bit more complicated than that, but yes. I do."

"Okay. And Toph…does she like you back?"

Aang shook his head. "She doesn't have a clue that I even feel this way. I've been trying to keep cool but I'm starting to feel really awkward around her. But, as far as her feeling the same, I know for a fact that she doesn't return my feelings."

"Good. Don't tell her about this."

Surprised by the edict, Aang snapped a stunned look towards Sokka. "Really? You don't think I should tell her?"

"Absolutely not," Sokka reiterated, "Bad, bad, _terrible, horrible_ idea! First of all, if you thought _my_ reaction to this was bad, you don't want to even imagine Toph's! You're not her type, Aang. I can't imagine her…er…letting you down easy. Also, I'm sure if she knew how you felt it would make things really uncomfortable for her."

"You're probably right."

"_Plus_," Sokka emphasized, "…you just admitted to me not five minutes ago that you're struggling with all kinds of guilt and shame because of how this makes you feel about your promises to Katara. Do you want to get Toph all mixed up in that? That's some complex stuff! Toph isn't some random woman here. She's one of your closest friends, Aang. You don't want to complicate things between you, do you?"

"No. Of course, I don't."

"Which brings me around to my third point," Sokka continued, "You've been spending so much time with Toph lately that it makes perfect sense that you'd feel closer to her…see her in a different light. You guys have practically been attached at the hip for nearly two years. You've had each other's backs when things were rough and you've gone through some seriously tough times together. That kind of closeness breeds intimacy so it would be really easy for you to start wanting…_more_."

"I'm not all that sure _what_ I want, Sokka. That's the problem."

"That only makes my point further. Aang, think about it. Toph is a beautiful woman. She's funny and smart and sassy. You're a guy. Of course, you're going to notice that. And you've been alone for a while now. So, maybe…you're just looking for some…ah…you know…_companionship_."

It was impossible to miss the dramatic way Sokka drew out that last word. Aang narrowed his eyes at the implication. "What are you saying, Sokka?"

"You need to get laid."

Aang's annoyance with Sokka quickly veered towards mortification. "Oh…uh…okay."

"No, I'm serious. You need to get laid."

"What does that have to do with what I just told you?"

"I think you really need to relieve some…um…shall we say…_stress_ and you're…perhaps…projecting onto Toph as a possible _stress-reliever_."

Insulted, Aang pinned him with a dark glower, half embarrassed by the mild accusation, half indignant. "Hey, I never said a word about _relieving stress_ with Toph! Don't put words in my mouth!"

"You definitely didn't make it sound like you wanted to bake pies with her either!" Sokka retorted pointedly.

Once again, Aang's emotions shifted crazily, from irritation, to embarrassment and right back to irritation again. "A minute ago you were all over the idea of me moving on! Now you're acting like I'm plotting to murder of an entire litter of kitten-gerbils! Gee, you sure changed your tune fast! When you thought it was Onji, you were all for it!"

"This is different, Aang! This is _Toph_ we're talking about! She's like a sister to me and you're my brother! I don't want either of you to get hurt."

"So you're already thinking it will be a disaster…thanks, Sokka. That's a real spirit booster! I'm so glad I talked to you," Aang muttered sarcastically, "I can't tell you how much better I feel after this heart to heart."

"Mock me all you want, but you know that I'm right," Sokka insisted, "This is such a delicate matter, Aang. You and Toph have been friends for twenty years. There is _a lot_ at stake here. Are you really willing to risk ruining that because you're trying to fill a void?" Aang hung his head forward with a tired sigh, defeated long before he had arranged a concrete argument in his mind.

"Trust me on this," Sokka urged him, "You're right. It's only a crush. The feelings will pass. If you find something else to concentrate on, they _will_ pass. Take my advice. It will change your whole perspective on things. I know it.


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Chapter Twenty**

"So how was the play?" Aang asked Toph as she shuffled through his front door after a chattering Kya, a bounding Bumi and two active toddlers. The children made an immediate beeline for the kitchen, all of them hungry for snacks. Aang only vaguely registered their raucous exchanges because his attention was focused on Toph. She looked as if she had been put through the wringer, but Aang wisely refrained from pointing that out.

"_They_ enjoyed it," she said in answer to his question, "_I_ fell asleep during the first act." Toph cocked her head to one side in thoughtful consideration. "I suppose from that standpoint, I _did_ enjoy the play."

Aang shook his head with a quiet chuckle and sidled around her to close the front door. "Somehow the fact that you think falling asleep was a _positive_ doesn't surprise me in the least."

As he reached around her, Toph tried to remain as cool as possible, but the frantic thumping of her own heartbeat was a little distracting. That and the fact that Aang smelled suspiciously…tangy? Toph gave him a surreptitious sniff before he stepped back around her. "Why do you smell so good?" she demanded without preamble.

Her sudden query caused Aang to react with a self-deprecating flinch. "Um…because I _bathed_," he emphasized rather sardonically, "I got over my aversion to water when I was ten, Toph." Not at all convinced, Toph circled him like a sleek, predatory hawk, sniffing him at measured intervals. "Will you quit that?" Aang snapped, "You're making me self-conscious!"

Toph rocked back on her heels. "You're wearing cologne. Why are you wearing cologne? Are you going somewhere?"

The question inundated Aang with pangs of guilt for several reasons. He was, indeed, going out…on a date _with Onji_. Following his rather disheartening, but enlightening conversation with Sokka, Aang decided to be proactive with managing his feelings for Toph. He had contacted Onji soon after and invited her to dinner. While he didn't plan on putting Sokka's advice into action, because the idea of using Onji for sex was completely repugnant to him, Aang sincerely hoped that the date with Onji would effectively distract him from the craziness that had been dominating his thoughts lately. It was his first step towards regaining some control in his life.

Predictably, there were several things wrong with his plan of execution. First, this was the first time he had been out with any woman in a romantic capacity since Katara died. He felt awkward and unsure of himself. Aang was also unable to banish the voice in the back of his mind telling him that he was doing the wrong thing. Second, he very well knew that he'd only asked Onji out as a method of distraction, which meant, despite his resolve to keep matters platonic, he _was_ using her.

That realization did not sit well with Aang at all. Although, Onji had made no overt admissions to being romantically interested in him, Aang did have his suspicions. He certainly didn't want to give her false hope. On the other hand, he had been careful not to give Onji any indication that his invitation had been romantically inclined. He had purposely stressed his desire to take _a friend_ out to dinner. Unfortunately, that did not lessen his guilt very much…which brought Aang around to his third and most pressing issue…Toph.

Basically, it all boiled down to Aang doing one thing while wanting another. He wanted Toph, but he didn't want to want her. Onji might prove to be a perfect distraction in that regard, but because he had asked her out with such underlying motives. Aang couldn't help but feel a little sick with himself. In fact, if Sokka hadn't insisted that this was what he needed to clear his head, Aang probably wouldn't consider going through with the date at all.

"Well?" Toph demanded impatiently, tearing through Aang's conflicted thoughts like rice paper, "Are you going out tonight or what? You never mentioned anything to me."

"Yes. I am going out," Aang confirmed carefully.

Toph digested that with a thoughtful purse of her lips. "Was there some Council meeting I didn't know about?"

"No. It's nothing like that."

She was majorly aware of his fidgeting, his quickened breath and rapid heartbeat. Those alarming signs only compelled Toph to press him harder. "So if you're not going to the Council, then where are you going?"

"On a date," he confirmed, and the words sounded as if they were literally being ripped from his chest, "I'm going on a date."

At first, Toph had no reaction to that at all. It was understandable given the fact that the words "Aang" and "on a date" seemed utterly opposed. Aang didn't _date_. He was still hung up on his dead wife! So, looking at another woman, letting alone dating another woman, was _not_ something that would come up into his mind at all. He couldn't even conceive of the idea, much less execute it. Toph knew that meant one thing. This had Suki written all over it!

"She finally broke you down, huh?" Toph sighed commiseratively. She reached out to pat Aang's shoulder. "You don't have to go through with it if you don't want to, Aang. This was Suki's scheme, not yours."

He shrugged off her touch and took several steps back, trying not to feel maddened by her proximity and warmth. "It's…it's not like that," Aang stammered, "Suki didn't set this up. _I_ did. I asked her to go."

"Asked who?" Toph demanded blankly.

"Asked Onji."

"Is that name supposed to mean anything to me?"

"Do you remember when I had that secret dance party for the kids in that Fire Nation school back during the war?"

"You mean when we were _twelve_?"

"Well, of course. It's not like I've thrown very many secret dance parties, Toph."

She punched out a spike of earth to poke him in the butt for that bit of sarcasm, but Aang deftly avoided the blow. He made a face at Toph but she merely smirked. "Yeah, I remember that party…" she replied slowly as she recalled the details, "She's the girl, isn't she? The one you were dancing with in the cave?"

"Yeah. That's Onji."

It was then that Toph's incredulity and confusion passed and was replaced by something else, something visceral and stark and undeniable…_jealousy_. Seething, burning, powerful jealousy! There was a reasoning part of her that knew she had no right to be jealous and recognized that it made no sense to be angry with Aang for noticing some other woman while remaining "blind" to her. He didn't owe her anything. They were only friends. Somewhere in the still reasoning parts of her mind, Toph knew all of that. Unfortunately, her rational side decided to take an ill-timed sabbatical right then, allowing her hurt feelings to take center stage.

She had been battling secret feelings for Aang for quite a long time and harboring all sorts of wild desires for him in her heart. Long ago, Toph had resigned herself to the reality that he would very likely never fall out of love with Katara, so none of those secret desires were likely to find fruition. But that was okay. She was a big girl and she could handle it. Aang's friendship was far more important to her anyway. Her doomed crush on him was destined to remain doomed and Toph had made her peace with that, _until_…about five seconds ago.

Now, contrary to everything she had expected, he was going out with someone else…and not even someone who he was especially close to either! Instead, he had made a date with some chick he hadn't had contact with in more than two decades? _What the what?_

Toph was ridiculously offended by his sheer gall! She was aggravated by the knowledge that she had been at his side _the entire time_ and now he was turning to some woman he barely even knew. Granted, Aang had never made any promises to her and she certainly hadn't expected him to reward her for her unflagging support, but still his actions stung. What was it about this Onji that caused him to turn his head when she had been there the whole time and he had never even noticed? Even thought she realized that Aang had no knowledge of her feelings at all, Toph still felt as if he had rejected her. It was in that state of mind that she blurted out the first biting words that sprang to her lips.

"Wow. You're ready to date now. So I guess I can assume that you're finally over Katara then, huh?"

As expected, Aang recoiled at the accusation. Guilt caused him to wince. "What? Why would you say that?" he demanded in a throbbing whisper filled with hurt.

Toph shrugged casually, though she felt anything but at that moment. "I don't know…maybe because you're going out on a date. That pretty much says to me that you're getting over her…or that you are already. Am I wrong?"

"Yes, you _are_ wrong," he insisted with quiet indignation, "You're very wrong!"

"You don't have to get so testy about it! Besides, what else am I supposed to think? Something must have happened for you to suddenly decide you want to go out with this woman!"

"Nothing has happened and it's not sudden," Aang denied weakly, "Onji and I have kept in touch since we had dinner with Sokka and Suki some time back."

"Oh, so you've been spending time with her then?" Toph asserted, her seething anger and feelings of betrayal mounting with each passing second, "It's funny how you never mentioned that to me before!"

"You say it like I've been sneaking around or something! That's _not_ what happened! We've exchanged a few letters! That's all. We're friends. I thought I would ask her out for a bite to eat and maybe we'd take a walk or something afterwards. It's no big deal!"

Toph gaped at him. "It is _so_ a big deal, Aang," she insisted, "You've never had any interest in any woman outside of Katara and now, all of a sudden, you've decided you want to date this Onji person?"

"Stop making it sound like something it isn't!"

"Hey, I'm not the one who dipped myself in a cauldron of cologne!" Toph flung back carelessly.

Aang fixed her with narrowed eyes. "What exactly are you accusing me of, Toph?"

She sidled around him with yet another casual shrug, belying the hurt, anger and jealousy churning in her stomach right then. Toph almost wanted to rant at him for cheating on her, but she bit down against the inclination with the forceful mental reminder that she and Aang were _not _in a relationship. It might _feel_ that way to her, but that had never been the case in reality. Still, that didn't lessen her anger and annoyance with him one iota.

"I don't know, Aang…maybe you've had a thing for Onji the entire time and now that Katara's gone you—,"

He was in her face in a matter of milliseconds, his usually genial features dark with fury. "Don't you _dare_ finish that sentence!" he snarled furiously, "Don't you dare accuse me of that! It's wrong and you know it! I loved Katara!"

Toph pounced on his phrasing in an instant. "'_Loved_?'" she echoed in surprise, "So, it's 'loved' now? That's interesting. When did your feelings for Katara become past tense?"

For a second time in the span of two minutes, Aang flinched, but this time there was a sickening wave of nausea that accompanied the reaction. Toph had just unknowingly voiced aloud one of Aang's biggest fears…that his love for Katara, which was the reborn manifestation of his love for his extinct people, was beginning to fade. For a moment, Aang thought that he would become physically ill. But what made the situation a thousand times worse was that Toph didn't know that his conflicted feelings had nothing to do with Onji at all. Instead, they were centered solely on her and, ironically, _she_ was the one calling him out on it. Somehow, that knowledge made him feel even worse.

Feeling dangerously close to breaking down, Aang turned away from Toph and intoned gruffly, "I think you need to go, Toph."

"What? You're kicking me out?" she bleated in disbelief, "I say something you don't like and I need to go?"

"Yeah, you need to go!" he bit out sharply, "I want you to go! You have no idea what you're talking about right now or what I feel at all!"

"You're right, Aang!" she snapped, "I don't know how you feel, but I know what this looks like! If you don't like dealing with reality, that's your problem! Not mine! Maybe you need to analyze your motivations and stop taking your frustration and guilt out on me!" She drew herself up stiffly then, swiftly turning her back on him so he wouldn't see the tears welling in her eyes. "I'm going to get my kid now. Enjoy your date!"

* * *

"You've been quiet all night," Onji observed as Aang moodily pushed food across his plate, "Is this restaurant not to your liking? I told you that I would have been perfectly happy with your pick."

Aang set his chopsticks down and regarded her with a disheartened sigh. "It's not the food. It's not you. It's me."

Following his argument with Toph, Aang hadn't felt very inclined to go anywhere. He could feel those dark, familiar feelings creeping in again and he really wanted nothing more than to hide himself away for a while. It was tempting. But, when Bao arrived to look after the children for the evening, Aang decided to push through and meet Onji just as he planned. He did so for two reasons, one conscious and one subconscious. Consciously, Aang definitely did not want to go back into that deep abyss of depression in which he had resided for nearly a year following Katara's death. Unconsciously, however? He really wanted to stick it to Toph.

"Would you like to talk about what's bothering you?" Onji invited, "I've been told I'm a very good listener."

For the briefest instant, Aang considered taking her up on her offer but, then he shook his head at the last minute. "It's complicated. I don't even have it straightened out in my head yet, so talking about it would be impossible."

"I understand. But it's an open offer, Aang. Take advantage of it whenever you want."

"Thank you, Onji."

"It's the least I can do."

Aang favored her with a contrite smile. "You've been incredibly gracious tonight, though I have no idea why you would want to bother. I know this hasn't been the best evening," he acknowledged.

"Nonsense! I was able to ride a rare flying bison, have a front row seat to a street performance and now I'm having dinner in my favorite restaurant _with the Avatar_. I'd say it's been a pretty stellar night for me so far."

"You're pretty adept at putting a positive spin on disaster, aren't you?"

She shrugged her shoulders with a laughing, off-hand smile. "It's what I do. I'm naturally perky."

Aang's smile became tempered with remorse. "You don't have to be so polite, although I truly appreciate it. I know I haven't been any fun tonight. It's really a shame too because I'm usually a fun guy!"

Onji grinned at him. "Yeah…I sort of already suspected that about you."

He blinked at her in surprise. "You did?"

"Well, I _have_ had the privilege of being in your company a time or two since Suki's dinner party."

"Hmm…is that your not so subtle way of pointing out that I haven't been very diligent about my promise to keep in touch?"

"Actually, no it isn't. I wasn't going for subtle at all."

Aang choked out a sharp spurt of laughter. "Duly noted."

"The point I was making, however," she emphasized with a widening grin, "is that I picked up on the fact that you were a fun guy a long time ago…and that was long before we reconnected."

He regarded her with a quizzical look. "How so?"

"Well, you are the guy who threw a secret dance party for a bunch of kids he didn't know while he was hiding out from the Fire Nation. I figured out then that you were either fun…or crazy."

"Well, when you phrase it like that, it does sound a little crazy."

"So which one are you? Fun or crazy?"

"What if I told you that it was a little of both?"

"It wouldn't surprise me in the least." Onji lowered her eyes and began tracing the edge of the tablecloth with her index finger. "You know…I always used to imagine that you threw that dance party for me," she whispered in confession.

"I kind of did."

She jerked her head up sharply and fixed him with glowing eyes. "You did?"

"Yeah. I remember looking at you and seeing this yearning in your eyes…like you wanted to be free, but you didn't know how to get there. I empathized with that because I'd been in that place before. I guess I wanted to give you a taste of what freedom was like…even if it was only in a small way."

"Well, you did," Onji confirmed for him softly.

He grinned at her. "Good to know."

She released a shuddering breath. "Aang…I wonder if…if Hide and I hadn't been together back then…if things were different and you weren't in hiding, would you…would we…"

"…it wouldn't have mattered," Aang interjected softly, "My feelings were set in stone long before I ever met you, Onji."

"That's what I thought."

Her crestfallen expression was transitory and a moment later she brightened again. Aang smiled to himself, unable to quell his admiration for her penchant for quickly dismissing any lingering negativity. Her resilience was fascinating. It was also a good trait to have. He told her so.

"Thank you," she murmured, "I try really hard to keep a positive outlook on life no matter what happens. When you grow up in the Fire Nation, you learn pretty quickly that the best way of dealing with disappointment is to get up, dust yourself off and keep going."

"You sound like my friend Toph," Aang said, "She's like a steel rod. There are few people I've known in my life who are stronger than her. She's always lecturing me about facing my problems head on."

As he spoke, the shuttered expression that had shadowed his eyes all night returned. That fact didn't escape Onji's notice at all. She fixed Aang with a curious smile.

"It sounds like your friend gives very good advice."

"She does," Aang acknowledged morosely, "She just has the tendency to get on my nerves about it."

"Hmm…sounds like a good friend to have. You want someone who will tell you what you _need_ to hear, not what you _want_ to hear."

"Yeah…that's Toph in a nutshell."

"She's the one who's blind, right?"

"Right," Aang confirmed, "But don't let that deceive you. Her blindness isn't a handicap at all. It's a strength and she uses it to her advantage. A lot of people have made the mistake of underestimating her because of her size and her blindness, but it's very unwise to do that. Toph will chew you up and spit you out."

"You admire her very much, don't you?"

"I've known her for more than twenty years, so that comes with the territory," Aang answered rather vaguely, not at all eager to discuss in detail exactly what he felt for Toph Beifong.

"And she's the one who taught you earthbending, isn't she?"

"Yep."

"Why does it sound like you have mixed feelings about that?"

"No…" Aang murmured after a few pensive beats, "I have good memories about it. She was a difficult teacher, but she was firm and consistent and she always pushed me to be better. She's still like that."

"She definitely sounds like a good friend."

"One of the best I've ever had."

They dined for half an hour more but when his unhappy feelings continued to hang on despite Onji's best efforts to be witty and engaging, Aang decided it was best to cut the evening short and take her home. The trip was primarily silent as Aang found himself wrapped up in thoughts of Toph. He briefly considered going to her house to apologize after dropping Onji home. After all, she had been right about him even if she had been completely obnoxious, not to mention wrong about the woman in question. It wasn't _her_ fault that somehow his love for Katara was lacking and he was betraying every promise he'd ever made to her. That shortcoming was his alone to bear.

The least he could do was to go to Toph and acknowledge that he'd reacted badly. But then he thought about her accusation that he had a secret thing for Onji even while he had been with Katara and Aang felt his irritation with her bubble anew. Regardless of how twisted his feelings were now, Toph knew him well enough to know there was no way that he had been pining for someone else while he was with Katara. She had been everything to him…his entire heart. And, in many ways, she continued to be everything to him. He supposed she always would be everything to him, only now…now it felt like his heart was divided.

He could forgive Toph for the brash way she had pointed out the fallacy in his actions, but he couldn't forgive her for that charge. Not when she knew better. Not when she was supposed to know _him_.

Aang was still stewing over that inwardly when he walked Onji to her front door like a perfect gentleman. She, for her part, seemed rather oblivious to the dark thoughts plaguing him right then. She smiled at him and took both of his hands into her own for a brief squeeze.

"I really had a good time tonight, Aang."

A dubious snort rose in his throat, but he swallowed it back. "You don't have to say that. I know you had a terrible time tonight and I don't blame you. I've been somewhere else the whole time."

"Not the _whole_ time."

"Onji, please…"

"Okay, okay…there were some…ah…flaws," Onji admitted rather practically, "But I'm choosing to focus on the positive. You know I tend to do that."

He smirked at her. "And what exactly was the positive?"

She favored him with a soft smile. "I got to spend time with you."

Aang suspected the kiss was coming the second her eyes became heavy. He managed to lightly grip her shoulders and turn his head away so that she managed to graze his cheek instead of his lips. Onji reared back with a mortified gasp, clearly hurt by his reaction.

"I…I'm sorry," she stammered, "I don't know what possessed me to do that."

"No, I'm the one who should be apologizing to you, Onji," Aang insisted quietly, "I think I might have sent you mixed signals tonight."

"You didn't," she insisted.

"I know I did. _I'm_ the one who asked you out tonight and, instead of being an attentive date, I've been preoccupied all night. That wasn't very fair to you."

"Exactly," she mumbled, "You've been preoccupied and obviously upset about something and I knew that. So, I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to kiss you. I…I guess I was trying to make you feel better and I got carried away."

He frowned at her. "So, you decided to give me a pity kiss?"

Onji made a face at him. "A pity kiss? Hardly! I'm not _that_ altruistic. I've wanted to kiss you for a long time now, Aang, and… I was…_hoping_ that you might want to kiss me back."

Aang took several steps back from her, shaking his head sadly. "Onji, I can't," he whispered, "I'm so sorry that I confused you tonight. I asked you out for all the wrong reasons."

She surveyed him with a quizzical tilt of her head. "The wrong reasons?"

He briefly closed his eyes as a wave of shame washed over him. "I thought going out with you tonight would help to take my mind off of someone else, but it didn't." He ducked his head with a guilty sigh. "I'm sorry I misled you into thinking I was interested in anything other than friendship. I shouldn't have used you that way."

Following his candid admission, Onji stood there for a long moment, stunned and ashamed before she gradually regained enough composure to speak. "I forgive you, Aang. It's not completely your fault," she admitted quietly, "I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to dinner. This isn't really a surprise. I kind of suspected that you might not be over Katara and this was too soon for you. I've been there before. I know it takes time to heal."

"Onji, I—,"

"Don't apologize anymore…please," she interrupted quickly, "It's okay. I'll be alright…once I get over the fact that I made a complete fool of myself just now." He was still flailing around for an explanation when she turned the knob to her front door and began scooting inside the house. "Thank you again for dinner. Goodnight, Aang."

She closed the door before he could say anything more and left Aang to contemplate the heavy, wooden façade of her front door, riddled with remorse. The irony of the moment wasn't lost on him at all. Onji was suppressing her righteous indignation towards him because she thought he wasn't over Katara. She believed that it was _Katara_ that he had been preoccupied with all evening, but that wasn't even remotely near the truth. To his everlasting shame, _Katara_ hadn't dominated his thoughts very much at all that night.

He turned away from the door, feeling a little sick and lost as the realization dawned, irrefutable and heavy and scarier than anything he had ever known. He didn't understand what was happening to him but, he could no longer deny that something inside him was changing profoundly. Aang he knew only one thing for certain…when he'd told Onji that he'd gone out with her because he wanted to take his mind off of another woman, it hadn't been Katara he was talking about at all…not even in the smallest sense.

It had been Toph.


	22. Chapter Twenty One

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Toph Beifong felt like crap.

She didn't say very many things that she later regretted. That was mostly because she was of the mindset that the wisdom she imparted was sound and right all the time. If a person couldn't buck up under her harsh criticisms then that wasn't _her_ problem. The wilting flowers of the world rarely survived. As far as Toph was concerned, she was doing them a favor. She was teaching them a valuable lesson, helping them to stiffen their spines.

But after having a night to ponder her actions, Toph knew that what she had said to Aang the night before was inexcusable, even for her. She had been unnecessarily brutal with him. And, to make matters worse, she wasn't even justified in the things she had said to him! She wasn't angry because Aang was trying to move on romantically after Katara. She was angry because he wasn't trying to move on with _her_. It was a petty reason and unreasonable, but that was the crux of her issue. So, she proceeded to make a bad situation even worse by making Aang feel guilty for his decision and using her dead friend, who also happened to be his dead wife, to do it.

Toph had not been proud of herself when she realized what she had done and how far she had gone, but by the time it truly hit her, it was already too late. Remorse settled on her heavy and thick, leaving her feeling nauseated and filled with self-loathing. She had always known that she had a tendency towards selfishness, but Toph never imagined that she was _that_ bad. She never imagined that her constant need to have things happen on her terms would compel her to do something so despicable.

By the time Toph had made it home that night, her stomach was churning. She barely made it to the bathroom in time to vomit. For the remainder of the night, the servants cared for Lin while Toph took to her bed. She curled up beneath her covers and hid herself away, sobbing her heart out. She cried and cried until she felt emptier and lonelier than she had ever felt in her entire life, until she was numb of all feeling.

When she awoke the following morning, Toph felt awful. Her head ached. Her body ached. Her heart especially ached. She didn't want to get out of bed at all. Her single motivation for doing so was that she owed Aang an apology and she was determined to give it to him. Consequently, she forced herself to roll from underneath her covers and begin the day. Toph went through the mechanical motions of brushing her teeth, bathing and dressing all the while mentally formulating what she would say to Aang when she saw him. She was both eager to set things straight between them and dreading it all at the same time.

After making arrangements for Lin's care that morning, Toph gathered herself together and made the ferry trip out to the island. The morning was heavy with fog and the air felt moist and cool. Wispy, winter clouds stretched across the gray canopy above. A stiff wind jetted off the surface of the choppy water, chilling Toph slightly. It seemed fitting the day should be gloomy and overcast because that was exactly how she felt in her heart. Even though Toph couldn't see the weather, she felt the chill in her bones.

As she drew closer to Air Temple Island, Toph began to feel as if a stone had settled in the pit of her stomach. For one, fleeting moment, she considered asking the captain to turn the ferry around and take her back to shore. After all, she could apologize to Aang by letter just as easily as she could do so in person, right?

The thought was tempting. But, in the end, Toph bit down on the impulse. At the end of the day, she was still Toph Beifong and while she was many things...thoughtless, arrogant, obnoxious and so forth...she had _never_ been a coward. She would face Aang and she would deal with the fallout of his anger and hurt because it was no less than what she deserved. She didn't only owe it to him to take her licks like a big girl. She owed it to Katara as well.

Toph was still mentally berating herself a few minutes later when she arrived at the island. As was their custom, the temple acolytes ran out to greet her before she had even finished disembarking from the boat. Immediately, a runner was summoned to announce her presence so that the family could be prepared for her arrival, but Toph declined the offer. If she was going to do this properly then she was going to have to catch Aang unaware. Otherwise, if he were alerted to her arrival, he would have plenty of time to come up with an excuse not to see her.

As it turned out, Toph had been needlessly fretting about that possibility. When Aang finally answered the door on her third round of knocking, it became evident from the grumpy and groggy way that he greeted her that he had only recently awakened. Toph was surprised by that. It wasn't Aang's usual custom to lounge in bed so late into the morning. In fact, the only time he had truly done that was in the first year following Katara's death when he had been battling a very deep and very dark depression. She was instantly worried that what she'd said to him the previous night might have driven him right back into that grim place. Toph's guilt increased tenfold with the thought.

"Hey," she said, "You weren't still in bed, were you? It's close to noon!"

Aang frowned and squinted at her. "Did I miss the day when you were appointed as my personal wakeup call? What do you want, Toph?"

Ignoring his sarcasm altogether, Toph shouldered past him into the house. She sniffed the air, scowling when she didn't immediately detect the aroma of breakfast wafting through the house. That fact only heightened her alarm. "Have the kids eaten?" she demanded.

"I was just on my way to the kitchen to get started on that when you started banging on my door," he replied crossly, "The kids had a late night. We all slept in this morning."

The explanation didn't provide Toph with very much comfort. "Why were they up so late? Why didn't Bao put them to bed on time?" She bit out a caustic snort. "And she's always yakking at me about structure! I guess it's do as I say not as I do with that one."

"The kids were waiting up for me," Aang explained with a measure of annoyance, "Is there any particular reason for this morning interrogation, Toph? I haven't even had my tea yet."

Rather than answering his question or explaining herself, Toph chose to ask a question of her own. "The kids were waiting up for you, huh? Does that mean you didn't come home until late last night?"

Aang's countenance hardened into a remote mask. "I don't want to get into it with you again, Toph."

"Too bad. Because we _need_ to talk about it. There are some things I have to say to you."

"Didn't you say enough yesterday?"

"Not the things that I should have said."

The contrition in her tone softened Aang, but didn't disarm him completely. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'd rather just drop it altogether."

"I can't do that, Aang."

"Well, I can't discuss it now," he countered stubbornly, "It's not a good time. I need to feed the children and get them dressed."

Toph folded her arms across her breasts, a sure sign that she wasn't going anywhere. Her next words confirmed Aang's suspicions. "That's fine," she said, "Do what you have to do. I can wait."

Aang's low, frustrated curse was drowned out when Bumi came running from the back with an exuberant cry of "Aunt Toph!" He pitched himself against her and hugged her hard, incurring Toph's amused grunt. Bumi blinked up at her with large, imploring gray eyes. "Are you staying for breakfast?"

Toph ruffled his hair affectionately. "Of course I am, you crazy little lemur. I wouldn't want to have breakfast anywhere else!" She could practically feel Aang's glare boring into her back. Toph staunchly ignored his displeasure. He might have contradicted her right then if Tenzin hadn't chosen that moment to toddle into the living room. He approached Toph in a drowsy shuffle, rubbing the sleep from his eyes in the most adorable fashion.

"Where my Lin, Toph?" he demanded with a sullen pout.

Smiling, Toph stooped down and scooped him into her arms. "I didn't bring Lin with me today, Tenzin. She's still at home."

Tenzin's pout became more pronounced. "Why come?"

"How come," Toph corrected gently.

"_How_ come, Toph?" Tenzin obliged.

"Today, I wanted to talk to your daddy about something really important and when Lin is here she takes all his attention away from me. I couldn't have that, now could I?"

Charmed by the loving rapport Toph had with his sons and defeated by the soft cadence of her tone as she spoke to Tenzin, but obviously directed her words at _him_, Aang slumped forward with a heavy sigh. "Bumi, run into the kitchen and tell your sister we'll be making breakfast for five."

Breakfast might have been a dismally silent affair had Kya, Bumi and Tenzin not kept the conversation alive with their incessant chatter. Toph and Aang, for their part, responded with little more than one word phrases and monosyllabic grunts. They could barely eat a bite. Their stomachs were too unsettled to even _attempt_ to have a full meal. Each was acutely aware of the other and very tense. Kya, unknowingly, worsened the situation when she offered to clean up the kitchen while Aang and Toph walked the grounds together. They couldn't even count on Bumi and Tenzin to serve as a buffer because the instant breakfast was done both boys were out the door.

For the first time in the more than two decades he had known her, Aang was infinitely grateful that Toph Beifong was blind. He didn't want her to see how absolutely reluctant he was to be alone with her. And it wasn't because he dreaded her company. Quite the contrary, Aang _craved_ her company…and that was the problem.

While he bathed and dressed for a walk he did not want to take, Aang reflected on the decisions he had made the previous night. After taking Onji home, Aang had been reluctant to return to his own. In order to keep himself from going to Toph's instead, Aang had spent most of the evening and the early morning hours flying on Appa through the Republic City skies. While he was up there, Aang thought serious and hard about his predicament and he came to some very difficult realizations.

He had to put some distance between him and Toph. Not only was she making him feel things that he didn't want to feel, she was also making him forget things that he did not want to forget. The most pertinent of those things being his love for Katara and the promises he had made to her. Aang couldn't allow that to happen. Besides their children, his continued devotion to her, his determination to live up to their marriage vows were all Aang had left of her. He couldn't afford to lose something so precious due to some inexplicable, and not to mention, doomed attraction to Toph Beifong.

Even if Aang _was_ willing to risk it, and he wasn't, Toph was in love with another man and had been for most of her life. Sokka was the ideal to which she compared every man who ever had any interest in her. As a result, no one was clever enough or brave enough or funny enough because Sokka had set an impossibly high standard in Toph's esteem. There was no way that he was ever going to touch it. Even if Katara wasn't an issue, Aang wasn't certain he had the right to try.

Sokka was like a brother to him. And while he technically had no hold on Toph and she had no real obligation to him, it still felt wrong to Aang…like he was encroaching on something precious. Not to mention the fact that, with Toph's feelings inclined elsewhere, pursuing her wouldn't be fair, not when her heart was so vulnerable. After what had occurred with Onji, Aang was determined never to toy with another woman's heart and that especially pertained to Toph. She had been his friend, his confidant and his unflagging support for almost three years now and she didn't deserve to have him take advantage.

In order to avoid doing that, Aang knew he had only one option available to him. He had to sever his friendship with Toph or, at the very least, avoid her altogether until his emotions cooled and he could think with a level head again. Aang didn't want to do that. He didn't want to stop being friends with Toph and he certainly didn't want to cut her out of his life either. In fact, Aang dreaded the hurt he would cause her when he delivered the news. Sadly, he knew if he was going to avoid causing her greater hurt down the road, and himself as well, Aang didn't see that he had much choice in the matter.

Resolved to what he had to do yet still reluctant to do it, Aang rejoined a pacing Toph in his living room once he finished grooming. She froze in place at his entrance, waiting for him to start. Aang didn't keep her waiting long.

"Are you ready for that walk now?" he asked.

"Sure. Let's go."

The first fifteen minutes elapsed with a wall of dead silence between them. Aang was hesitant to start and Toph was too ashamed to say anything at all. He wanted to find an alternate solution to his problem and was hoping the answer would come to him during the silence. She wanted to apologize to him and explain herself, but was at a complete loss as to how to begin. It was only when they were nearing the edge of the island and standing on the craggy bluffs that loomed above the pitching gray-green sea that Aang and Toph finally made an attempt to address one another. Unfortunately, they did so simultaneously. Toph laughed. Aang smiled.

"You first," he invited softly.

"So I said some pretty harsh things to you last night," she opened carefully.

"Not harsh. You were blunt. You told me the truth."

Toph shook her head, suppressing a self-flagellating groan over the havoc and hurt she had caused with that one thoughtless remark. There were a plethora of excuses that she could make for herself, but in the end, Toph knew that only three little words mattered…and she blurted them out without a second thought. "Aang, I'm sorry!"

He was so stunned by her apology that he stumbled back a step. "You…you're what?"

"I felt horrible about what I said to you last night," she confessed miserably, "More horrible than you could ever imagine. The way I acted…it was wrong and hateful. I never should have implied that you had feelings for Onji while Katara was alive and I never should have tried to make you feel guilty for wanting to move on."

"You're right. That secret feelings accusation _did_ suck, but…I don't _want_ to move on," he murmured quietly, "I don't want to forget the love I have for Katara. I want to hold on to it. What you said last night shocked me, Toph, but I think I needed to hear it."

"I don't understand. Why would you go out with another woman if that's what you wanted?"

Aang's eyes skittered away. "It's complicated…and I can't really explain it."

Toph was unsatisfied with his answer, but she also didn't feel at liberty to press him about it either. "Look, Aang, if you're feeling this way based on what I said…just don't…please… Don't take what I said to heart! I didn't even say it for the right reasons!"

He regarded her with a puzzled frown. "What do you mean?"

"My motives weren't exactly pure. The truth is…I was a little…jealous," she confessed in a shamed mumble.

Of all the things Aang had expected to come out of her mouth, that was _not_ one of them. He blinked at her incredulously. "Jealous? What are you talking about? Why would you be jealous?"

It was a simple question which, unfortunately, did not have a simple answer. Toph had two options laid out before her. She could tell him the complete truth and admit that she feared she might be falling for him hard, thus forever altering their friendship since he was quite clearly still in love with Katara. Or, she could be as vague as she possibly could about the whole thing and stick to the high points to answer him. Toph decided to go with option B.

"I think I was jealous of your ability to reach out for what you want," she whispered, "I'm always so tough and self-assured when it comes to all other aspects of my life, but when it comes to love matters…I'm not very good at that stuff at all."

"Have you really given yourself the opportunity to find out?"

"There _is_ this one guy, but it's impossible," she whispered softly, "I like him a lot and… I want so much, but I don't know how to reach out and take it. I don't even know if I have the right to try…or if I should."

Never imagining that Toph was talking about _him_ at all, Aang set out to give her some practical advice. "Toph, I know that Sokka is a great guy. I love him and respect him more than anyone, but… He's _not_ the only guy in the world and he's not the only guy who will ever love you. It's time for you to open your heart to the possibility of loving someone else. You can't go on this way."

She wanted to point out to him right then that he might want to consider the same thing where Katara was concerned, but Toph suspected that, were she to do so, it would be a little too self-serving on her part. Considering that unhappy fact, she could respond to Aang's counsel with little more than a weak mumble. "Right…Sokka," she mumbled, drowning in the utter irony of their exchange, "…because you know I have feelings for him…"

"You're a beautiful woman, Toph," he murmured, "and I don't only mean on the outside. It's very hard to get past your defenses. I think you learned to keep all the vulnerable parts of yourself hidden away when you were really young because you feared rejection so much. You won't let people in because you're terrified of them walking away.

"But when you _do_ let them in," he continued in a gentle whisper, "it's something amazing and rare and precious…and it's a beautiful thing, Toph. One day you're going to find someone who appreciates all of that in you and I'd hate to see you miss out on him because you're looking somewhere else."

Toph ducked her head, wanting to conceal the tears she knew were welling in her eyes. "You're far too idealistic, Aang," she told him gruffly, "You always have been."

"Why is that idealistic? You're smart and quick and one of the bravest people I've ever known. You're incredibly easy to love, Toph, when you're not always fighting it."

She swallowed roughly. "You don't have to lie to me, Aang." Her words were hoarse, almost mangled with the tears she so stubbornly held back. "I'm alone. I've always _been_ alone, since the time I was a little girl, and I'm always going to _be_ alone. That's the way it is."

"Is that what you want?"

"I'm never going to have what I want, Aang."

"Don't say things like that!"

"Why not?" she challenged brokenly. "It's true. The man I imagine myself with is never going to imagine himself with me. He's never going to think of me the way I think of him."

"Oh, Toph…"

"Don't pity me!" she snapped at him, falling into her usual defensive patterns and taking refuge in her anger, "I'm not some poor, pathetic soul that you need to pat on the head with stupid platitudes of 'there, there!' Don't you do that to me, Aang! Don't you _dare_ try and make me into someone needy and weak! That is _not_ who I am!" Realizing that she was rapidly losing control of her emotions and not wanting to break down in front of him, Toph abruptly turned on her heel and began heading back towards the other side of the island.

"Hey!" Aang called after her, "Where are you going?"

Toph paused mid-step. "I didn't come here today to open a vein to you, Aang," she called back to him over her shoulder, "I wanted to apologize to you and I have. Now, I'm going home."

Aang threw up his hands and jogged after her. "Toph, don't leave it like this!" he implored, "I don't pity you! I don't! That's not how I meant to make you feel at all!"

She flung up her hand in dismissal and kept on walking. "Goodbye, Aang."

"Toph, wait!"

He knew he should let her go. In fact, it would probably be for the best if she _did_ go, but even while he acknowledged that possibility in his heart, Aang stubbornly dogged her heels until he caught up with her. He prepared himself for her outburst of anger the instant his fingers closed gently around her upper arm to detain her, but she surprised him when her features crumpled with abject misery instead. A little stunned by her reaction, Aang drew her stiffened body against him and cradled her in his arms. Of course, she resisted his embrace and tried to push him away but Aang pleaded with her to let him hold her.

"Sometimes we need it, Toph," he whispered to her, "Let it out. Let yourself cry. It's okay." For an instant, he thought she would shove out of his arms entirely, but then the dam broke open and Toph began to sob, at first quietly and then with such force that her entire body shook. He realized that whatever she had been holding inside, she had been holding it in for a while. "You're okay, Toph," he soothed, pressing tender kisses against her temple as he spoke, "You're okay. I'm right here."

It was the awareness of his lips softly brushing across her skin which gradually dissolved Toph's tears. She lifted her face from the folds of his robes, trying not to dwell on how good and right and perfect it felt to be in his arms. Instead, she took refuge in her usual brash humor.

"Well…that sucked," she announced brusquely, "I feel completely humiliated. And, as if that weren't bad enough, I'm all swollen and snotty now. Excellent."

Aang chuckled a bit at her self-effacing humor. "Don't be humiliated. Besides, you're not so snotty," he whispered in reassurance, "I think you left most of the remnants of that on front of my robe."

Toph groaned aloud in mortification. "Fabulous."

"I didn't think you would mind considering you're the same girl who used to pick her nose without compunction when we were kids."

Her cheeks suffused with hot color at the reminder. "Thanks, Aang. Let's not take into consideration that was twenty years ago and that my feelings about hygiene have changed profoundly since then! Please, bring it up. You're really helping me feel better here. So, now I'm unsightly _and_ gross."

"There is absolutely nothing unsightly about you, Toph…"

Aang lifted his fingers to brush away the clinging drops of her tears from her thick, dark lashes and he knew right then that he was going to kiss her. With her cheeks flushed and her mouth drawn in a derisive smirk, she was virtually begging him to do it. And once he did kiss her, once he felt her soft mouth beneath his, he wasn't going to stop. He knew he wasn't. The need within him was a thoroughly uncomplicated desire.

Unfortunately, the jarring realization filled Aang with self-loathing for a number of very complicated reasons. He dropped his hand and took a stumbling step backwards, shaken by what he had almost done. Only moments before, Toph had broken down in anguish over her unrequited feelings for Sokka and now he was contemplating kissing her while she was in that confused and highly emotional state! So, not only was he apparently forgetting every promise he had ever made to Katara, he was also considering taking emotional advantage of a woman who had been nothing short of his life-preserver for the last three years. What was _wrong_ with him?

Unaware of how close she had just come to being thoroughly kissed, but fully aware that something was happening with Aang, Toph whispered his name tentatively. He was trembling so violently that the vibrations that rolled off his body set off tiny, seismic waves beneath Toph's feet. She grew tense with worry. "Aang, what's happening? What's wrong?"

"This isn't going to work," he mumbled, shaking his head as he backed up several more feet, "I didn't want it to be this way, but I can't… I don't know what's going on with me and I can't handle it anymore! This isn't going to work. I can't do it."

"What's not going to work?" Toph pressed in mounting alarm, "What can't you do, Aang?"

He sucked in a deep breath and revealed in a trembling whisper, "I can't be friends with you anymore, Toph."

She gasped hard, as if he had just walloped her in the chest. In some respects, that was exactly how it felt too. "What? What are you talking about?"

"This isn't working and I…I can't be friends with you."

Although, Toph's first impulse was to panic and lose it, she forced herself to remain calm and levelheaded so that she could get to the root of his sudden turnaround. "Aang…I don't know what this is about right now. Are you still angry with me because of last night? Do you think I'm planning to ruin Sokka's marriage or something? What is it? I mean…what happened?"

"We don't have anything in common and we never have. It's better this way."

And with that, Toph's sage decision to remain composed was obliterated. "We don't have anything in common?" she echoed in disbelief, "What are you talking about? You're not making any sense to me at all! What changed in the space of _five minutes_ to make you decide that you couldn't be my friend anymore? What did I do?"

"It's not you. It's me. I'm sorry, Toph. I'm always going to care about you, but it has to be this way. I hope one day you'll understand."

He turned and walked away from her then, leaving Toph to fight back her confused and frustrated tears and, all the while, fighting back his own as well.


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

"I can handle this mission on my own," Toph informed Aang coldly, "I don't need you to go with me."

Aang wasn't surprised by her declaration or the implacable manner in which she made it, but he had the urge to bang his head against his desk nonetheless. When he had made the impulsive decree that they could no longer be friends, Aang hadn't quite imagined it would be so…_awful_. Yes, he had expected silence and avoidance, as well as a complete freeze-out. It was nothing less than he deserved. What Aang hadn't been quite prepared for, however, was Toph's blatant hostility towards him. He knew he'd hurt her, but he hadn't anticipated that she would act like she _hated_ him.

One week. 7 days. 168 miserable hours. It had been that long since he and Toph had engaged in an actual conversation. Aang had loathed every solitary second of the self-imposed silence between them. Self-preservation had compelled him into his decision but he was still disappointed that Toph so willingly enforced it. If she could avoid speaking to him altogether then she would. Even in work related issues, she used a messenger to relay pertinent information to him.

Sokka had assured him that it was for the best. He'd actually praised Aang for being so proactive and decisive about everything. He was of the opinion that Aang and Toph had a great potential to hurt one another and possibly ruin their friendship forever, so whatever could be done to minimize that was a course of wisdom in Sokka's opinion. He seemed certain that once Aang had a better handle on his emotions, he would be able to smooth things over with Toph and they could repair the chinks in their friendship with no permanent damage.

And, of course, Sokka further tried to alleviate Aang's doubts by promising to look after Toph during the difficult transition period. Unfortunately, that had only exacerbated Aang's uncertainty because he couldn't imagine _more_ exposure to Sokka would be a good thing for Toph. Rather than decreasing his anxiety and making him feel more secure in his decision, Sokka's unflagging support only caused Aang to question himself even more.

Unfortunately, he wasn't really at liberty to share his concerns with Toph at all. She had made it abundantly clear that she didn't want to hear a word he said nor did she want him near her in any capacity. Her reaction was expected given the fact he was the one who had severed their friendship, but her rejection still stung. He had made his decision out of desperation and necessity, but that didn't mean she had to embrace it so readily. Beyond that day on the bluff, Toph hadn't attempted to "reason" with him once. In fact, Aang knew the only reason that she was speaking to him now was because he had summoned her directly, a fact he knew had left Toph infuriated and spoiling for a fight.

"The request is clear, Toph," Aang sighed, "Chief Niu wants us both for this mission."

"I'm perfectly capable of tracking a fugitive on my own, _Avatar._ I do not need you holding my hand…nor do I want it. Your presence will only be a distraction to my men."

"Toph, will you please drop this 'Avatar' nonsense! This isn't about us. It's business! This is our duty!"

For a split second, her professional façade slipped and she looked as if she wanted to launch herself across the desk at him. "What us?" she snapped tartly, "There is no us! Isn't that what you wanted?"

Yet again, Aang felt the urge to bang his head into the desk. It was an untenable situation for him. He didn't like hurting her. He certainly didn't like having her angry at him. But Aang didn't know what else he could do. He was wedged in between a rock and a hard place and, no matter what decision he made, the results weren't going to be pleasant. When Aang considered enduring Toph's frostiness indefinitely in comparison to confessing his conflicted feelings for her and dealing with the fallout, the latter seemed infinitely more palatable to Aang. Of course, at this point, he could present his heart to Toph and she'd happily stomp all over it. She was _that_ ticked at him. Aang didn't blame her.

"Toph, this man is a dangerous criminal," he reasoned, "He's traveling with a gang and there's no telling what type of arsenal they have at their disposal. You need all the support you can get. Please, don't make this complicated."

"Fine!" she bit out, "Do what you want! Just stay out of my way!"

Aang watched her stalk from his office and bit down on his tongue to keep from calling her back. This was going to be more difficult than he imagined. He had already begun having second thoughts over his decision to end their friendship when his kneejerk reaction began making a direct impact on his children. When he started contending with their constant questions about Toph's whereabouts and when they would see her again, Aang knew he was in trouble. For now, he mollified them with the flimsy excuse that Toph was busy with work, but he knew that wouldn't fly for too much longer. Aang knew he had to figure something else out but what that something was continued to elude him.

Three days later, when Aang was camped out in the middle of the cold, frostbitten forest, he found himself with plenty of time to figure it out. The tracking group was busy strategizing the final parts of their plan, knowing from the entail they'd gathered that their fugitive was near. There wasn't very much to do now except sit and wait for the perfect time to strike, which gave Aang more than enough time to think.

The crux of his problem stemmed from two major issues. First, he wasn't sure how he could be developing feelings for Toph without somehow diminishing his love for Katara. He had loved her all of his life and only her. The idea of wanting another woman seemed unfathomable to him…and yet he did. Aang couldn't understand what that meant at all. His second issue was even more pressing. Even if he were somehow able to make his peace with the first issue, getting around it wouldn't necessarily negate the fact that Toph was in love with another man. That fact had never truly bothered Aang before. Now, unfortunately, it did…and greatly too.

Due to the fact that he was left with nothing except time on his hands, Aang tried to look at the matter reasonably. When he stopped allowing himself to be caught up in hasty reactions, he slowly began to realize that his growing attraction for Toph hadn't affected his love for Katara at all. It was still there in his heart, locked away in a part of himself that no one would ever touch, but it was dormant. Quiet. The love hadn't disappeared. It wasn't gone. It was merely sleeping. And, truthfully, it had been sleeping for some time, long _before_ he'd ever had any inkling that he thought of Toph Beifong as anything other than a good friend.

In the first year following Katara's death, his love for her had been acute and visceral. Aang remembered some nights when he would wake up wanting her so much that his entire body literally ached. He was in constant pain. It took a literal cosmic shake for him to get it. After saying goodbye to Katara for the last time in the spirit world, Aang finally accepted that he had to let her go. He wasn't going to heal otherwise and he needed to heal, for his children's sake and for his own. And so, he had. Grueling months of sadness had followed, but he finally had.

Aang gradually released his hold of what he and Katara had together, tucking it away for safekeeping in the deepest recesses of his heart…and he got on with his life. Eventually, the pain lessened. The ache continued to be there, but it was manageable, until finally it was simply a part of him. He missed Katara. He hated that she was gone. He was still in love with her, but what they shared was over. He knew that, accepted that and was content to live out the rest of his life alone in spite of that. Because, dormant or not, he didn't want any other woman besides her…not in his heart and not in his bed.

And then Toph happened and she made him question everything he thought he believed about himself and about his love for Katara. But, this entire time, he had been unfairly blaming her for the way Katara seemed to be fading from his heart. In reality, nothing had changed on that score. Katara was just as firmly entrenched in his heart and memory as she'd always been and would always be…but suddenly there was another woman who had the potential to make inroads there as well. That realization had terrified Aang and so he did what came natural to him, what he did whenever he was faced with an obstacle he didn't want to confront: he ran. Bad habits were hard to break and long-suffered insecurities even harder to shake.

Still, matters between them had become untenable. With the enduring silence between him and Toph, Aang had reached the conclusion that he didn't want to run from his feelings anymore. The truth was Toph Beifong had somehow gotten under his skin in the most undeniable way. He hadn't planned it. He was also rather annoyed by it, but he could no longer deny the truth of it all either. So, after months of internal struggle and several very stupid mistakes, Aang finally accepted what he could not change and moved on to his next dilemma…how was he going to tell her and should he?

The Sokka situation was a big deal to him. Not because Toph was in love with him, but because she had been in love with him for a long time. That wasn't a small thing. The idea of "wooing" Toph when he very well knew her heart was already given to another seemed wrong on so many levels. Romantic pursuit wasn't an option at all. But the truth was a different matter altogether. Toph deserved to know the truth and after all they had been through together and all that she had sacrificed to protect him, Aang recognized that it was the _least_ he could give her.

Of course, desire and execution weren't exactly the same. Laying his feelings bare to Toph wasn't going to be an easy task by any means. Per her request, Aang had made every effort to keep out of her way. It was easy to do because, when he was foolish enough _not_ to do it, he usually found himself on the receiving end of her ferocious temper. Yet, even while keeping his distance, Aang would often watch her intently when her attention was directed elsewhere. She pushed herself hard during their mission, rarely eating, barely sleeping, on constant alert for any tracks that might lead them to their fugitive. She was diligent about her job, no one could dispute that, but it was obviously to the detriment of her health.

Her eyes were sunken and ringed with dark, purple bruises that signaled her chronic sleep deprivation. She was like a machine, driving and driving and driving herself, but Aang knew that it was only a matter of time before she ran out of fuel. He had a front row seat to Toph running herself into the ground and he didn't like it. At that point, Aang decided to take matters into his own hands.

After rummaging through his bag for the preserved apples he had brought with him, Aang tentatively approached Toph as she sat perched alone on a fallen tree stump on the opposite side of the camp. He did so with the full expectation that she would earth-spike him right back to where he'd come from the instant he reached her. To his everlasting surprise, she didn't…but she also didn't acknowledge the fact that he was standing there with a bag of dried apples in his hand.

"Toph…" he implored in a soft murmur, "…you need to eat something."

She stiffened. "Since when do you care?"

Aang sighed. "I've always cared. That's why I came over here in the first place."

Toph scoffed under her breath. "You have a really funny way of showing that, Aang," she bit out, "You tell me you don't want to be friends anymore without giving me any explanation as to the reason why and then you come over here to bring me…" she paused to lean over and stiff the contents of the bag he held, "…dried apples sprinkled with cinnamon? What is that?"

Belatedly, it dawned on Aang how unfair he was being to her, in addition to the pain he'd already caused her. "I know I'm sending you mixed signals, aren't I?"

"You think?"

He warily sank down beside her on the far end of the stump. "I'm not trying to do that, Toph. It's just… I've noticed that you haven't been eating lately. I was worried about you, Toph. I told you before that I wouldn't stop caring for you."

"What does that even mean?"

"Toph, I—,"

She frowned darkly as something he said before fully dawned on her. "Why did you come over here at all? And what do you mean you _noticed_? Have you been _spying_ on me this whole time?"

"It's…it's not spying," he protested weakly, "I'm trying to look out for you!"

"Don't bother! Why is that _your_ concern at all? Seems like a peculiar thing to do when you want nothing to do with me, Avatar!"

"That's not…" Aang hung his head with a serrated groan. He dragged his hand down the length of his face wearily. "It has nothing to do with that. Toph, it's complicated."

"You keep saying that, but the words don't mean anything, Aang."

"It's true."

"I don't care. You made your decision. And I don't care anymore."

"I want to make you understand why I did what I did," he whispered, "If you would only listen, I could—,"

"You can't help me understand this, Aang," she interrupted, turning just enough that he was able to see the tears glistening in her eyes for the first time, "There's no excuse good enough. You know…usually, when I find myself in a position like this, I'm all bravado. I have no problems walking away when someone clearly doesn't want me in their life, because I don't beg…and it's their loss. But you and I are different. We've been friends more than _twenty_ years! I trusted you and you really hurt me. I don't know what could have been so terrible that you couldn't _talk_ to me first rather than doing what you did."

"Toph, I'm sorry. I wish I could take it back."

She whisked at the mutinous tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. "It doesn't matter now. What's done is done. If it was that easy for you to throw away our friendship and to stomp all over my heart like that…then you're not who I thought you were, Aang. And you're definitely not worthy of being _my_ friend."

"I understand," he muttered glumly.

"Good," she clipped, "Now will you kindly leave me alone?"

Aang started to rise to his feet and return to his side of the camp. As he did so, a warning shout sounded in the distance. "Take cover! We're under attack!"

Reacting on pure instinct, Toph reached out to grab Aang's forearm and yanked him low to the ground. Seconds later, a large boulder set ablaze came rocketing into their campsite, exploding only a few hundred feet from where they had been sitting. The resulting burst of heat and fire sent Aang, Toph and their companions scattering in all different directions. Aang barely had time to thank Toph. Flames were already beginning to consume the combustible material within their camp. Aang quickly worked at containing the fire and the thick, plumes of acrid smoke that resulted from it his priority while Toph turned her attention towards their unseen enemy.

She rolled to her feet and mobilized her men. "It's a diversionary tactic," she said, "I think there are trying to disorient us while the others make a run for it."

Yet another fireball came slamming past them. The resulting boom caused the ground beneath their feet to rumble. Metalbending and earthbending cops alike fell back into defensive positions. Toph crouched down low with them to strategize a plan, directing them on where and when they should attack.

Toph pressed her hand against the frozen earth. It wasn't as refined a technique as using her feet, but it told her what she needed to know. Beyond the small circle of comrades she had with her, there were half a dozen more only a few hundred feet away, attempting to subdue their fugitive. She snapped erect.

"What's happening, Chief?" one of her cadets asked.

"Our people are outnumbered. We need to move!"

By the time Aang finished abating the flames, Toph and her men had already taken off towards the main battle. He zipped after them, fighting past the haze of thick debris they kicked up in their wake. He made it into the heart of the conflict just as Toph and her men were battering their way through the miasma of earth and fire attacks and pushing their way towards the earthen barricade the enemy had erected between them. Toph was on a mission, dodging, whirling and twirling with such speed and agility that Aang had to stop momentarily just to admire her form. Toph Beifong had literally been _made_ to bend earth. From that point, the situation took a rapid turn towards awful. After that, everything seemed to happen in a macabre-like slow motion.

The barricade suddenly exploded with violent force. Shards of rock and chunks of earth were turned into projectile missiles. Toph moved like an extension of earth. She bent and flexed with the motions of the undulating element, pushing herself towards the enemy with ferocious speed and agility. She managed to deftly avoid most of the earthen shrapnel, except one, insignificant piece. It clipped her across the forehead with such alarming speed that she spun to the ground motionless. The world froze for one horrifying minute.

Aang stood rooted in place while everything around him seemed to melt away. Nothing mattered. He wasn't aware of the frantic shouting, the pounding footfalls vibrating the earth as law enforcement mobilized a pursuit or the return fire of the criminals as they tried to make a run for it. All he could see…all he _knew_ was that Toph was lying on the ground and she wasn't getting up. In that horrifying instance, it felt like Katara's death all over again. He screamed in his heart, "No, please…oh, _please _not again!"

Cold rage and fear settled over him an instant before the glow of the avatar spirit filled him, fueled by his chaotic emotions. Aang bent a column of cyclic wind beneath himself, his robes billowing about his lean frame like a whipping cloud of orange and gold as he ascended high above the treetops to better visualize the battle taking place on the ground. It took mere seconds to locate his targets and he did so with deadly efficiency. Far below him, men began scurrying towards the trees for cover, fully aware of the unrestrained power that was about to rain down upon them.

But there was no place for them to hide. Aang brought his outstretched arms down in a slicing arc and a heavy rumbling began in the earth. The ground underneath the fleeing fugitives' feet instantly began to sink and crumble away and caused them to tumble haplessly into the jagged trench Aang had created for them.

Far from mollified or comforted, Aang didn't wait to watch Toph's men move in to make their arrest. His sole priority right then was getting to Toph. He was already hitting the ground and skidding towards her when the coils of metal ropes shot out. Impervious to the cold rigidity of the ground, Aang carefully scooped Toph's limp body up into his arms and cradled her against him, his heart hammering with harsh fear. He couldn't discern the damage done or even make out her wound for that matter despite pushing aside her matted, disheveled hair for closer inspection. What he could see was that one half of her face was covered with blood and dirt.

She was shockingly pale, but Aang soon discerned the barest puffs of steam wafting from her nostrils in the frigid air. He deflated, every muscle in his body quivering with relief. _Thank goodness_, he thought. At least, she was breathing. Aang whimpered and started to bury his face in her chest with a quiet sob of gratitude when Toph groaned softly.

"Aang, why exactly is your face shoved against my boobs?"

He lifted his head and choked back a tearful laugh at her disgruntled demand. It was then that he knew she was going to be okay. "You got knocked in the head a few minutes ago."

"What? Really? I did?"

"Yep. Went down like a felled tree."

Toph was visibly aghast by the account. She shoved away from Aang and scooted upright. It was then that she became aware of the warmth trickling down the side of her face. She lifted her fingers to press the throbbing area along her hairline, but recoiled when she discovered oozing moisture there. "Am I bleeding?" she gasped in disbelief, "Tell me I'm not bleeding right now!"

"You definitely have a gash on your head," Aang confirmed, "I won't know how bad it is until I get you cleaned up."

"I can't believe that happened," she muttered to herself in rising mortification, "That _never_ happens! How did I get so off my game that I let myself get hit? And in front of my men too? Unbelievable! What happened? I can't believe I humiliated myself that way!"

"There's no reason to feel humiliated, Toph," Aang soothed, reaching over to stroke her hand gently, "You're severely sleep-deprived and you haven't been eating like you should. It makes sense that you'd be a little off your game."

Toph jerked from him with an embittered hiss. "And whose fault is that, huh?" she retorted in an accusatory hiss. She didn't wait for Aang to try and formulate an answer, but dismissed him altogether and began struggling to stand.

"Whoa, whoa, Toph…" Aang fretted as he swiftly reached out to steady her and keep her from toppling over altogether, "I don't think you should try and get up right now, okay! You took quite a blow to the head. You need to slow down."

She swatted him away and attempted to stagger forward a few steps. "Leave me alone!" she snapped, "I have a job to do! I don't need your help, Aang! I'm perfectly capable of—!" Toph never finished the rest of the sentence. She stumbled to a halt and weaved drunkenly as the ground beneath her feet felt like it was tilting on a crazy axis. An instant later, she crumpled again, only this time into Aang's waiting arms.

When Toph came to awareness again, she was sheltered within the warmth of Aang's tent, sprawled out on a makeshift bed, with Aang folded down next to her. She swallowed several times, surprised by how arid and tacky the interior of her mouth felt. She must have made some gesture signaling that fact because Aang asked, "Would you like some water?"

"Please," she croaked. Seconds later, the cup was pressed to her lips and Toph drank and drank until the dryness was somewhat alleviated. "So what happened?" she asked when she was done.

"You passed out again. A healer should be arriving here soon."

She lightly fingered the bandage across her forehead. "A healer?"

"Turns out you had a pretty serious head injury. You have a very mean looking gash. I cleaned you up as much as I could, but you're going to need more medical attention than I can give you."

"I figured that much out for myself," she replied sardonically, "I meant what happened with the fugitive. Did we get our man? Is he in custody?"

"We did indeed…and all the men who were with him too."

Toph wilted back against her pallet. "Good," she sighed with a measure of satisfaction, "Not that I provided very much assistance in apprehending him."

"That's not true. You did plenty. You're the one who led us to his whereabouts in the first place."

"Only to be taken down by a _rock_. I'm some hero alright."

"You _are_ a hero. You saved me and a lot of other people today, but… You're not invincible, Toph. No one is."

"So says the mighty Avatar," she grumbled.

"Who once _died_ when struck by a bolt of lightning," Aang reminded her softly, "Like I said…_no one_ is invincible."

Not wanting to acknowledge the veracity of his words or admit that she was being too hard on herself, Toph instead became withdrawn and moody. Belatedly, she remembered that she wasn't talking to him and, presently, he was on her list of least favorite people. "Well, you came and saw. No need to hover over me. Except for a throbbing headache, I'm fine, Aang. You can go away now."

"I would do that except…this is kind of _my_ tent."

Toph's cheeks warmed with humiliated color. "Right. I suppose that means _I'm_ the one who needs to go away." She quickly recovered from her embarrassment and began trying to push herself upright as if she intended to leave. Toph wasn't expecting a sickening wave of dizziness and nausea to accompany the attempt and, therefore, didn't protest much when Aang gently urged her back against the pallet.

"Didn't you get enough of that earlier?" he chided her, "Stop being so stubborn and just rest here for a while!"

"Under the circumstances, I hardly think that's a good idea," she muttered.

"What circumstances?"

"You know exactly what circumstances!" she bit out, "This stupid head injury doesn't change what happened between us at all! I still don't like you!"

"I know that," Aang acknowledged softly, "I know you're ticked off at me and you have every right to be. But…I would, at least, like the opportunity to explain myself."

"I doubt there's anything you could say to justify your actions, Aang," Toph sighed wearily, "But go right ahead. Give it your best shot."

"First of all, I owe you an apology," he began in a humble tone, "Lately, I've been very confused about things and…and I didn't handle that in the best way. I hurt you deeply, Toph, and I regret that more than you know."

"You didn't hurt me that much," she mumbled brusquely, but the way she turned her face from him as she made the retort revealed it as a lie.

"These past few days we've been on this mission has given me a lot of time to figure some things out," Aang whispered, "And when I saw you lying on the ground earlier, it all clicked for me then…how important you are to me and how much I don't want to lose you. I _do_ care about you, Toph, but it's much more than that. _You're_ more than that. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

"Not really."

Aang released a short, self-deprecating grunt and tried again. "I'm trying to tell you that I have feelings for you, Toph. _Romantic_ feelings." It was the first time he could remember ever rendering her completely speechless. She had even stopped _breathing_…that's how much his admission stunned her. Aang might have chuckled over the irony if he weren't trembling with nerves and anxiety. "I think I'm falling for you…and that's why I pushed you away. It scared me. I didn't know how to deal with it."

Toph was having a hard time shaking off the stupor his words caused. Again and again she heard his confession sound in her ears, focused primarily on one amazing phrase, "_romantic feelings…romantic feelings_ …" but it all felt very surreal to her. Vaguely, she wondered if her head injury was more severe than she had first imagined. It had to be because there was no way that this could be happening.

Despite her lingering nausea, she gingerly hoisted herself into an upright position. "You…uh…you what?"

"I know that this is a shock," Aang rushed out, "But you didn't do anything wrong, Toph. This isn't you. It's me. I'm not trying to accuse you of leading me on at all. I know how you feel…about me and about Sokka. I'm not telling you all of this because I think there's hope for us or anything. I just…I didn't want to lie to you anymore."

"Us?" she echoed softly, "What are you saying? You…you thought there could be an 'us,' Aang?"

"I'm not saying that," he stressed, "I'm not presuming here. I know you love Sokka."

"But I…I don't."

Now it was Aang's turn to be left speechless. Though the denial had been soft, almost inaudible, Aang reacted as if she had screamed the words. "What? What do you mean?"

"I don't love Sokka," Toph clarified, "Or…I mean…yeah, I do, but not like that and not for a _really_ long time now."

"But the other day, you said—,"

"—You _assumed _thatI was talking about him and I let you assume it," Toph interjected quietly, "But he's not the man I was talking about, Aang. _You_ are."

"Me?" Toph nodded slowly. "I don't understand. When? How long have you felt this way?"

"Since I moved out…even before then."

Aang's breathing quickened with the implication. "Toph, that was almost two years ago!"

"I know that!" she cried defensively, "What else was I supposed to do? You're my best friend's husband and it doesn't matter that she's dead because…you're still in love with her. You still belong to her! You've _always_ belonged to Katara! I wasn't supposed to want to be with you!"

"So you ran away and you've been _lying_ to me this whole time?" he accused her angrily.

"Don't get so high and mighty! You've done the same thing!" she flared back and then flinched because the yelling caused her head to throb.

Conceding her point, Aang reached out to soothe her before he hunched forward with a rueful sigh. "So what are we going to do about this, Toph?"

"I don't know. I'm not even sure if we _should_ do anything. It would be really complicated between us, wouldn't it?"

"I guess so."

"I mean we have to think about this from all the angles…your feelings for Katara, _my_ feelings for her…and then there's Sokka and the kids and all of our friends and how they would feel…what they would say… It could get really messy, Aang. Maybe it's not worth it."

"Maybe…" He was disheartened by her arguments against them while, at the same time, understanding perfectly where she was coming from. After all, it was nothing he hadn't considered for himself. Toph was merely voicing aloud the very doubts he had been harboring for weeks. "I suppose you're right. If we were to get together it would be a very complicated thing…"

"Plus, it's weird! This is so weird. We've been friends for so long and it's…it's really strange to feel like this about you…to know you feel the same way about me too…"

"I know…"

"But none of that seems to matter because the feelings won't go away no matter what I do. I can't shake them…and I've tried."

"I can't shake them either," he confessed softly.

"So what are we going to do?" she whispered, asking him the same question he'd proposed only moments earlier, "What happens now?"

"I don't know what happens now, Toph," he whispered back, "I have no idea. But I do know what I _want_ to happen and I've wanted it for a long time now."

"What's that?"

Toph knew he was going to kiss her then and she welcomed it, held her breath in anticipation of it. She felt as if she had been waiting for it forever. But, just as she felt his warm breath stirring against her lips, the flap of his tent was suddenly flung open, bringing with it a gust of frigid air from the outside. Both she and Aang jerked away from one another with guilty intakes of breath, faces blazing. Aang scrambled away completely and couldn't quite meet the eyes of the young cadet who had come to inform him that the healer had arrived for Chief Beifong.

"She's ready to see the chief," the cadet informed him, betraying none of the curiosity and disbelief he felt over having just walked in on his boss and the Avatar kissing.

Aang wasn't as adept at concealing his emotions, however. "Good," he declared rather awkwardly, "Send her in."

He and Toph didn't speak another word to each other after that and when the healer entered, Aang went to tuck himself over in the far corner of the tent to watch the woman work. He huddled there quietly, trying not to be too aware of his own shallow breathing but it was impossible to contain his mounting anxiety and excitement. He felt elated over the things Toph had told him, but also a little paralyzed with fear. While part of him was soaring and eager to discover what the future could hold for them, Aang couldn't shake the niggling apprehension that both of their lives were about to change in ways that neither of them had ever imagined.


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

"Hey."

Aang left off his work of assembling the tent and rose to his feet with a shaky smile to greet Toph and Lin. "Hey."

It wasn't the most eloquent of greetings but, at that particular moment, it was the most Aang could manage. She looked incredible. Her jet colored hair, which was usually tucked away in a bun (so as not to get in her way as Toph often told him) was uncoiled but bound together by a single braid. The change was a simple one, but it transformed her whole face and body, seeming to shave off a good ten years of her age. She looked so young and fresh and _adorable_ that Aang had a difficult time drawing his eyes elsewhere. Invariably then, he mostly just stood there with her and grinned like an idiot.

They didn't speak for a long time. In the ensuing silence between them, Aang began to feel inexplicably self-conscious. Suddenly, he was fidgety and breathless. His palms were sweating. He had to make a conscious effort to bite back everything on his tongue right then because he knew that whatever he said right then would be supremely ridiculous. He didn't know what was wrong with him.

He and Toph had spent time together as a family before, nearly every day for almost three years. Yet, somehow this time seemed new. It was like the _first_ time. He was surprised by how nervous he felt at the prospect of doing something he, Toph and the kids had done a dozen times together. But, this didn't feel like any run of the mill engagement at all. It felt like…_a date_.

A wave of nervous energy engulfed him with the realization. He was about to have _a date_ with Toph Beifong! Granted, they would be surrounded by squawking children the whole time and he'd probably have to give a few piggyback rides before the day was through, but the truth was still the truth. He and Toph were on a date! Aang absolutely was certain that the grin on his face could be fire-blasted away.

Gradually becoming aware of the fact that he was being a goofball standing there while grinning at her and saying nothing, Aang cleared his throat multiple times as he tried to formulate a more sophisticated greeting. "It's…um…it's nice to see you out of your metalbending uniform, for a change," he stammered, noting with appreciation her simple tan and green tunic, black leggings and customary bare feet. As if she sensed the direction of his attention, Toph wiggled her toes. Aang feared his cheeks might seize from all the smiling.

"Well, I'm a professional woman," Toph replied inanely, "I figure I should look…er…professional when I'm being professional…professionally." Though she was kicking herself inwardly for saying something so ridiculously ridiculous, Toph managed to maintain an outward air of coolness and calm. The exchange between them was almost painfully absurd, but strangely in a good way.

"You look good," Aang whispered after yet more smiling.

"Thanks," Toph whispered back, "I'd return the compliment but we both know it would be insincere." Aang choked back a spurt of laughter when she added, "You do have nicely arranged features though…at least that's what I remember from my brief stint into the spirit world so…unless you've been horribly disfigured since that time, congratulations on your face, Aang."

"Um…well…thanks, Toph."

"No problem." Although, she was unaware of his besotted expression or the lopsided smile on his face, the way his heartbeat had accelerated upon her approach and continued to thump at a rapid pace in her presence was still enough to make Toph blush. "So…uh…where's the rest of your army? I thought we were camping but it seems like you're the only one who's setting up."

"I sent them to play down by the beach. Kya and Bumi's bickering was driving me nuts."

"Oh, mighty Avatar, vanquished by a couple of kids," Toph snickered, "How embarrassing for you."

"Well, there was that and…I wanted a chance to be alone with you when you arrived."

Just when she thought that it might be possible to relax in his presence, the fiery color in Toph's face intensified. "But we're not alone…" she reminded him softly, "Lin's here with us."

"And she's barely three years old, Toph. She doesn't care what we do." He surveyed her with a mischievous look. "So, if I were to lean down and kiss you right now—,"

Toph planted her fingers squarely against his mouth before he could execute that line of thought. "—She'd probably blab it to everyone she came in contact with and then we'd be screwed," she finished for him, "Not a good idea."

"Screwed!" Lin chortled in exuberant agreement, "Momma's screwed! Momma's super screwed!"

"See what I mean?" she muttered wryly.

While Aang struggled to contain his laughter because he was sure that Lin was only repeating something she'd heard Toph say on numerous occasions, Toph tried, quite unsuccessfully, to get her chatty daughter to quiet down. As she did so, she became ever more aware of Aang's eyes on her. She couldn't see him, but she certainly _felt_ him.

Growing increasingly self-conscious and left with very few options for relief, Toph thrust the canvas bag she held in her hand at him in hopes of providing some distraction. "I brought goodies for our campout."

Aang tested the weight of the bag. "Did you throw your entire pantry in here?"

Toph responded with a weak laugh dripping with sarcasm. "Ha…ha, you're so hilarious…only you're _not_. Actually, I brought a bunch of nuts and berries and stuff like that," she explained with extreme ineptitude, "You know…the crap you usually like to eat."

"That's very sweet of you, Toph."

"Yeah, that's me," she mumbled as she bounced a babbling Lin on her hip, "…_sweet_…"

They lapsed into a weird stretch of silence. It made sense that they would have some lingering awkwardness between them. Since their emotional revelations to one another and their aborted kiss in Aang's tent one week prior, Toph and Aang hadn't been given much opportunity to discuss what was happening between them. While Toph had remained behind in their sister city to process their prisoner, Aang had returned home to relieve Bao of duty. He spent the next few days working, waiting for Toph to return and entertaining the children.

By the time she did return, it was then Aang's turn to leave to attend to pertinent Avatar business. They were like two ships passing in the night. He also returned after three days, but cornering Toph for some private time upon his return was nearly impossible because he had four different children vying for his attention, several councilmen breathing down his neck, and a house to get in order. The conflict in their busy schedules and his growing desperation to be alone with her had prompted Aang to suggest a camping trip. It would be the perfect means for him and Toph to spend time with the kids while also having time with each other.

And it _was_ the perfect idea…he simply hadn't expected to feel so nervous and clumsy about it. After all, she was still Toph. Nothing particularly dramatic had truly occurred between them. While it was true that they had confessed their interest in one another romantically, it hadn't gone any further than that. They hadn't even _touched_ each other since then, though the overtures evidencing the desire to do so were always present. Despite that, Aang had occasional bouts of worry over whether or not Toph might possibly change her mind, especially because she had seemed so unsure at the idea of them when they were in his tent after she was hurt. He tried not to let the uncertainty make him too crazy though.

For now, Aang focused on what was tangible. He would take this delicate situation with Toph one step at a time. Presently, she was still his friend and they were doing what they had always done. Except _now_ she was his friend whom he wanted to kiss. A lot. He wanted to kiss her _a lot_. So, that might be a tiny bit dramatic, Aang mentally amended.

Hoping to alleviate some of the odd discomfort between them, Aang reached over to liberate a squirming Lin from her mother's arms. He pressed a sound kiss to the little girl's forehead before giving her a hefty squeeze. She was a great deal more solid than Tenzin, which was ironic given the fact that he was older.

"How's my little Lin doing, huh?"

Lin giggled and tucked her face into the crook of his neck. "Did you bring me present?" she asked him rather immodestly.

"A present?" Aang balked dramatically, "Is that all I'm good for with you?" He flicked a playful look over at Toph. "You're worse than your mother." Lin giggled again, her laughter spurred on when Aang began tickling her. "Well…I might have brought you a little something," he conceded impishly.

Ignoring Toph's admonition that he was "rewarding Lin for nothing," Aang set Lin back onto the ground and knelt so that he could rummage through the supplies for said present. The eager little girl practically climbed over his back trying to get a glimpse of her present over his shoulder. It was difficult for Aang to contain his laughter over her enthusiasm but well worth her madcap wiggling when he saw her face upon presenting her with her surprise.

Lin's green eyes became as wide orbs of disbelief and wonder when he revealed his gift to her. "I know you've always wanted it, so you can be just like your mom…" he murmured as he presented the gleaming, custom-made armor to the little girl, "…and now you can."

Thrusting out her small, chubby arms, Lin took the breast-piece that was almost an exact replica of her mother's metalbending uniform and hugged it to her tiny chest with a childish squeal of glee. Aang grinned. Lin regarded him in wide-eyed delight. "This mine?"

His grin widened. "All yours. You want to try it on?"

Lin hadn't even finished nodding in vigorous affirmation before Toph was demanding, "Aang, what did you just give her?"

"A piece of hard candy," he replied, straight-faced.

"You liar! I know that's not what it is!"

"Prove it!"

"Aang, don't make me earth-spike you!"

"Okay, okay…it's armor! But it's only the top portion, Toph," he soothed, "I had her initials carved into it and everything so I can't take it back. Don't be such a killjoy."

"But she doesn't even know how to bend metal yet!" Toph protested, "I've told you again and again. Lin has to earn these sorts of things. She needs to learn that nothing worthwhile in life is handed to you!"

"Toph, she's _two and a half_. She's not looking to save the world. Cut her some slack!"

Lin fixed her mother with an imploring stare. "Please…I keep it, Momma? Please? _Please?_"

Aang threw in his own round of begging as well. "Please…she keep it, huh, Momma?"

Toph heaved a resigned sigh. "You both annoy me."

The response, while unenthused, prompted Aang to smile at Lin broadly. "I think that means yes, you can keep it."

After that was settled and Aang fitted Lin into her present, Aang swung her up onto his neck so that he and Toph could to walk down to the beach to join Kya, Bumi and Tenzin. Along the way, they didn't talk much because Lin served as a rather loquacious barrier to anything more intimate than laughing at her antics. Despite the distraction, Aang did manage to take hold of Toph's hand for a brief time and brush his thumb across the sensitive skin of her palm before letting go. They strolled together with very little room separating them, savoring each accidental brush of their hands. To the casual observer, they looked like two friends enjoying a walk together, but in reality they were aching inside, nearly exploding with the need to be alone together. It was an exquisite kind of torture.

Once they reached the beach, there was a fair amount of gushing and excitement from the children over how adorable Lin looked in her present. When that was done, Kya helped Lin remove the breast piece so that she would join the other children in water play. Aang and Toph folded themselves down on the beach beside one another as their children frolicked together through the sea foam. Kya bent the children up from the waves on spouts of water, only to let them go at the last moment so that they went plunging back into the sea. Their cries of glee echoed across the beach.

All the while, Toph and Aang kept scooting closer and closer to one another until there was virtually no space between them and their knees were touching. They leaned back, bracing their hands behind them in the sand and seemingly engrossed in their children's fun. But in reality, Aang was gradually inching his fingers across the prickling grains towards Toph's hand. He finally covered it with his own, prompting Toph to bite back a smile.

A tiny thrill of sensation shivered through her at his touch. The reaction stunned her. Toph couldn't help but shake her head at the irony. _Aang_ was making her stomach flutter. She would have never anticipated that in 1000 years. The sheer absurdity of the realization made her laugh.

"Wow, we _are_ pathetic."

It wasn't quite the response Aang expected from her, but it was also 100% Toph and, therefore, 100% endearing to him. He cut her a sideways smile. "Why are we pathetic?"

"You know why," she grumbled, "Me. You. This!" She leaned in closer to him and said in an under-breath, "Aang, you're holding my hand right now!"

"Yeah, I am. And?"

"And…I like it. But just a little," she added quickly before he could preen.

"Just a little?" he balked, "That's it?"

"I refuse to become a gushing simpleton just because you're holding my hand," she sniffed, "Besides, you've held it before. This is no different."

"It's a little different. I never wanted to kiss you when I was holding your hand before, Toph."

She sighed. "I never wanted to kiss you before either." She dropped her head forward and groaned. "I can't believe we're having this conversation at all. It feels strange."

"Yeah…"

"But a good strange."

"Yeah…"

"Aang, I—,"

"—Toph, I really want to kiss you right now," he confessed in a rush. Toph sucked in an audible breath as he continued, "In fact, kissing you is all I've been able to think about this entire week."

"Me too."

"So, we should do that as soon as possible…kiss, I mean. Tonight. After the kids go to bed, okay?"

She laced her slender fingers through his and nodded. "Okay."

Of course, putting the kids down for bed was much easier in theory than in execution. There were campfire stories to be told, snacks to be eaten and bending battles to be had. They played card games, sang songs and contemplated the bright canopy of stars overhead. The moon had been glowing in the night sky for more than a few hours before the children began to drop off one by one. Together, Aang and Toph carried each of the smaller children into the tent and then tucked them snuggly into their sleeping bags. Kya and Bumi went under their own steam. Toph and Aang bent to kiss them goodnight as they passed the tent entrance.

"Goodnight, kiddos," Toph told them, "Sleep tight."

Kya paused with a sleepy yawn. "Dad? Aren't you and Aunt Toph coming to bed too?"

"Yeah…in a little while…" he hedged, "Toph and I are going to have tall people talk for a bit." He was thankful for the cover of darkness right then because Aang had no doubts that he was blushing furiously. He was also sure that Toph had similar sentiments. "Don't worry so much."

"Okay…" she conceded with a mumble, "But don't stay up too late. It's past your bedtime."

"Go to sleep!" Aang snorted.

"Okay, okay," Kya laughed, "I just wanted to be the one to say that for a change."

After his daughter disappeared behind the tent flaps and left him alone with Toph, Aang felt a familiar nervousness surge back into his belly as he stared down at Toph's bent head. "You want to go for a walk?" he suggested softly.

"Sure."

As they fell into step with one another, each seemed uncertain about proper etiquette…to walk close or not, to hold hands or not. Eventually, as if pulled together by some magnetic force, they did drift closer and their fingers gradually intertwined. Toph stopped short as the enormity of the changing situation between them dawned on her anew.

"Aang, what are we doing?"

"Walking and holding hands?" he ventured lightly.

She grunted. "You know what I meant. Are we…are we a _couple_ right now?"

"I don't know. Do you want to be a couple?"

"Don't you wonder what's happening between us and _why_ it's happening?"

"Are _you_ wondering about it?"

"Are you going to answer every question I ask you with a question?"

"That depends. Are you going to answer every question I ask you with a question?"

Toph grunted again, this time in mounting aggravation. "Sometimes, you make me want to strangle you!"

"Well, that's good. That's exactly what a man wants to hear right before he's going to kiss you."

"Who said anything about you kissing me?" Toph challenged, "Right now, I'm pretty annoyed with you so the chances of you getting a kiss from me are slim to—,"

She never finished the remainder of that thought because Aang was already pressing his mouth to hers. The first contact of his lips was a shock to her system and she went momentarily rigid. It was a bizarre moment. Aang's lips were sealed to her own. She, Toph Beifong, was kissing the Avatar, her best friend and childhood annoyance. She was kissing him! But then she relaxed with the reality. _She was kissing Aang_…and she liked it.

Toph leaned into him, her mouth softening. She parted her lips for the tentative invasion of his tongue, gasping a little at the taste of him and deciding that she liked that as well. Just as she started to seek the interior of his mouth with her own tongue, Aang pulled back with a breathless smile.

"It's been my experience in the past that sneak attack kisses work best."

"Has it?" she murmured with a seductive half smile. Toph reached out to grip a handful of his tunic and pulled him closer. "Well, let's see how you do when I know it's coming…"

They kissed again, deepening their exploration of each other in gradual measures. What began as slow and hesitant became seeking and hungry. They pressed together, wrapping their arms around one another, lost in the sensations they were creating and each other. It took a moment for the stunned gasp to penetrate their pleasure-addled senses but when it did, they both jumped apart.

Kya stood frozen in the spilling moonlight regarding them with an expression that bordered on shock and revulsion. Her blue eyes were welling with tears and dark with betrayal. The silence that followed was deafening. Aang whispered her name then and that hoarse acknowledgment seemed to reanimate her. She shot off into the darkness with a small whimper of anguish. Aang hunched his shoulders forward, staring after her with a mournful sigh.

"Well, that was unfortunate," he sighed, "I should go after her and explain."

"No," Toph said, catching hold of his wrist before he could take a step. "Let me talk to her. She and I should probably have this out. Go back and be with the kids."

"Toph, I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Trust me on this, Aang," she insisted quietly, "It should be me. Besides, I have a feeling that _you're_ not the problem…it's me."

Aang hesitated for a long moment, vacillating over the wisdom of that suggestion before finally consenting with a small nod. "Okay. I'll be waiting for you back at camp."

Toph found Kya kneeling at her mother's memorial marker. She hadn't even needed her special sight to locate the girl at all. She knew instinctively that would be the first place Kya would run. Sometimes, when she was feeling particularly lost and afraid, Toph ran there as well. It was the place that she felt closest to Katara. Toph wasn't surprised that Kya felt the same.

She crouched down beside the thirteen year old girl, acutely aware that she was sobbing though Kya did her best to muffle the sound. Toph sighed. "Kya, about what you saw a little while ago…"

With the mention of that kiss which was tattooed into her brain, Kya speared her with an accusatory glare. Her blue eyes were wet, but wrathful. "Why were you and my dad kissing just now?"

"It's a little complicated," Toph whispered, but because she Kya was hardly mollified by that explanation, she added, "Kya…I like your father. A lot. And he likes me. And…and we want to be together."

Kya was wildly shaking her head long before Toph finished explaining. "No. No!" she cried in protest, "I don't believe you. That's not true! Dad still loves Mom! He's going to always love Mom!"

Toph tried not to be stung by her vehemence. "I'm not saying he doesn't or he won't. I'm saying that there's something between us and we want to explore it and see where it leads. I'm not trying to take your mother's place, Kya. I could _never_ do that."

"You're right!" Kya spat irately, abruptly shoving to her feet, "You can't! I can't believe you kissed my dad! Why would you do that?" She grimaced and raked Toph with a disgusted once-over. "What makes you think he even wants you?"

Once more, Toph had to check the impulse to react. She had prepared herself for Kya's hostility but, she hadn't known it would be laced with such vitriol and hatred. It was a side of Kya that Toph had never experienced before. She was both strangely proud of the girl's fierce determination to protect her family and also wildly annoyed that Kya felt it was her business in the first place.

"I get that you're angry and confused, but this really isn't any of your business," she replied sternly, "I came out here to talk to you because I knew you were upset! I wanted to explain what you saw, but I don't _owe_ you anything! This is between your father and me and no one else."

"Were you after him the whole time? Even when my mom was alive?" Kya balked, "What kind of person are you?"

Toph crossed her arms. "I'm not having this conversation with a child!"

"You're trying to erase my mother and I'm not going to let that happen!"

"That's absurd, Kya! You know it is!"

If Kya hadn't been enraged before that moment, Toph's indifferent dismissal of her charge pushed her over the edge. "I don't care what you say! I don't want you to be my dad's girlfriend!" she cried, "Do you really think you have something special with him? You don't! You're never going to matter to him the way my mom mattered! She meant more to him than anyone in the world! He's _never_ going to love you like he loved her! _I'm _never going to love you like that!"

Although the words were as forceful and painful as physical blows, Toph managed to maintain her composure. "I understand how you feel, Kya, and I respect it. But it doesn't change anything I've told you. What happens between Aang and me is between _Aang and me_."

Kya jerked her chin to a haughty angle, glaring down at Toph with something akin to pure hatred. "I thought you were my friend! I thought you loved me…I thought you loved my mom! And then you do something like this…"

"I know it will take you some time to get used to the idea."

"Stop it! I won't _ever_ get used to it!" Kya spat, "Dad wouldn't even look sideways at you if Mom were here! You're a substitute for her and nothing more! That's all you'll ever be!"

Had Kya been aware of just how truly devastating her words were for Toph, she might have eased up on her tirade. But anger and hurt and fear of changed obliterated her reason. At that precise moment, she couldn't quite see past her own anguish to witness the heartbreak she was causing Toph. As a result, she went for Toph's jugular.

"I can't believe I ever trusted you! You're nothing to me now! You ruined everything. I hope you're happy!"

As she took off into the night for a second time, Toph continued to kneel miserably at Katara's memorial stone and wonder in the most secret part of her heart if Kya's accusations were true.


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

**A/N: So remember way back when I made this story M? Maybe you've been wondering about that. Wonder no more. So, if that's not for you, don't read this part.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

Aang popped his head into the interrogation room, where Toph had just finished up with a suspect. He slipped in as the criminal was escorted out, leaving him and Toph alone. "You think I'm a bad kisser, don't you?"

Toph lurched around at the question. "What?"

He slipped fully into the room and closed the door behind him. "It's the only explanation I have for why you've been avoiding me these past two days," Aang considered softly, "You think I'm a bad kisser."

"Or…" Toph retorted sardonically, "…maybe it has to do with the fact your thirteen year old daughter saw us together, had a meltdown and now hates our guts thoroughly. That might also be a possibility."

Aang sighed. "She doesn't hate us."

Toph grunted and crossed her arms in challenge of that statement. "She does a fairly good impression of it. So, I thought I should probably keep my distance for a while."

He circled the room, appraising her from beneath his curling lashes as he did so. "That's great for Kya. She needs some space so that she can process things, but what about _me_?" Aang emphasized, "What about us, Toph? I thought we were trying to see where this goes with us."

She stiffened. "I don't know, Aang. Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe this isn't a good idea after all."

"Wow…my kissing really must suck."

"This has nothing to do with your kissing," Toph huffed, "I think that after everything that has happened in the last couple of days that maybe we should…I don't know…cool it for a little while."

"Yeah, I didn't see _that_ coming at all," he muttered.

"Is it not supposed to matter to me that I'm ripping your kid's world apart?" she cried, "I'm not heartless!"

"I'm not saying you're heartless. But it makes sense that Kya is going to struggle with this. _I_ struggled with this. Sometimes, I _still _do. Eventually, she's going to have to reconcile herself to this. Besides, she's a thirteen year old girl! Being dramatic comes with the territory. Give her some time to adjust."

"That's what I've been _trying_ to do, O Fount of Wisdom! I just don't happen to think we should be sucking face while she does!"

Aang grimaced at her phrasing. "Sucking face? Really, Toph? What are we? Twelve?"

"You're not too far off the mark," Toph mumbled cryptically, sinking down into a nearby chair. She could almost sense Aang's puzzled frown so she tried to clarify. "Aang…lately, when I'm around you, I've been feeling a lot like a little girl with her first crush…only I'm much more nauseating now than I would have been then."

"Um…okay."

"I mean, I'm the type of person who makes fun of others for this kind of nonsense! I made fun of _you_, for Momo's sake!"

"Yes, I recall."

"So, do you know how distressing it is for me to admit that you give me…_butterflies_?" She shuddered upon the admission. "Gah. I feel like I need to bathe in a vat of acid."

Aang digested that statement with a thoughtful purse of his lips. "Thanks, Toph. That's a real esteem booster."

"You're welcome."

Sympathizing with the misery he heard in her tone, Aang took the empty seat on the other side of the table and then reached across the space to take hold of her hand. "I know this is an awkward situation right now, Toph," he whispered soothingly, "But I know we can work it out."

He was disappointed when she pulled her fingers from beneath his and clasped her hands together with a resigned grunt. "We're not talking about the thing that really matters here," she told him.

"You mean Kya?"

"No. I mean _Katara_," Toph clarified softly, "What are we really proposing here, Aang? More specifically, what are _you_ expecting to get out of this? How far are you planning to go with me? Kissing? Sex? Are you looking for something serious or is this a passing fancy for you? I need to know these things because, when it all boils down, we both know that there's only one woman you're going to truly want and I refuse to be a replacement for her."

Aang recoiled from her blunt pronouncement, not because a bit of it was even remotely rooted in the truth, but because she apparently _believed_ it. "Do you seriously feel that way?" Aang whispered in an incredulous and hurt tone, "You think I'm trying to use you as a replacement for Katara?" He felt a surge of anger as he contemplated it further. "Really? Good grief, Toph, that is insulting on levels you can't even fathom!"

When she opened her mouth to challenge that proclamation, fully prepared to castigate him on the many ways _he_ was wrong, the door to the interrogation room abruptly slid open. Toph jerked to attention, growling at the cadet who had dared to disturb her, "I'm in the middle of something! What do you need?"

"I'm afraid there is somber news from the Fire Nation for you and the Avatar, Chief Beifong," the cadet said, "The Firelord wishes to regretfully inform you that his uncle, General Iroh, has died."

The tentative state of their non-relationship was immediately put on the backburner as Aang and Toph turned their attention towards Iroh's funeral. They, along with Sokka and Suki and their respective children, made quick arrangements to make the long journey to the Palace City and comfort Zuko in his time of grief. The trip required the use of another bison besides Appa, which Aang regretted because he would have liked for them all to remain together and grieve.

As it was, Aang spent the hours guiding Appa alone, because Toph had chosen to ride with Sokka and Suki to avoid causing further tension, and mournfully reflecting on the last time he had seen Zuko. It was rather tragic that they didn't get to see each other very often and, when they did, it was usually for a funeral. Aang was determined in his heart not to let it continue that way.

After two days of travel, the group arrived at the Palace City only hours before General Iroh's funeral. In the meantime, his preserved body had been put on display in the public courtyard so that the citizens could come and pay their respects to him. He had a traditional Fire Nation burial planned, complete with chanting and a large funeral pyre. Surrounding his platform were hundreds of flowers and handwritten scrolls. It was evident that the famed "Dragon of the West" was beloved by his people.

Zuko caught Aang rather off guard by humbly requesting that he perform Iroh's eulogy. Although hesitant, Aang agreed, not because he felt at all qualified, but because Zuko had asked him. He didn't want to emotionally tax his friend further and if giving Iroh's eulogy would provide Zuko with some modicum of peace then Aang wanted to do that.

It was a difficult day to get through. By the end of it, many tears had been shed and were still being shed. As their friends and family finally retired to their bedrooms in grief-stricken exhaustion, Aang and Zuko remained awake and sojourned to Zuko's private study to talk. The room was lavishly decorated in rich maroons and dark woods and it seemed, at the moment, almost oppressively dark even with the fire leaping in the hearth. Under the somber circumstances, that seemed rather appropriate.

With his somber stare lingering on Zuko, Aang sat down and watched as his friend poured them each a steaming cup of tea, his uncle's special blend, to drink in his honor. "He was a good man, Zuko," he murmured as Zuko wordlessly passed him the cup, "I'm going to miss him very much."

Zuko perched himself on the edge of his desk and set aside his tea, having no real appetite for it. "It's strange how you can spend so much time preparing for a moment and knowing that it's imminent and yet still feel so shocked and devastated when it happens," he murmured hoarsely, "I used to think that knowing his death was coming would somehow be easier to accept than having him taken from me suddenly." He stared at Aang with glimmering eyes in the firelight. "It doesn't."

"I should have come sooner," Aang lamented, "I knew he was sick and I should have come sooner."

"There was nothing you could have done, Aang. And you're here now. That's all that matters."

"You needed me here," Aang insisted, "I should have come before this…before he died."

"We can both beat ourselves up about could haves and would haves," Zuko said with a shake of his head, "I had the same guilt when I couldn't stay longer for you after Katara died."

"It wouldn't have mattered. I barely remember anything from that time anyway. I was half out of my head with grief."

"I remember," Zuko murmured softly, mournfully, "The truth is, we've both done the best we could. You can't ease this pain for me, Aang…just like I couldn't ease the pain of losing Katara for you. It is what it is. Death doesn't discriminate, I'm afraid."

"No, it doesn't."

The corners of Zuko's mouth lifted in a humorless smile. "I suppose this is one more thing you and I have in common, isn't it?"

Aang fixed him with a mild frown. "How's that?"

"We've both lost the person most important to us in the world." Zuko choked back a sob and averted his face, not wanting to weep in front of Aang but helpless to control his tears. "I don't know what I'm going to do without him," he wept brokenly, "He's been such a big part of my life for so long and…I don't know…"

Aang rose and crossed the distance to place a commiserative hand on Zuko's trembling shoulder. "You'll figure it out, Zuko," he reassured his friend softly, "Eventually…you will."

A long time later, after he left Zuko, Aang went to check on his sleeping children. Tenzin and Lin were, surprisingly, sound asleep. Aang feathered kisses across each of their rumpled heads and then tiptoed down the hall to check on Bumi. His eldest son was awake, but _pretended_ to be asleep in hopes of concealing the fact that he had been throwing around his boomerang indoors. Unfortunately, one glance around his room told Aang all he needed to know. In the end, Bumi was scolded, grounded and he had his boomerang confiscated.

When Aang stepped in to bid Kya goodnight as well, he discovered that she too was feigning sleep but for an altogether different reason. She had been lying awake, thinking of her mother and grandmother, and sobbing softly. It seemed that Iroh's funeral had stirred up a great deal of sad memories for her, particularly those surrounding her mother. She was so distraught that she broke her resolve to give Aang the silent treatment.

Because he realized that his daughter had a great deal to get off her chest, Aang and Kya talked about Katara for quite awhile, reminiscing together about the things they missed about her the most. And finally, as Kya drifted off into a fitful sleep, she sleepily confessed to him that she didn't want to forget her mother…and she didn't want Aang to forget either. After promising her that he hadn't and he never would, Aang pressed a goodnight kiss to her temple and left.

By the time Aang dragged himself into in own bedroom, it was late night, early morning. He felt emotionally and physically beaten. With a low grunt of dissatisfaction, he tossed aside Bumi's boomerang onto a nearby nightstand and began removing his clothing in preparation for bed. Under normal circumstances, he would have been a bit neater while undressing, a habit that Katara had drilled into his head long ago. This particular time, Aang simply dropped articles of clothing in small piles on his way towards the hearth to get the fire going because he was too weary to care. He was down to his trousers and about to remove those as well when he realized he wasn't alone.

"Toph!" he cried, thoroughly startled, "Where did you come from?"

She swung upright with a disgruntled frown. "Hey, Twinkle Toes. It sure took you long enough!"

Obviously, she had been waiting for a while. Tendrils of her unbound hair were stuck to her cheek which bore the imprint of the armrest from the sofa upon which she'd been resting. She wore a loose fitting cotton shirt and dark green knee length trousers, her usual bedtime wear. Her dark hair, that which wasn't plastered to her face, fell across her shoulders and forehead in wild disarray. It was evident to Aang upon closer inspection that she had been crying as well. Her features were slightly reddened and puffy. Aang emitted a sympathetic sigh.

"Rough night?" he ventured.

"The roughest," Toph replied, "I've been waiting for you. I tried to sleep but finally gave up a couple of hours ago." She produced the small decanter of wine she had stuffed behind the sofa cushions and held it aloft. "I thought you and I could have a drink together."

Aang squinted at her dubiously. "Toph, do you have any idea how late it is?"

She shrugged. "Does it matter?" Without waiting for his reply, she lurched into an upright position and swung around to reach for the two empty cups she'd brought with her. She set them down on the table adjacent to the sofa and filled them both before passing one to Aang. "I know you don't usually drink," she acknowledged, "but this is a toast to Iroh so you can make an exception this time."

With a heavy sigh, Aang took the cup and sat down beside her. "Have you been waiting a long time?"

"Not too long. I've been sitting here thinking about the first time I met Iroh." She smiled to herself. "It was after we had that fight when Appa was shedding and I left. He was kind to me and I got sassy with him because he dared to pour my tea."

Aang barked a short laugh. "Hmm…sounds like you."

"He was the first person who really understood my need to prove myself…to prove that I wasn't helpless…that I wasn't a burden. He was the one who helped me realize that I didn't have to prove myself at all…not to the people who really loved me."

"He was a very wise man."

"Now he's gone," she sobbed softly, "Yet another person who changed my life profoundly is gone and no matter how many times it happens…it won't ever feel natural to me, Aang. I won't ever stop being angry about it."

"You shouldn't," he whispered, "I don't know if it _is_ natural to experience this much pain. I'm not always sure that's what was intended for us."

Toph whisked away her falling tears. "Well, I don't want to cry about it anymore," she announced firmly. "I don't want to cry at all. I want to remember happy times and I want to laugh tonight. You and I have cried enough tears to last a lifetime, don't you think?" She lifted her cup for a toast. "What do you say, Aang?"

Aang tipped the rim of his cup to hers with a reluctant sigh. "Two drinks, Toph, and that's it."

A little less than half a bottle later, Aang was regaling Toph with the tale about the time Iroh attempted to make "bubble tea." They both chortled with laughter as he recounted his and Zuko's less than enthusiastic reactions in painful detail. "…I was really trying to be subtle about the whole thing, but then Zuko just spits it out of his mouth and is all, 'Pfft! What are you trying to sneak into my mouth?' It was hilarious!"

"Poor Iroh," Toph chuckled, "I bet you two were being your usual drama queens. Iroh makes flawless tea."

"Not that time!"

Toph sobered abruptly. "_Made_," she amended gruffly, "He _made_ flawless tea. Past tense. That's done now." She polished off the remainder of her wine and tossed the empty cup over her shoulder. "He can't make tea, flawless or otherwise, anymore."

"No…he can't."

She hung her head forward with a soft whimper. "I really want it to stop hurting, Aang."

He set aside his cup with a mournful grunt. "Me too." She whispered his name then, and the trembling way she said it caused Aang to fall completely still. "What is it, Toph?"

"I know a way we can make it stop hurting." Without warning, she shifted into his lap and straddled him, nestling the center of her body snuggly against his.

Aang choked out a soundless gasp. "Toph…what are you doing?"

She dipped her head to nip at the underside of his jaw. "Seducing you…" she whispered softly, her lips on a meandering trek towards his as she felt his arousal begin to swell, "…and from the _feel _of things, it's working…" He groaned her name, a sound that was quickly swallowed by Toph as she covered his mouth with her own. There was an instance of fleeting doubt before Aang forgot himself enough to kiss her back, his tongue plunging into her mouth in eager forays.

Every ounce of passion they had been harboring for each other was poured into that kiss and further inflamed by the frantic caresses they exchanged. But when Toph began grinding against him, coaxing his already rigid erection into throbbing sensitivity, Aang tore his lips from her with a breathless moan. "Wait, wait, wait…Toph, wait," he protested gruffly, "What are we doing?"

"Feels a lot like kissing," she teased lightly, lowering her head for another taste, "But let's do it again so I can be sure…"

"Is…this really…a good…idea…?" Aang panted even as he returned her kiss with avid hunger.

This time, Toph was the one to break contact. "Must you think all the time?"

"One of us should, don't you think?"

She popped to attention, her cheeks flushed, her lips pink and swollen and her breathing harsh and uneven. "Don't you want me, Aang?"

He lifted his hips against her and pressed hard into her aching center, causing her to groan and himself as well. "Yes. I want you, Toph."

"And I want you too. So why not?"

"We've both been drinking tonight," Aang reasoned, "We're not thinking clearly."

It was a weak excuse. He knew it. She knew it. They'd both imbibed only enough alcohol to relax their inhibitions only slightly. Their judgment was still very much intact. What was flaring between them presently had less to do with wine and more to do with months and months of building desire. They had both reached the point where they were tired of fighting it.

"I don't _want_ to think clearly," Toph whispered fiercely, confirming that fact explicitly. "I want you inside me, Aang."

He didn't argue anymore after that because, truthfully, he wanted the same thing that she did. He hadn't had so much wine that he couldn't recognize that fact and he knew she hadn't either. Just for a little while, Aang wanted to forget reality…his grief, his family troubles, the uncertain state of his relationship with her…_all_ of it. He wanted to get wrapped up in her…in _them_ together. It was an easy thing to do, especially when he couldn't focus on anything beyond how warm and soft and eager she felt in his arms.

They kissed frenetically, briefly breaking contact long enough to stagger to their feet before they came crashing back together, hot and desperate. Blindly, they stumbled towards the bed together, haphazardly shedding clothing along the way. Minutes later they were falling against the cool, silk sheets, entangled in one another, seeking and searching, bodies aligning in an anxious need to get closer. The first thrust into the moist depths of Toph's body sobered Aang immediately. But, by then, he was too far gone to stop. She felt too warm, too slick, too deep and it had been so long…

He grunted into her mouth, following Toph's gasped urgings to "push deeper, go faster." Somewhere on the periphery of his conscience, Aang recognized that what they were doing was wrong…wrong time, wrong reasons. But as Toph wrapped her arms around his shoulders and parted her thighs wider for him, inviting him to sink even deeper, Aang found that he didn't care that it was wrong. All he cared about was her…_her_ kisses, _her_ turgid nipples scraping against his chest, _her_ hips pumping furiously beneath his, _her_ short, choppy moans of pleasure, _her_ internal muscles contracting and convulsing around him as she climaxed. And then, he exploded as well, emptying himself inside of her with a low moan of intense satisfaction, thrusting against her again and again until the last of that electric sensation died out.

Yet, once the haze of lust had passed, reality descended once more, starker than ever before and bringing with it even heavier realizations. The enormity of what they had just done fully dawned on Aang then. Still trembling in the aftermath of their intense coupling, Aang pulled out of Toph and rolled heavily to his side. He said nothing and she said nothing as well.

Truthfully, Toph didn't know _what_ to say. She lay there feeling stunned and cold, hyperaware of the tension radiating from Aang's body as well as the reason for it. She, too, had a moment of blinding clarity when he'd first entered her, a sharp instant of disbelief that _Aang_…her good buddy Aang, her sidekick and the frequent butt of her jokes…was actually inside of her. For one, fleeting second, it had felt inherently wrong but then he had begun to move, slow and deep at first and then rapid and hungry as he got caught up in the incredible friction they created, and then nothing in Toph's life had ever felt more _right_.

His lips and hands on her skin, his gratified groans stirring softly against her ear, the broken way he whispered her name over and over as he peaked…it had all been _so_ right. Now, in hindsight, it all seemed like an incredible lie. How could it not be a lie when she knew he was lying there beside her, her perspiration cooling on his flesh, her scent still lingering on him…regretting all they had done together?

But Aang wasn't regretting anything at all…at least not in the way Toph imagined, and that was the problem. He was more troubled by the satisfaction he felt than he was over having slept with her at all. The fact that he liked being with her as much as he did, so much more than he thought he should, troubled him deeply. He never anticipated responding so ardently or with such eagerness.

It was the first time he had been with a woman since Katara, _besides_ Katara. It was the first time he had wanted to. This was a major step and something Aang had expected to struggle with greatly, yet it hadn't happened that way at all. Not only had he thoroughly enjoyed it, but he was mentally replaying every intimate detail of what he and Toph had just done and was contemplating the prospect of doing it again. The realization shocked him.

Aang had imagined that when he finally reached a point of readiness to make love again, _if_ he reached it, it would happen with a good deal of forethought and planning. Surely, he was going to vacillate over it and question whether or not it was the right thing and whether he was ready. He had never imagined that it would happen in a fit of wild lust so potent that he would be unable to contain it. But it had. And, as irrational as it seemed, it almost felt like a betrayal to Katara. The thought made Aang feel a little sick to his stomach.

He sat up abruptly and began to roll from the bed, suddenly inundated with the need to put distance between him and Toph. If he stayed then he would touch her again and if he touched her then it would be all over… As soon as Aang started to scoot away to make his escape, Toph reached out to touch him and her fingers accidentally grazed the puckered scar on his back, a place no woman besides Katara, had ever touched him. Aang tensed in reaction, both surprised and guilty that it pleased him to have Toph stroke him there. Unfortunately Toph, mistaking the stiffness in his spine for displeasure, quickly dropped her hand. A rueful sigh shuddered from Aang's lungs.

"I'll be back," he said as he rose from the bed. Aang knew he was being contrary, but he'd never be able to get his thoughts in order while she was lying twelve inches away and totally nude.

"Where are you going?" Toph asked, sensing when he stooped to scoop up his discarded trousers and slip them on.

"I'm thirsty," he replied somewhat lamely, "I'm going to get some water. I won't be gone long."

But Toph was very well aware from the lurching vibrations of his heart as he beat a hasty retreat out the bedroom door that he was telling a lie.


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

Toph Beifong wasn't usually an advocate for avoiding one's problems, particularly her own, but this one time she made an exception for herself. She _had_ to do it. Otherwise, she was really going to lose it. She'd been cool. She'd been aloof. She'd checked her emotions pretty well for the past year or so. But now she had reached her emotional limit and she was in self-preservation mode. Therefore, she did the only thing she could do. She avoided Aang. Big time.

It had been five days since their night together in Zuko's palace. Five days since they'd had the most fervidly passionate sex ever and Aang had left afterwards to "get water." Five days since, after that amazing sex, she'd later discovered him huddled alone on the floor of Zuko's study, tucked against the wall and sobbing quietly into his folded arms. If she'd harbored any doubts prior to that moment that he regretted being with her, they were quelled in that instant. A sinking sensation had taken up residence in Toph's gut then and it had been with her ever since. That night, she had backed away without alerting Aang to her presence at all and had returned to her own room to shed her own tears. Toph hadn't spoken a word to Aang since then and, in fact, took great pains to avoid him altogether.

That had been working out rather nicely for her too. Once she had established a system, it was easy. Perhaps, Toph might have taken a different approach had she had someone in which to confide the conflicting feelings Aang had evoked within her, but there was no one to whom she could unburden herself. Sokka was absolutely out of the question. They had never talked about love matters before and that wasn't something Toph was eager to change. She'd rather gargle with soap than take the issue to Suki because she knew that was a cluster waiting to happen. She hadn't spoken to her parents in years, so they definitely weren't an option either.

Had this been anyone else she was angsting over emotionally, she might have taken her problem to Aang and sought his advice on the matter. He could be whimsical and longwinded in his counsel, but Toph couldn't argue with the fact that his words were often sound. Unfortunately, he was the reason she was such a mess in the first place so that left him out. As a result, Toph felt a considerable amount of frustration, both with herself and him. She was really beginning to believe the assessment she had given on romance as a 12 year old girl was true and accurate. It _did_ suck mightily.

Once upon a time, Katara would have been her next logical option. Of course, the irony of wanting to disclose her deepening feelings for Aang to the late waterbender was not lost on Toph at all. Besides that, Toph reasoned to herself, in all honesty she could work out the reasons for Aang's contradictory behavior on her own. She knew, but she didn't _want _to know. The truth was there, even if it remained unspoken between them. Toph supposed, at this point, she only wishing for someone to tell her that she was wrong. Her pride rebelled. The need struck her as absolutely pathetic, so she doubled her efforts to appear indifferent and remain unavailable.

Toph would often earthbend herself through the walls of the Council building to miss him entirely. She didn't answer the door when he came to her house. She made a point of beating a quick retreat once council meetings were finished so Aang wouldn't have an excuse for delaying her in order to talk. Toph was quite certain that she didn't want to hear what he had to say. Avoidance seemed rather practical then.

It was true that she spent most of her time miserable and dejected, that she spent most of her nights awake in bed, obsessing over her stupidity and him…wanting him and hating him all at once, _however_…at least she still had her pride. She had her dignity. As it was, she had already sacrificed more than enough where it pertained to Aang and she wasn't giving him anything else, especially not the opportunity to ease his conscience with some pity-filled excuse for why he didn't feel the same way she felt. To circumvent that prospect, Toph would have been content to duck Aang the rest of her life but, unfortunately for her, he soon caught on to her methods.

As she had in the days previous, Toph started to bend herself through the floor of the interrogation room and out into the council courtyard only to find her feet suddenly encased in earth up to the ankles before she could execute. She had one second of incredulous shock before she shook it off and bent herself free. As she did so, Aang materialized through the floor. Realizing immediately that he had been the one to trap her, Toph pulled back her fist and walloped him hard in the shoulder.

"What's wrong with you? Don't ever bend me in place again!" she spat angrily.

"Well, what else was I supposed to do?" he demanded, swallowing back his yelp of pain as he flexed his sore shoulder, "It's not like you'll stand still long enough for me to talk to you!"

"Maybe that's because I have nothing to say!" she retorted, "Now, if you'll excuse me…" She tried to sidle around him but Aang stepped smoothly into her path, blocking her exit. Toph fell back into a menacing stance. "I'm not afraid to hurt you, Aang," she warned.

"I know you're not," he conceded with a sigh, "But we _need_ to talk about this so…do what you have to do, Toph."

Frustrated that he had called her bluff, Toph growled at him under her breath. "I don't want to discuss it."

Aang wasn't completely surprised by her response. He wasn't naïve. Although his experience with wooing women hadn't extended beyond his eighteen year relationship with Katara until little more than a week ago, Aang knew enough to recognize that leaving a woman after sex, especially with an excuse as flimsy as thirst, was a no-no. Toph was rightfully pissed off at him. Truthfully, he had known he was wrong the night he left her and he had been trying to correct his mistake ever since.

After retreating from his bed that night, he had sought the privacy of Zuko's study and pretty much fell apart. He wept for a lot of things…for Katara, for what they had been to each other, for how much he missed her but mostly he wept out of guilt because he knew, despite how strongly he felt for her, his heart was making room for someone else. Everything in his life was changing and he had no control of any of it or any power to stop it. The idea of falling in love again terrified him. Aang was only further confused by the fact that the person who was so quickly consuming his heart and mind was a woman who had been his friend, and Katara's friend, for more than twenty years. He had been overwhelmed that night.

But once his tears abated, Aang discovered that he felt better. His life was changing. His heart was changing, but he didn't know if he _wanted_ to stop it. He liked the way Toph made him feel. He liked being with her. He wanted to be with her.

It was disconcerting to admit to himself but not, Aang gradually came to accept, the end of the world. Somehow, he knew Katara wouldn't begrudge him a second chance at love, especially with someone she had loved herself. She certainly wouldn't want him to continue castigating himself with guilt the way he had been doing either. There was absolutely nothing wrong with his wanting to be happy.

That understanding eventually compelled Aang to pull himself together and return to his bedroom to explain himself to Toph. But, by that time, she was already gone. Besides the wine bottle, empty cups and rumpled bed sheets there was no evidence that Toph had been in his room at all. Worried about the possible impression that he had left on her, Aang had rushed down the hallway to her bedroom and knocked on the door. She never answered and, eventually, he had returned to his own room.

Since that night, Toph had evaded his every attempt to discuss what happened. If he came in one direction, she left in the other. If he said hello, she said goodbye. If he had a free minute to talk, she was suddenly busy, busy, busy. He couldn't nail her down. That was how Aang knew for certain that he had hurt her deeply. Toph never evaded _anything_.

Aang had all of that in mind as he stared down into Toph's mutinous features. He was swamped with the need to make amends. "I know you don't want to be here with me right now," he acknowledged softly, "and I respect that, but… Do you really want to go on with this…this tension between us, Toph?"

"Tension?" she brazened, "What tension? I'm not feeling any tension."

He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath before trying again. "Toph…we slept together."

She didn't expect her breath to catch at those four simple words, but it did. Her mouth went inexplicably dry. It was difficult to maintain her disinterested manner because she felt as if she had just been sucker punched in the gut. Unbidden, the memory of the sensations he had created in her body that night shivered through her. Toph could vividly recall every touch of his tongue, every beat of his fingers and every whisper spoken against her skin. She felt her cheeks flood with obvious color.

"I know," she managed after a rough swallow, "I remember."

Aang relaxed a little after that concession. "So, don't you think we should talk about it?"

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'? It's a big deal, that's why!"

In that instant, she could hear the echoing sound of his bitter weeping that night in Zuko's study pounding in her head. He had sounded so lost and tortured and it had all stemmed from that one, impulsive act they had shared in his bedroom an hour earlier. Obviously, it _was_ a "big deal" indeed. This was very likely the point where Aang gave her the "it's not you, it's me" speech. Of course, he would pretty it up with sweet words and platitudes because he was Aang and he loathed hurting anyone's feelings, but the sentiment would still remain the same. She was about to get her heart stomped on.

Naturally then, Toph went into self-protection mode. She wanted to "leave" him before he could leave her. After all, if she was going to be dumped, Toph at least wanted it to happen on _her_ terms.

"Aang, we had sex," she declared brusquely, "It's not like we exchanged vows or anything!"

"It was more than just sex, Toph."

"Okay, it was _great_ sex!" she amended, "but that's still no reason for all the hand wringing you're doing right now. It's not that dire!"

He was a little unnerved by her reaction. Aang had expected that she would do a fair bit of yelling once he pinned her down, but he hadn't prepared himself for what struck him as disinterest and…annoyance. He couldn't help but feel a bit flustered. While he had known Toph long enough not to be fooled by her show of bravado when she was hurting, Aang also couldn't be sure if this was one of those situations. He was _assuming_ she was hurt and that was the reason she was avoiding him at every turn. But what if all of that was simply a manifestation of his guilty conscience and Toph hadn't given the night between them a second thought? Aang's belly lurched at the possibility.

"If you feel that way," he challenged quietly, "that it's not that 'dire' then why have you been avoiding me this whole week? Why won't you talk to me?"

"Because!" she cried, throwing up her hands, "I knew you would do this!"

"Do what?"

"Make it into something bigger than it was!"

"What are you talking about? It _is_ something big, Toph! We have to talk about it and figure some things out."

"This is exactly my point!" she snapped, "You have this view of sex that is completely naïve! Aang, you're nearly 33 years old! You're not a teenage boy anymore! We weren't sealing a commitment to each other the other night! We had a good time, but that was all."

"Had a 'good time'?"

"Aang, we're not the first two people to have a one night stand and we won't be the last."

"A one night stand?" He knew he was parroting everything she said, but he couldn't stop himself. He had to repeat her words because they made absolutely no sense to him.

"Yes," she clarified in a softer tone, "Don't get me wrong…it felt good and I enjoyed it, but it's over now."

Aang reeled a bit, feeling for a moment like he would be sick. "Are you serious?"

"Listen…obviously you got the wrong impression about what happened between us. I didn't mean to do that. I wasn't trying to hurt you."

"So, you're saying it didn't mean anything to you?"

"Of course it meant something. You're my friend. We were both hurting and we sought comfort in each other. We shared something incredible that night…but now it's done. We shouldn't try to make it into more than what it was. Do you understand?"

"You're saying it _was _just sex for you," he concluded woodenly.

She could have sworn she heard disappointment and hurt in his tone, but Toph was sure that was wishful thinking on her part. "It was that for you too, Aang. Think about it. It had been a while for us both. That night our inhibitions were loosened, our emotions were high and we went for it, but that's all it was. That's all it should be."

"But I thought you wanted to figure out what we could be together," he reminded her brokenly.

"That was never going to work out. You know that, don't you?"

He didn't know that, but he nodded numbly anyway. "Right."

"We're too different," Toph pressed on, "We would have been sick of each other within a month. Besides, Kya won't accept it and she shouldn't have to, especially when we know that this was never going to go anywhere. Maybe it's for the best. This was going to be way too complicated anyway." She thrust out her hand to him, unaware that while she was swallowing back her tears right then so was he. "No hard feelings, okay?"

It was a long time before Aang found the will to take her hand, but when he finally did tears were brimming in his eyes. "Sure…" he whispered gruffly, "No hard feelings."

* * *

"That bird of yours seems very skittish."

Sokka took one look at Aang and blurted the first words that popped into his head. "You look awful."

"Hello to you too," Aang muttered as he ducked past Sokka into the house. "So what's with your crazy bird?" he asked again, "I walk into the courtyard and she jets off before I'm within 30 feet of her. It's weird, especially because Bumi tells me that she eats straight from his hands."

"I dunno. She's like that with me too. She's forever squawking at me, but I can't dare to get too close." Sokka squinted at him. "Did you come all the way over here to interrogate me about that bird?"

"No. I need to talk."

"Sounds serious," Sokka murmured, "Let's take it to my office."

Once they were shut away from the rest of the household and Aang had taken a seat, Sokka propped himself against the edge of his desk and crossed his feet at the ankles, regarding Aang with speculative eyes. "So what's going on?" he asked, "More Toph trouble?"

Aang ducked his head and swallowed. "Yeah."

Sokka sighed. "Aang, I told you that this distance business with Toph was going to be tough. She's hurt and she's confused and that's going to make her a little impossible to deal with. But once you have a handle on your emotions, I'm sure you'll be able to fix things between the two you. Try to be patient, my friend. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep things in perspective. I'll make sure she doesn't hate you."

"It's not that."

"Then what?"

Aang took a breath. It wasn't unusual for him to go to Sokka with a question on certain sexual matters, but it wasn't something Aang had done frequently and certainly not since he'd been an adult either. First of all, Sokka had always been squeamish about giving him advice because he had been acutely aware of how Aang was going to put it to use. And secondly, as he and Katara grew more comfortable with each other sexually, the need for questions became moot. If he wanted to know something, he'd simply asked Katara.

Now in his early thirties, he felt thrust right back into that awkward phase of life, where he was suddenly very uncertain about the opposite sex. Most specifically, he was uncertain about Toph. And, much like he had when he was younger, Aang needed Sokka to provide him with a little perspective.

"Okay…" he muttered after a lengthy pause, "I don't know how to say this except to just blurt it out…" Sokka nodded for him to continue and Aang did exactly that. "Toph and I slept together."

Sokka blinked at him rapidly, slowly straightening as he did. He cocked his ear towards Aang. "Say what now?"

"The night of Iroh's funeral…she came to my room and we had a few drinks. And then, after that, she—,"

Before he could finish the sentence, Sokka threw up his hands. "Whoa! That's enough! I don't need the details!"

"The point is…after it was over, I kind of had…a small freak out," Aang hedged.

"What kind of freak out?"

"The kind of freak out that prompts you to leave a naked woman in your bed to go get water."

Sokka groaned, slapping his palm to his forehead in dismay. "You didn't."

"I did."

"Ugh, Aang…you're an idiot!"

"I know! I know I am!"

"Was it right after the…you know?" Sokka emphasized awkwardly.

"Yep."

"What were you thinking?" Sokka groaned.

"I don't know! It was stupid. I get that."

"So what was your freak out about, huh?" Sokka pressed wearily, "Katara? Was it too soon for you?"

"I don't know if it was too soon for me, but… It was a little overwhelming because… I've never been with anyone else besides her! I never expected it to happen the way it did and…and when it happened with Toph, I…I just panicked!"

"Good grief," Sokka muttered.

"There's more," Aang interjected reluctantly.

"More?" Aang nodded grimly in confirmation, alerting Sokka to the fact that he hadn't heard the half of it yet. He cringed inwardly. "Okay. I need to sit down for this."

After Sokka stumbled around to his chair and plopped down into it, Aang continued with his tale. "So when I finally went back to the bedroom, Toph was already gone. I figured that she was mad at me—,"

"—with good reason—,"

"—And when she kept avoiding me after, I was sure of it," Aang pressed on, "But today, when I finally managed to confront her, she didn't act like she was angry at all. In fact, she said she was avoiding me because she knew I would make a big deal out of it." Sokka groaned again and dropped his face into his hands, though it didn't matter because Aang could barely meet his eyes anyway. "She called what happened between us a 'one night stand.'"

Sokka regarded him with a woeful expression. "When will you start listening to me?" he sighed mournfully, "This is exactly what I was afraid would happen."

"What?"

"You jumping into something too soon and putting all of your heart into it and Toph…well, being Toph."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that, to you, sex means commitment and love and trust and a lifetime bond," Sokka explained, "because that's all you've ever known, Aang. Toph, on the other hand, doesn't believe in that stuff. She can't be bothered. It's not that meaningful to her."

"That's not what's happening here. You don't understand, Sokka. We were talking about the possibility of us being together…like a couple."

Sokka frowned at him. "You were? Since when?"

"Since we went on that mission together and…we kissed…_and_ Kya saw us."

For a second time, Sokka slapped his hand into his forehead. "Well, this just gets better and better! At least that explains why she's been such a brat lately!"

"Yeah, she had a small meltdown over it. Suffice it to say that…she's…um…not very happy with me right now. Or Toph, for that matter. It's been a little tense around the house."

"I'll bet it has. So what are you doing about it?"

"I've been trying to give her some time to cool down and come to terms, but it seems like a waste of effort when things are so shaky between me and Toph. I don't know what I'm doing."

After jerking a brief nod of commiseration, Sokka took a few moments to digest the new information he'd just been given which made him rethink his previous ideas about the entire situation. There was a painful stretch of quiet before he finally sighed in resignation. "Okay, so how did Toph react after Kya saw you two together?"

"She went to talk to Kya herself. It didn't go great but, I hadn't expected it to. Toph decided to go home afterwards because Kya was still upset. I thought everything was fine between us until she started avoiding me."

"Did you two ever talk about what happened?"

"Yeah, we discussed it. She said that she didn't know if we should be together…that she thought maybe it was a mistake and that I was using her as a replacement for Katara."

"And what did you tell her?"

"I never got a chance to say anything," Aang said, "We found out Iroh died before we could discuss it further and…well, you know the rest."

"Ugh," Sokka grunted, "This is a mess. It's a huge mess."

"I'm well aware of that, Sokka! How do I fix it?"

"Oh, what? You're actually going to _listen_ to me now?" Sokka snorted, "There's a shocker!"

Aang fixed him with an imploring look. "Sokka, I don't know what else to do. I didn't ask to feel this way about Toph, but I do. I want to be with her. I know it's complicated. I know I screwed up, but it doesn't change how I feel. And I don't know if she's saying all this stuff now because I hurt her or because she really means it."

"It's probably more of the former," Sokka murmured thoughtfully, "You know how Toph can be…she internalizes when she's in pain and, when you corner her, she lashes out."

"So, should I apologize to her…try to explain myself?"

"Not yet. Give her some time to simmer down first," Sokka advised, "In the meantime, do yourself a favor and figure out what 'being with Toph' really means to you. Think about what it is you want from her and what you're willing to give her in return. Aang, this is serious business. If Toph was really thinking about being in a relationship with you then her heart has to be in this fully and, if that's the case…you have every potential of breaking it."


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

"If I tell you a secret, will you promise not to say 'I told you so'?"

Suki continued shifting her weight through her fighting stance, gracefully angling her fans to align with the sleek lines of her body. She was so intent on maintaining her focus that she barely acknowledged Sokka or his potential secret at all. She had been married to him a long time and, by now, she was on to his ploys for attention. He knew very well that this was her means of relaxing, especially when she'd had a difficult day or their sons were particularly raucous. Sokka knew that but, it didn't always prevent him from interrupting her with silly reasons every now and then. As a result, Suki had learned to ignore him.

They'd had the dojo built years ago in order to continue their personal training but also to teach their children as well. Besides a few mats to cushion the bamboo floor, the room was very sparsely decorated. The walls were lined with Suki's collection of Kyoshi fans and Sokka's impressive display of swords, boomerangs and other weaponry. There wasn't much else besides that, but strangely the dojo reflected both Sokka and Suki's personalities quite perfectly…simple and unadorned, but both housing a number of deadly tricks.

When Sokka didn't give up and go away like he usually did, Suki finally asked as she shifted fluidly through her next form, "You do see that I'm busy right now, don't you?"

"I know. I need to talk. It's important."

Suki dropped her stance and straightened immediately, her dark brows knit with concern. "What's wrong?"

"It's about Aang."

Further alarmed, she set aside her fans entirely and beckoned Sokka closer so that they could sit together on one of the mats. "What is it?" she pressed fretfully, "He's not going into another depression, is he?"

"No. It's nothing like that."

Suki wilted with relief. "Oh, that's good. For a moment there you had me worried. So what's going on with him?"

"He was here a little while ago and we had a very interesting conversation while he was," Sokka said, "I'm still trying to make sense of it."

"What did you talk about?"

Sokka's expression became somewhat uneasy with the question. He fidgeted for a bit, suddenly ridiculously absorbed in the tips of his fingers. "See, that's the thing…" he hedged, "I want to tell you, but first you have to promise not to say 'I told you so.'"

Suki made a disgruntled face at him. "Sokka, could you _be_ more juvenile?"

"Promise me," he insisted stubbornly, "I'm not saying a word unless you do."

His wife threw up her hands in exasperation. "Oh, alright!" she huffed, "I promise! Now tell me what's going on with Aang."

"He did it. More specifically, he and Toph did it," Sokka supplied bluntly.

Suki surveyed him with a blank stare. "They did what?"

"You know…_it_. They did _it_."

"Did _it_?" she echoed with a frustrated grimace only to get his implication a split second later. Her blue eyes flared wide with stunned disbelief. "Oh…oh…_they did it_!" She stared at Sokka, dumbfounded. "They did?"

"Yep. They did."

"Oh, wow…"

"Yeah. Exactly."

"That's…I don't know what to… When did this happen?"

"After Iroh's funeral, but according to Aang there's been something going on between them for longer than that."

A slow grin of satisfaction gradually spread across Suki's face. "I knew it. I knew they had feelings for each other! You told me I was being meddlesome and crazy, but I knew it!"

"Ah-ah, you promised," Sokka reminded her, "No 'I told you so.'"

Suki pursed her lips at him. "Fine. But, can you, at least, admit that you were wrong? You said that Toph would _never_ look at Aang that way and vice versa."

"Okay. Okay. I was wrong. I never saw anything like this coming at all."

"But it's really fantastic, isn't it?" Suki rhapsodized, "I knew they would be good for each other. It was only a matter of time before they figured it out too."

"Oh, now hold your ostrich-horses there, oh mistress of love," Sokka interjected sardonically, "You should be aware that this thing has turned into an unbelievable cluster. The condensed version is that Aang pulled a dumb move and then Toph went and pulled an even dumber one. Now they're both hurt and confused. Like I didn't see that coming," he finished in an ironic mutter.

"All new couples have growing pains."

"But they're _not_ even officially a couple and already they're having major problems. Aang wanted my advice on how to fix things, but honestly I have no idea how they're supposed to make this work. This is way too complicated."

"Why is it complicated?"

Sokka expelled a large sigh as if he couldn't believe she needed to ask that question. "First of all, Toph and Aang are very different. They have different philosophies on love, different parenting styles and different personalities." As he went through the list, Sokka ticked off the points with his fingers. "Aang is still carrying around a ton of baggage from Katara's death, and I don't care how self-assured Toph comes across, that has to be a sticking point for her. Plus, she's not very big on communication and Aang is all about talking and sharing and crap like that. Everything about them seems fundamentally opposed."

"And yet…they are falling in love anyway," Suki added softly.

"Yeah…" Sokka acknowledged with a shuddering breath, "…they are."

"So how can we help them?"

Sokka's response to that was strident and fervent. "Oh no, no, no, no, no!" he rushed out, "We're staying out of this one! Toph and Aang are perfectly capable of sorting out their own problems. I don't want to get in the middle of this, Suki. It's none of our business!"

"Maybe we should invite them to dinner," she mused aloud, as if Sokka hadn't said a word at all, "That would be perfect. They would be in the same place so they'd have to confront their feelings for each other, wouldn't they? And, if they needed it, we'd be there to give them a gentle nudge just in case they had trouble."

"Suki, are you listening to me at all? We should _not_ get involved. That's a negative, sweetheart! _Negative!_"

She rose to her feet, drifting towards the exit as she began formulating a possible dinner menu in her mind. "Yeah…I like that. Dinner would be an excellent idea. I know just when we should have it too."

Sokka dropped his face forward into his hands with a long-suffering groan after Suki left the dojo, talking to herself all the while. "Why do I even bother with these people?"

* * *

Suki hadn't factored in one pertinent detail when she set out to execute her elaborate plan to bring Aang and Toph together during her dinner party. She had never imagined that Toph would bring a date. _That_ was going to be a problem.

She fixed her friend with an over-bright smile while trying not to glare daggers at her companion. "Toph! Who's your friend?"

"I'm Bo," her hulking cohort provided.

He was a large man, with big arms, a big chest and big height. It was little wonder Toph had chosen him for her date. He seemed to exude masculine strength and confidence, all the things she typically admired in a man. Too bad she wasn't the slightest bit interested in him at all. Instead, she had merely brought him along as a buffer because she rightly suspected that Suki had another matchmaking attempt up her sleeve.

Suki extended her hand to the man with a weak smile. "Hello there…Bo," she greeted somewhat awkwardly, "Is there anything else you'd like to share?"

Toph hitched a thumb at him when she sensed Suki was waiting for further introduction. "He's Bo. That's it." And, while that was explanation enough as far as Toph was concerned, for Suki, it was not.

"_I mean_ I didn't realize you were bringing a guest," she stated as meaningfully as she could without offending "Bo" unnecessarily. "Unfortunately, I only prepared a dinner for four."

A puzzled frown creased Toph's forehead. "I don't claim to be a math genius or anything, but I'm pretty sure that you, plus Sokka, plus Bo and I equals four, Suki."

"Aang is here too."

Toph's stomach lurched a bit. She had expected some random man and she'd been prepared for it, but Aang was another matter entirely. Since their conversation a few days earlier, they hadn't spoken much to each other at all. And, when they _did_ speak, Aang was very distant and formal with her. It was strange. If she didn't know better she'd think she had possibly hurt his feelings. But Toph knew that was impossible because, to hurt him, he'd have to want to be with her…and he didn't want that.

Still, Aang's lack of feelings didn't change her own. She wanted him just as much now as she had before, even more so. In her most unguarded moments, she found herself thinking about the night they had spent together, _where_ he had touched her, _how_ he had touched her and it made it difficult for Toph to maintain her resolve to keep him at arm's length. Having dinner with him certainly wasn't going to improve matters and Toph wasn't at all into masochism. With that in mind, retreat seemed to be her only option.

"Oh well, if there's not enough food…" she replied, already backing towards the door and pulling Bo along with her, "…we can go someplace else. Don't put yourself out, Suki!"

Sweet escape was almost within her grasp but then Suki snagged a hold of her forearm and dashed all Toph's hopes for freedom. "Nonsense," her friend said brightly, "We'll figure something out. The more, the merrier." As Suki led her and Bo towards the dining room, Toph had every expectation that Suki would be eating those words before the night was through.

As Toph expected, the instant when she and Aang came face to face was awkward. She didn't need to see his blush or witness his tense expression to know he was uncomfortable. His racing heart rate and rapid breathing was enough to give him away, as Toph was sure that her rising blush gave her away. In the vaguest parts of her sensory perception, she was aware of Sokka and Suki hovering somewhere behind them. Bo, for the moment, was forgotten altogether as she and Aang tentatively closed the distance between them.

"Hey," she greeted him simply.

"Hey. I didn't know you'd be here tonight."

"I didn't know you'd be here either."

Aang directed a glare at Sokka over Toph's shoulder. The Water-Tribe warrior turned his gaze towards the ceiling and began whistling innocently. "This smells like a set up," he muttered.

"A set up?" Toph echoed blankly, commanding Aang's full attention once more, "What are you talking about?

"Forget about it," he dismissed quickly. He hitched his chin over in her date's direction. "Who's your friend?"

"That's Bo."

Aang expelled a noncommittal grunt. "Is he your date or something?"

"And what if he is?" Toph challenged, bristling at the thread of disapproval she detected in his tone, "You got a problem with that?"

"Of course not," he retorted shortly, "Why would I? After all, you and I are just _friends_. Right, Toph?"

She snapped her teeth at him. "Right."

That exchange proved to be merely a fore-gleam of the stifling tension that was to come. A few minutes later, they all sat down to dinner together and Suki tried to open the conversation by politely inquiring about where Toph and Bo had met. Bo explained that he and Toph had technically met before on a mission to capture a wanted fugitive but that she had been rather distracted during that time and didn't remember him. Toph then interjected that she had suffered a head injury during that mission which might account for her lapse in memory…a comment which incited several sarcastic mutterings from Aang.

"I'm sorry, Aang, was there something you wanted to add?" Toph asked tartly.

"Oh, I was just remembering the day you were hurt," he replied smoothly, "You spent the night in my tent, remember? _All_ night." The unspoken innuendo in his comment was no accident. Toph immediately went beet red with the reminder while Suki choked in disbelief. Sokka shoveled food into his mouth and tried not to laugh while also praying fervently that the awkward dinner would soon be over.

Seemingly oblivious to the rising animosity between Aang and Toph, Bo said, "I remember how you took care of her. Must be nice to know your friend has your back in combat."

"It's always been that way with Toph and me," Aang told him, "Since we were _twelve._ How about you, Bo? How long have _you_ known her exactly?"

"Okay," Suki chirped, surging to her feet when she sensed Toph was about to lose her temper, "Who wants more tea? I'm going to get some more tea!"

Sokka gaped at her. "You're going to what?" The look he gave her clearly said that if she even _attempted_ to budge from that spot, he was going to make her pay for it later. With a queasy expression, Suki reluctantly sank back down in her chair. "I'll get the tea," Sokka volunteered, shifting to his feet, "You stay here and entertain our lovely guests." As Toph and Aang fell into a round of bickering over Aang's unprovoked rudeness, Sokka leaned down near to Suki's ear as he made his way towards the exit. "Remember…this was _your_ idea."

It continued on that way for the remainder of the meal. Aang would make a smart comment and Toph would make one back. If he was rude then she was ruder. The fight gradually escalated from muttered asides to outright insults until they were finally bending at each other from across the table. The tête-à-tête of opposing elements between them began simply enough, with Toph jostling Aang's chair with small earth spikes or him flicking aside the earthenware dish that held her soup.

But, eventually, the hostility escalated to a full-blown juvenile exchange that was reminiscent of the very first dinner they'd had together. This time Aang had four bending elements on his side and he didn't hesitate using each one. When it reached a point where the entire table was vibrating, the cloth covering it was smoldering from smothered flames and Sokka was _wearing_ most of his dinner and beverage, the Water-Tribe warrior finally decided he'd had enough.

"Can't a guy enjoy his dinner in peace without all the earth shaking, fire blasting and table rumbling going on?" he demanded in exasperation. He pointed towards the exit. "You two take it outside and work it out now! Nobody messes with my dinner! _Nobody!_"

Both thoroughly mortified and blaming the other, Toph and Aang obediently rose from their chairs and did as Sokka had commanded them, arguing with each other the whole time. Bo watched their departure with a curious glance. "Are they always like that?" he asked his hostess.

Suki shook her head in chagrin. "Nearly all of their lives."

Outside on the terrace, Toph whirled on Aang with an angry growl. "What's your problem?"

"What's _your_ problem?" he flared back, "You basically blow me off and then you show up here tonight throwing some other guy in my face! What's up with that, Toph?"

"First of all, I didn't know you would be here tonight," she bit out tersely, "And secondly, my bringing Bo had _nothing_ to do with you at all. Get over yourself, Aang! I was trying to beat Suki to the punch just in case she was trying to pawn me off on another man tonight!"

With almost comical abruptness, all of Aang's earlier antagonism dissipated. "Oh. Right."

Toph had to suppress the very strong urge to punch him. "I can't believe you just humiliated me that way."

"I wasn't trying to humiliate you in there," he retorted rather stiffly, "But can you blame me for being confused? I don't know what's going on with you. You run hot and cold, Toph!"

"_I_ run hot and cold?" she scoffed incredulously, "What about you? Who gets up after sex because he wants 'a drink of water' and doesn't come back for _twenty minutes_?"

"I…I did come back," Aang stammered, veering once again from annoyance and anger towards embarrassment and chagrin, "I came back to bed, Toph, but you were already gone. I even went to your room later to explain what happened…but you didn't answer the door."

"Did you really expect me to answer after what you did?" she wondered softly.

Aang deflated even more. "So I was right. You _have_ been acting this way because I hurt you."

"Of course you hurt me, you moron! I'm not _made_ of rock! I just bend it! I thought you wanted me that night!"

He flinched guiltily, caught somewhere between shame and consternation. "I did want you, Toph…I _do_," Aang insisted quietly, "I still want you. I panicked. It's been a while since I've been in a relationship, okay!"

"Is this a relationship?" Toph volleyed back tartly.

"Please, don't start that again," he groaned, "Toph, give me a break! This is all so new for me and I got scared that night. I'm sorry. It's no excuse for what I did, but that's the truth."

"You were scared? You panicked?" she snorted dubiously, "Having sex with me made you panic?"

"Because I never expected it to be that good," he whispered, "I didn't expect to want you as much as I did."

Toph's heart contracted wildly at the admission but, while the words soothed her, she was deathly afraid to lower her guard with him…not when he had such awesome potential to hurt her. Although, Aang made a sizeable dent in her protective armor, Toph still felt the need to tread cautiously with him. "Well, those are really sweet words and all, Aang, but your actions say something else and I—,"

He silenced the remainder of her rant with his mouth, hoping that he could convince her of his sincerity with his lips since his words seemed to be failing. Unfortunately, Toph wasn't so easily swayed. She froze at the contact, briefly lulled by the warmth of his mouth before she shoved him away hard.

"Don't do that!" she snapped at him, "Don't kiss me unless you mean it, Aang!"

"I mean it," he insisted softly, drawing her back against him, "Toph, I swear to you, I mean it. I want to be with you. I'm scared, but not so scared that I don't want to try."

"Aang, I don't kn—,"

"I mean it," he reiterated once more, "I promise I do."

She felt the barrier she had built around her heart crumble into nothingness then. "You'd better mean it…otherwise I'm going to have to pound you," she mumbled right before she raised her face in welcome for his second kiss. This time, Toph eagerly kissed him back. She tucked herself into his body, opening her mouth to the gentle invasion of his tongue, never realizing until that moment how much she had missed the taste of him. When they finally parted some time later, they were both breathless. Toph pressed her burning face into the folds of his robe.

"Let's get out of here," she suggested without preamble.

"You want to leave? But what about your date?"

Toph lifted her head. "My what?"

"Bo," Aang clarified, "You remember the big, rock looking guy you brought with you tonight."

"Oh, yeah…him…" she sighed in glum recollection, "I suppose it would be rude of me to simply leave him here tonight, especially when _I'm_ the one who invited him to dinner, huh?" Toph seemed to ponder that for only a split second before she shrugged. "Ah well, too bad I'm going to do it anyway. I'm sure he can find his way home."

Aang couldn't quite suppress his answering smile, though he tried. "You are a very shameless woman," he told her.

Toph grinned at him. "I think you like me that way."

He dropped a kiss to the tip of her nose. "You'd be right."

The excuse they made to leave was rather weak. Bo seemed to accept the idea that they had somehow received urgent news while out on the terrace together but Sokka and Suki were a long way from being fooled. They had listened to Aang and Toph's baldly spun tale with open skepticism. It had seemed futile to keep up with the game so neither of them had bothered to conceal their wide, knowing grins as Aang and Toph said their goodnights. Were they not so eager to be alone with each other, the couple might have been slightly mortified over how obvious they were being. But considering the many days they had been apart, right then Aang and Toph could not have cared less.

Thirty minutes later they stumbled through the front door of Toph's house together, frantically trying to divest one another of clothing as they kissed with maddened desire. Their make-out session came to an abrupt halt when they soon realized they had an audience that consisted of several servants and Lin's nanny. After making some rather awkward, and woefully transparent, explanations for their behavior, Toph dismissed the servants for the evening and then she and Aang went to put Lin to bed together.

In that time, while Aang was singing her little girl to sleep, Toph was acutely aware of the waning urgency between them and she worried that, without lust and jealousy driving him, Aang would begin having second thoughts. Lin was a welcome distraction but, once she was down for the night, Toph felt her tension mount. She didn't even realize how stiffly she was holding herself until Aang rose, after tucking Lin into bed, and reached out to take hold of her hand with a small smile. Only then did the tension seep from Toph's shoulders. Upon his unspoken acquiescence, she began wordlessly leading him from the nursery and down the hallway towards her bedroom.

Just shy of her door, she paused and released the breath she had been holding since Aang took her hand in the nursery. She needed to be absolutely certain that he wasn't having any doubts. "Aang?" she whispered somewhat timidly, "Still with me?"

In answer, Aang quietly pulled her against him and kissed her long and slow and deep. When he lifted his head again, they were both blushing. "I'm still with you, Toph."

"Good," she whispered, tugging him forward into her bedroom and closing the door behind them.


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

**A/N: This chapter contains some NSFW parts. I'm sure you saw that coming.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

Toph's very first awareness the following morning was that there was a bird twittering merrily outside of her window. That had become a usual occurrence lately and normally it annoyed her immensely, but this particular morning the warbling imbued her with surprisingly good cheer. Of course, that cheer also coincided nicely with her _second _and most pertinent awareness.

Aang was in her bed. To be more specific, he was spooned behind her and his erect penis was currently throbbing against her bare bottom. As an odd sense of surrealism washed over her, Toph felt her face suffused with hot color even as she was unable to fight back her contented grin. She was thoroughly grateful that Aang was still asleep. She didn't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing he'd made her blush and while he was still asleep no less. Toph, on the other hand, was wide awake and now that she was, her mind began to turn over the previous night's events that culminated in her and Aang spooning together in her bed.

She had to admit that waking in his arms felt good. It was a foreign feeling…but not at all unwelcome. He felt warm and solid against her. They fit each other surprisingly well. She liked the way his long legs tangled around hers and the drowsy way he buried his face in her hair. Toph also noted with some amusement that Aang liked to sleep impossibly close.

Before they had fallen into exhausted slumber together, he had hauled her into the crook of his body and flung his arm and leg over her, effectively anchoring her to the bed. It hadn't been an unexpected event for Toph since she had always suspected Aang probably had a propensity towards cuddling. Once he began to snore softly, she had carefully dislodged herself from beneath him, situated herself in her usual position, and then fell asleep as well.

Ironically, she awoke an hour later to find herself in a similar position. She was sprawled on her stomach, lying diagonal across the bed, while Aang was wrapped around her yet again, this time draped across her back. With a weary chuckle of disbelief, Toph extricated herself once more before falling asleep. But Aang was far from finished. When she awoke a _third_ time, supine this time and nearly horizontal, Aang was cuddled next to her with his cheek pillowed against her bare breast.

Toph gave up at that point. For someone used to sleeping alone, Aang's constant proximity took some getting used to. Wherever she scooted in the bed, he was sure to follow. It was when he woke her up for a fourth and final time, drowsily nudging between her thighs with an unintelligible mumble of need, that Toph decided that she didn't mind his constant gravitation at all. She smiled thinking of it presently, snuggling deeper into the circle of his arms.

The pressure she caused against his pulsing arousal incited a lethargic grunt from Aang, coaxing him into wakefulness. He yawned and stretched and shook off the vestiges of slumber in measured intervals. While certain parts of him had come awake rather readily, the rest of him was a bit more sluggish. It took a few seconds for him to remember that he wasn't in his own bed. Just as he parted his sleepy eyes with that recollection, that first wave of tentative awkwardness settled over him. Aang stiffened a little as memories of him and Toph together assailed him in a vivid jumble.

While suspended in the heat of passion, he had merely followed the pure instinct to give and receive pleasure. Once Aang had gotten out of his own head, there had been no hesitation or fear or doubt. He knew what he wanted and who he wanted and he had wanted Toph in the most basic, fundamental sense. In the hours that followed after they had entered her bedroom, Aang had allowed that desire to guide him.

But now he was thinking with his brain again. And, as a result, he was forcibly reminded that this was his best friend lying naked in his arms. This was _Toph_…who had been over him, beneath him, and _around_ him for most of the night. He'd had his mouth in places that he wouldn't have thought about touching six months ago and yet he still had no idea what they were to one another. They hadn't talked at all before, not about anything of significance anyway, and there were so many things between them that remained unsettled. That bothered Aang a lot.

Toph knew the instant Aang came fully awake, long before his arm tightened around her waist reflexively and he pressed against her with a drowsy mumble. She immediately sensed when his decelerated heartbeat suddenly quickened. His breathing became soft and serrated. Toph smiled and dropped a kiss to his forearm.

"I feel like you're trying to tell me something right now, Aang," she teased him gruffly. She wiggled suggestively against his aching arousal. "Now whatever could it be?"

"Oh, you're hilarious," he deadpanned, "Don't flatter yourself, Toph. _That_ has nothing to do with you. For your information, it's an…uh…a typical, biological phenomenon that happens upon waking and nothing more."

"Really? Nothing to do with me, huh?" she challenged, shifting around in his arms so that they were lying face to face. "So you wouldn't be at all interested if I were to duck beneath the covers to…um…relieve your 'biological phenomenon'? Is that what you're saying?" Aang didn't give a direct answer to that but, he didn't need to…his resulting coughing fit was quite enough. Toph smirked. "Why do I get the distinct impression that you're doing that thing people do when they're embarrassed? What is that called again…? Blushing? Are you _blushing_ right now, Twinkle Toes?"

Aang groaned and rolled his eyes. "First of all, don't call me Twinkle Toes when I'm naked. It's wrong on countless levels. Second of all, I am 33 years old, Toph. I do not blush." But he _was_ blushing…and brilliantly too. What was worse, blind or not, Toph knew it.

Her smirk widened. "If you say so," she replied in sing-song tone. His disgruntled muttering was soothed when Toph reached down between them to stroke his erection. He moaned her name as she crested her hand up and down his length in a slow caress.

"Just so you know…" Toph whispered against his chest, "I'm not usually much for cuddling, but I'm willing to make the exception for you."

"Oh…is this cuddling…?" he asked a little breathlessly.

Toph darted the tip of her tongue against his skin. "Of a sort…"

Aang hid his grin in the tangled hair against her temple and simultaneously eased her back into the pillows so that he could pepper kisses down her throat. He feathered his lips across her delicate collarbone and skimmed his fingers down the flat slope of her belly, inching towards the dark triangle at the apex of her thighs. "I have a particular _sort_ of cuddling in mind as well," he teased, his laughter becoming a surprised yelp as Toph deftly flipped their positions so that she was straddling him. He gave her thighs a playful squeeze. "I see we have the same idea."

She rolled her hips, sliding across his stiffened flesh. "Great minds and all that."

He grinned at her. "Be gentle with me."

"No promises." He gripped her hips, aiding her in her efforts to position herself over the tip of his erection.

He smoothed his hands up her midriff to cup her breasts, strumming his thumbs over the sensitized tips. He sat up to take one tightened bud into his mouth, delighting in Toph's sharp gasp when he began to suck. When the night had first begun between them, the pleasure he gained from touching Toph so intimately had also brought with it a confusing mix of emotions…elation, guilt, curiosity…an uncontainable excitement that he hadn't felt for years. Given the fact that he'd only had one other lover in his entire life, Aang's unconscious mind had invariably made comparisons between Toph and Katara.

Those comparisons were far from his thoughts now. Aang could only concentrate on how warm Toph felt and how sweet she tasted. But, at the start of the evening, when Toph had deliberately led him into her bedroom, Aang had been extremely cognizant of what he and Toph were about to do. His brain had gone into nervous overdrive soon after that. The first time they had made love it had been in a haze of lust. This time had been a great deal more deliberate. It was planned. Aang couldn't help but be a great deal more cerebral about this time than he had been about the last time. It was then that he became acutely conscious of the differences in his experience with Toph and what he had shared with Katara.

And it wasn't because he found Toph lacking in some way either. Quite the opposite…she pleased him tremendously. She seemed to know exactly where and how to touch him without him saying a single word. Aang, then, was driven by an intense need to please her just as thoroughly but, he was very uncertain about what Toph liked. He knew what _Katara_ had liked but, he didn't imagine the same rules applied, not when Toph and Katara seemed so dissimilar. But Aang had no other point of reference. Comparison between them then seemed a given.

After all, Katara had been his first lover, his _only_ lover. When he imagined pleasing a woman, it had always been her. There had been no uncertainty or intimidation because they were learning together. In many ways, it felt as if they were embarking on another adventure together. But his sexual relationship with Toph had not begun as some teenage journey of discovery. Furthermore, the intimacy between him and Toph had progressed much more rapidly than it had between him and Katara. His head was spinning a little. He couldn't help but feel nervous and inexperienced and tentative even as he wasn't sure that he _should_ feel that way.

Between Katara and Toph, Toph was definitely the bolder of the two. She was decisive and forthright and definitely comfortable with sex and her sexuality. Katara, on the other hand, had been shy and somewhat tentative at times. That had suited Aang nicely because he had been the same way. But, despite their caution, they had _always_ been willing to try new things. They had been motivated to do so by their love for one another. Katara had wanted to please Aang as much as he wanted to please her and they had eagerly learned from each other throughout the course of their entire relationship.

But that was the past and now he was looking forward to a completely different future. In many ways, being with Toph was uncharted territory for Aang. There was a strange novelty to the experience. He felt almost as if he was learning all over again, scared and nervous, but incredibly enthusiastic as well. And he was getting the hang of it. As Toph enveloped him in the moist center of her body again and again, Aang definitely knew he was getting the hang of it. He reversed their positions in one fluid move and lifted Toph's leg against his hip so that he could penetrate her body in quick, piercing strokes. Toph groaned her approval.

"I have to say, Aang…" she gasped, "…this might be the best…morning…ever…"

Aang froze mid-thrust with an incredulous frown, the incredible sensation created by her slick inner walls temporarily forgotten. "Wait, whuh…did you say morning?"

For the first time since waking, he became cognizant of the weak sunlight filtering in from beneath her heavy window coverings. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"

Without warning, Aang withdrew from Toph with a horrified yelp. His abrupt action incited an unsatisfied cry from her. "What are you doing?" she demanded incredulously.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled contritely as he scrambled from the bed. "I gotta go! I can't believe that it's morning already!" He dashed madly from one corner of her bedroom to the other, gathering up his scattered clothing. "I slept here the whole night!"

Disgruntled over having been so quickly forgotten especially when she had been poised right on the edge of orgasm, Toph rolled upright and blew the wild tendrils of hair that fell across her forehead away from her eyes. "Technically, you didn't _sleep_ much at all, Aang. You were otherwise occupied. Remember?"

He directed her with a quelling glance over his shoulder as he continued to root through the piles of discarded garments on her floor. "Don't you get it? Bao is going to kill me! She's been with the kids all night! She's probably freaking out as we speak!" He growled in frustration, unable to find a vital piece of his wardrobe despite meticulous searching. "Monkey feathers, where are they?" He was contemplating the possibility of going without them when Toph whistled at him.

"Looking for these?"

Aang lurched around to find Toph perched on her knees in the very center of the bed, in all her beautifully pale and uncovered glory, a smug smile curving her beautiful mouth and his underwear dangling from her fingers. He blushed hotly and stumbled forward to snatch them from her outstretched hand. "Thanks," he mumbled as he hastily pulled them on.

"You're welcome." Toph fell back into the rumpled sheets and stacked her hands behind her head, listening with amusement as Aang scurried all over her room trying to collect his belongings. "Hey, Aang? Does this strike you as weird at all?" she posited thoughtfully.

He turned around in the center of her bedroom absently. "That I can't find my other shoe?"

"No," Toph sighed expansively, "I mean you. Me. This. _Us_. The whole 'waking up naked together' thing."

Aang paused a moment. "A little bit," he confessed in a timid tone, a little afraid to look at her, "Do you think it's weird?"

"Yeah…I do…a little," she admitted. "Part of me still thinks of you as just Aang, my friend and an all around pain in my butt, not to mention the fact that you're still _Katara's husband_," she added softly, "I haven't forgotten about that part. I know she's not here anymore but, it is a part of who you are. Right?"

"I guess…"

"But then there's also this other part of me that feels oddly possessive of you in spite of that…that feels like you're mine." She smiled in wonder. "And you are. You're my _lover_, Aang. It's strange to say but, it feels right…you know what I mean?"

He nodded slowly. "It feels right to me too." Still shirtless, Aang dropped his shoe and moved to join her on the bed. Because he knew he couldn't linger very long, Aang tried not to become too distracted by her nudity but, it was difficult. The pale swells and hollows of her body beckoned him, especially because she was lying there exposed, casual and reflective and without a hint of modesty. Aang groaned inwardly. "We're probably going to be navigating this weirdness for a while, Toph."

"Comes with the territory, I guess."

"But, Toph…just so you know…when we're together like this…I'm not thinking about Katara at all…or, at least, not in the way you _think_ I am," he informed her quietly.

"I'm not saying that you were or you weren't thinking about her, Aang," she sighed, "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I only wanted to acknowledge that I was aware of it."

"Toph, I don't want—."

She sat up and quickly kissed him into silence. He wanted to protest but, when Toph slipped her tongue between his lips, Aang found himself momentarily distracted. When she pulled away, she whispered, "Let's not talk about Katara right now," she requested, "Agreed?"

Aang was reluctant to do that. It was the complete lack of communication between them that had led to the many misunderstandings between them in the first place. They _needed_ to talk, if for no other reason than to clarify the Katara matter. Aang didn't particularly agree with the impression that Toph had, but he also recognized that this wasn't the most opportune time to argue with her…not when she was _naked_ and he was _half naked_. Besides, he didn't necessarily _want_ to talk about Katara either. That was still a touchy subject for them both. Besides that, Toph seemed unaffected and so Aang decided to leave it alone.

Finally, he nodded. "Okay. Agreed."

"Great." Toph smiled with both relief and gratitude. "I really had a good time with you last night, Aang."

"I had a good time too." He kissed her again, lingering against her mouth. "I wish I didn't have to go home."

"So, don't go home. Send Bao a note and tell her something came up with work. I'm sure she's already spoken to Sokka and Suki and she knows you're alright. Stay with me."

"That's very tempting," he whispered before moving away from her with a resigned sigh, "but I can't take advantage of Bao that way. She doesn't deserve it."

"You should stop being so good, Aang," Toph huffed in frustration.

He favored her with a crooked smile. "Maybe you should stop being so bad."

"Can't do that," she tossed back archly, "That would make you very sad."

He reacted to that with a laughing eye roll. "Whatever."

Toph shrugged in feigned indifference. "That's okay. Go home. I don't care. I wanted my bed back anyway." Her show of bravado was ruined when a mischievous smile began pulling at the corners of her mouth. With feline grace, she rose up onto her knees and crawled into his lap. He didn't bother to stop her either. Aang rather liked having her straddling him, even if it did delay his leaving. "Just so you know…" she informed him in a laughing drawl, "…I'm not going to miss having you here one bit. You sleep way too close and you're a bed hog."

She made that outlandish claim even while grinding against his arousal. Aang swallowed a gratified moan. "Yeah…I can tell you're ready for me to go." Biting back a smile, Toph reached a questing hand down between them but Aang caught her before she could slip her fingers into his pants. "Stop it. Don't start anything you can't finish," he warned her.

"Actually, I'm only trying to finish what we _already_ started."

He pressed both her hands harmlessly at her sides. "I can't. I really do need to leave, Toph."

"Fine," she pouted, "Go on then and stop wasting my time."

Before she could roll away from him, Aang grabbed hold of her hips and held her fast. He leaned forward and kissed her until she was no longer pouting. When he lifted his mouth from hers some minutes later, he smoothed her hair back from her pretty face with a billowing sigh. "I'm _not_ going to miss you either," he whispered softly in a way that made it clear he meant the exact opposite.

Toph leaned her forehead into his. "I could bundle Lin up and we could come home with you," she suggested, "In fact, we could skip work and spend the day together."

"I like that idea a lot except…how do we explain to the kids why you're sleeping in my room? That could get very awkward and it probably won't go over so well with Kya. You know she's still having some issues from seeing us kiss that night. I don't know if we should push it right now."

Toph expelled an unhappy grunt. "Right. I forgot about that. I'm not her favorite person right now. I'm sure if seeing us kiss put her in a tizzy, then me sleeping in your bed is probably going to make her head explode."

"That's a rather graphic mental picture, but also sadly accurate. Speaking of Kya…that actually brings me around to something you and I should probably talk about…"

"What's that?"

"Us," Aang clarified softly, "Specifically…what's happening between us right now, Toph? What are we?"

It was the conversation that she had been dreading all night. Aang wanted to discuss _feelings _now. That prospect might have been perfectly welcome if Toph wasn't already very well aware of what his feelings were…and would likely always be. "Aang loves Katara" had been written in the clouds eons ago. The fact was well established. There was no need to retread.

Besides, the outcome would be equally predictable. Toph knew that they would inevitably descend into gross dissections of their still new relationship and, eventually, she would be cogently reminded that she would never truly have what she wanted. She groaned and rolled from his lap. As she stood, she snatched up a loose sheet to wrap around her bare body.

"Really, Aang?" she demanded with some annoyance, "Do we really need to discuss that? I thought that it would be obvious after last night what's happening between us!"

"Yes, we have the physical side of our relationship very well covered," he acknowledged, "I'm not complaining about that. But there's more to this than just going to bed together…or, at least, there should be, shouldn't there? What about the emotional aspect…and…and commitment?" Toph groaned again, clearly filled with consternation at the question. Then again, they _were_ discussing feelings and that subject had never filled Toph with much enthusiasm. Aang didn't let that deter him. "Don't you think we should talk about it?"

"Why? It's not that hard. You like me and I like you. We're good in bed together. Isn't that enough?"

He blinked at her incredulously. "No, it's not. You know there's more to it! I haven't even explained to you why I left you that first night. There are still a ton of issues between us that we need to sort out!"

"They can only be issues if you _make_ them issues, Aang!"

He blinked at her incredulously. "That doesn't even make sense."

"It's makes perfect sense!" Toph insisted, "Besides, you did explain to me what happened that night. You told me that you panicked. I get it, Aang! I don't need a recap."

Somewhat confused by her growing agitation and obvious reluctance to talk, Aang pressed on somewhat tentatively, "But that…that was only _part_ of it, Toph. There's so much more that you need to understand about what happened and what I was feeling. I want to explain to you."

"I already know," she uttered softly. "Don't you think I know? It was about Katara, wasn't it?"

He flinched at how subdued she sounded; especially because it was a stark contrast between how playful and seductive she had been a few minutes earlier. Aang supposed that was the reason she'd wanted to avoid the subject in the first place. Now the entire mood between them had changed.

"Yes, it was…," he confirmed softly, "…but it's not what you're imagining, Toph."

As soon as he confirmed what she had suspected all along, Toph knew that she couldn't hear anymore. She threw up her hand before he could say another word. "I don't want to talk about it, Aang," she burst out sharply, "Didn't we agree that we weren't going to discuss Katara? This is exactly why I didn't want to!"

"But you have the wrong impression! I can't let you go on thinking something that isn't true."

"What's not true?" she challenged, "Do you love her? Do you still wish that she was here? If that's so then I don't have the wrong impression at all. The only reason you're even here with me right now is because she's not!"

"Toph, it's so much more complicated than that."

"Then let me make it simple for you," she countered, "Katara is a part of you, Aang. I get that. I don't want to change that. I know you didn't fall out of love with her just because she died. I'm not asking you for anything more than what we have _right now_."

Aang should have been comforted by her reassurance, but strangely he was not. The problem wasn't that he couldn't give more or that he didn't want to, but rather whether _Toph_ wanted to give more…_have_ more with him. Aang had been frightened and uncertain about a great many things lately, but one thing he was completely sure about were his feelings for Toph. He wanted to be with her. He wanted a _relationship_ with her. He wanted to explore the possibility of a future with her.

Regrettably, he didn't know if she wanted the same thing. She was practically unwilling to even discuss her feelings, let alone hear _his_. And, if he had to judge by her fidgety behavior that obvious unwillingness to talk, it certainly appeared as if she didn't want the same things he did. He might be ready for a commitment, but that was possibly the last thing Toph wanted. Rather than assume that, Aang decided to ask her outright.

"What about what _you_ want, Toph?" he asked her quietly, "Tell me that. Where do you see this going?"

She went completely still. "What I want?"

"Yeah," he whispered, "I'm asking."

It was a simple question that did not have a simple answer. Toph wanted many things, but she didn't believe any of those things were remotely within her grasp. The situation with Aang was tenuous and complicated, not only because of Kya but also because Katara's spirit was an irrefutable force between them. Aang's feelings for Katara aside, Toph's own emotions where her late friend was concerned were also confusing and intense.

Toph already felt some measure of guilt for sleeping with Aang. To want something more with him…a relationship…a future…a family, seemed almost disrespectful to Katara's memory. But she _did_ want those things. She wanted it all, but she didn't believe she could have it, not when Katara was still very much the sole owner of Aang's heart and probably always would be.

There was also the fact that Toph was well aware that Aang was caught up in the newness of their relationship. For him, sex equaled commitment. Toph suspected that he felt sleeping with her meant he _had_ to commit to her. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel obligation. She didn't want him shoehorning himself into a situation that he clearly wasn't ready for and she wasn't willing to take advantage of him that way either. All of that combined left Toph at an impasse.

Of course, she found it virtually impossible to admit any of that so Toph decided to fall back on the tried and true: bravado. "You want to know what I want, Aang?" she asked him after a stretch of silence had ensued, "I want exactly what we had together ten minutes ago. I want to laugh and play around with you and have a good time. I don't want this heaviness between us. I don't want to define what we're doing or bog it down with a bunch of needless analyzing. Why can't we just relax and see where this goes?"

"So, what are you saying?" Aang queried with a deep frown, "You want us to keep sleeping together without any real commitment to each other?"

Toph shrugged. "Why not? It's working for us."

"But…but I've never done anything like that before!"

"There's a first time for everything."

"But don't you think we should have something more than that?"

"Something more like what?" Toph challenged, "Aang, I think commitment is the last thing either of us wants. It's too soon to be considering that. What's happening between us is very new and very delicate. We shouldn't jump into anything serious until we _really_ figure out what we want."

That statement was all the confirmation that Aang needed that Toph didn't know what she wanted. He had no way of knowing that she was saying it because she thought he didn't know what _he_ wanted. And, because he was unaware, Aang was distressed by the idea, even more so because he knew Toph expected to carry on their sexual relationship. For a moment, he wondered if that was all she was truly after. The thought made Aang feel a bit ill. He could see himself falling for Toph harder and harder while he ended up being nothing more than a passing dalliance for her! Aang's first instinct was to break things off with her then and there.

But then he stopped himself before he reacted out of emotion. Toph was his friend and she loved him. She would never do anything to deliberately hurt him and she definitely wouldn't use him for sex. Aang knew that. He also knew that she had never had a truly committed relationship in her entire life. The prospect was likely very daunting to her and especially so given the fact she'd be contemplating such a relationship with him…_a widowed father of three_. That would be an incredible task for any woman to take on, let alone a woman like Toph, who was so inclined towards her independence. It stood to reason that she might move at a slower pace to figure out what she wanted. The least he could do then was patiently afford her the time to do it.

"Okay," he said finally after thinking things over.

"Okay?" Toph jerked in surprise, unfairly disappointed and a little hurt that he had agreed to the terms even though _she_ had been the one to suggest them.

She had been harboring the wild hope that he would refuse her because then it would mean that she was wrong about everything. But she wasn't wrong. His agreement was confirmation of what she already suspected…that he wasn't over Katara. But just because she had suspected it that didn't mean that Toph had _wanted_ to be right.

"You're right," Aang told her, oblivious to the pain he was causing, "Jumping into this wouldn't be a good idea. We should take our time and just go with the flow."

"Great…great…" Toph enthused weakly as he rose to kiss her cheek before he moved to finish dressing, "…I'm glad to know we're on the same page about this."

But they weren't…not by a long shot.


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

**A/N: I'm going to go ahead and post the remaining chapters. Let's just do this quick and rip it off like a band-aid.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

Toph slipped her arms around Aang's naked waist. "What are you doing?"

He angled a look over his shoulder at her in between stirring his bubbling pot on her pot bellied stove. He leaned into her slightly, enjoying the feel of her cool, silk robe against his bare back. "I'm making you breakfast," he replied, biting back a small grin she slipped a questing hand beyond the waist of his trousers. "What are _you_ doing?"

She smiled into his warm skin. "I'm saying hello."

Aang chuckled, trying very hard to keep his concentration centered on the stove and not her nimble fingers. His rebellious body lengthened in her hand nonetheless. "Hello," he grunted.

"So…" she drawled as she placed open-mouthed kisses across his back, "…why are you making me breakfast? Did I really sleep _that_ long?"

Although, he had some difficulty forming the words, especially when she quickened the sliding motions of her hand, Aang managed to answer. "Actually…you've only been asleep for…maybe half an hour…" he explained breathlessly, "…Lin woke up…gave her a snack…back to bed…" his words broke on a moan as he concluded, "…decided to make you a late dinner/early breakfast…since…I have to leave…first thing…"

"Your heart is beating so fast," she noted with blatant self-satisfaction.

In a feat of sheer willpower, Aang stilled her movements. "That might have something to do with the fact your hand is shoved down my pants."

"Oh? Is it?"

"If you want to eat, you'll stop being naughty," he chided her.

"But naughty is the only way I know how to be."

Aang started to roll his eyes at that when Toph abruptly withdrew her hand and then bent herself up onto a platform of earth directly behind him so that they were standing at the same height. He fixed her with a wary look. "What are you doing now?"

Toph produced a blindfold from her pocket and tied it around his eyes without explanation. "Just go with it."

Truthfully, that was what Aang had been doing for several weeks now…just going with it. Per Toph's request, he didn't push to define their relationship or press her about her feelings even though _his_ grew deeper and more complicated as the days passed. The more he was with her, the more he fell. She was crazy and wild and impulsive. She spoke to the inherently childish side of him. He had fun with her. He laughed with her constantly. He found himself rushing with her to her house after work every evening just to spend a few hours alone with her. But it wasn't enough. Aang wanted more. The tricky part was making that clear to Toph. She tended to be very squirrely when it came to relationship discussion so he tried to tread lightly around the subject.

After retracting her pillar of earth back into the floor, Toph took hold of Aang's hand and began leading him over towards the wooden table situated in the very center of her kitchen. Aang hesitated suspiciously. "Toph, what are you doing?" he asked yet a third time.

"Will you trust me?" she laughed.

"Actually, no. Never. In fact, whenever you ask me to do that something bad happens."

He started to reach for the blindfold to remove it but, Toph slapped his hand. "Leave that alone! I'm not going to hurt you, Twinkle Toes."

"You'll forgive me if I find that promise very suspect."

Her answering laughter echoed in his ears. "Will you relax? This is only an exercise."

He scowled his bewilderment, his suspicion growing. "An exercise? What kind of exercise? I swear, Toph, if you earthspike me across the room, you'd better run."

"Hmm…I hadn't thought of that." He growled her name. "It's not that kind of exercise, Aang," she reassured him, rising up on her tiptoes to brush his mouth in a fleeting kiss, "This will be fun. I want you to know what it feels like to be me…when we're together."

"Oh." It took a few beats, but as Aang fully deciphered what she meant by "together," his cheeks filled with hot color. "Oh."

"Why do I feel like you're blushing again?" Toph teased him.

"Nope," he lied baldly, "Not at all."

She reached up to cup his cheeks. "I don't know…your face feels pretty warm."

Aang dipped his head to nuzzle her neck. He darted his tongue across her skin. "Hmm…_you_ feel warm…"

"Oh yeah, you're _definitely_ blushing," Toph determined with a throaty laugh.

"How do you know that?" he whispered in wonderment, "I mean…how do you perceive so many things when you can't physically see them?"

"You learn to rely on your other senses," she told him, "Everything becomes sharper and crisper and…I don't know…you pay attention to the details."

"And that's what this blindfold is for, right? You want me to pay attention to the details?"

Toph grinned and pulled him down for a kiss. "Now you're catching on."

"But what about my food?" he protested against her lips even as he pushed her robe from her shoulders.

She shrugged before shoving his pants down over his hips so that they pooled around his ankles. "Forget about it."

Without further protest, Aang lifted his hand to extinguish the fire on the stove and stumbled with her over to the table, never once breaking contact with her mouth. Twenty minutes later, he was driving into Toph one final time, jerking inside her uncontrollably and groaning her name as she contracted violently around him. He was abundantly grateful that Toph had given her servants the evening off. If she hadn't, their wild coupling on her kitchen table might have become incredibly awkward. He didn't think the "I was helping her with her armor" excuse would fly right then.

As it was, Aang was so lost in his cresting orgasm and savoring the rhythmic pulsing of her inner walls, that he mindlessly mumbled the words that had been harbored in the most secret part of his heart for months now. He wasn't even completely aware that he'd said them out loud, though he had definitely wanted to. Yet, when Toph didn't react with anything more than sagging in exhaustion against the table, Aang assumed that he'd managed to hold the declaration back after all.

He assumed wrong. What he mistook for exhaustion was actually shock. He _had_ said the words aloud and Toph _had_ heard him. She was intensely cognizant of exactly what he had gasped, even when garbled with an unintelligible moan. For an instant, she was filled with disbelief and joy over the possibility that he could feel that way about her, but just as quickly as the joy bloomed in her heart, it died. As wonderful as it would have been to let herself believe Aang had reserved that fervid declaration for her, Toph knew better. Furthermore, she was filled with the fear that the words might not have been intended for _her_ at all.

Not yet sensing the tension creeping into Toph's body, Aang pulled out of her and slumped weakly against her back. "Wow…" he uttered breathlessly, "…that was really intense…"

"It was…" Toph agreed tentatively, still reeling from what he had said, how it had made her feel and all the confusing doubts it had stirred within her. She shifted away from him and straightened, giving Aang little choice but to straighten as well. "…I think I got a splinter in my hand."

Aang removed the blindfold and tossed it aside, grinning at her in quizzical disbelief. "I can't believe after what we just shared, the first thing you can think to say is, 'I think I got a splinter.'" He shook his head. "Sometimes, you really confuse me, Toph."

At that particular moment, Toph felt the exact same way about him. For weeks, Suki had been hounding her to make a "real commitment" to Aang. It didn't matter that Toph downplayed her feelings for him or even avoided talking about them altogether. Somehow, Suki sensed the truth without her saying a word. Still, Toph wouldn't acknowledge what she wanted, not to Suki and not to Aang either.

There were too many variables and none of them seemed to fall in her favor. Toph couldn't forget the hateful words Kya had spewed at her the night she and Aang kissed, words that seemed to gain veracity when she thought back to how she had found Aang in Zuko's study. She couldn't forget how quickly Aang was willing to run from her whenever his precious feelings for Katara were threatened. In addition to that, she was well aware of Aang's history with Katara. There was no denying that their bond had been and still was incredibly strong. It had even defied death.

Toph didn't know what to do. She supposed she could take a chance and lay all of her feelings bare to him, but then she ran the risk of him walking away from her entirely. She ran the risk of losing the good things that they _did_ have…and she didn't want that. She didn't want to disrupt the delicate balance between them. Her heart was too fragile.

On occasion, there would be a tiny voice whispering positive things inside her head, full of optimism and hope and, sometimes, it would _almost_ convince Toph that matters could go her way. But soon after that, she would remember all the events that had triggered her doubts in the first place and then she would be right back where she started. Tangled in the sticky web of uncertainty, Toph found that she could not move forward, but she also couldn't cut what bound her either. It was an agonizing place to be.

She wanted so much from Aang, but it was a constant fear with her that he didn't want the same things. And why would she expect him to want the same things? Katara had been his entire world. She'd had a front row seat to his debilitating grief after Katara died. Did she really think that a few months of laughter and energetic sex was going to change all of that? There was no comparison, right? Still, even while Toph reasoned all that out in her heart, she couldn't forget what Aang had just whispered. He had said the words, but did she dare believe that he had meant to say them, especially to her?

Lacking the courage to ask, Toph lifted her shoulders in a laconic shrug, hoping to mask the eroding ache in her heart behind sarcastic indifference. "What can I say? When you have an owie, you have an owie."

"I doubt it's that bad."

"It feels like there's a tree log in there!"

Aang snorted a short laugh. "Aren't you being a tad dramatic? Now who's being the big baby?"

Toph managed a weak laugh over his teasing, but her heart wasn't in it. Her mind was too preoccupied with those three, little words. She didn't want to dwell on them, but they were eating her brain. She wanted to ask him if he meant it or if it had only been an expression of passion, but she was deathly afraid of what he would tell her. She also wanted to ask him who he was thinking about when he said them, but Toph hesitated to ask that as well. There was little point. She only had to recall the bitter way Aang had wept the night of Iroh's funeral to know the answer to both questions.

Her secret fear from the beginning had always been that she was serving as a substitute for Katara. She ignored it. She avoided it. She tried to concentrate on what was between her and Aang alone, but it kept reasserting itself again and again and again. What if Aang was unintentionally using her to fill the void that Katara had left? Suddenly, the growing intimacy that had been developing between her and Aang since they started sleeping together seemed questionable to Toph. She began to second-guess his motives entirely. Non-definition between them was no longer good enough.

Unaware of Toph's troubled thoughts or how he had inadvertently contributed to them, Aang gave Toph a playful nudge and swept up her hand. "Okay, well get over here," he ordered with a laugh, "Let's see the damage." He tugged her closer with a mischievous grin. As he inspected her palm between sweet, nibbling kisses, Toph had to fight down the urge to push him away…not because she didn't want him close, but because she _did_. She had never imagined that anything in life could hurt that much. Aang, somewhat oblivious to her emotional crumbling, didn't detect her growing rigidity and continued in his tender ministrations.

Finally, he straightened, grinned and said, "I don't see anything. I think you're going to live."

"What a relief," she answered woodenly, ducking around him to retrieve her fallen robe and shrug into it.

Aang frowned, becoming instantly attuned to the sudden chill in her demeanor after she scooted away from him. He quickly readjusted his trousers and turned to face her. "Toph, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." Belying that statement, she crossed her arms immediately after making it quite clear that she was saying one thing while meaning another. It was little wonder then that Aang insisted, despite her denial, that something _was_ wrong. He pressed her about it, which only further irritated Toph's frayed nerves. "Do you really want to know?" she challenged.

"I just asked you, didn't I?"

"Well, I was just wondering, that's all…"

"Wondering what?"

"Wondering why we never do this at your house."

"Do what?"

She gestured wildly between them. "_This_, Aang! We always rush back here to my place after we leave the Council," Toph clarified, "But we never go back to _your_ house. We barely spend any time there anymore. Is that because you can't bear the thought of screwing me in the sacred abode you shared with Katara?"

He gaped at her incredulously. "What? Where did that come from?"

"The kids are with Sokka and Suki for the night," she considered, suddenly irrationally angry with him, "There's no reason why we couldn't have gone to the island tonight."

"Except for the fact _Lin_ is here and I wanted to spend some time with her, remember?" Aang pointed out softly, "Besides, we've been coming back to your place for weeks, Toph. I thought that was how _you_ wanted it."

"Maybe that's how _you_ want it," she mumbled in retort.

He scowled at her, growing increasingly aggravated with her sudden mood shift. "What are you saying right now?"

"Nothing," she muttered, "Nothing. It doesn't matter."

"Look, Toph…if you have a problem with me, I wish you would just spit it out," Aang bit out impatiently, "Don't drag Katara into this and use her memory to attack me! It's not fair!"

"Fine!" she snapped back, "Why does it feel like you're sneaking around with me? More importantly, why haven't you told Kya and Bumi that we're together?"

Once again, Aang was rendered dubious and near speechless. "What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm fairly sure that we're speaking the same language, Aang."

"That doesn't mean that you're making sense! You told me that you didn't want to define what we were!" he reminded her, "You wanted to 'relax' and 'see where this goes!' Does any of that ring a bell for you?"

"I said I didn't want to define it, not that I wanted to keep it secret! The fact that you haven't told your kids is a big deal to me! At first, I thought it might be about Kya because she's still so resistant to the idea, but now I'm not so sure! It feels like you're hiding what we are…like you're hiding _me_!"

Aang's anger and frustration billowed from his body in a jagged sigh. "That's not what I'm trying to do. I didn't say anything to Kya and Bumi because I didn't want you to feel pressured or like I was rushing you along. I was trying to do what you wanted. But, if you're ready to sit them down and explain what we are to each other, then I'm ready too. I've wanted to do that this whole time."

Toph jerked in surprise, her angry defenses dropped in an instant. "Really?"

Discerning that he had disarmed her, Aang snagged hold of the lapels of her robe and tugged her closer. "Yeah…really. I want us to do this for real, Toph," he told her between tender kisses, "Frankly, the sooner you start sleeping over, the better."

Suddenly, Toph felt ridiculous for getting so angry with him in the first place. "Do you seriously mean that?"

He kissed her again. "I _seriously_ mean that. Is that what's been bothering you?"

She dipped her head, battling with the bitter flow of tears that lodged in her throat. "I just…I guess I don't know where I stand with you sometimes."

"Sometimes I don't know where I stand with you either," Aang whispered in confession, "But I want to make this work, Toph. I really do."

His sincerity was a difficult thing to resist, especially when he punctuated it with such sweet kisses, but as they stumbled back towards her bedroom to make love once more, Toph continued to be plagued with doubts. Later, as she lay in the loose circle of Aang's arms and listened to the deep, even cadence of his breathing as he slept, Toph couldn't keep those doubts from overwhelming her. She found herself obsessing about certain matters that she had stubbornly pushed to the back of her mind before, silly things that, all of a sudden, had paramount importance.

Sex with Aang was a surprise. It was nothing like what she had imagined it would be, not that she had imagined it very much before the last couple of years. She was surprised by how passionate and eager and demanding he was in bed. He wasn't shy about seeking pleasure or giving it either. He knew what he liked and, furthermore, he knew what _she_ liked. It was a disconcerting discovery.

She didn't know why, but she had always imagined that Aang would be rather naïve and romantic when it came to sex. After all, he had only had one lover…before her anyway…in his entire life. And although he and Katara had been married for ten years and had produced three children together in that time, they always seemed to maintain a childish innocence about them in Toph's opinion.

Not that she imagined them having sex very often because that was weird and unpleasant, but when she considered it in cursory passing, Toph had always assumed their sexual relationship was standard…vanilla…_boring_… The idea of Aang and Katara being adventurous and passionate together was odd to her. They were sweet and charming in that sickeningly perfect way, so certainly nothing between them could ever be intense and stormy.

Toph was rethinking her earlier assumptions because there was no denying that Aang was intense and adventurous and stormy and he hadn't learned those things on his own. He had learned them from Katara…_with_ Katara…and that realization suddenly made Toph feel incredibly insecure. She wondered if he sometimes thought about that during sex with her. His thoughtless avowal in the kitchen earlier made her wonder if he did…and that uncertainty hurt, more than she could have imagined it would.

The sex was only a symptom, Toph knew, but still she fixated on it. She had imagined that since she was the more experienced between the two of them, _she_ was the one who would be teaching _Aang_ something new. She had imagined when they began their intimate relationship that she would be introducing him to a different type of lovemaking altogether. But it seemed that there was nothing at all that he needed to learn. Toph nibbled her lip pensively, suspecting the reason why that knowledge made her feel so incredibly uneasy…possibly because it had been the one thing she'd believed she could give him that Katara hadn't. Now, even that was gone.

"What are you thinking about?"

Toph jumped in his arms, startled by the husky sound of his voice. She landed a kick to his shin with the heel of her foot. "I thought you were asleep."

"Sorry," Aang grunted good-naturedly, "I didn't know there was a rule against waking in your bed." He contorted his body in a languorous stretch. "Why are you still awake anyway? After all of our…erm…activity this evening, I thought you'd be exhausted."

Toph shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "I guess I just have more stamina than you."

He rumbled a laugh. "You wish!"

"Oh yeah?" she challenged, flipping him over and then moving to straddle him in one swift motion. His hands fell to her hips as she began rocking against his softened genitals. He gradually began to harden in response to the rolling thrusts of her body. "Think you can keep up with me?" she queried breathlessly.

Aang reached between them to position himself at her entrance and slid inside of her, penetrating deeply. "I think you should be asking if _you_ can keep up with _me_," he teased her.

Silence descended between them as they gave themselves over to the sensations they created together. Aang palmed her breasts as they bounced together, the quiet of the room punctuated by their soft grunts of satisfaction. Toph focused intently on his response to her, acutely aware of his quickening pulse and shortened expulsions of breath. She knew he was cresting, poised at the precipice and for some inexplicable reason she felt the need stake her claim on him before she pushed him over. Suddenly, it became absolutely necessary for her to confirm that he belonged to her completely right then.

"Am I making you feel good?" she asked him.

His deep groan was answer enough, but Toph still savored his whispered, "You are."

"Do you like having sex with me, Aang?"

He smiled at her. "I think you know that I do."

"Am I what you want?"

"Yes…" he moaned.

She rode him harder, faster. "Am I _all_ that you want, Aang…or do you sometimes wish that I was someone else?"

Toph had no idea where the question had come from or even why it had even entered her brain at all. But once the words had flown past her lips there was no yanking them back. She was mortified but, it was too late to do damage control. Aang's response was immediate. His haze of sexual bliss dissipated and his impending orgasm was forgotten as he abruptly fell still beneath her.

"Wh-What?" he stammered almost incredulously, "What kind of…" He scowled at her, thoroughly appalled. "What's wrong with you? Why would you ask me something like that, Toph?"

She knew that she could back-peddle and make excuses or even simply be honest with Aang and admit to him that she was feeling insecure and the many ways he'd inadvertently deepened that insecurity, but she did neither. Instead, she merely shrugged off his dubious reaction because, as tactless as the question had been, she wanted to know the answer. She needed the truth.

"It's a valid question," she said, "Tell me. Do you?"

"It is _not_ a valid question," Aang retorted, shoving her off of him and rolling away, "Especially not when we're in the middle of doing what…well, we were just doing! Why would I be thinking about anyone besides _you_?"

"We both know that Katara is always in your thoughts, Aang," she said softly, "Don't deny it."

"Not right then she wasn't!"

"Come on. Be honest with me. You don't ever close your eyes and pretend that you're inside of her instead of me?"

"I don't know, Toph!" he retorted hotly, "Do _you_ like to pretend that _I'm_ someone else? What kind of question is that?"

"This isn't about me. It's about you. I want to know the truth, Aang," she brazened, trying not to flinch in reaction to his belligerence, "You don't have very much sexual experience. You've been to bed with only two women in your entire life. Me and Katara. It would be perfectly natural for you to think about what you had with her or…to compare us. You've practically admitted as much to me before."

"But _I'm_ not comparing you now," he retorted fiercely, "_You_ are! And, for the record, I have never pretended that I was with her while having sex with you! That would demean what I had with Katara and it would cheapen what we have together! I can't believe you would even accuse me of that!" He rolled from the bed then, scooped up his discarded trousers, and yanked them on.

His intention to leave stung. Toph masked her hurt behind a derisive smirk as she swung upright in bed. "Hmm…you sure are getting indignant for something that's supposedly untrue."

He snapped his robe down over his head. "Screw you, Toph!"

When he began stuffing his feet into his shoes, Toph started to panic a little. "Where are you going right now?"

"Home," he retorted tersely, "Kya, Bumi and Tenzin are probably driving Sokka and Suki crazy by now, so I'm going to pick the kids up early and give them a break!"

"But I thought you were going to let them stay over until tomorrow!"

"I changed my mind."

"Why?" Toph flared, "Because I asked you a question? Are you not man enough to answer it or something?"

He stopped short on his way out and glowered at her. "This has _nothing_ to do with me being 'man enough!' This has to do with you being inappropriate and asking me a question that I find rather offensive! Frankly, I don't like what you're implying at all!"

"If it's not true, then why are you leaving?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?" he exploded, "You've been running hot and cold with me all night! I don't know what's going on in your head right now, but I'm not going to stick around and be your punching bag tonight!"

"Good! Run away, Aang! That's what you do best anyway!"

He whipped back to face her. "You are some piece of work!" he ground out, "You honestly have no idea how much you've crossed the line tonight. Maybe that should tell me something about you and how your mind works! It would explain what compelled you to ask that asinine question in the first place. So, who have you been pretending _I_ am while we're in bed, Toph?"

"I don't pretend in bed with you, Aang! That's not what I meant," she mumbled.

"Then what _do_ you mean?" he yelled.

"I asked a simple question! Maybe it's something you've thought about unconsciously. All I wanted you to do was to tell me the truth!"

"You want the truth?" he bit out fiercely, "Fine! I'll tell you the truth! No, I have absolutely _never_ pretended that you were Katara when we were in bed together, not tonight and not ever before this either! When I am in bed with you, you are all I am thinking about and all I want! Why would you ever think otherwise?"

"Maybe because you take her wherever you go, Aang," Toph muttered.

"She was _my wife_, Toph. I have _three_ children with her! Of course, she's with me!"

"Then you admit my point is a valid one."

Aang jerked to attention. "What are you really asking me here?" he wondered deliberately, "Are you curious about whether or not I enjoyed having sex with Katara? Yes, I enjoyed it, Toph! I _loved_ being with her and it was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. I never felt _used_ with her or insecure or like she was comparing me to other people…not the way I'm feeling with you right now! And maybe that's how it has to be for you because you've never really viewed sexual intimacy as anything other than physical release. To you, it's about answering a biological urge and nothing else! But that's not the way it is for _me_, not with Katara and not with you either. Is that what you wanted to know? Are you satisfied now?"

She wanted nothing more than to burst into tears right then and never stop crying, but her pride wouldn't allow it. Instead, she lifted her chin to a haughty angle and said, "Yes. Now, I'm satisfied."

"Good," he clipped angrily, "I'm glad you have your answers. I'll see you around!"

He slammed out of her room then, leaving not only Toph's bed empty when he left but her heart as well.


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

"You're really pissed off at me, aren't you?"

Aang had to check the impulse to slam the door in her face. The instant he saw her, all the aggravation he felt from the night before came roaring back with a vengeance. Aang remembered starkly how his feelings for her had been ridiculously close to the surface that entire evening. He had been emotionally vulnerable, poised on the edge of exposing all of himself to her, ready to lay bare even the rawest portions of his bruised heart. But then Toph had reminded him that what was so incredibly meaningful to him was little more than a game to her. Sex was doable, especially when it was on _her_ terms, but a true relationship was out of the question. After that last fight with her, Aang finally reached his breaking point.

He didn't particularly _want_ to talk to her right then. He didn't want to hear about how he was being naïve and idealistic or how a frank discussion of their feelings could potentially kill what was between them. Aang didn't want to walk on eggshells around her anymore, terrified of saying or doing something that might cause her to bolt on him. He had grown weary of having her second guess his motives while her own continued to be a virtual mystery. As he looked at her now, Aang didn't feel so much angry as he felt drained and defeated.

"Toph, I don't want to fight," he sighed despairingly, "I didn't sleep well last night and I'm not in the mood."

"Believe it or not, I don't want to fight with you either, Aang," she replied softly, "I came here today to call a truce. May I please come in and explain myself?"

Although, he was thoroughly reluctant to get into it with her, there was something about her reserved manner that obliged Aang to agree. He stepped aside and swept his arm out in invitation. "Fine. Come on in."

Immediately, upon stepping into the living area, Toph sensed that the house was empty even long before the pervading silence prickled her sensitive ears. She turned towards Aang slightly, her straight, black brows knit in a faint frown. "The children aren't here? I thought you said you were going to Sokka and Suki's to get them."

He shrugged, not the least bit penitent. "I lied." He refrained from mentioning that Sokka was scheduled to drop them off in the afternoon. Somehow, Aang took supreme satisfaction in needling her.

For a brief instant, Toph's temper flared but, she quickly stamped it down into submission. Considering the circumstances and all the many ways she had circumvented the truth in the past few weeks, she certainly knew she was in no position to judge him. "Oh," she murmured finally, "I guess I can understand why you did that."

Aang hadn't expected her calm, magnanimous response and the fact that she'd even managed one peeved him because _she_ had been the one to take the high road. Even with the knowledge that _he_ was the wronged party, Aang felt a pang of guilt over his inability to meet her halfway. Naturally then, he took his aggravation with himself out on Toph. "So what did you want exactly?"

Determined not remain undaunted even in the face of his brusque manner and impatient tone, Toph replied expansively, "To talk. I want to talk, Aang."

He couldn't quite suppress his snort of incredulity over that reply. "Really?" he scoffed, "Since when?"

"Since always actually. Only I've been too afraid to do it before."

"Toph, I've known you for more than half your life. You're not afraid of anything."

"There are some things I'm very afraid of," she confessed quietly, "And most of those things revolve around my feelings for you." Aang went completely still at her admission, but said nothing in response. Toph took advantage of his stunned silence to press on, swallowing past the lump of anxiety lodged in her throat. "I want to apologize for the way I acted last night. I was way out of line."

"I don't want you to apologize," Aang told her, "Just tell me why. I thought we were having a good time together and then suddenly it was like you were mad at me. What happened? What did I do to make you so upset?"

"It wasn't anything you did in particular. It was more like a culmination of events."

Aang gave a confused shake of his head. "I don't understand."

Toph blew a stray lock of hair from her eyes. "Okay, before I begin to try and explain this to you, maybe we should both sit down," she suggested shakily. Aang hesitated a moment before he inclined his head in a sharp nod and took a seat on the sofa. He relaxed a bit when Toph sat down next to him. Toph, regrettably, was growing progressively more nervous as she was becoming increasingly aware of his penetrating stare despite her blindness. She wiped her perspiring palms on the legs of her trousers.

"Well…I guess I should start from the beginning," she said.

"What's the beginning?"

"Um…I guess it was that whole thing with you deciding that we couldn't be friends anymore," she revealed hoarsely, "I've been shaky about us ever since, Aang. I don't think you have any idea how much you hurt me, especially because I didn't understand why you did it."

"I explained that to you. I was trying _not_ to take advantage of you…because of how I thought you felt about Sokka, remember?"

"I do remember. And, given the fact _I_ misled you into believing I still had feelings for him in the first place that explanation made complete sense to me, until…"

"Until what?" he prompted gently.

"Until…I found you that night, Aang," she confessed in a small tone, "When we were together… The night of Iroh's service…I found you…in Zuko's study…" She paused a moment and let the implication of what she was telling him sink in deep. Aang groaned inwardly. "That's why I wouldn't talk to you afterwards. When you left me in bed that night, that was…brutal, but when I found you like that…it really devastated me."

She didn't clarify anymore than that, but she didn't need to. Aang jerked to attention beside her, the lean lines of his body tensing like a bowstring. When he finally formulated a response for her, it sounded as if it were being dragged from him. "So, then you…uh…you found me crying, huh?"

"Yeah," she confirmed in a whisper so soft it was nearly inaudible, "I did."

"I didn't know you were there."

"That was pretty evident," she whispered humorlessly, "I've never heard you cry like that before. Not even when Katara died, not even after you came back from the spirit world. That night was different. It was almost like a part of you died somehow. It was awful."

"Toph, the reason I was upset was be—,"

"And before you launch into some lengthy explanation about what you were feeling and why it happened," she inserted quickly, "I already have a pretty good idea what it was about, Aang. It was about Katara. It's _always_ about Katara. Just like you freaking out on me and saying we couldn't be friends anymore was probably about her too."

Aang was still struggling to regain his composure, still reeling from the knowledge that she had found him so emotionally exposed that he could make a denial. Truthfully, he knew he shouldn't. Nothing Toph had said was untrue. He did struggle for quite a while and, as he did, he had given her the run around. Toph had always been so strong and sure of herself that he never imagined his indecisiveness had affected her that deeply. But he was wrong. Aang felt lousy knowing that she had been harboring all of that inside her for months now.

Toph took advantage of his silent anguish to continue. "I know what happened, Aang. You felt guilty for sleeping with me that night…like you had cheated on Katara, didn't you?"

"Yes. I felt guilty," Aang acknowledged when he was able to speak again, "but not because I felt like I cheated. I felt guilty because I thought that I shouldn't feel that way about you or want you like that. When we slept together that night, I didn't think, Toph. It was pure instinct. I was afraid that it meant I loved Katara less somehow and I didn't want to feel that way. I didn't want to love her less."

Toph compressed her lips into a cynical line. "So, I wasn't too far off the mark, huh?"

"You don't understand. Since the moment I met Katara, she was all I wanted. Literally _all_ I wanted. I expected to feel that way about her for the rest of my life, Toph…and then _you_ happened. You stirred up emotions in me that I didn't even know were inside of me and that was so scary. It's been crazy ever since!"

"And you hate that, don't you?" she concluded glumly.

"No, I don't hate it."

She sniffled. "Well, you certainly don't _like_ it!"

"It's…confused me," Aang answered slowly, "But that's not necessarily a bad thing."

"You're not the only one who has been confused, Aang. This whole time I've been running around like an idiot trying to keep my heart from being stomped on and it happened anyway!" She pulled back her fist and punched him in the arm hard. "You've made me cry, you jerk! Do you know how many times you've made me cry? NO ONE MAKES ME CRY!"

Aang massaged his aching deltoid. "I'm sorry!"

"It's not good enough! I'm an emotional mess because of you and I'm _sick_ of it!"

"That's not what I wanted, Toph," he groaned in lamentation, "Good grief, why didn't you say anything to me about it before?"

"What was I supposed to say to you, Aang?" she challenged gruffly, "We had just slept together and you ran away and when I found you later, you were on the floor crying over your dead wife. There wasn't much to discuss. The moment was pretty self-explanatory."

"Maybe if you had come to me sooner I could have…I could have…"

"What?" she snorted, "Explained why you were falling apart? I would have loved to see you try. You can't even come up with something plausible _now_!"

"You've caught me off guard here, Toph! I can't believe you've been carrying that inside of you this whole time!"

"That and a whole bunch of other stuff," she confessed wryly.

"You mean there's _more_?"

"Yep."

Aang favored Toph with a careful, sideways glance. "Like what?"

"Like what Kya said to me that night she found us kissing."

He almost didn't want to ask but he forced himself to do it anyway. "What did she say to you?"

"She told me that you would never love me like you loved Katara…that she would never love me like that either."

Aang groaned and briefly dropped his face into his hands. "Toph, she's thirteen years old!" he argued, "She's just a kid! You can't take what she said to heart!"

"But _you_ take it to heart, don't you?" Toph cried, suddenly surging to her feet, "It's not as if what she said wasn't true! Isn't that the real reason why you haven't said anything to her about us? Everyone knows that there's something going on between us except _your_ children, Aang! Why do you think that is?"

"Because you said you didn't want to 'define' things!" he retorted, jumping to his feet as well, "My children have been through enough emotional upheaval the last three years! I'm sorry if I didn't want to tell them about a relationship that I wasn't completely sure was going anywhere!"

"Wow," she grunted with a mirthless laugh, "Now we're really getting to the heart of things, aren't we? So what was I supposed to be? A distraction? A stress reliever? A temporary bed buddy? What?"

"No, that would be _more_ your style, isn't it, Toph?"

She snapped erect. "Blow me, Aang!"

As their tempers flared, fueled by misunderstandings and insecurity, Aang and Toph circled one another like two angry combatants, poised to pounce. Aang leveled an accusing finger at Toph. "You have some nerve getting up on your ostrich-horse about all of this! Don't you dare try and turn this around on me! Everything that was between us was how _you_ wanted it to be, Toph!"

"You can say that you went along with it for my benefit all you want, but I don't believe that!"

"What was I supposed to tell my kids when you couldn't even…?" He broke off into abrupt silence, swallowing the remainder of the retort. He didn't want to descend into a verbal sparring match with her. Instead, Aang wanted to address Toph's misgivings and, hopefully, alleviate them. "Listen, if you want to talk to Kya together, we can do that, Toph," he offered quietly, "We can do whatever you want."

Unfortunately, his attempt at diplomacy fell on deaf ears. "You know what's really funny?" she snorted, "I never wanted to take Katara's place! It never entered my head _once_! All I really wanted was to be with you, Aang!"

"I want to be with you too."

She blinked back the mutinous tears that formed in her eyes with his candid whisper. "But I never expected it to be this hard or for it to hurt this much!" she choked, "I never asked to feel this way about you!"

"I know how you feel. What do you think I've been dealing with this whole time?"

"No! It's not the same," she said, whisking away the tears that slipped down her cheeks, "It's not _remotely_ close! You feel guilty for wanting me. You want to preserve the life you built with Katara and you want to keep me separate from it. When we were just friends, I wasn't a threat to any of that but now that things have changed between us, it's like you want to put what you feel for me into this tiny little box that's hidden away from the rest of your life."

"That is not fair and it's not true either."

"We _never_ spend time here at the island together anymore, Aang, except when _I_ drop by to see the kids! And you didn't want me to do that too often because Kya has such a problem with it," she charged, "Beyond that, we were always at _my_ house, in _my_ bed! I know I told you that I didn't want to define anything, but it felt like you were going out of your way to keep us a secret. Am I supposed to think that's an accident?"

"It definitely wasn't intentional!"

"Maybe, it wasn't intentional, but it hurts just the same. All these little things probably wouldn't mean anything by themselves, but when you put them all together, it doesn't look good. It doesn't feel good either."

"I don't know what you want me to say. I feel like you're twisting every mistake I've made with you into something that I never intended or felt."

"Or maybe it was just your unconscious desires manifesting themselves."

Aang threw up his hands. "I can't win with you! No matter what I say, I'm wrong!"

"Then don't say anything. _Listen_. This is a complicated issue we're dealing with. I know that," she acknowledged softly, "You and Katara were the real thing. Happily ever after, soulmate-love…the whole she-bang, so deeply in love and sickeningly sweet that you gave people cavities! I never doubted your feelings for her and I never doubted that she would always be the only woman for you. And, in the beginning, that didn't bother me. I had no dog in that fight…_until we happened_. Now everything is different."

"What do you want me to do, Toph? I can't just turn off my feelings for her!" he yelled.

"And I don't expect you to!" she yelled back, "I get that, okay! I still love her too! I just wanted a place with you! And maybe that was too much to expect because I knew when we got involved with each other that Katara was always in the room with us."

"No, she isn't," he denied weakly.

"She's here with us right now! You weigh everything you do and say to me based on how you feel about her or what you _think_ you should feel," Toph charged, "and I can't handle that anymore!"

"Toph, you never told me how you felt before this! You never told me what you wanted! Every time I tried to talk to you, you shut me down!"

"Are you really surprised that I did that, Aang? What was I supposed to do…admit I was falling for you when I knew that your heart would always be tied up with Katara? I do have some pride."

"I'm willing to take my share of the blame for this, but you have to accept some responsibility too, Toph," he uttered, "You can't have a relationship without communication and trust and you have refused to talk to me and lied to me at every turn!"

"I have _never_ lied to you!" she spat.

"Yes, you have. Every single time that you felt doubts and you didn't tell me, that was a _lie_, Toph. How am I supposed to fix it if I don't know that something is wrong? How are we supposed to grow as a couple if we're lying to each other?"

"Maybe we're not supposed to be a couple."

Once upon a time, he might have been stumbled by that statement, but now he recognized it for what it was. He shook his head at her. "That's a cop-out. You know it. I know it."

"It's the truth. We can't work. I want to be with you and you're still pining for a dead woman!"

"This isn't about my feelings for Katara at all," he countered softly, "This is about my feelings for _you_. That's what you can't handle!"

"And why don't we talk about those feelings, shall we?" Toph interjected with counterfeit cheer, "You told me you loved me last night."

Suddenly, every angry rejoinder Aang had poised on his tongue dissipated. His thoughts scattered. In that moment, he felt as if the breath had been knocked out of him, which was quite disconcerting for an airbender. He dropped his head forward with a soft groan. "I didn't realize I'd said that out loud."

"Yeah, you did," Toph confirmed, "As you were…you know…"

"That's not how I meant to tell you."

"Did you actually mean to tell _me_ at all?"

Aang's eyes flared wide with the question. He felt a momentary flash of disbelief before understanding dawned. Now, Toph's mercurial mood swings last night made complete sense to him. She was punishing him for an imagined slight. He had declared his love for her out loud, only she'd assumed the words hadn't been meant for her at all…but for Katara. It was little wonder then why she asked him that ridiculous question afterwards. The constant friction between them had nothing to do with incompatibility, but a lack of communication and that lack had only worsened the misunderstandings between them. Aang was caught between the desire to yank Toph into his arms and hug her tight and throttle her for being such an idiot. She was driving him crazy!

But then, there was the tiny part of Aang that had to admit that he had been driving _her_ just as crazy. It couldn't have been easy for her this whole time, imagining that he was yearning for Katara or, even worse, hoping to use her as a substitute to fill the void. His behavior since then hadn't exactly helped to dispel those notions either, Aang acknowledged to himself. Many of his early decisions _had_ been based on his feelings for Katara. Aang had been so intent on preserving what he'd shared with Katara that he had damaged what he was building with Toph. Despite every precaution he'd taken _not_ to hurt Toph, he had done so anyway.

"Toph, you have everything so wrong," he whispered, "When I told you that I loved you last night, I meant it. I do. I love _you_. I'm in love with you."

"Stop it," she hissed at him, "Just stop it, Aang! Don't insult my intelligence, okay! I just wanted you to know that I heard you and I knew what it was about…even if you can't admit it to me or yourself."

"Are you listening to me at all? It wasn't about Katara! Toph, I know I have made mistakes with you but will you listen to me and let me explain?"

"No! I don't want to hear anymore! There's no fast-talking your way out of this, Aang!"

"Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time?"

"I'm not going to let you salve your conscience by feeding me a line of pretty words you don't mean."

"What makes you think I don't mean them? Don't you think I know my own heart or what I really want?"

"I think you don't want to hurt me," she sighed, "I think you care about me a lot, Aang. But I also think there are things I want from you that you can't give me."

"How do you know if you won't let me try?"

"I don't have the strength to do this with you anymore," Toph uttered wearily. She drew herself up erect, swallowing back the acrid tears that burned the back of her throat. "Before I came here this morning, I went to Katara's memorial stone to talk to her," she confessed in a broken tone, "I wanted to explain to her that I wasn't trying to steal you away. I don't want to take her place in your heart, Aang. I don't want to take her place with the kids. I could _never_ do that. I want you to make a place for _me_ too. That's all.

"You asked me some time ago what I wanted," she went on in trembling whisper, "Well, this is what I want. I want to be with you. I want to have a future with you. I want to raise our families together. I want to _define_ us. And while I've enjoyed these last few weeks with you, I don't only want your body. That's not enough for me. I want _everything_. I refuse to have only pieces of you. So, either you commit to _me_ and you commit to me _fully_ or you leave me alone! I am not asking you to stop loving Katara. I'm asking you to leave her in the past. Can you do that? Do you even know how?"


	31. Chapter Thirty

**Chapter Thirty**

She didn't wait around for him to give her an answer and, after that jaw-dropping monologue she had given, Aang wasn't sure that he _could_ give her one. Toph had blindsided him in countless ways, but one thing had come through with resounding clarity during their verbal wrestling match. She loved him. She hadn't come right out and said the words, but he knew. _Toph loved him_. Unfortunately, he could hardly feel any elation over that realization because he was too busy lamenting how badly he had bungled things with her.

The signs had been there for some time that Toph was possibly harboring some deep-seated insecurity, but he had ignored them. He pacified himself with the excuse that she was just being her usual self or that she was too tough to really be bothered or even that it wasn't really important. But in the solitude of his living room and with only the reverberating silence Toph had left in her wake to keep him company, Aang could admit to himself that the real reason he had ignored the signs was because part of him had feared that Toph's outlandish accusations were true. What if he was using her? What if he was stuck perpetually in the past?

He hesitated to examine himself, but he knew it was necessary. And, as Aang honestly examined the answers to both questions, he came to realize it was neither. He wasn't using Toph and he wasn't stuck in the past anymore either. He _did_ still love Katara, but he had begun the process of letting her go long before he even knew he had feelings for Toph. It was still a work in progress, but he was making some strides in learning to live his life without her. What had been frightening for him was the _wanting_ to live his life without her. He hadn't anticipated finding a reason for joy beyond Katara but Toph had proven that it was very possible. That part he hadn't expected at all.

When it really came down to it, the thing Aang feared more than anything else was change. He had been in love with Katara for so long and had imagined his future with her for so long that he had forgotten how to define himself without her. Being in love with her was as much a part of him as being the Avatar…as being an airbender. Katara was an integral piece to everything he was and wanted to be, everything he hoped to become.

After she died, he'd felt lost and alone. It felt as if a huge chunk of him had died with her and, in a strange way that was oddly comforting to Aang. Then something happened for which he wasn't prepared. Within the last six months, that part of him had come alive again. It was breathing, laughing, singing and dancing…and that fact had _nothing_ to do with Katara at all. It was Toph who was at the very center of his resurrection and, that truth had made Aang question everything he believed about himself. She had shaken the foundation of everything he believed was true.

But now that the truth was out and he was facing his fear, Aang could see things much more clearly. Nothing fundamental had changed about him at all and yet, _everything_ had changed. Loving Katara was still as much a part of him as being the Avatar and an airbender, but now loving Toph had become a part of him as well. Ultimately, she had given him back something he was sure Katara had taken with her when he saw her last…his hope. Toph Beifong, of all people, had renewed his hope and his overall belief in love.

She had brought him more joy than he could have ever expected to feel again after Katara. She had changed his life. She had helped him heal. Essentially, she was one of the greatest things that had ever happened to him. Now, the only task Aang had left to face was convincing Toph that all of that was true. Aang was still sitting on his sofa, puzzling out exactly how he was going to accomplish that when Sokka arrived with the kids.

After dispensing kisses and listening to a rambling recap of their adventures with their aunt, uncle and cousins, Aang directed Kya to take the boys into the kitchen for a snack while he had "tall people talk" with Sokka. Yet more kisses and goodbye hugs were given before Aang and Sokka watched together as the three raced off for the kitchen. When they were gone, Sokka turned to Aang with a knowing smile.

"So, how did your adult time go with Toph?"

Aang made a face. "It went actually…badly."

Sokka flinched in commiseration. "Uh…that doesn't sound too great. Trouble in paradise already?"

"Not so much trouble as a ton of misunderstandings…but I'm going to work that out."

"Good luck with that." As Sokka waved and started to turn towards the door to take his leave, Aang waylaid him. Sokka regarded him with a curious glance. "What is it?"

"What would you say if I told you that I was in love with Toph and that I wanted to have a real relationship with her? Would you have a problem with it?"

Sokka bit back a smile. "Not at all. I'd say it took you long enough to figure that out _and_…you might want to talk to your children about it. Your 'daddy had to work late' excuse isn't going to fly for too much longer."

"Right."

Grinning, Sokka reached over and clapped Aang on the shoulder. "If you're worried about Kya's reaction, she'll be okay. It's going to work out. I never would have thought you and Toph could work like that, but you're surprisingly good together. I'm happy for you, Aang. I know Katara would be happy for you too."

"Thanks, Sokka."

Aang lingered in the living room for a long time after he left, taking several deep breaths before finally squaring his shoulders and turning to join his children in the kitchen. He didn't announce his presence right away, but instead hovered unseen in the threshold for a bit. Kya and Bumi were bickering as usual while Tenzin quietly watched them with a woebegone expression.

It was endearing the way they each manifested traits from their mother. Kya definitely had Katara's bossiness down cold, but also her mother's amazing ability to love with her entire heart. Bumi had Katara's adventurous side, her courage, determination and fearlessness. And Tenzin, as serious and methodical as he was even at three years old, definitely had his mother's temper. In many ways, Aang realized, he hadn't lost Katara at all. She had been here with him the entire time, but he had been too blinded by his grief to really see it. Ironically, it ended up being a blind woman who opened his eyes.

"Hey," he said softly, capturing their attention simultaneously with that one word.

"Dad!" Kya cried in surprise, "Why do you look like that? What's wrong? Is someone hurt?"

"No, it's nothing like that," he rushed to reassure her, "Nothing bad. I want to talk to you guys about something important…something that's happened recently."

Bumi pointed at his sister. "Well, whatever it is, she did it."

Kya shoved him in the shoulder. "Shush up, Bumi! If anyone did anything, it's _you_! It's always you!"

Before they could degenerate into a full-fledged shoving match, Aang intervened. "Calm down. No one is in any trouble," he reassured them, "I have some news to share with you both."

Tenzin stared up at him. "You have big news, Daddy?"

"Yes, I do have big news, buddy…and _good_ news, I hope," Aang sighed. He gestured to the empty chairs at the kitchen table. "Kya, Bumi…why don't you two sit down?"

Kya and Bumi obediently took a seat at the kitchen table and Aang did the same, pulling Tenzin into his lap once he had situated himself. Aang was painfully aware of their rapt gazes as they patiently waited for him to begin. In his mind, he'd had this conversation with them a dozen times, but the reality was much harder to navigate. In the end, Aang decided to go with the blunt approach.

"I've met someone."

Not surprisingly that vague statement garnered deep, befuddled frowns from Kya and Bumi. Tenzin, having a typical three year old's wandering attention span, preoccupied himself with airbending crumbs of food across the surface of the table. Aang had already lost him. Kya and Bumi, on the other hand, were clearly waiting on him for clarification, but Aang honestly had no idea how he should proceed. It was definitely more awkward than he had imagined in his head.

Finally, Bumi broke the uncomfortable silence and asked, "So who did you meet, Dad?"

Aang cleared his throat nervously. "A woman. I've met a woman."

Bumi stared at him blankly. "So what? You meet women all the time!"

Kya elbowed her younger brother in the ribs with an exasperated growl. "Don't you know anything? He means that he likes her…you know, like a _girlfriend_," she clarified, directing a narrowed glare towards her brother, "I think Dad's trying to tell us that he has a girlfriend." Aang slumped forward as Kya met his eyes squarely. Even with the distance between them, it was easy to detect the hurt and uncertainty lurking in the clear blue depths of her eyes. "Is it true, Dad?" she asked him in a trembling whisper, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend yet," Aang answered honestly, "But I would like her to be. I'd like her to be _more_ than that."

Kya's expression became mournful as she asked, "Are you talking about Toph?"

Bumi scrunched his face in a disgusted grimace. "_Aunt Toph?_ Ew, Kya! Dad doesn't want Aunt Toph to be his girlfriend! She's his best buddy! That's so gross!" He flashed Aang an uncertain glance. "You don't want her to be your girlfriend, do you, Dad?"

"You really don't know anything," Kya mumbled, "I knew this was going to happen…ever since I saw them kissing."

That tidbit provoked more revolted flailing from Bumi. He pinned his father with a horrified look. "You kissed Aunt Toph? Eeeew!"

Kya's reaction was a bit less juvenile, but what her response lacked in childish disgust it made up for in spitting, righteous indignation. She crossed her arms and glared at her father with a mutinous expression. "So what? Does that mean that you love her or something?"

"Actually, yeah it does, Kya," Aang replied without shame, "I do love her."

Although, she had virtually demanded an answer to her question, Kya still winced in pain when she received it. Quickly, she masked her anguish behind a cloud of gathering rage. "And what about Mom?" she charged, "I guess she doesn't matter anymore, huh?"

"You know that's not true. I love your mother just as much as I always have. _Nothing_ will ever change that."

"But you're going to be with Toph now and you're going to forget all about Mom!" Kya accused him thickly, "Why did you guys have to kiss at all? I don't understand! You ruined everything!"

Aang surveyed her with a sad expression. "Kya, did you expect me to be alone forever?"

"I dunno. I thought you _wanted_ to be! I thought you would never love anyone like you love Mom! How can you love someone else, Dad? How could you do that to Mom?"

"Toph and I didn't choose to feel this way about each other," Aang explained gently, "Believe me, it was the _last_ thing either of us wanted. It's been hard and confusing for us both. We didn't want to hurt each other and we didn't want to hurt you. But I can't help how I feel, sweetheart. I want to be with Toph. I love her very much. It doesn't diminish what I feel for your mom, but…she's gone and I can't keep living in the past."

Kya was still stewing in angry silence when Bumi asked tentatively, "Does Aunt Toph love you back, Dad?"

Aang smiled a little. "Yeah, she loves me back."

Bumi shrugged, as if that was all he needed to know to settle any internal conflict he might have. "Well then I'm fine with it," he said, "I still think it's gross but if it makes you happy, then I'm happy too."

His sister pinned him with a sideways glower. "You _would_ say that!" she accused him darkly. "You've never cared about Mom like I do! It doesn't matter to you because you barely remember her and Tenzin didn't know her at all! But I _do_ remember her and I don't want Toph trying to take her place!"

"Kya, that's enough!" Aang bellowed as Bumi flinched in the face of Kya's stinging vitriol, "That wasn't right what you just said to your brother and it wasn't fair to him! He loved your mother too…and you know that."

"I'm not going to apologize!" she declared stubbornly, "I'm not going to let Toph come in here and take my mother's place!"

"Since when has Toph _ever_ tried to do that, Kya?" Aang demanded, "She's not trying to replace your mom! No one could ever do that. She's trying to have a life with me, with _all of us_! She loves you! Why does that make you so angry?"

"Because it should be Mom," she wept brokenly, "I want her back. I want her here. Please, Dad…please don't be with her. I don't think I can stand it."

"I don't want to hurt you, but I can't do that. Your mother isn't coming back. She isn't here anymore, Kya…and it's not fair for you to punish Toph because she is."

Kya compressed her mouth into a thin line but it did little to still the trembling of her lower lip. "Sometimes, I feel like the only person who wants to remember Mom is me."

"Sweetheart, you know that's not true," Aang soothed in a softer tone, "I think about her all the time, but sometimes the only way we can heal is to let go. Just because we're all finding a way to move on with our lives, it doesn't mean that we love your mother any less. It doesn't mean that we miss her any less. It took me a long time to figure that out, but I did…and you will too."

He opened his arms and beckoned both her and Bumi to come into them. His son came readily, but Kya hesitated a few seconds before she threw herself into Aang's arms as well. He hugged all three of his children tightly, bestowing loving kisses to them all. In particular, Aang sought to comfort his weeping daughter, which was a relief to Tenzin and Bumi who had both passed their quota on affection for the day. They wiggled from his hold and dropped down to the floor to play while Aang turned his full attention to Kya.

"I don't want you to think that being with Toph means I'm forgetting your mother," he reassured her, "I could never forget her. She changed me in ways that you will never understand. But Toph has changed me too and all I've done is make room in my heart for her. I'm hoping that maybe you could do that too."

"I love Toph," Kya mumbled, "I really do. She's strong and smart and funny. I never stopped loving her, Dad. I guess I'm just mad at her right now."

"For what exactly?" Aang pressed gently, "For making me happy? Because that's all she's done, Kya. She's made me really happy."

Kya sucked in a quiet breath and regarded him with wide, wet blue eyes. "Really, Dad?"

Aang nodded, unable to speak immediately because his throat was clogged with emotion. Finally, he managed in a choked tone, "I want to make her happy too. That's really important to me. _She's_ really important to me. So can we try that, Kya? Toph has given so much to us and helped us so much…can't we open our hearts to her just a little bit and make a place for her in our family? Please."

Tears spilled freely from Kya's eyes and she pressed her face into Aang's shoulder, sniffling even as she gave a small nod. "I guess so… I'll try."

An hour and buckets of tears later, Aang slipped quietly from the house after leaving Kya in charge of her brothers, much to Bumi's indignant vexation. Matters with Kya weren't settled entirely, but at least she was more tolerant of the idea than she had been at first. Aang knew that it would probably be a long time before she made complete peace with it.

Along his walk, Aang didn't have a particular destination in mind when he left but when his wandering across the island eventually brought him to Katara's memorial stone, he knew that was the place he'd meant to go all along. With a shuddering sigh, Aang knelt down and ran his slim fingers across the corrugated surface of the stone, reading aloud the words that had been inscribed there more than three years prior: _"In loving memory of Katara, wife, mother, friend, and warrior…always in our hearts."_

"And you are," he whispered to her, "You're still in my heart, Katara…but there's someone else there too." He hunched forward with another sigh. "I guess I should begin by telling you that Toph and I are together…or, at least, I _think_ we are. That part is a little confusing. She's not speaking to me at the moment and I'm pretty sure she's done with me. I don't guess I blame her either.

"I want you to know that what happened between us wasn't anything I planned, Katara," he sighed, "In fact, for a long time, I was resistant to the idea of being with Toph at all. So, I pushed her way and I hurt her and now I'm afraid that I'm made a mess that I can't fix. I don't even know if she even wants to try anymore." He dropped his head forward with a low groan. "It's a little hard to believe that I'm as inept at romancing a woman at 33 years old as I was when I was twelve. Go figure.

"But the thing is…I love her, Katara. I love her so much," he confessed brokenly, "She pushes my buttons and drives me nuts and she's not very good at telling me how she feels, but I can't imagine being without her anymore. I want to know what we can be together, but I don't know how I'm supposed to convince her of that. I don't know how I'm supposed to explain to her that, while I still love you and that _is_ a part of me that I keep separate from everything else, it doesn't mean that I love her less…or that she's second to you in my heart."

He grunted to himself, belatedly realizing that he was essentially pouring his heart out to the wind. "I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this. It seems bizarre to sit here and confess my feelings for another woman to you, but somehow I know you'd understand. You've always been the one I turn to when I have a problem that really stumps me, Katara." Aang emitted a mirthless laugh. "I guess old habits die hard."

Shaking his head in chagrin, Aang started to rise to his feet when, without warning, a lone cardinal-jay bird swooped in and perched itself on the corner of Katara's memorial stone. Startled by the bird's sudden appearance, Aang froze, every muscle in his body pulling taut as he was instantly mesmerized by a force he couldn't explain. It was almost as if he were rooted in place.

The bird was obviously female, but her faded blue color did not detract from her beauty at all. From the stiff plume of feathers on the crown of her head to the deep black that rimmed the feathers surrounding her perfect beak to the keen, unwavering focus of her shiny, onyx eyes, the bird was splendid, perfect and pristine. Her pale blue feathers were sleek and tipped with silver and black and speckled with sprinkles of white. From the instant she landed, she held Aang's rapt focus and he knew exactly why.

He was looking at Katara. He knew that as surely as he knew he was the Avatar. He was looking at the reincarnated spirit of his dead wife. The realization caused him to release a pained whimper.

Aang's heart contracted painfully, seizing in his chest as he held his breath for fear that one sound, one tiny gasp might startle her and cause her to take flight. With a trembling sense of disbelief and wonder, Aang slowly realized that she had been there the whole time. It _had_ to be her. For months, she had existed on the periphery of his world but he had never gotten close enough to really see her, to _know_ the truth and discern her identity.

She had revealed herself to Suki and Bumi, but never to him. Yet, she'd always been near. Finally, Suki's mysterious bird was no longer a mystery. Now, he understood why Suki and Bumi had been so drawn to her…why the idea of her had even fascinated him. Katara had been watching out for them all along.

"I can't believe I'm looking at you right now," he uttered in a jagged expulsion of air, "I can't believe you found us again, Katara." He drank in the sight of her, this tiny, fragile bird that was so much more than that. "You're so beautiful. You have no idea how much I've missed you." She continued silent, her dark eyes steady and fathomless. He sucked in a jagged breath. "I guess you heard everything I said before about Toph," he whispered to her thickly, "So now you know everything. You know how I feel…about her and about you."

He held his breath, half expecting her to answer him or make some comment, but instead she merely shook herself and fluffed her feathers just as any other cardinal-jay might do. Aang wondered then how much Katara even remembered. He wondered if she even knew what had drawn her to him or her family in the first place. The likelihood was that Katara retained no memories of them at all and yet Aang couldn't discount the possibility that perhaps the bonds of love between them were still so strong that nothing at all could sever them…not even death. Despite the odds against it, Aang believed the latter with every breath in his body.

With violently trembling fingers, he carefully reached out to stroke her feathers, half afraid she would fly away if he even _attempted_ to touch her, but she didn't fly away. She didn't even flinch. In fact, she seemed to relax into his hand and turn towards his touch just as she had in life. Aang smiled at the gesture, marveling at the complete trust she seemed to have for him. As chaotic as his emotions were at that moment, Aang didn't attempt to hold her. He didn't scoop her up in his hands, didn't consider keeping her for a single second. It was enough simply to touch her again, to know that she was in there somewhere and that she still remembered some part of who she had been and what they had been together.

"I still love you," he told her thickly, "It defines me in a way that I cannot describe and it always will. I will never stop loving you, Katara." She twittered in response and hopped up onto his index finger without any encouragement at all, as if confirming that she did know and she loved him in return. Aang bit back a tremulous smile. "But I can't chase you anymore. Our time has passed, sweetie," he choked, stroking his thumb delicately across her beak, "We have different paths now and we have to follow them. I don't even fully understand how things happened with Toph, but I know…I want to be with her. I have to see where it leads and what she and I can be together. Do you understand?"

Katara twittered again, dipping her head to nuzzle against his hand in a tacit acknowledgement. Though it was impossible to explain how or why, Aang knew then that she did understand what he was telling her and, not only did she understand, she approved. Katara was giving him her blessing. Aang didn't realize until that very moment that was what he had needed all along.

As Katara began to flap her wings in preparation for flight, Aang rose to his feet on unsteady legs and held her aloft. Somehow, he knew this was the last time they would see each other again…at least in _this_ life. It would be their final goodbye. She would go on to live and die and be reincarnated once more and he would live out his own life separate from her…loving and living and dying and being reborn as well, until one day, against all odds, they found each other again. His tears spilled over with the realization, but Aang still made no attempt to hold her back. As much as it saddened him, he did recognize that Katara represented his past now and Aang was no longer looking behind. He was firmly focused on the future.

"We'll find each other again in another life, Katara," he promised her as she took towards the sky and disappeared into the horizon, "We always do."


	32. Chapter Thirty-One

**Chapter Thirty-One**

"Yes."

Toph quickly recovered from the shock of having Aang stride into her sitting room unannounced. It was a rare moment when she was taken off guard but, considering how scattered she had been since their last conversation, Toph wasn't surprised that his arrival had slipped past her. Besides that, it was late evening and she was relaxed, already in her pajamas and spending quality time with her kid. It wasn't as if she had been expecting visitors anyway. Yet, in spite of her sedate mood, Toph wasn't at all overjoyed by Aang's unexpected visit because she suspected it meant that all she had told him earlier that morning had gone in one ear and out the other.

Thoroughly aggravated with him, she tabled her mini-earthbending lesson with Lin and, after brushing a kiss across the top of her daughter's head and ensuring that Lin was situated with enough toys to keep her occupied, rose to her feet to address Aang. "What are you doing here?" she demanded flatly.

"I came to tell you 'yes.'"

"Yes to what?"

"Yes to your question," Aang clarified, "You asked me before if I could leave Katara in the past and I'm giving you the answer. _Yes_, Toph, I can leave her in the past…and I have."

"And you made up your mind about that in less than twelve hours?" Toph snorted sarcastically, "Yeah, why ever would I doubt that you were being sincere right now, Aang?"

"This isn't a spur of the moment thing, Toph. It's taken me some time, but I've been working on it all along. A little patience and understanding from you would be nice."

The levity in his tone didn't lessen Toph's tension at all. "Really? I must have missed all that with all the weeping and freak-outs going on," she deadpanned. And then, just as abruptly as her sassy bravado manifested, it dissipated, leaving her feeling weary and dejected. She slumped forward with a heavy sigh. "Aang, I don't want to do this again. Do yourself a favor and me as well and let this go. You can't give me what I want and I can't be _who_ you want. Let's just call time of death on this thing right now."

Aang had expected such a reaction from her. Therefore, he steeled himself against the pointed candor of her words, determined to put her on the defensive. He blinked at her in exaggerated dismay. "Wow. I never figured you'd be the type to give up on something so easily. What happened to the girl who taught me to be stubborn and unmovable like a rock?"

"Way to throw my own words back in my face," she muttered, "That's great."

"Can I help it if you're a 'do as I say not do as I do' type of person?"

Her fists clenched at her sides and her jaw clenched. Aang prepared himself for the wallop he knew was coming but, at the last second, Toph pulled back. "You're trying to get me riled up on purpose," she surmised with some surprise, "Do you have a death wish?"

"Now why would I do that?" Aang asked with phony, wide-eyed innocence.

"I don't know, Aang. Why would you?"

"Maybe because I'd rather have you fight with me than to give up on us completely," he said softly.

Toph expelled a low groan of frustration, her flinty exterior crumbling a bit. "Would you stop it? Don't you know we're doomed?"

"I don't believe that and neither do you. You're just scared right now."

"You're right!" she cried sharply, "I am scared! And you know what, Aang? I _hate_ it! I used to know where I stood with you and now I don't! Everything is upside down! I hate feeling scared and insecure and jealous all the time and I don't want to feel like this anymore! I'm through!"

"Do you think _I_ like feeling this way?" he retorted, "I have news for you, it's not a stroll in the park for me either! These last few months have been some of the best and worst of my life! But guess what, Toph? That's a part of falling in love. It's trial and error, pleasure and pain."

"Well, maybe I'm not interested in falling in love," she mumbled in reply.

Aang almost smiled. "Toph, if we could decide whether or not we wanted to fall in love, I seriously doubt either of us would be standing here having this discussion right now. That's not how it works. I can't turn off my feelings for you and I don't think you can turn off your feelings for me."

Toph crumbled a little more. "I wish I could," she muttered unhappily, "It would hurt a lot less."

"Unfortunately, I can't promise you that it will ever stop hurting…not completely anyway," Aang said, "I'm going to screw up, Toph…a lot. I'm going to do things to make you angry and I might even do things that break your heart. I'm not perfect."

"Well, that's encouraging. Only _not_."

"It goes both ways, Toph," he told her, "You're probably going to screw up just as much. In fact, I _know_ you will. The only way we're going to make this truly work is if we're willing to talk to each other and be honest."

She recoiled with a scowl. "So, I can look forward to both of us causing each other unspeakable pain then and then opening a vein about it later?" she queried sardonically, "Great. And I should be eager to jump into this why exactly?"

"Because I could make you really happy," he promised her softly, "…if you let me."

The pleading undertone in his words shattered the remainder of Toph's defenses, leaving her vulnerable and emotionally naked before him. "Why are you doing this to me, Aang?" she lamented in a small tone.

"I already told you why. I love you, Toph. I'm going to keep saying it until you believe me."

Toph grunted. "I'm picking up on that. It's really starting to get on my nerves."

Far from being put off by that less than enthused mutter, Aang was strangely encouraged by her disgruntled retort. "I owe you an apology, Toph."

A curious silence fell around them. Even Lin's childish chatter seemed to fade away in the background. "What are you apologizing for?" Toph asked softly.

"I've made so many mistakes with you. I never meant to make you feel as if you were second to Katara or make you feel like I was trying to hide you away," he said, "I've been dealing with a lot of confusion lately and I didn't really know how to express that or talk to you about it."

Toph circled her bare toe against her floor. "I didn't exactly make it easy for you to talk," she admitted in a small tone, "I'm sure you've already figured out that I'm not all that big on feelings and communication and all that crap. I never really let you express what was on your mind and I was too afraid to tell you what I was thinking."

"And now?"

"There's nothing else to be afraid of. I guess I don't have any more secrets from you. You know how I feel, Aang. You know everything."

"Does that mean you're ready to hear how _I_ feel now?" he wondered softly.

She wasn't completely sure that she was, but Toph shrugged nonetheless. "Go ahead."

"You were right when you said that there's a part of me that I keep separate from you," he confessed, "But, I keep it separate from everyone. I'm very protective of what I feel for Katara and what we had together. But what you don't seem to understand is that I'm equally protective of what I feel for _you_.

"It's not a contest between you and Katara, Toph," he continued, slowly closing the distance between them as he spoke, "I love you both, in different ways and for different reasons, but the one thing that you _do_ have in common is that you both taught me about what it means to love someone." When he stood only a foot or so away from her, he lifted his hand to tenderly brush his knuckles across her cheek. "Katara inspired me to love with everything I have and you made me believe in it again," he went on softly, "Both of you mean _everything_ to me, but _you're_ the one I choose to be with, Toph."

"Because she's not here," Toph pointed out.

He cradled her face in his hands. "Why does that even matter anymore?" he challenged her quietly, "You're right. We probably wouldn't be standing here together right now if Katara hadn't died, but she _did_ die, Toph. She's gone and we're not. I didn't ask for it. I didn't want it, but it is what it is now. I could easily spend the rest of my life chasing her spirit and trying to undo what's already been done, but I don't want to do that. I'm not _going_ to do that. I'd rather be here with you."

She whispered his name in a mournful sigh, leaning into his body weakly. "I don't want you to look back one day and feel like you wasted your time. I don't want you to regret being with me."

Aang ducked his head to nuzzle against her temple. "That's not going to happen. I'm offering you my heart, Toph. It's yours for the taking…if you still want it."

Toph choked out a teary laugh. "Is that the best you could do? That has to be the _cheesiest_ thing anyone has ever said to me."

"Don't mock me. I'm being completely sincere right now," Aang whispered with a growing smile, "So, what do you say, Toph? Do you want to be with me or not?"

Toph thought for a moment and then declared rather implacably, "I'm not going to coddle you."

Aang swallowed a stunned laugh. "Okay."

"Or cook for you."

He swiped his brow in relief. "Thank goodness for that."

She narrowed her eyes in warning, but continued. "I'm also no good at washing clothes. So, I won't be doing any of that either. Basically all housework is out."

"Duly noted."

"Also, I'm sure you're aware that communication is difficult for me. I'm not very good at it, but I'm willing to try to be more open and honest…for _you_."

"I appreciate that."

"But I'm not a very warm and fuzzy person, so you'll need to be patient with me while I get the hang of this whole sharing and feeling bit, okay?"

"You're not warm and fuzzy? That's a shocker." That last bit of sarcasm earned him a pinch to the mid-section. He danced out of her reach with a laughing yelp. "Is there anything else?"

"There is one more thing. I don't think it's a problem but it may be a deal breaker for you." She paused to take a dramatic breath. "I may or may not snore."

"Let me confirm that you do," Aang replied dryly, "and I can live with it."

Toph's mouth turned up in a small smile. "Then I guess I can live with you."

Aang's features brightened with an excited smile. "So you're telling me yes?"

She bobbed a happy nod. "I'm telling you yes."

Before she had even finished making the reply, Aang swept her up in his arms and pressed his mouth to hers in a grateful kiss. The instant he did so a raucous applause broke out from the entrance of the sitting room. Toph and Aang broke apart with sheepish blushes to discover they had an audience of about a dozen of Toph's servants gathered there. They all regarded Toph and Aang with expressions ranging from weepy sentimentality to genuine joy to outright amusement. Their mortification was only heightened when Lin joined in as well, clapping her hands together in uncontained glee. She toddled over to them, chortling, "I saw you! I saw you! You kissed my momma, Uncle Twink!"

Aang rolled Toph a woebegone look as he bent over to scoop the little girl into his arms. "You really need to stop calling me that. You're influencing her. I don't like it."

"I don't know, _Uncle Twink_," she teased, reaching around her daughter to grab a handful of his robes and pull him close for another kiss, "I think it's cute." Aang growled at her and Lin happily mimicked him, which inevitably provoked another growl. "Okay…okay…" Toph acquiesced against his lips, only to add with an impish smirk, "I'll _consider_ it." Yet another round of applause broke out as they melted into a second kiss, but this time Aang and Toph didn't acknowledge it at all.

An hour later, after the servants had been dismissed and Lin was down for the night, Aang and Toph retired to her bed for the evening. Unlike times past when they had come together in a frantic, impatient rush, this time the couple took their time exploring every naked inch of each other. They caressed one another with leisurely enjoyment, taking their precious time to kiss and caress every bit of each other's exposed skin. They twisted and arched together amid the tangled sheets, their mouths and hands gliding over one another with breathless urgency.

When they finally joined their bodies, Toph straddled over Aang and he penetrated her in gradual strokes, taking his time to savor the warmth and wetness of her. She wrapped her arms and legs around him tightly, rocking against him in a beating rhythm that had taken them weeks to perfect. Aang clenched his fingers into her hair, angling back her head to press kisses along her slender throat. They pressed their bodies closer with staccato moans of pure pleasure, gasping and rolling together, shifting and arching against one another with increasing fervor as they pounded towards release. They found fulfillment in tandem with one another, riding out the orgasmic wave of sensation until they both were left limp and panting and completely spent.

After it was over, they flopped back against the bed together in a damp tangle of arms and legs. Toph curled against Aang's side and rested her cheek on his chest, listening intently to the wild, thundering beat of his heart. Hovering somewhere between slumber and wakefulness, Aang absently twirled the loosened tendrils of Toph's hair around his index finger and occasionally laid them across his upper lip in a pseudo moustache. His unending silliness made her smile.

"Why does this feel like the first time we've ever done this?" she murmured aloud in thoughtful consideration.

"Maybe because we finally know what we want and what we are together," Aang considered sleepily, "Maybe that's why it feels different."

Her smile stretched against his bare skin. "So you know what you want now?"

"Technically, I've known for months. You're the one who needed convincing, not me."

She pinched his nipple in mock affront but he only rumbled a laugh. "So what exactly is it that you want, Aang?"

"_You_,"he answered without hesitation, hauling her closer, "All the time."

Her fingers drifted down flat surface of his abdomen towards his groin where he remained in a state of semi-arousal. "Hmm…I couldn't tell," she teased.

Aang smiled into her hair as she caressed him. "Get your mind out of the gutter. That's not _all _I want, you know."

"Well, what else is there?"

"I want you to live with me."

Toph's smile abruptly collapsed. Her fingers fell motionless. She forgot to breathe. In that moment, all teasing, sexual or otherwise, was forgotten. "What? You want me to what?"

"Are you going deaf too?" he laughed, "Blindness _and_ hearing loss? That's going to suck. Although, you might nag me less that way." Toph propped herself onto her forearm and impatiently thumped her tiny fist against his abdomen. "Oomph…so violent…" Aang grunted.

Jaw set with menace, Toph raised her fist in threat once more. "Stop it. Were you being serious just now or are you messing with me?"

"I'm being serious. I think we should live together, Toph."

She sucked in a sharp breath. "When you say 'live together,' do you mean like what we had before or do you mean you actually want to _live together_ like a real couple does?"

"I want to _live together_…like a real couple."

Toph swallowed thickly. "Well…um…how are the kids going to feel about that and, by kids, I specifically mean _Kya_? Last time I checked, I was on her top 10 most hated people list."

"She confused right now. She still loves you, Toph, and that comes straight from her mouth. She is still having a hard time with the idea of us, but I think she's prepared for the possibility of us living together. You know…since I told them all today that I'm in love with you," Aang replied softly, "After that, I think they're kind of expecting it."

The frank declaration left Toph trembling with such emotion that she feared she might actually burst into tears. She had been yearning this entire time for him to tell them and now that he had, Toph was virtually speechless. Her entire body felt like one, big throbbing nerve…raw and sensitive. Acrid emotion burned her throat. She knew she was going to cry and, because that prospect was so unacceptable to her, Toph tried to temper her impending loss of composure with a display of humor.

"Wow, Aang…next thing I know you'll be proposing marriage."

"That's not a bad idea. I actually wouldn't mind marrying you at all." Toph went rigid with disbelief at his reply, but just when she thought that he couldn't possibly shock her more, he added almost carelessly, "Who knows? Maybe we can have a couple of babies too…maybe _more_ than a couple." Toph fell into a fit of choking, unaware that Aang was deliberately teasing her and struggling to contain his laughter. "Personally, I'd like to have four or five more."

"Four or five?" Toph sputtered incredulously, "Are you nuts?"

"Kidding," he chuckled, "I'm kidding."

Toph wilted against him. "Oh…you scared me for a minute. I was wondering how you even figured out I was pregnant in the first place."

Now it was Aang's turn to choke uncontrollably. He virtually knocked her aside as he bolted upright in stammering alarm. "What? You're what?"

"Kidding," she said smugly, "I'm kidding."

Aang deflated with a mixture of disappointment and relief. He fixed her with a narrowed glare, slowly settling back down against the bed. "You're _not_ hilarious, Toph," he grumbled, "Not in the slightest."

She snuggled back into his arms with a wide, self-satisfied smile. "I think I'm quite hilarious, thank you very much," she quipped jovially, "But, for the record, I'm not totally opposed to having a baby with you. I might think about it."

More than mollified by that candid reply, Aang pressed a warm kiss to the nape of her neck. "Well, it can't be anytime in the next hour," he told her with a drowsy laugh, "I need a nap." He fully expected to be kicked for that comment and Toph did not disappoint him. He favored her with a mock scowl. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a mean, crabby woman with vicious tendencies?"

"Quite often, actually. I take it as a compliment."

"You would," he teased, snuggling closer as he closed his eyes in preparation for sleep, "Hmm…I think I like sharing a bed with you, Toph Beifong."

"Good. I'm glad _one_ of us likes it," she wisecracked. That smart remark earned Toph a furtive pinch to her backside. She snapped her teeth at him. "Ooh, you're getting feisty. I like that."

"Whatever," he snorted around a broad yawn, "Go to sleep."

Still laughing, Toph's plan to drift off to sleep was waylaid when Aang whispered her name. Without ever opening her eyes, she mumbled a disgruntled, "What? Make up your mind. You just told me to go to sleep!"

"Are you happy right now?"

She dropped a smiling kiss to his forearm. "Yeah. I'm happy. I'm very happy. Are _you_ happy, Aang?"

He lifted his head to nip against her bare shoulder before settling back against her with a sleepy snuffle. "Very happy. I love you, Toph."

As she listened to his breathing even and deepen as he drifted off to sleep, Toph shifted deeper into the crook Aang's body and whispered aloud for the first time, "I love you too, Aang." With a contented sigh, she closed her eyes and fit his arm more securely around her waist, enveloping herself completely in his warmth. She had never felt safer, more content or more loved in her entire life.

Toph fell asleep smiling.

**~The End~**


End file.
